Author: Melissa55.
Spoilers: "Centennial" 2.24
Disclaimers: The usual. I don't own Las Vegas and its characters.
Pairing: Danny/Mary. (well, duh, who else?)
Author's notes: Not beta-read and English isn't my natal language, so any mistakes are mine. I began writing this thing quite a few weeks ago and I had a huge lack of inspiration, and then I really took my time not to spoil it by writing it too fast, but yeah, I'm back. Yeah, I finally have an Internet connection at home! contented sigh… I never thought I'd get one.
AN#2: I know most of you don't like Jake, but please, don't make him a macho, egocentric, heartless, jealous to no end guy. I mean, of course he's throwing Danny and Mary apart from each other, and however I still don't hate him! (I'm the first surprised of this fact because I'm a true Dary shipper) But nonetheless, he's not the incarnation of every flaws on this Earth! (I'm not telling he's perfect) He's not mean, he's just a man afraid of losing the woman he loves. That being said…
AN#3: Oh, I've never written a fic that is so long. It's not that long, but it's a first for me. I am so proud… blush
Muse-ic: "Here Comes From The Flood" by Peter Gabriel, "Shake The Disease" by Hooverphonic, "Troubles" and "Caged Bird" by Alicia Keys, among plenty of other songs…
The lyrics are from "When Gone Is The Glory" and "The Constant State Of Going Nowhere" by Alicia Keys.
I'm gonna stop here with the notes because it's gonna be longer than the fic.
Chapter 1: For YouDanny sighed for the hundredth time as he moved restlessly in his bed, throwing the sheets aside as it was way too hot to sleep. So much had happened in his life that last year, he didn't know that he could ever feel happy to live again. Not that he had contemplated suicide or anything of the kind, because he hadn't but he wasn't sure he was happy of the life he led anymore. Maybe it was time he left everything behind him and moved on without the ones he once knew.
A look all around
In search for a friend
That no longer stands
Till the bitter end
He could still see the sky full of stars in Iraq, lying with his arm under his head and he could have watched that black sky for hours. Of course, he couldn't do that most of the time he was hiding, trying to stay alive when the others were falling next to him. He remembered the way little things would remind him of Mary. Sure, he couldn't think about her all of the time, but she was always the first to come into his mind each time he had a break; then it was his father and oddly, coming last were the Montecito and his friends. When he came back, he tried to throw himself in the life he had before all this happened but somehow it had opened his eyes to see this wasn't what he wanted anymore. He had been happy with his job, but when he looked back on his relationships with women or even his life in general, this wasn't what he wanted to see. Like with Jenny, for example; just a few days after he learnt about his father, he had told her that he couldn't go in a relationship for the moment. She had backed away without a word and they both knew this wasn't the main reason of their break-up.
He had always known his parents to be a happy couple, enjoying every day with each other although, sometimes, there had been fights, like every couple but that never lasted long. He could remember the way his dad would slide his arms around his mom's waist, quietly whispering in her ear words that were only meant for her. He could still see how his mother was smiling tenderly, forgetting everything she was doing when Larry talked to her in this loving and tender way. It had always been Danny's favorite memories as a child; to see his parents happy and wishing that, someday, he would do the same thing with the love of his life.
The love of his life… well, after years of denying, ignoring the obviousness, he was finally able to see who was the love of his life. Over the past few days, he couldn't think about anything else but Mary, about how she had run to him when she finally learnt that Larry had died, just two months ago. She was already in Hawaii for two days when she got to hear the news. Danny was a mess when she finally got to his apartment; she stayed the entire night with him, trying to comfort him as best as she could. She wouldn't know that her mere presence was enough for him.
He remembered when the next day, he had found her in the kitchen preparing breakfast and how much had he wanted to hold her tight against him on the moment, to have her close to him, to feel her so warm and small in his arms for eternity. But he had just watched her as she was on the phone, explaining to Jake she would see him later that day. Of course, Danny had prayed that he would say something that would hurt her, like she could have let Danny do this all by himself, but he didn't hear something of the kind. He could remember how his fingers closed into fists as he heard her whisper words she had always seemed to reserve for him.
I love you.
He always suspected she knew that he somewhat loved her but he was sure she didn't know how much he was in love with her. He knew now that it wasn't just a special friendship he had with her just because he had spent his entire life with her standing by his side. There was something more, it was so much more than that. Something he couldn't even describe; how the blood was running in his veins when he was looking at her or how fast his heart was beating when she was close to him, when it wasn't both things at the same time. He wanted to tell her that, when standing in that doorway he realized that she should be with him because she was his mere sanity. But he refused to let the words slip out of his mouth because he didn't want to shatter the life she was creating on her own. If she was happier with Jake, then Danny was ready to back away. Sure, that knowledge was breaking his heart and still, he was ready to let go the only person that had been there and meant the world for him.
He buried his face in the pillow next to him, trying to pick out her scent but he couldn't. It had been so long since she last slept there but he still remembered how good it felt to have her lying in his arms late at night, exhausted but not willing to fall asleep, just spending time watching each other and laughing quietly at the situation. Even if it had been just a few times, she was now doing with another man what she used to do with Danny and it was killing him.
He sighed when he saw that he was supposed to go to work in less than three hours. He was temporarily without a job, concerning security, and he was working at the construction site, and even though Ed assured him that he would be part of the new Montecito security team, Danny wasn't sure he wanted to go back there, to have that kind of life anymore. Maybe he should have accepted to work with his father when he had the chance to do so. He scoffed; he would have never done that at the time, but now, he felt ready to pack his things and walk away from everything he once knew. Maybe it would lessen the pain of everything.
A knock on the front door startled him and he jumped out of his bed, wondering who would come at such an hour. When he opened his door to reveal Mary, he immediately thought something wrong was going on. "What happened?" he asked, concern clearly showing on his face. She shrugged and smiled sheepishly and Danny noticed that she didn't look like she needed help.
"Nothing," she responded. "I couldn't sleep, that's all." Danny remained silent, unable to tear his eyes off of her as she stood in front of him clad in jogging pants and a t-shirt, her red hair pulled up in a messy bun, and though her attire looked simple, she looked beautiful to him. When she noticed that he hadn't moved, she spoke up, "Can I come in?" Startled, Danny moved away to let her inside and slowly closed the door behind them before reaching the nearest lamp, illuminating the once darkened room.
"Uh, Mary…" he began, causing her to turn upon hearing his voice, "what… what are you doing here?"
Their eyes met and both felt like wrapped in a cocoon although they were standing a few feet apart from each other, feeling miles away from each other yet so close at the same time. After what seemed like forever, Mary finally found her voice again. "I came for you."
The bed felt empty underneath her hand and she closed her eyes as hard as she could, pretending that wasn't true, that he was here with her and that everything was okay. Jake was working late, again. During the first weeks they had begun dating, he always tried to find time to be with her and she liked that as she somehow always felt abandoned by Danny. He always had work to do and when they could be alone together, he'd rather spent time with all their friends and Mary felt like it was high school all over again, though there were times where it was different. But in general, she felt like this.
She enjoyed being with Jake at first, but as time passed by she realized that he was trying to make amends of his absences by buying her expensive jewels or having dinner in sumptuous places where she didn't feel really comfortable. Jake had wanted to know all of her dreams and she had told him; she soon got her house with a white picket fence and a pool. But Sunday dinners could wait. And then she realized it wasn't what she wanted; of course, Jake had been understanding about the whole thing – helping and supporting Danny – but he always did too much to make her see that he was his boyfriend, and not Danny. Maybe he was right about reminding her who she was with and she wasn't sure of how she felt about it, about her relationship with Jake. She had never needed to tell Danny what her dreams were because he knew everything about her; and being together was already enough for her, just at the condition they would make what couples mostly did. But this wasn't the case. However, she had always loved when, sometimes, he would catch her eye and stare at her for what seemed like eternity. She loved the feeling of utter joy when he would held her tight against him, making her feel secure and safe from the whole world. There were millions of little things he could do that wouldn't beat everything Jake could do for her.
She didn't want to be a trophy standing still on a fireplace, his owner showing it clearly and proudly to everyone, just one precious thing among many; that wasn't what she had dreamed of. She just wanted to feel loved, as if she was the only woman on Earth that could make him feel this way. Even though things had gone wrong with Danny, she still had this feeling that he loved her, the only problem being that they were trying to recreate their past, their childhood. She wasn't sure if he was in love with her but she knew he would always love her as his best friend.
She rolled over and lay on her back, staring at the ceiling, sighing loudly, the only sound in the quiet house. She had vainly tried to find sleep, closing her eyes and exhaling deeply but as exhausted as she was, she still couldn't. She couldn't not think about him; what was he doing? Was he awake, thinking about her like she was thinking about him? There were so much questions racing through her mind, it was nearly driving her insane.
Pushing back the covers, a sudden chill hit her although it had been hot this week. She told herself it was because of the air conditioner, but she knew better; she missed him. The wheels turning in her head, she stood at the window and opened it, feeling the warm air engulfing the room. Her mind told her that she shouldn't go see him though her heart was telling her all the contrary. She didn't know what to do anymore; Jake was a great guy and he deserved the best. He deserved everything a woman could give him, but she wasn't that woman. How could she pretend he was the only one when Danny was constantly on her mind?
Heartache of pain
Of what could have been
Only you know the truth
Of what is within
She ran a hand down her face, not being able to stand all of this anymore, wiping the tears away. She knew who she belonged to. Mary grabbed her cell phone and dialed Jake's number. "Jake?" she asked when someone answered it.
"Yeah?" he tiredly responded. "Mary, what's going on? I have to finish this plea for tomorrow."
She took a deep breath, silently asking him to forgive her. "Jake, I… I'm leaving," she finally said in a hurry. As she dreaded, her words were met with silence and she had the slight impression Jake knew why she was doing that. It wasn't fair to tell him that things were over between them on the phone, but hadn't she done that, she might have never found the courage again.
"Danny?" he sighed, already knowing the answer.
"Danny," she nodded. "Don't worry, nothing happened between him and me while I was with you, I promise you. You just deserve the best, Jake, and a woman who would give all of herself to you. I'm not that woman. I'm so sorry to hurt you, but… I, you know, I can't pretend something that isn't true." She paused, doing everything in her power not to let the tears fall. "I'll take the rest of my things later. It's not your fault, Jake. It's mine; I should've never made you believe that it was gonna be forever between us."
Though she could sense he was hurt, he didn't yell or anything. "I understand, Mary. I want what's best for you, that's all. Just know that I'll always love you."
She laughed quietly. "No, just a part of you. You'll find the one and she'll make you the happiest man in the world. I'll see you when I get my things… or if you don't want to be there…"
"It's okay," he assured her. "Goodnight, Mary."
"Goodnight, Jake," she said after a moment before all she could hear was dial tone. She hung up, staring at nothing as everything came to hit her. She didn't even have the assurance that Danny would welcome her for at least two nights, she wasn't sure they could work things out but she knew she made the right decision; Jake deserved better, a woman whose heart belonged to him. Not elsewhere.
She packed as much as she could and threw her bags in the trunk of her car before sitting on the driver seat, sighing loudly as she rested her head against the cold wheel. Her decision was made and she would support the heartbreak if she had to face one.
Without even truly realizing it, she was in front of his door, knocking. Her heart was pounding wildly inside her chest, threatening to explode as she waited, hearing Danny's footsteps as he approached to open. When she met his eyes, she could see the stunned and shocked expression when he realized it was her. "What happened?" he asked.
She shrugged, trying to sound as indifferent as possible. "Nothing. I couldn't sleep, that's all." She slowly smiled when she noticed that he hadn't moved, staring at her intently. "Can I come in?"
Danny woke up from his reverie with a start, moving aside so she could enter his place. She tried hard to avoid his bare chest as she moved past him and into the dark room. She blinked several times when he switched the lights on and she turned when she heard his voice. "Uh, Mary… what… what are you doing here?"
She met his eyes for endless seconds, a warm feeling coming through her body, telling her that every of this felt right, that she had made the right decision. The only thing to do now was tell him everything she had on her heart. "I came for you," she finally managed to whisper.