A dark and thunderous rain cloud hangs over Juban. But it doesn't compare to the bad mood of one Chiba Mamoru. Anime Canon. Written for the 30th Anniversary of Sailor Moon and UsaMamo Week 2022 Day 3 'Emotion and/or "But why me?"'

Rated: T - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Words: 1,268 - Mamoru C./Darien S./Tuxedo Kamen, Usagi T./Serena/Bunny/Sailor Moon, King Endymion, Princess Serenity

A/N: This story is set during Sailor Moon episode 64.

This is a gift for Lin Lamont, Tina Century and brownsugarheartattack, Antigone02

A big thank you to disaster_bi_jupiter for betaing this fic! You can find her on Ao3 under the same name.

/users/disaster_bi_jupiter/pseuds/disaster_bi_jupiter/works

Lethargically, Mamoru dragged himself out of bed, scowling at the black skies above. There didn't even seem to be a hint of daylight. Not that it would have made much difference to him.

Out of habit more than hunger, he padded over to the fridge and opened it up. Everything was pretty bare, and what little there was had spoiled. Typically, he was careful to avoid that, but these past weeks he simply hadn't cared much about it. The only thing in the fridge that was at all edible were some bright pink sugary treats. Treats he had certainly not purchased for himself.

He slammed the fridge shut, flung open the cupboard and snatched up the coffee canister. Thunder boomed outside as he groaned. Much like the fridge, the canister was practically empty too. Dressing in his peach shirt and beige pants, he half slouched over towards the door.

He halted as he drew level with the vase of roses in the genkan. They had wilted, their red petals having either fallen or turned black. Mamoru clenched his fist and scrunched his eyes shut, a soft, sad voice intruding into his thoughts.

"I'm sorry Mamo-ch-"

With much haste, he thrust his feet into his shoes and fled out the door, barely remembering to grab an umbrella.

As he traversed the sidewalk he felt cold and numb. That, however, had very little to do with rain beating down upon the city, nor the icy wind billowing through the nearly deserted streets.

As he drifted in the vague direction of a convenience store, he recalled something he'd read once whilst studying English literature:

Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all

Mamoru narrowed his eyes in a half scowl.

Lord Alfred Tennyson… what an absolute idi-

"Oh!"

"Oh!"

Mamoru was thrown slightly off balance as something collided into him. It was only as he righted himself, getting slightly wet in the process, that he realised it was someone in a lime green rain poncho.

"I'm sorry…" beautiful, sad, sapphire eyes widened. "Oh, Mamo-chan!"

Mamoru's face remained composed, but his heart practically stopped.

"Why are you in such a hurry?" he asked, sounding surprisingly normal despite his mind and body now running on 'autopilot'.

His mouth opened as Usagi desperately grabbed the short sleeve of his shirt. "Chibi-Usa is missing!"

"What? Chibi-Usa is?!"

Fear and concern began sharpening Mamoru's senses, rallying his resolve.

Then the storm roared.

And suddenly, the world was right again.

He felt warm and whole and alive.

He had her. She had him. Finally.

It had been a dream. That was all. A terrible nightmare.

Metalia on the Moon. Zoisite in the Starlight Tower. Beryl at the Arctic.

They'd all been nightmares. But this was real.

He could hear her heart over the thunder, smell her hair through the billowing wind, feel her heat through his wet shirt.

He'd tell her everything. And she'd understand.

And then there'd be no more pain. No more loneliness. No more nightmares.

They'd be happy. They'd be together. Then, someday, when they were older, they'd walk side-by-side down the aisle, ready to begin their new-

Usako in a wedding dress.

Serenity in her royal gown.

Crying. Dying. Consumed by fire and fury. All whilst he spoke those terrible words.

"...you must not get close to Usagi Tsukino…When the two of you are bound together, the world will crumble, and Usagi Tsukino, in other words, Princess Serenity, will be struck by misfortune….This is the truth from which you cannot escape."

Mamoru's eyes widened in realisation.

The realisation that it was impossible. That the Moon, the Tower, the Arctic, hadn't been nightmares. That the new life they yearned for was never to be. That simply chasing it would bring about a new, far more terrible, nightmare.

Was he truly so naive? So foolish? So weak?

Metalia, Zoisite, Beryl. However destiny chose to manifest itself, the message was abundantly clear. Their story was not of love triumphing in spite of adversity. It was the story of love destroying them over and over again. Of destroying her.

He wouldn't let that happen. Not again.

So, with his very soul aching, he let her go. He backed away. He drank in the pain and horror arising upon her rain soaked face. And he said the words that broke her heart and stabbed him deeper than Beryl or Zoisite ever could…

Returning to his bed that night he tried, feebly, to reassure himself that he had succeeded in resisting his urges for another day. He'd protected and saved her yet again.

And he'd do the same tomorrow, and next week, next month, next year even. He'd stay away for however long it'd take for her to forget him and find… someone else.

Someone better for her. Someone who wouldn't break her heart. Someone who wouldn't destroy her or her world by simply loving her.

He lay wide awake in his bed, and glanced at the window. Through the tiny gaps in the shutters he could just make out the night sky. It was clear, devoid of the storm clouds that had polluted it earlier. Nevertheless, neither the stars nor the moonlight offered much comfort to him as he drifted off to sleep, dreaming of a beautiful blonde maiden… and regretting that he'd known her at all.

A/N: So as part of my anniversary anthology I have endeavoured to at least nod towards as many aspects of Sailor Moon as I can, though it is not possible for me to do EVERYTHING.

As such, I was content that simply referencing the break up arc one one or two of my other fics (notably 'Incomplete') was good enough.

However, when inquiring about elements of the series people liked enough people mentioned the break up arc that I felt compelled to dedicate a story to it. And when I remembered UsaMamo Week was coming up that made my mind up as to when I should release it.

Hope you guys got something out of my first proper attempt at writing about this famous (infamous?) part of Sailor Moon lore!

As for the story itself, the idea hit me one day when I was running up and down two flights of stairs at pizza prison (a.k.a. My family business for the uninitiated). For me the scene of the pair in the rain has always been one of the iconic highlights of the arc and sums up the emotional crux of it magnificently, so I decided to focus upon that.

As always, a big thank you to DinkyCharlie, Silver and A_Reptile_Dysfunction for organizing UsaMamo Week 2022!

Also, just to let you know I am involved in a discord called 'Moonlight Legends' which is dedicated to sharing all sorts of Sailor Moon fanworks, including other fanfics. If you would like to join so you can share your own work, get help with your current projects or just connect to other fan creators shoot me a PM and I'll send you an invite. All are welcome!