"… I can't imagine living a life without Jack."
"If that's what you have to do, Sam, you'll do it for your kids. That's how you'll remember and honor Jack." Sensing the compassion and concern in Daniel's voice, Sam allowed him to wrap his arms around her. She leaned into his comforting embrace and she wept.
PART SIX: GOING HOME WITHOUT HIM
Daniel drove Sam home the next day. She'd wanted to stay at the SGC waiting for word, waiting for her husband to return. But Janet had called, concerned that Grace and Beth had awoken that morning with nightmares, wanting to know when their parents were coming home. Having learned of the disastrous mission in a phone briefing from her husband the day before, Janet was sure that no matter what Sam's emotional state, being with their mother in their own home would help the children feel more secure, and probably help Sam as well. The Jacksons had decided they would stay with Sam and the kids, at least for a couple of nights, to provide as much physical and emotional support as they could.
Daniel hoped to have Sam home at least an hour before Janet brought the children back, so she could get her bearings before everyone arrived. This was a pretty hefty order considering the mental and physical state Sam was in. Before they could leave the base, there was the requisite post-mission medical exam. Sam appeared catatonic though much of this procedure, leaving Daniel wishing his wife was still the CMO on base. He was sure that Janet would have made that whole medical clearance ordeal easier for Sam.
Then, of course there was the matter of getting Sam cleaned up which involved removing the bloody uniform, the uniform covered in her husband's blood. This unleashed yet another torrent of tears, by which time Daniel wondered whether the current CMO would allow Sam to go home today at all.
But finally, after a lot of assurances from Daniel, and some encouragement from General Landry, Sam was cleared by Dr. MacKenzie, and they were on their way.
The half hour drive from the base to the O'Neill residence was spent in silence. Sam had lapsed back into near catatonia, staring straight ahead with her arms wrapped around her body. Daniel tried to quash his own fears for Sam, reminding himself that she and Janet were the most emotionally stable women he knew. He was certain she had the inner strength to get through this, but his heart broke to see her in such pain.
By the time the car found its way into the O'Neill driveway--Daniel thought they must have arrived on automatic pilot, since his concentration had been on Sam – it was dusk. Daniel got out of the driver's seat and went to open the passengers' side door for Sam.
"Sam, you're home. Let's go in." Sam turned to his voice and looked past Daniel to the house. Daniel was relieved to see recognition in her eyes and thanked whatever deities actually existed when she squeezed his hand, got out of the car on her own volition and said quietly, "thank you, Daniel".
Once inside, Sam began to take charge. This was her home, after all, and she was as safe and secure here, with her friend, as she was going to be any time in the near future.
"How long before Janet gets here with the children, Daniel?"
"Probably another hour, give or take a bit, depending on how much she has to do to get Ethan ready to go."
"And my four… I'm so glad the three of you are going to stay with us for awhile. I don't think I could do this alone".
"You'll never have to be alone, Sam. We're family. It'll always be that way".
Sam simply smiled her appreciation. Then, happy for a simple, normal task to do, she walked to the kitchen, made coffee, poured two cups and joined Daniel in the living room. Waiting for Sam, Daniel had found photo albums on the table just in front of the sofa.
Within a few minutes, the two teammates found themselves sitting quietly, looking at old pictures of SG1, just to pass the time until Janet came with the children. Though Sam remained a ghastly shade of white, she and Daniel had managed to chuckle at some of the memories triggered by the pictures. For the most part, Sam allowed herself to be drawn into the memories of a happier time. If only she could forget for a moment …
When Janet turned the key in the lock, Sam was momentarily startled. Once she realized Janet and the children had arrived, she replaced the photo albums and went towards the door to meet her children. Beth ran to her and wrapped her little arms around her mother's legs, "I missed you, Mommy!" Jon and the twins stood anchored to their spots by the door, more than a little frightened by the paleness of their mother's face and the still misty, bloodshot eyes that met them. Sam panicked momentarily when she saw their fear, remaining silent and frozen herself.
"Hey, everybody, we thought you'd never get here", Daniel greeted the tense little group.
With his hand on Jon's shoulder, he bent over to give Janet a peck on the cheek. "Come on in, we need everyone in the family room. Your mom and I need to tell you what's happened", Daniel beckoned encouragingly.
Sam bent over to pick up Beth. The other children, along with Daniel and Janet, followed behind. They'd just entered the well used, comfortable family room when Jon asked, "Where's Daddy? Why didn't he come home too, Mommy?"
"Well, that's what we need to talk about", Sam began, a slight quiver in her voice. "Mommy and Daddy had some trouble at work. Daddy was hurt and we've had to leave him in a special hospital. We think this hospital has the right medicine to make him better".
"When can we go see him, Mom?" Grace asked. As she did so, Jake shook his head, as if to indicate to Grace and his mother that he knew such a visit would be impossible.
"Oh", Grace added, with disappointment. She recalled that they were not allowed to share any information about the Stargate with the younger children. She knew that her questions would have to wait until she and Jake could be alone with the adults.
Sam realized that her older children had a better understanding of the situation than she wanted to believe. This would make it so much more difficult to reassure them. There was certainly nothing reassuring about the truth she feared she would have to tell them. She was lost in her thoughts and taken by surprise by Jon's next question.
"What if they can't make him better, Mommy?"
At Jon's question, she suddenly saw Jack's broken body in her mind's eye and involuntarily gasped. Daniel was at her side almost immediately. At the same time, Janet, seeing the sudden fear in Beth's face as she reacted to her mother's emotions, came over to hold the little girl.
"Kids", Daniel began, "your dad's very sick right now and he can't have visitors. Everyone is working hard to make him better so he can come home. He told your mom to come home to take care of all of you while he is in the hospital. He'll be home just as soon as he can."
"Really, Uncle Danny?" Jon responded hopefully.
"Really, Jon", Daniel answered, knowing Jack certainly would have wanted Sam home with their children and hoping against hope that he would be proven right about his friend's eventual recovery.
"That means we need to make plans to welcome Daddy home soon! I think he'd like cake. Right, Mom?"
Sam just couldn't find the voice to answer her son, who was trying so hard to be brave, and would miss his father so much should the worst happen.
"Mommy, you okay?" Beth whimpered in a very small voice.
"I'm fine sweetheart", Sam lied, as she stood up. This family had to survive, whatever happened on P3X-779. A basic element of survival was feeding her family and that, at least, she could handle in a small way. "But right now, it's late and I think its time we all had some supper together. How about your Dad's favorite?"
"Pizza?" asked Jon, now clearly relieved by his uncle's earlier reassurance. Although Daniel hadn't lied to the boy, he'd certainly put the most positive face on the situation. Jon, for one, wanted to believe it was so. And right at that moment, Sam found herself wanting to believe it too.
Daniel ruffled Jon's head of curly auburn hair, "Of course, pizza, what else?" As Daniel went to order the food, Sam noticed with trepidation how quiet the twins had become. They weren't buying any of this. They knew.
"Jake, Grace, I need your help in the kitchen," she called. It was time for explanations, no matter how painful they may be.
Chapter 7 will feature Jake and Grace and their reactions. Please continue reading and reviewing to help me make this better. Thanks!