Against All Odds
Chapter 4: Just Might Make Me Believe
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She squeezed her eyes shut and covered her eyes with her hands. She felt his eyes on her, watching, waiting.
What do I tell him! If I tell him there's something to come back to, it's going to kill me. If I don't, I'm lying to the person that means the most.
She slowly brought her hands down from her face. She didn't look up, she kept her eyes trained on the ground and took a deep breath.
"Yes, Derek. Or, at least that's what the answer would have been when this all began. When I gave you a chance. Now, honestly I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't." She said at last, her eyes finally meeting his.
His heart clung to that word, to that possibility. "Maybe?" He asked tentatively. "Maybe." She whispered, her eyes meeting his. "But it doesn't change anything. It doesn't mean you're going to leave her and come be with me and live happily ever after. It means that now you know I'm not over you and you're going to go home to HER and feel bad about it for awhile and continue pestering me with the eternal question of 'are you all right?' every hour on the hour. I don't need that. And more importantly, I don't want it. So keep your questions and concerns to yourself. I AM OK WITHOUT YOU." She told him, her hand on his chest as she pushed him backwards.
The pain radiating out of her words his him like a frieght train. She's OK without me? He stood there and watched as she turned her back to him, resting her head against the side of her car, breathing deeply, trying to calm herself. He took a risk, a chance. "I don't want you to be OK without me." He said after a moment. Her head slowly rose off the car. He took a step closer. "I don't want you to be OK without me, because I'm not OK without you." He whispered as he now stood directly behind her, his mouth centimeters from her ear.
He heard her exhale slowly. He heard her start to speak. "No, now it's my turn." He said softly, his breath tickling her. He brought his hands up and rested them on her shoulders. "I never imagined a woman like you existed. So different from everyone I've ever met. All I've ever known, all I've ever believed in, went out the window when I met you. Addison made me want to be a better doctor, a better surgeon. You make me want to be a better human being. A better man. That's got to count for something." He finished, holding her shoulders in his grasp.
"It only counts if you do something about it Derek." She replied softly, attempting to pull herself from his grasp. He only tightened his hold. He turned her in his arms and pulled her so she was flush against him. "This is me doing something about it." He whispered right before lowering his mouth to hers.
Meredith felt every fiber of her being turn to mush. But then, he'd always had that effect on her. She felt his hands wrap around her waist and she moved hers to his neck. Everything fit so perfectly. Their bodies, their hearts, it was like a puzzle coming together. Just as she was about to completely lose control, reality smacked her in the head.
She pulled away from him, pushed him away actually. "You almost did it Shepard. You almost made me believe…." She muttered, her fingers brushing her lips as she turned to get in the car.
"Wait…" He pleaded. She turned to look at him. "No Derek. I won't wait anymore." She told him and got in her car.
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