Humility. What a hard thing to learn. I was the best of the best fighter pilots in the United States Navy. Dammit! I could out-fly, out-shoot, and just plain out-do anyone. Fly bys? Sure. Those were my specialty. Got in a lot of shit for that, but hey! I always thought I'm Maverick. I'm the best fucking pilot they've got.
It's funny how that can change with one blink of an eye.
Goose always knew my next move and somehow he knew that move would be even cockier and even more daring then the move before. He always told me that one day, I'd get us both killed. He was right. Only he was the one that died.
Even though I was cleared of any wrongdoing – it was jet wash and I couldn't have done anything to avoid it – I still held myself responsible for Goose's death. I almost didn't show up to graduation. Ice won the award. I realised that he was probably the only pilot who could fly better than me because he played by the rules more than I did.
I know they were all shocked when I showed up in my chokers, ready to take whatever was next. None of them knew the depth of my pain and how hard it was to be there.
When you're the son of a risk-taking pilot, you tend to pick up on his bad habits, and I realised that as I saw Ice holding the trophy. I had picked up too many of my dad's cocky maneuvers.
Jester looked at me and you could see the halfhearted smile. Jesus. Just say something. Anything! I don't care. Just don't stare at me and smile like I'm some sort of fucking broken toy. I am a pilot in the US Navy and I am a Lieutenant. Just fucking say something! I yelled quietly in my head.
We were given our orders to the Indian Ocean, to protect a carrier. Seems that we got our asses in to trouble again. I remember thinking Leave it to the Navy to get into shit like this. But I had a job to do and I was going to do it.
To say that I don't remember anything of that day would be true. All I remember was that humility kicked in and I wasn't going to leave Ice's side, no matter the danger. I had to stay with my Wing Man and no matter the cost, I had learned my lesson and wasn't leaving.
I also vaguely remember doing a fly by and Ice telling me I could be his Wing Man anytime.
I don't know. Maybe when you find yourself at your lowest, you find yourself at your strongest. Goose will always be my RIO, no matter how many I go through. Goose, Jester told me once, is smiling down at me, know I have finally learned how to be a real pilot; not just a pilot.
Yes. Humility can be a tough thing to learn, but I don't know if I could have ever learned it without Goose or Top Gun.