Author's Note: The characters in this NEW fic MAY BE out of character. This story is based on actual occurrences that happen in the office I work in. Obviously what occurs in this story isn't exactly what happened, so don't take it to heart too much. The characters I'm using are merely just playing the part of my co-workers and really have no significance to their original selves.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I do own the situations that happen because they either happened to me or a co-worker!

The Office

Episode 1: What size are you?

April 14th, 9:52 am

No one knew what to expect when they opened the door to the dreaded payroll office, especially Sakura who was one of two student workers on this day.

"Now you have to guess her cup size!" Kiba, an intermittent worker, shouted as Sakura walked in.

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"Oh…we've been doing that with Ino and Anko today." Naruto, who was sitting next to the fax machine, commented.

"Ok…"

Unfortunately for Sakura, when she was walking to set her stuff down, she ran into Jiraiya, one of the older, longer-working employees and most perverted person around.

Jiraiya stopped and examined Sakura over, not like he hadn't done that in the past. "I'd say she's a C. No wait…I take that back. A D cup." He smiled and took a closer look. "Yeah, a D."

"WHAT!" Sakura screamed. Now I really think I shouldn't have come into work today. Too bad Tsunade-sama isn't in today.

"What? Am I right?" Jiraiya tried to stay innocent.

"You were right the first time. I'm a C." Sakura blushed and continued on her way to drop off her purse and book bag. Damn these people can get so weird. But hey, at least it isn't boring.

Sakura waited a few moments for Jiraiya to leave the office. He always left and went somewhere and would be gone for insanely long amounts of time. No one bothered to guess where he was at or what he was doing. It was Jiraiya. Use your imagination.

"Ok. Now what was all that about?" Sakura finally asked when the scene was clear of her perverted co-worker.

Anko, another intermittent worker, spun around in her chair to face Sakura who was behind her. "It all started with Ino and her talking about bras." She said sounding like she was trying to blame someone.

Sakura looked over at Ino, the other student worker. It figures she would complain about something like that. If she's not complaining about one thing, it's another. She's so senseless. Not like Anko is any better. She's always gossiping about something.

"Oh my gawd. I had to go into the lamest store ever to find a bra that would fit!" Ino started her ranting again. "I hate going into that store too because it's for those really huge people who wear like a size 24 or a 28. They never have any smaller sizes."

"Well, sometimes you have to go in there. They do have smaller clothes there, it's just people go in there and grab them right away." Anko informed.

Ino folded her arms and pouted. "Well…I've never seen them there."

"They're there! Trust me!"

Sakura sighed and pulled up the chair that was by the electronic typewriter, since Ino was occupying the student desk. Their bitching is one thing I DON'T like about this office. Little did Sakura know that this was just the tip of the iceberg.

Meanwhile, sometime during the gossip of Anko and Ino, Jiraiya had come back in and went into his office.

"So I see you guys are still on this 'steamy' topic." Jiraiya tried to sound smooth as he stretched his arms out.

And in fact Ino, Anko, Naruto, and Kiba were still on the topic of bras and things such as that. Sakura tried to stay out of it as much as possible and attempted to hide herself away by opening the morning mail.

"Oh man…I still remember like it was yesterday. I'm sure you all want to hear about my sex story, don't you? The one about in the rain in the middle of the night?" Jiraiya gave a huge grin.

Everyone turned to face Jiraiya. Sakura jumped in her skin after she heard her co-worker's statement.

"Dude…we've heard that one before!" Naruto remarked.

"Oh man…I remember the girl too. Her name was…was…" Jiraiya struggled.

"I think he's been with too many girls to remember." Kiba snickered. Naruto laughed with him.

"Shut up. Oh yeah! I remember now. Her name was Melinda. She was such a hottie. She was so good too…," Jiraiya started to get a dreamy look in his eyes. "With her being wet and moa-"

"Hey now! That's a little more than we want to hear." Kiba shouted disgustedly.

"Not like you haven't done that, Kiba. What about all those whips and chains underneath your bed?" Naruto taunted.

"Oh…well…you know…." Kiba winked and played along.

Sakura couldn't believe what her co-workers were talking about. She sunk low into her chair and attempted to block them out of her mind. Can I please leave!

Anko giggled like a little girl. "That reminds me, I need to go see a gynecologist."

"What for?" Ino raised an eyebrow.

"Well…since I'm getting older, unlike you young kids," Anko tried blame something that couldn't be helped. "I need to make sure I'm in working order."

"Who do you go to?" Naruto asked as he was sorting through some timecards.

"I go to Dr. Sarutobi."

"Alright. I see Hatake Kakashi. He does a good job. And plus I prefer a male over a female gynecologist anyway."

"I prefer a female. I don't think men should be gynecologists. Some men are just so perverted." Anko began to brag.

"I agree," Ino came into the conversation. "You never know if the guy would be gay or straight."

"But what if one is married? Don't you think that he would get enough pussy from his wife that he would have to look at other women's?" Kiba stated.

"I don't know why he would be a gynecologist just for that. I'm sure all pussy's look the same." Anko affirmed.

Sakura's eyes grew wide. She didn't want to say anything. Not only would she be ignored for the most part, but she didn't really know what to say since wasn't involved in that stuff like they were. Oh my gosh…oh my gosh. I can't believe they're talking about this…HERE OF ALL PLACES! Sakura's inner self screamed.

"And how would you know?" Jiraiya asked, once again poking his head out of his office.

The last thing we need is his input! Sakura protested to herself. Her attempt to stay out of the conversation finally failed. Sakura still didn't feel the need to say anything. The last thing she wanted was to get caught up in it and some how would be the victim of criticism of some sort.

Anko intensely stared at Jiraiya but didn't say anything. Obviously her prissiness couldn't think of a comeback good enough.

"And like you wouldn't know?" Ino saved Anko.

"Oh I know…." Jiraiya gave a really big smile. It was evident that he wasn't innocent by any means.

As if a prayer was answered, Shikamaru, the payroll manager, finally walked into the office.

Thank you Lord! Shikamaru-sama is finally here! Sakura celebrated inside. Now I won't be the only one ostracized. But then again…he can join the madness by telling stories of his dad who tries to put moves on every woman he sees. Sakura sighed.

"How was your meeting, Shikamaru?" Anko asked after he walked by.

"It was alright." He answered solemnly and walked into his office.

Whew. Sakura sighed in relief.

"You know what, Anko?" Ino began her complaining spree again.

"What?" Anko replied while looking at the computer screen.

"I really shouldn't be eating this fast food. I mean, I really need to loose some weight, but this stuff is so good!" Ino remarked.

Sakura fell over in her chair. Bitch….

Please let me know if you liked this story! I assure you that there's more craziness where that came from! REVIEW!