Through A Nightingale's Eyes

Disclaimer I do not own any of Tolkien's creations. I only own my characters and most of the storyline

RATED "R" FOR LANGUAGE AND POSSIBLY OTHER STUFF

Author's Note: Thanks to all my faithful reviewers. And now…CHAPTER 20!

Chapter 20: Conflicting Emotions

Kayla jolted up in her bed, bringing the covers up over her chest as a loud pounding echoed from the other side of her bedroom door. Hesitantly, she stood to her feet and strode over to the door in her nightgown, her eyes frantic. Whatever was behind that door sure as hell was persistent, as the knocking hadn't stopped. As she opened the door, her eyes softened at the sight of Elladan. "Hello, Uncle," she whispered.

"Kayla, we need to talk."

"Elladan, if this is about last night, nothing happened. Legolas…he…"

"He saw the true you through it all," the elf replied as he pushed past his niece and walked inside, shutting the door behind them, "And it caused him to try and kiss you. My father informed me of the situation."

"I already understand all this. Why are you telling me when I was there?" Kayla asked as she crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her head.

"I just want to warn you that nothing must happen between you and Legolas. You must keep this as a friendship. No one must know of what almost occurred."

"Like I would tell anyone! It was torture for me. I couldn't bear to deal with it. That's why I fled the balcony. I know that nothing can ever happen between Legolas and me." Kayla slowly walked over to her vanity and stared into the mirror. "I'm my mother now. Whoever I was…she's now gone."

"That's not true and you know it," Elladan stated as he strolled over and placed his hands on her shoulders, "You're still Kayla Sparrow."

"I wish that were true, but all I see is my mother. My eyes are blue, no longer the chocolate brown I loved. I can barely look at myself now."

"Don't ever degrade yourself, my dear. You're the pride and joy of Imladris now. Everyone is thrilled about you."

"Because I'm fooling them all."

"Kayla," Elladan whispered as he leaned over her shoulder and looked into her glazed cerulean eyes, "Do you honestly think you fooled all of them?" She nodded. "Well, you didn't. The ones of Imladris know who you are. They've know for a long time now, but they play along as to deceive the others. They don't enjoy it, but they do this because you're family."

"Whatever," Kayla muttered as she began braiding a few strands of her hair so she could pull it back for a more Elven look. She swallowed a small lump in her throat and closed her eyes as she tied her hair back and finished styling it. "Elladan, can I have some privacy?" she asked. Without a single word, the elf prince bowed his head and left her room, the closing of the door echoing loudly behind him.

Kayla gazed at her reflection and sighed softly. She watched as her bright blue eyes flashed a light grey color and then back to blue. Quickly, she walked over to the closet and changed into a dark crimson gown that showed off her shoulders and back respectably. She ran her fingertips along the gold trim that tied around her neck and looked toward the dark bag at the bottom of the closet. She knelt to the floor and opened the bag before lifting out her journal. She jumped on her bed softly and quickly opened up the book to a blank page before she began writing:

Dear Journal,

When the cold of winter comes
Starless night will cover day
In the veiling of the sun
We will walk in bitter rain

But in dreams
I still hear your name
And in dreams
We will meet again

When the seas and mountains fall
And we come to end of days
In the dark I hear a call
Calling me there
I will go there
And back again…

Edward Ross sang that song…and it pertains to me way too much now. I can still hear Legolas' name every time the wind whispers. It's a cruel whisper each time too. All I hear is the mocking voices ringing in my Elven ears, reminding me that I can never have the elf I long to hold…that I can never reveal who I am.

In my world, things were different. HE was different. He always smiled and laughed, came to visit me at my work, and made me feel special. No one had ever done that for me before. And now…Legolas has Nessa, a young blonde and beautiful elleth. She can give him more passion than I ever could. Why did all this happen to me?

I feel as though my heart is shattering with every moment. Then again…all of this is my own fault. All my pain and suffering was my own doing. I should have gone back with Legolas when I had the chance. Then again, would I even still want him knowing he has another? Damn it…I still do! I still love him with all my heart…and he can never know.

I better go eat something. My body feels weak from all this stress. Ta!

Kayla closed her journal after signing her name and threw it back into the closet carelessly. Nothing mattered anymore…nothing at all. Everything was just falling apart all over again.

Legolas stood in the kitchen silently cursing himself for the night before. He leaned gently against the counter and took a small bite of the eggs one of the cooks had prepared for him, not bothering to question why he hadn't eaten breakfast with his father as he usually did.

The elf prince smiled slightly and shook his head, almost laughing. How could ha have been so stupid as to almost kiss Lúthien last night? She was a princess of Rivendell and he was getting married by the end of the week. He didn't want another fling. What he wanted was a real relationship filled with love, passion, and trust. Ha! Like he could trust himself. In Kayla's world, he certainly didn't keep enough composure.

KAYLA!

"Why do I keep thinking about her?" he muttered to himself.

"Maybe because you're tying the knot at the end of the week," Amder said as he entered the kitchen and leaned on the counter next to his friend.

"I guess you're right. All my feelings would be emerging at this time, wouldn't they?"

"Are you alright, Legolas?" Amder asked as he clasped his friend's shoulder. The elf prince sighed and looked at his friend. "Your eyes have dulled, my prince. They don't hold the same life they held before. What happened to you?"

"It's nothing, Amder. I've had a lot on my plate lately."

"Yes…you've barely touched your food." Legolas let out a small chuckle to his friend and took another bite slowly.

"I know I've changed, but I believe I'm ready to rule Mirkwood."

"Yes, you're ready…but are you ready for this marriage?" Legolas almost dropped his fork at Amder's words. Ready for the marriage? Of course he was ready!

"Amder, I'm most certainly ready to ma…marry her."

"You cannot hide your emotions so well anymore, melonin (my friend). It's obvious something else is on your mind that's distracting you."

"What would ever distract me from a beauty like Nessa?" Legolas cursed the words he let roll off his tongue. Nessa may have been an attractive elleth, but she was not his type.

"I'd say the young Imladris princess has stolen a piece of you," Amder replied with a small smirk, "I saw the way you danced with her at the ball. You looked more glorious than ever before. Think things over, my friend…but do be careful in these matters of the heart."

"Amder, even though I may find her a beauty, I cannot act on my emotions. I'm betrothed to Nessa by my father's will."

No reply.

"Amder?" Legolas turned around and noticed that his friend had quickly departed without a trace once again. The prince sighed and began walking out of the kitchen, only to bump right into Lúthien.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going, my lady." He watched as Lúthien simply nodded her head in apology and walked past him. She grabbed an apple from a bowl on the counter and slowly bit into it. Legolas stood in the doorway watching her. Even when she ate she looked amazing. The red of the apple coincided with her gown beautifully and her hair was as silken as it had been the night before. Yet, he noticed that the same distress she held in her eyes was still present. She looked as if she had been broken into many pieces…had her heart crushed or something. As he watched her lift her eyes and look into his, he quickly bowed his head and backed out of the kitchen.

Legolas walked down the hall for a brief moment and then stopped, sensing a presence behind him. As he turned and looked back, there stood Lúthien with her half eaten apple in hand. "Yes, Lúthien? Did you want something?" She opened her mouth to speak, but then quickly closed it and smiled.

"Never mind, my lord," she stated, "Have a pleasant day. Only a few more until your wedding. It will be wonderful." Legolas raised an eyebrow to the Rivendell elleth and watched as she turned and walked briskly back toward where her room would be. He couldn't take any of this any longer. Lúthien was just stunning, even when depression had claimed her soul.

"Maybe I should speak with her. Cheer her up a bit," he mumbled. Yes, cheering her up would do some good. She was, after all, a guest and friend…

Author's Note: Uh oh…cheering up? Fights or maybe something else! Dun dun dun! I know this one was short…but it needed to be added. You'll thank me...believe me!

Next: Chapter 21…and who knows what else…