Love Like A Bad Porn Movie

--

Lighning crashed, thunder crashed, rain crashed against the highest tower in Voldemort's castle, Voldemort crashed his body against Harry's.

Because of the complex rules of apparition, which make it nearly impossible when someone needs to get somewhere quickly, Severus was still miles away, on horseback.

"Yah! Yah! Faster, Sunflower, faster!" he yelled at his horse through the rain, thrusting the reins up and down.

But Severus knew he wasn't going to make it in time. For, on the highest tower of Voldemort's castle, surrounded by lightning, Harry tore off Voldemort's robes. Sexy in it's paleness and with a slight chicken-bone thing going on in his chest, Harry couldn't help himself.

"Take me now!" he yelled over the thunder.

"Ok," Voldemort said climatically.

Voldemort grabbed Harry's pants. More thunder crashed. Voldemort began to pull them down-

"SSSSSSZZZZZZZZZZAAA."

Lightning struck Voldemort, lighting up his bones for mere seconds, before disappearing and leaving him blackened and bleeding.

"Oh," Voldemort choked before falling backward, toppling over the edge and falling through the clouds, to the ground below Voldemort's castle.

"Noooooooo!" Harry yelled, "noooooooo!" he yelled again, "I won't live without you!" Harry vaulted over the edge of the tower, throwing himself to a sure death below.

As Harry fell more than a hundred feet, through the clouds, racing the rain, he saw a bizarre sight. He could have sworn he Snape riding towards the castle on a yellow horse with a sparkling mane, big violet eyes and long eyelashes.

Harry rolled in mid air, still falling, he saw bellow him Voldemort lying still, his robes burned half-off. He noticed a slight... tenting, half covered by Voldemort's robes. A gust of wind blew Harry around so he was facing the sky, about to land with his back right on Voldemort.

"Noooooo!" yelled someone else. He passed out before he could see Severus throw himself under Harry, between him and Voldemort. "Ouch."

Harry landed. The three lay there for a moment, in a pile. Sunflower the horse licked Severus's cheek and he moaned.

When Harry woke up, he was in a full body cast in the hospital of Voldemort castle. In the bed next to him, Voldemort was in a full body cast, his head just poking out the top like a turtle.

"Good morning, Sexy Potter," Voldemort said in a voice slightly strangled by the cast.

"Good? No, any morning with you is... great," Harry replied. His arms and legs were hanging in stirrups and he couldn't move. He decided to ignore the fact that he shouldn't be alive, instead, he was content just being with Voldemort.

"So... shall we resume where we were before... well... you know?" Voldemort said, winking.

"Yeah, Voldesex."

"A new nickname?" Voldesex asked.

"Do you like it?"

"Only if you help me live up to it," said Voldesex.

Severus had hoped he was in the clear for at least a few more hours until Harry and Voldemort's bones had fully healed. But when he walked in he dropped the tray of bandages he was holding and gasped in surprise.

Still in full body casts, Harry and Voldemort were trying to... well, Severus wasn't entirely sure was they were trying to do, it seemed to resemble his trip on Sunflower a little, but with more flailying. Voldemort had some how got over to Harry's bed.

"Voldesex, you're almost there, I can almost see it!" Harry yelled.

It seemed the body casts had been somewhat restricting and Severus noticed, to his relief, they weren't actually engaged in anything... yet.

"Ah, Severus, you can help me," said Voldemort.

"Master?" Severus said.

"Master? Yes, that is a good one, but I think it's Voldesex now. Actually, Harry, which would you rather call me, 'Voldesex' or 'Master.'"

"Kinky! What ever the mood feels though."

"Right," said Voldesex, "Severus do me a favour and cut these casts off us."

Severus paused, how could he stop this? "...No... if I do know... you'll never... heal?"

Voldemort and Harry looked disappointed.

"Let's look on the bright side," said Voldemort, "now there will be all this dirty, wrong, sexual tension and when we finally do heal, well, we'll see how the mood feels then."

Voldemort winked.

Harry winked.

Severus gagged a little.

I'm not dead! Will Harry and Voldemort ever get together? Will Severus complete his assignment? Will "Voldesex" ever catch on in the Harry Potter Fan World?