A/N: First off I'm glad everyone is enjoying the story thus far. Two things I would like to mention though. Yes, the size of the chapters for this particular story are rather small. It's intentional. For this type of story I prefer smaller chapters instead of really big ones. Secondly in the last chapter is was noted that I kind of repeated the same line twice:

Wesker took another hit off his hair gel, just hoping for an opportune moment to kill the little bastard. Of course with the perpetually PMS-ing Ms. Valentine sitting back there it just wasn't a good idea to try that right now. So instead of indulging in his vicious, and somewhat homicidal desires, Wesker took another hit of hair gel.

Yes, the repetition was intentional. Although I had hoped to change the sentence structure around slightly before I put that chapter up. I forgot, sorry. Most of this story was written several months ago and I forgot to go back in reread several parts of it.

Anyway, now you know…on with the hilarity!

In the last chapter the Alpha team had escaped certain death, with the exception of Joseph though I doubt he will be missed, by running into a large creepy mansion that Wesker found by accident. Yea…riiiiiight…

Anyway…

So the remaining S.T.A.R.S. members are safe in the empty lobby of the mansion, or so they think. I mean if they were safe there wouldn't really be much of a story now would there?

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE CHRIS IS!"

Jill's voice echoed in the large lobby, as did the snapping sound Wesker's neck was making as she tried to throttle him. In fact she was punctuating each word with a rough shake of his head as she continually squeezed his neck. Poor guy is going to have whiplash after this.

"air…" Wesker gagged, trying to pry Jill's hands off his throat. "must…breath…"

"YOU TELL ME WHERE MY CHRISY-POO IS YOU HAIR GEL HUFFING BLONDE BIMBO!"

Wesker gagged a few more times and started turning a rather strange shade of blue. A few more minutes and this particular series was going to end quick, fast, and in a hurry. However something prevented Jill from killing Wesker at that particular time and no it wasn't Barry, who just happened to be playing with a nearby typewriter and ignoring the entire situation. Instead it was…

…BANG…CRASH…BANG…BANG…BANG…

"Whee…squishy men are fun!"

…BANG…BANG…BANG…BANG…BANG…click…click…

Jill released her stranglehold on Wesker, who promptly fell to the floor coughing and gagging, and spun around looking for where the gun shots could have come from. It was pretty obvious who was shooting, what with the stupid proclamation of Whee…squishy men are fun! Nobody but Chris was that dense.

"I'm going to find Chrisy-Poo!" Jill shouted, heading toward the dining room. "Come on Barry."

"I'll just…(cough)…stay here…(hack)…and secure…(wheeze)…the lobby."

"Whatever."

Jill kicked open the door to the dining room, only to be assaulted by an overly loud and annoying grandfather clock. She mumbled a few well placed obscenities and moved toward another door at the rear of the dining hall. Suddenly Barry ran past her, knocking her to the floor with a loud thud, and bent over a large red pool of liquid.

"It's blood!" Barry then leaned closer, his nose only inches from the substance. "I hope it's not Chris' blood."

…SMACK…

Barry's head snapped forward and crashed into the blood pool. Jill stood behind him, massaging her right hand, sore from hitting Barry's abnormally hard head.

"Ooooo, it's not blood!" Barry's voice was slightly muffled as his head was still in the red substance. "It's kool-aide! Ummm…you go look for Chris, I'll be examining this."

"I hate you Barry."

"Yummy!"

Jill shook her head and headed through the door, leaving Barry to examine his pool of kool-aide.

Meanwhile back in the lobby, Wesker was going over his notes for his evil plan.

"Inject self with unproven virus given to me by Dr. Birkin, check. Blow up Bravo chopper, check. Lure Alpha team into mansion, check. Disappear for parts unknown only to be seen like three times and thus leaving everyone to wonder just where the hell I am…"

Wesker glanced around the lobby, laughed evilly, and then disappeared through a set of double doors behind him.

Back in the hallway, Jill had discovered a rather gruesome site. Kenneth was making out with some guy and a rather ghetto looking to guy at that.

"Oh that is just sick."

Jill made a loud gagging noise and attempted to delete the image from her brain as soon as possible. In the midst of smacking herself in the head, to rid her of the image of course, the ghetto man turned toward her.

"Oh…my…God…it's wearing lipstick."

Jill slowly backed away from the ghetto drag queen, heading for the door she came through. As the ghetto drag queen stood up, Kenneth's head fell off.

"Phew." Jill sighed with relief. "It's just a zombie eating one of my fellow S.T.A.R.S. members, for a minute I was worried."

The zombie let out a long moan and shambled toward her. Jill, not wanting to become lunch, headed back through the door from whence she came. Barry was just finishing up his kool-aide pool when Jill ran over to him and smacked him in the back of the head.

"Barry, shoot that zombie for me will ya?"

"Huh?"

Just then the zombie opened the door and shambled into the dining room. Barry raised his magnum and…

I don't mean to interrupt this gripping narrative but I just got to mention something that has been bugging me for like ever. Why in the name of all that is holy can this zombie, and only this zombie, open a freaking door? I mean no other zombie can open a door. Is this guy like King of the Zombies or something?

Maybe he's just smarter than the average zombie…

Yea right. More than likely some Capcom employee forgot just what a zombie can and cannot do and by the time they figured out the mistake they didn't feel like fixing the problem.

Fine I'll change it!

Just then the zombie pushed open the door and shambled into the dining room.

Happy now?

Why yes, yes I am.

Good, can we continue with the story now?

Why yes, yes we can.

It took Barry ten minutes to kill the advancing zombie. This is because he is a terrible shot and had to reload the magnum five times. By the second reload Jill was kind of hoping the zombie would eat him. But, alas, it did not happen.

With the hope of Barry dying a painful and somewhat messy death unfulfilled, Jill slid off the table and headed back toward the lobby.

"Come on Barry we have to tell Wesker what happened."

"Ok!"

Jill headed back toward the lobby, kicking the door clean off its hinges as she made her entrance. However Wesker was no where in site…

"WHERE THE HELL DID THAT HAIR GEL ADDICT GO?"

Where has Wesker run off to? Where is Chris and is he now out of bullets? Will Barry survive and does anyone really care? Will Jill get over her anger issues? Why do I keep asking stupid questions?

Stay tuned for our next chapter when we try to answer some of these questions and create more questions, thus confusing everyone to the point of madness…