Disclaimer: Oh my. My name is not J.K. Rowling. What a surprise. (Voice dripping with more sarcasm than usual, which says something) I guess that means that I don't own Harry Potter. Watch me start swearing in one of these darn disclaimers pretty soon. In the meantime, I hope you like the next chapter. And, p.s., I do not own Centerfold (I love that song! Way to go, J. Geils Band!)

Chapter 8: Umbridge's Little Adventure (part 1)

The next day, Draco tore down the hall yelling, "Professor Umbridge! Professor Umbridge! Come quickly! Help!"

Umbridge came out of her office wearing pink curlers, a foul pink dressing gown, and an irritated frown on her fat face. "What is it, Mr. Malfoy?"

"There's—there's—there's this HUGE hole in the bathroom downstairs! I know it's a girls' bathroom, but I heard something, and I had to check it out, and this—this—this—hole was there!"

Umbridge had mixed feelings. On one hand, she was too scared to go and too tired. Anything could be in that hole. And she really did not feel like going all the way down to the first floor and solving something. But on the other hand, if she did solve "the mystery of the giant hole," it would seem as though she was getting something done in her regime as "headmistress" of Hogwarts. She could actually have some power! Hmm, tricky choice…she opted for the latter.

"Lead the way, Draco."

Draco was excited. Yes! Excellent! Brilliant! I love you Ginny! Actually, I don't and can't; Harry would kill me.

Resisting the temptation to jump up and down like some hyperventilating chimpanzee, Draco calmly, or almost calmly, led Umbridge to the bathroom.

Fortunately for him, Umbridge was too excited to solve the issue that she didn't notice it was a girls' bathroom. Otherwise, she'd probably think, what on earth was he doing in the girls' bathroom? But she didn't.

In a businesslike manner, she stepped up to the hole, looking ridiculous in her curlers. "Well, Mr. Malfoy, this seems to be—" Draco crept up behind her and gently pushed…

"Well, I believe we'll have Mr. Filch, what the—AHHH!" She tumbled down the hole and out of sight, screeching loudly.

Draco skipped out of the bathroom, surprisingly. The brown-haired girl was, unfortunately, passing by as he exited. She looked at him for a moment, and laughed, running down the hallway.

Draco swore. Why must she always catch me coming out of that bathroom? Oh well. Umbridge is gone. Umbridge is gone. Umbridge is gone. Umbridge is gone. Umbridge is gone. Umbridge is gone. Umbridge is gone…

Hermione had a free period. She actually had nothing to study, and absolutely no homework. Good. Maybe I'll have a break. I can read that new book Mum sent me.

Draco had stopped skipping and now he was singing at a wall and dancing. This time, it was not "Walking on Sunshine." It was "Centerfold."

I've got a free; I've got a free…

"The memory of my angel will never cause me pain."

Where did I put that book anyway?

"The years go by and I'm looking through all these girly magazines! And there's my whole new angel on the pages in between!"

What is that awful sound?

"My blood runs cold! My memory has just been sold; my angel is my centerfold…angel is my centerfold…"

Who the heck…"

"Na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na…"

I am so scared at this point. What on earth is going on?

"I was shy, I turned away before she caught my eye. I was shaking in my shoes, whenever she flashed those baby blues."

Oh God. I don't want to think this but it sounds like…

"My blood runs cold! My memory has just been sold; the angel is my centerfold… my angel is my centerfold!"

"Draco?"

"HERMIONE!"

"What—what are you doing?"

Draco looked incredibly sheepish. Why do all these girls have to catch me at something stupid! Why, why, why? Ginny, that little girl, now Hermione…"

He stuttered at her. "I was erm, you know, had to just, erm, do, practice, for the, well, I was just trying to see, the fact remains that, I was, erm, just, well was maybe, erm, not expecting, err, not just, um, well, I, only, erm, you see I…nothing." He broke off.

Hermione started laughing hysterically and walked off snorting with laughter.

Draco was humiliated beyond belief.

Umbridge had landed on a pile of what seemed like rat skulls and the skeletons of other unfortunate creatures that had been devoured cruelly by the Basilisk. She carefully lifted her lace-edged nightgown of the remains of little rodents and, holding her nose with one hand, tiptoed down the passageway, away from the Chamber's bathroom entrance.

A foul stench continued to worsen as she moved forward. The walls were grimy and dirty. They had a greenish tinge. It was too dim to see much. Umbridge walked into something. "OUCH!" It was a stone wall. The passage had turned. There was a little more light, which also had a greenish tinge. She continued on…

Professor McGonagall always hated Umbridge, but she wondered where she had gotten to. Ah well, her loss. Still, didn't she usually sleep late on Saturday? Hmm, how strange…

Draco had told Ron, Hermione, and Ginny about his "amazing deed."

"Isn't it great!"

Hermione was torn between amusement and lividness. "Draco! You idiot! You know she'll blame you!"

"Ah, Hermione, hence the beauty of Memory Charms."

"Well…I suppose…"

"Suppose what? Of course it'll work! I wasn't a Death Eater for a year without learning anything! Was I?"

"Whatever. You'd better not go back. But still…isn't that wrong?"

"How many things has she done that had been right?"

"Well…"

"Exactly."

"I didn't say anything yet!"

"So? You were going to agree with me."

"How do you know?"

Ron was looking at Hermione with distinct admiration. Surreptitiously, Ginny whistled. Ron turned red; Hermione looked away. Draco grinned.

A/N: The rest is coming soon! Lot's of love.