The Dentist: Chapter six.
"It's the ears, right? Chicks dig the pointy ears." -Bruce Wayne from Batman Forever.
Piccolo drummed his fingers on his steering wheel as he traveled home. He sighed miserably, wishing he hadn't acted like such an ass.
It wasn't her fault.
He braked steadily as he approached a red light, watching the small Toyota in front of him do the same. He felt frustrated for being so mopey. He was acting like a woman on PMS. He let off the brake as the light turned green, shaking his head. He thought back to a time when he had been happy, and tried to remember what it felt like.
"Piccolo, would you come in here for a moment, please?" The voice called out from the kitchen, sounding sweet and untainted.
"Sure." Came the quick reply as the green man stood up from the couch his was sitting on, reading the newspaper. He tossed down the business section and went into the kitchen, smiling. His wife stood there, struggling with a jar of mayonnaise as she attempted to open it, her ebony hair making a waterfall over her face.
"Here," She said, holding it out to him. "I can't get it." She smiled as he took it and twisted it open with ease. "Good thing I loosened it up for you."
"Yeah, thanks." Piccolo smirked, leaning over to kiss her. She met him half way and broke off soon afterwards, giving him a hug.
"Pic, do you think I should join a gym?" She asked, looking up at him. He scoffed, shrugging.
"What for? You're almost too thin now."
"Stop it," She giggled, playfully hitting his arm. "Because I feel weak. You won't always be a few feet away when I need a jar opened, you know. Maybe I should just try it for a little while, see if I can build up my strength. Please, Piccy?"
Piccolo sighed with a smile and brought her closer to him. "Whatever makes you happy." Piccolo said, stroking the back of her head gently.
A horn blared loudly as he sped through a red light. He groaned and slapped his forehead, cursing.
"Damn, I need to pay attention." He muttered, checking his rear-view mirror to make sure there weren't any cops on him yet. He breathed a sigh of relief and focused on the road. That was the past, and as far as he felt, it didn't matter anymore.
He just needed to get away.
After driving around aimlessly for a while, Piccolo pulled up to his driveway and completely stopped the car. He took the keys out of the ignition and stepped out of the Lincoln and onto his drive. He trudged up the steps of his porch as he selected his house key from the ring set, inserting it into the lock. The alarm didn't go off, he noted with extreme annoyance. He received a strong slap on the back and instantly groaned. Only one person greeted him like that.
"Hey, Nail."
"That's it?"
"What's 'it'?" Piccolo asked wearily, tossing his coat onto the coat rack and keys on the table leading inside.
"Your only sibling stops by and all you say is hey?" Nail lamented, scratching his head.
"Yeah." Piccolo responded, shrugging. "Look, I don't really feel like talking-"
"Yeah, the kid told me."
"Yeah, she- wait, WHAT?" Piccolo stammered, dumb-struck. "How the hell did she get a hold of you? I don't even know how."
"She called here, looking for you. She said she was sorry for calling you Pic, and I dunno, we just talked for a little while."
"What else did she say?" Piccolo asked timidly.
"That you were an asshole." Nail laughed at Piccolo's surprised and slightly hurt expression, shaking his head. "I'm just kidding. She asked me why you didn't like being called Pic."
"Did you tell her?"
"Well, yeah." Nail said, as if Piccolo were a small child and had asked a very silly question.
"YOU IDIOT! Dammit, my life is a freakin' soap opera that is constantly televised, isn't it!"
"Quit being such a drama queen. Damn, no wonder your eighty year-old neighbor is getting more ass than you. You act so bitchy about the dumbest things." Nail remarked, walking into the den.
"Okay, one: You are so nasty. Two, it's not dumb to me!"
"I'm sure Jessica Simpson isn't to Nick Lache either, but does that change the facts?" Nail responded, brow raised.
"You amaze me with your stupidity." Piccolo snarled, stalking into the kitchen, Nail in tow.
"Piccolo, I'm just concerned."
"Since WHEN?" Piccolo practically screamed, a vein jumping from his temple. "What about when I learned that my kid was gone? When I found out my wife was a slut? When I had a panic attack and had to go to the hospital! What about those times, you bastard!"
Nail sighed and covered his eyes with one hand, clearly trying to be patient.
Piccolo saw that he wasn't going to retort, and started again. He felt he had a house on his chest, and opted to get rid of it. "I'm not sure if you know or care, but nine out of ten dentists are supposed to kill themselves! I HATE my work. I HATE kids, and how they always chew the hell out of my fingers. I HATE Lila, and how she's so happy. I hate how she gets all our friends, because she knew most of them first. I hate the looks of sympathy I get from them, like they know how much my life sucks. I just hate…" He sighed, as if out of breath and continued. "Everything right now."
Nail patted his brother's back and rubbed his bald head. "Piccolo, have you tried making it better?"
"How?" Piccolo muttered, embarrassed of the position he was in. He felt like a child. Only he hadn't really ever been comforted as a child. His father just checked his vitals and sent him on his way.
"Doing something YOU want. What did you like to do in college again? You were into bikes, right? Get a Harley, man! Do something spontaneous for once. Your neighbors probably set their watches by you."
"I hate them too." Piccolo said quietly, sitting down in the couch. Nail joined him, a smile reaching his lips.
"Good, so do I. Remember Old Man Sikes? Growing up, he would always bitch at us for everything. A ball landing in his yard, friends coming over at night, New Years… Especially when Pop was teaching you how to drive, and you ran over his cat's tail."
"Damn cat shouldn't have been laying there." Piccolo smiled weakly, reminiscing. "I'm allergic to cats now. If one comes within a hundred feet, my eyes and nose run like a faucet." Piccolo got up and went into the kitchen, going to the fridge. "Want anything?"
"You don't have anything but beer and weird stuff. Learn how to cook, stupid."
"You don't know how, either."
"Do so!"
"Whatever!" Piccolo yelled, coming in. "You nearly killed me when you tried making that cake, remember?"
"I read tablespoon wrong, sue me." Nail grumbled. "Besides, Rosita showed me how to make enchiladas and fajitas and stuff."
"Oh yeah, how's it going with her?" Piccolo asked, walking back into the kitchen.
"I think I'm going to kill myself. That, or she's got to go."
"How come?" Piccolo inquired as he squinted around his cabinets, looking for something edible.
"She's just always asking me where I am, when I'm getting back, yadda yadda." Nail replied, turning on the TV and flipping channels. "That, and whenever she's pissed it's "Ai, Nail¡Estúpido Joto llegaste tarde!" Nail rolled his eyes and looked over his shoulder at Piccolo. "Just your basic shit."
"Sounds like it." Piccolo scoffed as he washed off a potato. He could at least bake one of these bad boys.
"Hey, how long do you cook potatos for?" He called, raising the object in question at Nail.
"Uh, nuke 'em for two mintues first, generally. Four minutes on each side after, I think… Run, pussy! What the hell do they PAY these sissies for!" He yelled as he watched the football game on TV. Piccolo rolled his eyes and went back into the kitchen. He put the potato in the microwave and set it for ten minutes. He heard the door bell and jogged to the front, since Nail had no intention of getting up. He opened the door and saw his former wife standing there with a well built man, holding a basket of what he suspected were bombs.
"Yes?" He said, his tone as frosty as the weather outside. The snow was coming in hatefully stinging sleets, and looked to be soaking Lila's coat.
"Look, my mom's been worried about you, and made me bring this-" She shoved the basket at him, rolling her eyes. "It's that bread you like. She says Merry Christmas. She still loves you, and wants to get a call soon."
"I'm sorry, still loves me? That's weird, I thought she'd stop long before you did." Piccolo cast a glare of pure loathing at the pair.
"Piccolo, it's too cold to fight right now." Lila said in exasperation. "Let us in for a minute."
Nail appeared by Piccolo, smiling in a sinister way. His black eyes were narrowed to slits as he watched his former sister-in-law. "Well, if it isn't loose Lila."
"Nail, I heard you almost came close to getting mature!" She said snidely back.
"What's wrong, Lila? Did slut rehab kick you out because you fucked all the therapists?"
The thin woman stepped forward and just stood there glaring at him for a moment. She slapped him harshly a moment later, her blue eyes glinting with rage. A red hand print began to form on Nail's cheek, who actually looked surprised… For about a second.
"You haven't introduced me to this guy, Lila. It's Bill, right?" Nail remarked snidely, a wicked smile still lingering on his lips.
"Phil." The man said curtly, his jade green eyes narrowed.
"Why don't you come have some wine, it's poisoned." Piccolo gestured in, looking eager. He allowed them to go into the den, Nail watching cynically. Piccolo went into the kitchen and called to his once wife. "We're all out, but I could whip up some nuclear waste, Windex, or here…" He walked in, holding a knife to his wrist. "Fresh or aged?"
"Enough!" The woman screamed, marching up to Piccolo. "You act like I killed your best friend, God! You knew it was over, and did NOTHING to help it!"
Piccolo felt his blood boil to a dangerous point. "You BITCH! What the hell did that gold band around your finger mean? That I liked you a little?"
"I wish you would just go-" Lila was cut off by the doorbell, which echoed incessantly through out the house.
Ding Dong Ding Dong Ding Dong
"What now?" Piccolo growled as he reached the door. He yanked it open to find Sarah standing there, shivering in her high top shoes.
"Piccolo, I know I keep bothering you, but I can't stand it when my friends are mad at me, and I just wanted you to know that I'll keep out of your business from now on. I know you think I'm just some stupid kid, but I don't care. You're a good guy, and you've just had some crappy things happen to you. I guess you just kind of reminded me of…well, me. But not anymore, I promise."
"You're freezing." Piccolo frowned, stepping aside. "Get in before you get hypothermia."
"Thanks." She breathed, stepping in. "It's got to be five below out there!"
"How'd you get here?" Piccolo asked as he closed the door.
"I uh, borrowed a car." She cleared her throat, smiling. "I'm not really supposed to be driving, so don't say anything."
Lila and Nail's heated voices carried to them, igniting a spark in the girl's eyes.
"No way… Is that who I think it is?" She whispered to Piccolo, who nodded solemnly. "Finally." She said, rubbing her hands together. Piccolo stopped her, shaking his head.
"It's ok, I know she's a bitch. You don't want to start with her… She'll never stop." He grimaced, walked in the living room with her. Lila turned away from Nail, her gaze falling on the kid.
"Dang! Guy's built like a freakin' Chinese gymnist." Sarah mused as she looked at Phil.
"I think you have the wrong house, darling." Lila said in a mock-sweet voice.
"Actually, I am Piccolo's friend. I belong here a lot more than you do." The girl shot back, her blue-ish grey eyes flashing.
"I guess you haven't discovered what a total prick he is then." Lila retorted, smiling wickedly.
"I know he can be edgy sometimes. But you aren't what I thought you'd be either. I thought you'd be skinnier. I mean, crack whores usually are, right?" The teen said brazenly, stepping forward. The pair locked eyes as they mentally killed the other.
"A little young isn't she, Pic?" Lila said, her eyes flashing wickedly. The acid practically oozed from her words. "I never had you figured for a ped." Her eyes were narrowed now, and her smile was like poisoned honey.
"You sick-" Piccolo began, but was cut off suddenly.
"What the HELL? I KNOW you didn't just say that!" Sarah growled, taking off her coat. "Not everyone possesses the strange needs you do, sicko."
"Why don't you go home and play with your toys?" Lila scoffed, folding her arms. "You don't belong in here, ceratinly."
"Don't MAKE me put my size eight up your narrow ass!" She said heatedly, baring her teeth. "Looks like there's a pole up there already, so it'd be a tight fit."
"I don't have time for this." Lila snarled, pulling her coat closer to herself. "Piccolo, good job finding a friend. Too bad she's obviously disturbed."
The girl laughed, shrugging. "'Least I'm not a walking STD."
"HA! She's got you on that one, sis." Nail howled, clutching his sides again. His laughter was cut short by a fist to his face, sending him straight to the floor. Lila stood glowering at him, her arm still extended. Nail got up, holding his right eye.
"OW! Geez, woman, you could have killed me!" Nail muttered, a smile threatening to break out again.
"We should all be so fortunate." Lila growled as she walked to Piccolo. "Rot in hell, you bastard." She hissed, turning on her heel.
"He's already been there and back, and he STILL doesn't like your cookies." Sarah chuckled, shrugging a shoulder.
Lila glared daggers at the girl before leaving with Phil, who merely gaped during the entire episode. She slammed the door behind her followed by tires squealing a few moments later. Evil cackling from Nail and Sarah immediately erupted.
"Damn, I've never seen her so pissed!" Nail howled, walking to the kitchen and coming back with an ice-pack. He placed it over the abused eye before continuing. "This kid's all right, Piccy!" He stuck his hand to the girl, who excepted it with a grin. "She can join the Kill The Whore club." They shook hands as Nail laughed some more.
"Whew, you sure you guys are related?" Sarah asked, eyes wide. "Piccolo, this guy is what I think of you high."
"Thanks." He said in his usual dry tone. A smile lingered in his voice, though, and friend and brother knew he was happy. At least a little.
Pissing off his ex-wife tended to make him that way.