A/N: This story came from an idea that popped into my head. It's a conversation that takes place in Lee's mind. That's right, in his mind. Takes place between the 2nd and 3rd seasons. Many thanks to Lanie who solved an issue I was having.
Scarecrow vs. Lee Stetson
As he drove to his apartment; his empty apartment, Lee thought sourly, he reflected on what he had heard while waiting for Amanda to come out to the gazebo.
Hearing the laughter and cheery voices at the dinner table, it reminded him of what he did not have. He had no one to go home to; he would not be met at the door by loved ones. For a second, he envied Amanda. Deep down inside, he wanted a family. Had he always wanted this, but he'd been too afraid to admit it to himself? But more than anything, he wanted to love and cherish a woman and to have that love returned to him.
Oh, come on, man, who would want you? You don't deserve a family; you don't deserve the love of a good woman.
Lee cursed and almost drove off the road. The voice seemed to come from his mind. Was he going nuts?
You're not going nuts, Stetson. I'm Scarecrow. Think of me as your conscience. So you want to fall in love with a woman. Do you think you're going to attract a good, decent woman the way you tomcat around? You think you're going to just find a family?
Lee turned into a parking lot and stopped the car, rubbing his head vigorously. What the hell was happening here? He could not help but respond. "I do not tomcat around," he said, offended by the word. "I have my standard."
The voice in his head laughed mockingly. Standards? Tell me what your standards are?
"I won't go out with a married woman for one thing. And definitely no women under 25."
And?
His mind drew a blank. He could not think of anything else.
So, other than you won't go out with married women, or a woman under 25, you'll go out and bed any consenting woman that meets your 'standards'?
"Yeah, I guess I will." His cheeks warmed with sudden shame.
What high standards you have, Stetson. The truth is you have no idea how to treat a quality woman, how to court her, do you?.
The harsh accusation stung. "What if I've just never tried," Lee thought, feeling defensive.
Uh, huh, sure...
"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do."
Oh, I know you, all right. I know your history. Stretching back to when you were in school, you've always kept a woman around until you got bored, then it was on to the next one.
Now, he grew angry. "I never made promises or commitments to any woman. I always made it clear that we were going to have fun together, nothing more."
And that's supposed to excuse your behavior?
"As far as I'm concerned, it does. The women were willing participants." But the words sounded hollow. "No, it doesn't, I guess."
You are responsible for your actions, no one else. You choose who to have a relationship with. A grown man owns his behavior. Are you not a grown man?
Lee did not respond to this. With a sick feeling, he knew it was true; he had never taken responsibility for his actions regarding women.
Ah hah, we're getting somewhere. Think about it, Stetson. Now, about the family thing. Wanting a family and having a family is a whole different animal. You have no experience in this. Who are you going to get advice from, the Colonel?
The sound of laughter rumbled in his mind, and once again, he wondered if he was having some kind of psychotic event. But he had to respond.
"I can talk to Billy for one thing. Look, I'm not the only guy raised without a family who found a way to become part of one. As a baseline, I can use the memories of my parents. I can learn and adapt. I don't know how, but I think the instincts are in me. As for my relationships with women, I can change my habits; I can grow up. If I find the right woman, I can treat her right, make her happy. I know I can.?
Scarecrow was quiet for a few moments. So you say… It's going to be difficult. Your reputation will be a hard thing to live down. People, even your friends, will doubt you and doubt your motives.
"I know they will. I'll prove them wrong."
We'll see. Well, I guess I've done my job.
"Your job? What do you mean?"
Stetson, for a smart guy, you sure are dense sometimes. Don't you know that I wanted to get you to think about your life and how you can get those things you want so badly?
"Okay, it's worked then. You've given me a lot to think about."
Good to hear. And Stetson, that good woman you want to find is right under your nose. Good luck.
"What do you mean? Hey, are you still there?" There was no answer. Lee shook his head at the riddle.
As he left the parking lot, he thought about the strange… whatever it was that had happened. Despite his upbringing, down deep, he knew he could learn to be a family man. He just had to put his mind and heart into it. But what did 'Scarecrow' mean by a good woman was right under his nose? He would have to think about that.