Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Inuyasha. I'm only borrowing then and will put them back after torturing them. )
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Chapter 8: Feelings of a Confused Heart…
The wind was high and rising quickly. On the bluff overlooking the vast expanse of the sea, Kagome stood like a statue, still except for the sweep of her long kimono and raven hair caught in the gusting havoc of the wind.
The sea was gray, churning, boiling. Great waves crashed deafeningly, upon the boulder-strewn shore. The water struck, rebounded and leaped high in the air. Sometimes the wind would catch the droplets of the salt spray and Kagome would feel the dampness on her cheeks.
The sky too was gray, ominous and rumbling, warning of a great storm to come. The earth seemed to be cloaked in purple gray with patches of trees bending low to the wind.
But there, at last, Kagome finally felt at peace. This was tempest, just like the fields of rolling green, was part of the land that was hers.
She had awakened, feeling still and sore… and as if she was torn apart. Then remembering Sesshoumaru's sudden leave, she had begun to cry, feeling hopelessly used. But her anger returned, and she cried again.
Yet beneath her conflicting emotions, she felt a sense of loss. As if she had been given a chance to grasp a glittering gem and been so amazed by its brilliance that she hadn't given herself the chance to examine it properly.
Admit it, Kagome told herself mockingly, perhaps he was right. You loathed him, yes, but through all your loathing, you have remained fascinated. Perhaps as far back as you have first met him back in the Western lands when he appeared majestically and sternly like a magnificent god. Ever since that day, in a small part of your heart, you have wondered about the strength in those arms, the heat in his chest.
And maybe he knew, just as she knew, that the fires created had only begun to burn. She could rail against him for his disdainful indifference, but his taking of her body last night had been the taking of her soul. She would never be quite the same again.
But as the waves lashed and the sky stormed, Kagome was not sure what she felt for him. He was a youkai, yes, and the youkai were brutal, in a brutal age. But Sesshoumaru raised himself above the youkai and the times and lived by a strange code of honour. He could be cruel, but she had to admit that she had given him reason to be. He might have beaten her; any other youkai with such a mate so hostile would have surely done so. And as to rape… they both knew how ridiculous such a term was between them.
But what made him what he was? She wondered. He didn't love her, and yet in her inexperience, she knew no man could have been more tender, more gentle, more determined that she crossed the threshold of intimacy with as little pain as possible. But then he had been angry and had left…
Kagome smiled a little ruefully. She had heard tales of captives falling in love with their captors, but she had always ridiculed them. Such women had to be prideless fools. Such tales had only been the most absurd of fantasies to her. But how could she have did it herself?
Kagome was no captive, no prize of war. She was the empress of Japan, mate of the Killing Perfection, legally wed to a man who had little use for her, and she was falling swiftly beneath his powerful compelling spell despite all that she had promised her, all that she had vowed. She would never let him know, because he would use her feelings against her as he did everything else, and the contempt he bore her would only grow with his amusement.
But how could she fight him?
Author's notes…
1) Geez...it took me forever to get this one out, thanks to a creative dry spell. My muse went on vacation, and when se finally got back, she wanted to turn this thing hentai...but I didn't. glares at Muse (at least not yet…)
For those of you with smutty minds, here a treat for you… There'll be a lemon in the next chapter!
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