All that Danny could do on the moment was just to stare at her. He didn't really understand what she was telling him, but the fact that she had come to his apartment in the middle of the night was something that made his heartbeat quicken. He was longing to ask why but the words didn't quite reach his lips as she stepped closer to him and rested her hands on his shoulders. Her skin was warm against his and her voice was low and soft as she spoke, "I came because I love you."
That was it; this was what he had wanted to hear again for so long now, maybe from the moment she had given the ring back to him and now, his dream finally came true. He stroked her cheek and she closed her eyes at his touch, realizing how much she had missed his touch, sending electric sparkles on her skin when he fingered her cheekbone. And although all he wanted was to kiss her, he did everything in his power to keep that physical distance between them. Things seemed so simple but the truth was, they weren't. "Jake?" he asked.
Mary shook her head. "It's over."
"Over?" Danny was dumbfounded as he could only stand in front of her. He watched as she walked even closer to him, tilting her head up to kiss him and although he wanted nothing than this, he eventually pulled away at the last second, before her lips even brushed his. "I can't do this," he whispered, shaking his head and stepping away from her. He walked toward the window overlooking his street and sighed in frustration, rubbing his face as he closed his eyes.
Mary watched him walk away from her and she remembered numerous times where he did that; it wasn't something new but she had thought that this time, maybe – just maybe – things would be different. "What do you want, Danny?" she chocked out, eyes wide and her breathing shallow. These past weeks, everything had been so confused between them; the way they had handled things together, the way she had hugged him the night she came back from her trip, the way they had held each other's hands during Larry's funeral… she thought that he needed her, as much as she had needed him in the past, and that this time, things would turn out well.
He gave her a sideway glance after hearing her question, but he reported his attention back on the quiet street down his driveway. "You," he finally answered after what seemed eternity.
"Then, why…?"
This time, he fully turned and sent her a bitter smile. "I've always wanted to rush things and see how it turned out. I want to do everything right this time and—"
"Danny, don't lie to me," she said, cutting him off with an exasperated sigh. "That's not the main reason."
He remained silent for a moment, merely watching her as she stood near his couch, eyes searching his face as everything seemed to be so quiet in that apartment. They had a chance to get everything in the open, to express everything they had on their hearts and still, words couldn't be found. Until, eventually, Danny's low voice could be heard throughout the living room, barely a whisper as he spoke, "I'm afraid, Mary. I know that you're all I want and need, that I'll love you til the rest of my life, but I just…" He shrugged, helpless.
It was everything she needed to hear and she raced, her arms wrapped tightly around him as she rested her head against his chest. He put a finger under her chin and forced her to look up and he pulled away a loose strand of hair. "Danny… you have to understand you're not the only one scared when it comes to us. I was so scared when we were kinda engaged, that's why I gave you the ring back. I wanted to be everything you needed, but you didn't show. I felt like we were together because it was something to show the whole world and not because you really wanted to be with me. It was, you know, scaring me, not to know what your motivations really were."
"You were afraid?" he asked, disbelieving. He had always known her as being so sure about the both of them that hearing say she was as just afraid as he was sounded almost surreal. Her nod was the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes and leant in to kiss her, cupping her face as he did. Feeling her lips against his after all those months apart was something he couldn't almost believe because it felt like yesterday the last time they kissed, though so many things happened in between.
She tightened her grip on his forearms, pulling him closer as she parted her lips and let his tongue find its way in. It was something she had always loved to do with him because, not only was he a good kisser, but she loved doing that in public, showing the whole world they were together. She could remember the glances she got from girls at that Duran-Duran concert in 1995 after they kissed during that whole song, 'Rio.' It had given her a rush and when he would catch her eye and smile to her, she was glad to be the recipient of it.
After what seemed like forever, they finally pulled apart, both breathless as they rested their forehead against each other's. "I have to go back take my things tomorrow," she said, her voice barely a whisper as she looked up to meet his eyes. "Or today," she corrected herself.
"What did Jake say?" Danny asked, eager to know how all of this happen. His first instinct was to imagine Jake Porter breaking Mary's heart, and as appalling it sounded, he knew it wasn't the truth. He knew that Jake had real feelings for Mary and that he would never do such a thing to her, that Danny liked him or not.
Mary remained silent for a moment before she eventually spoke up, "I called him; he was working late again and…" She paused, shrugging, "I told him he deserved better."
She closed her eyes when she felt Danny's hand on her cheek again and she savored the feeling of it, the rush that would go through her body when he'd do such a thing. "And me? Do I deserve you?" he asked and she opened her eyes. Her nod was the only thing that mattered and he found her lips again.
Feeling it was getting rapidly out of control, she pulled apart, leaving a confused Danny. He raised an eyebrow and was about to question her behavior when she cut him off, resting her fingers on his lips. "Not until I've made things completely clear with Jake," she explained. She then glanced at his couch and stepped away from his embrace. "I'll sleep on the couch."
"Mary…"
"You have to go to work, I don't," she insisted and Danny smiled, defeated. "I just need some covers and I'll be fine."
Danny nodded. "Okay." Once she was settled, her head resting against a fluffy pillow, Danny sat down on the floor, just next to the couch, and he reached out to stroke her cheek. She smiled softly and stared at him before he finally stood up, depositing a kiss on her forehead. "Goodnight, Mare," he softly said.
"Goodnight, Danny." Even for a few hours, she was expecting to have the best of sleep due to the events that had transpired just mere minutes ago, and still, she remained eyes wide open in the silent apartment with that sudden and strange feeling that she had no clue what to do next.
She took a deep breath as she stood in the driveway, just behind Jake's car. She had loved this house, the white picket fence and everything but now she realized these things didn't mean that a relationship could work. Maybe it was because of those things that her relationship with Danny had failed in the first place. It was something she had been constantly running after, not realizing that she didn't need those things at all, as long as Danny was with her.
The door slowly opened, revealing Jake wearing a t-shirt and jeans and Mary swallowed hard, unable to walk for a second, pushing an annoying lock of hair as she stared at the man she had spent the last few months with. He had been what she thought she wanted a man to be; but he had done this just in order to please her and suddenly the realization she had done the same with Danny just hit her in the face.
"Mary," Jake acknowledged as she stood in the doorway. Mary just nodded before walking past him and into the house. She knew Danny loved her but would it mean she had to be everything he wanted her to be? Doubts were suddenly washing all over her again and she wondered for a brief second if all of this hadn't been a huge mistake. She didn't know anymore, although this morning when she woke up and found Danny ready to go just sitting on the floor next to the couch, she had thought everything was perfect. However, that little tinge of apprehension she had before finally succumbing to sleep had made a return just as she parked her car in Jake's driveway.
She took a firm a look around a house she came to love so much, a promise to lead a life without Danny and that she was able to have feelings for someone else other than her best friend. It was frightening, to say the least, to acknowledge that someone had the whole control of her life. However, determined to get over with it as soon as possible, she began pulling her things away, as little as they were; clothes, personal effects, and no furniture as Jake bought everything.
"Is there something I can do to make you change your mind?" Jake slowly asked as he entered the bedroom where she was collecting her remaining clothes in the dressing. Mary slowly emerged from it, biting her lower lip as she brought a lock of hair behind her ear and let her things fall in her suitcase.
Sitting down on the bed, she looked up to meet his eyes and he was somewhat shocked when he saw the defeated look on her face. "Jake, I just need to be by myself now. Not because of you, but because of me. So much happened over the past few weeks, it's just so… confusing."
He stood still, hands in his pocket, staring at the woman he loved so much. "And Danny?" he asked as neutrally as possible, trying not to be betrayed by the tone of his voice. He wanted was best for her, but seeing her so lost and confused about everything, it was all it took for him to sit down and take her in his arms.
Mary didn't back away when he slid his arms around her and she leaned into his touch. "I don't know, I told him things that… that I'm not so sure about anymore. I just need time, you know." She pulled away from him and put her hands on either side of his face, depositing a soft and brief kiss on his lips. "But I meant what I told you last night," she whispered softly. "You're a good man, Jake Porter."
"But not good enough for you," he stated bitterly.
She immediately frowned and stroked his cheek. "Don't think that of yourself, please. It's not that at all. It's just that… my heart belongs somewhere else, I don't really know where, but I'll have things figured out and I wanted to play fair with you, to tell you the truth."
"Did I do something wrong?" he asked.
She shook her head and stared at him for a few seconds before she eventually pulled away and stood up. "I have to finish packing," she said, resuming what she was doing before he entered the bedroom. Jake just nodded and stood, walking away but he stopped in the doorway and turned to look at her.
The bright morning sun was already high in the sky and the white transparent curtains were moving slightly due to the warm breeze as he had let the window open. She was now oblivious to his presence, going from one side of the bedroom to another, gathering her things. She is so beautiful, he thought as he tried to remember every little detail; she was wearing a light pale blue sundress and had let her hair completely free which was forcing her to repeatedly push the annoying red locks away from her slightly flushed face.
Though he was still in shock about how fast everything happened, he knew he should fight for her, or at least, just do something to make her see how important she was to him but he didn't do anything. He knew it was too late and that she wasn't going to change her mind about the whole situation. His eyes fell upon the bed where her suitcase was sitting on and he remembered each time he lay exhausted after their lovemaking with her in his arms; these were the moments he cherished the most, when she was as close as she could get to him, her head resting on his shoulder as his hand was stroking the skin of her back. He remembered how soft and low was her voice as she told him about her dreams, things that he supposed that his rival wasn't even aware of.
When she was done with everything, Mary found Jake in the kitchen, resting against the large island in the middle of the room. "So," she began awkwardly, standing a few feet away from him, causing him to look up. "I should probably go, now."
"Do you have everything?"
She looked around her and shrugged. "I guess I do," she stated as her eyes met his. She then approached him and took his hand in hers. "Remember that I'll always be your friend, Jake," she declared.
He nodded slightly. "If you need anything, you know where I am," he replied. With a sad smile, she exited the kitchen and he stood at the front door to see her get in the car and drove off. His arm against the doorway, he rested his head against it, sighing loudly. Why did I let her go?
Danny was eagerly waiting for Mary's return. He had told the guys at the construction site that he wouldn't come back after lunch and that everything was taken care of and that his foreman would handle things for the rest of the day.
He took one more look at the pizza waiting and though he had wanted to cook something for her, first he wasn't that good at cooking and second, he had nothing left in his fridge. Mary had told him she would likely be back for noon, but it was already one o'clock and so far, no sign of her nor did she call him. A sudden question came rising in his mind; did she have second thoughts about what she did?
It wasn't something that should be swept completely out of the way. She did that before, like when she gave the ring back to him; it could happen again. But maybe she also needed assurance that everything would be alright. He remembered that she was afraid, too. As afraid as he was and maybe more. It was something she had wanted her whole life, something she might have never thought possible and now that it was here, maybe she didn't know what to do anymore.
The noise of a car approaching and stopping in his driveway made him walk to the window next to the door and he watched as she slowly exited her car, too slowly for Danny's liking. She took off her sunglasses and their eyes met as her gaze fell upon him standing behind the window. He then disappeared from her sight and the door slowly opened and she got that brief flash of the same thing happening with Jake.
"Hey," he said as he approached her, leaning in to kiss her. He knew he was right about her being afraid because she immediately pulled away, as soon as his lips made contact with her. Lost for a moment, he followed her inside, not forgetting to close the door behind him because the dry heat was almost suffocating.
Footsteps
Silence is loud
Kindness is brave
Wisdom is long
Loving is necessary
I need it, we need it
They stood, facing each other awkwardly in silence until, however, Danny spoke up, "so, how did everything go?" he asked softly, before walking in the kitchen, Mary following suit. She found him busy with finding plates and glasses before he returned to the counter with everything he needed.
She sat at the counter and took her time before responding. "Good, I mean, I didn't expect anything else." When she saw Danny's look, she quickly added, "he's been nice, Danny. He didn't yell or anything. In fact, I think he has opened my eyes to something I didn't really think about before."
Their eyes met and she saw him swallow hard. "Which is?" he asked, his voice sounding extremely foreign to him as he spoke.
"I don't really know where I stand in all this, Danny," she began without preamble. "I'm so scared, you know, not to be what you want."
Danny thought he had been hit by a train. So, this was all about that? True, she had seen most of the girls he had dated and she was very different from them, but he realized she clearly didn't understand it was because of that difference that he loved her so much. She was special to him, couldn't she see that?
He rounded the counter and stood in front of her, cradling her face with his hands, forcing her to meet his eyes. "You were so sure last night and now… Mare, what happened? I mean what really happened?"
She looked away, shaking her head. "I just… I, I don't know anymore. I—"
"Dammit, Mary, you don't know what you want!" he said loudly, stepping back. He turned his back on her and sighed, bringing a tired hand to his face and he rubbed it. He was surprised, however, when he heard soft sobs and he turned around to see her crying softly.
"I know what I want. I'm not sure I am what you want. And I don't want to be what you want me to be," she replied, her voice barely a whisper.
Danny frowned. "What?"
"I don't want to be like all of those girls you've dated, Danny."
Again, his hands found her face and his thumbs gently stroked her smooth skin. "Don't you see you're what I want? It's not a one time thing between us, Mary. All those other girls, they're not you. It was just for fun, and there's nothing other than serious when it comes to you and me being together. You're so special and important to me… What do I have to do to prove my love for you? To get down on one knee? I've already done that and see what you did, Mary."
She shook her head, more tears falling and he wiped them away. "I just don't know what to expect from you, Danny, I… I'm just so afraid of screwing things up between us and…"
"I'm afraid, too, but I want us to work. My intentions last year were serious, very serious; it's just that I had a bad timing," he said softly. "I'm in love with you and I really mean it, can't you see that?" His lips found hers in a slow kiss and he pulled away after a few seconds. "How can I convince you?"
"You told me I was special and important to you," she stated. "So show it to me. Don't be afraid of showing or expressing your feelings. It hurt me not to really know your true intentions toward me. Not to know what to do to please you. I want to know." She closed her eyes when he fingered her cheekbone and she leaned into the touch.
Danny ran his fingers through Mary's hair, pulling her close against him. Her arms slid around his waist and she had never felt so close to him than right now. "I'll show you, Mary. I'll show you every single day."
And this time, she believed him.