A/N: Hello, all. This is actually she's.happy.2b.hardcore (Lindsay)
guest-writing a chapter of Advent High for mon amie, Alexis. I hope you
all aren't so set in your ways that you'd hate my style of writing
compared to hers, but hopefully I can bring her humor to the table in the
same respects.)
-
"...and so, class, the great general Sephiroth has suggested to the
staff of Advent High that we make fine arts classes mandatory from here on
out. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, you will continue with your
physical education, but those classes will be replaced with a fine arts
class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. If you are already enrolled in a fine
arts class, then you are exempt and may have a study period. That is
all," a voice spoke over the PA, just before a bell rang to release them
to go to homeroom. People in the halls began chatting excitedly, with
the exception of Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz, who didn't seem to know what was
going on. Loz scratched the back of his head and side-glanced at Yazoo.
"Y...Yazo...!" he whined, causing his longer-haired brother to cringe.
"I don't even know what those are! What are fine arts?" Yazoo opened
his mouth to answer him, but was caught off by his more antsy brother.
"Who cares? It sounds like sissy stuff, and I already know that I'll be
skipping it." Kadaj snapped, crossing his arms. Yazoo suddenly wished
he had a piece of Hojo's magical ecstacy-inducing gum for his brother;
sure, it was annoying to have him climbing all over his back and singing
a song about...well...climbing on his back, but sometimes his
bitterness was a bit hard to take. Instead, Yazoo opted to settle them down by
saying,
"Well, perhaps we'll be put in the same class or something..."
"Not likely...you three are dumb enough as is, so it would be stupid of
them to schedule you all in the same room at one time." an annoyingly
sing-song voice called. The three turned around to see Elena smirking at
them as she sifted through her locker. Yazoo excused himself from the
group.
"Hey, Elena, look! It's our fourth silver-haired, leather-clad brother
who actually enjoys the company of morons like you!" he called,
pointing behind her. She gasped, grinned, and spun to find nothing-alas, it
didn't matter as Yazoo chucked her into her own locker, slammed the door,
and spun the dial on it. Unlike his brothers, Yazoo's punishments for
annoying fangirls didn't often result in death, though they did get the
point across. The surrounding students were talking too loudly to hear
Elena's muffled cries as the three brothers walked off together.
-
"You have got to be kidding me!" Kadaj howled, looking at his schedule
as he walked down the hallway. Band. Freaking band. When it came to
instruments, Kadaj knew nothing about playing them unless the instruments
you were talking about were those of destruction. Trying to make
himself feel better, he hope that he would be assigned the violin; that way,
if people were to give him lip, he could simply impale them with the
bow. Yes...band might not be so bad after all...
"You must be Katie! My name's Mr. Hodgie!" a slightly bald man
exclaimed whilst rushing up to Kadaj, who glared at him.
"AUGH! I am a boy, and my name is Kadaj. Somebody fetch me a violin
bow!" the silver-haired boy screamed, maniacally searching for something
sharp to kill the man with. Mr. Hodgie just chuckled.
"Aw. Actually, since Lindsay left for Spira we have an opening in our
drumline. Come on, I'll take you to meet them." he offered, and led the
fuming Kadaj on to the football field and over to a group of 8 or 9
people. In the middle stood a tall, spunky-looking redhead who looked like
he had a knack for trouble.
"Reno?"
The boy turned to look at Mr. Hodgie and Kadaj after telling the rest
of the line they could relax.
"What's up, yo?" he nodded at the dopey man and the odd kid with the
balled-up fists.
"This is Kadaj; he's new to the class and has come to take Lindsay's
place."
"You know how to play?"
Kadaj crossed his arms, and hesitantly shook his head, hating to admit
that he didn't know how to do something that others could.
"Alright, yo, we'll take him from here." Reno said, calling the band
director away. "Here...try this on." he offered, taking off his harnessed
drum and pulling it over Kadaj's shoulders. He was surprised when the
boy didn't even lean forward to support the weight.
"Sweet...now try something like this."
Reno then went to a drum already worn by someone else, took their
drumsticks, and played some fancy drum lick. He handed the sticks to Kadaj.
Hmm...not as sharp as the violin bows that I've been searching for, but
these look like they could do some damage...
"Where did the bald man go? Will these fit very far into his ears?"
Kadaj asked the red-headed superior, who, surprisingly, laughed.
"C'mon, yo, take your frustration out on the drum!" he advised,
motioning to the object that was strapped to his body. Kadaj scowled a bit,
pulled his right arm back, and layed one stick into the head of the drum.
WHAM!
The drum head, which was known to be extremely durable, exploded open
and released powder everywhere.
"AW, NO!" Reno yelped, falling to his knees and digging his fingers
into his mass of red hair. For once in his life, Kadaj almost felt a bit
sorry for ruining the boy's plaything. But really, it was way too
flimsy. Not knowing how to react from Reno's small tantrum, he simply took
the broken drum off and set it on the ground. Reno moaned, crawled over
to it and held it like a baby; as brokenhearted as he was about his
precious object's demise, he addressed Kadaj in the same tone as before.
"OK, yo...we need to find you a new way of venting out your anger." he
spoke, keeping his eyes on the damage.
"I prefer destroying peop-" Kadaj started to reply, but was interrupted
by a loud, obnoxious sound that was emitted right behind him.
BUM!
He spun around to find the small-framed Rikku holding a tuba twice her
size and grinning like an idiot. Without warning, he knocked the girl
down, stuffed her into the bell of the tuba, and punted it as hard as he
could. The Rikku-filled tuba soared far above the field, where Kadaj
proceeded to cast Confuse on the her. There. That was better.
"Wow. That girl definitely had it coming to her, yo. Nice shot." Reno
complimented, surprising the silver-haired clone.
"You mean you're not going to tell the bald man and try to get me my
86th detention since I've been here?" he replied, eyeing him
suspiciously. Reno laughed.
"No way, yo. Your kind are appreciated around here."
Kadaj smiled to himself. Finally, someone he wasn't tempted to kill.
Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad after all...
-
Yazoo sat at his seat in this new, odd-smelling room as he waited for
class to begin. Art, hmm? Though he'd never admit it to his brother's,
Yazoo found art to be a nice way to let off steam, as opposed to always
having to kill people. Though Yuffie was a good reason to kill
somebody...speaking of which, he had been enjoying most of the day without
having to run into the dumb gir-
"You can't be serious! I have art with you!"
Yazoo sighed. So much for that.
"Oh, I'm sorry. If I'm not mistaken, I think I just heard the voice of
somebody who doesn't even know how to throw a decent punch. I'm sure
what work you do in here will reflect just as much." He growled, gripping
his pencil. Yuffie reared back to punch him, but was interrupted by the
teacher who had just now decided to start class.
"Why, hello, all you future Van Gogh's and such! Welcome to Art 101!
Today, I won't be assigning anything specific, but I want you to
free-draw and show me what you can do. After looking at what you turn in, I'll
decide what we should work on from here on out. You may begin." she
spoke, and the students hurridly began drawing. Yazoo pondered for quite
some time what he should draw. He needed inspiration...hmm...
Glancing up from his blank paper, Yazoo watched as a boy clad in all
black and wearing eyeliner cast Darkness on himself. A black cloud formed
in front of him as he placed his headphones on his head and began to
draw blindly. Yazoo blinked. Loser. Hmm...Hojo was certainly a loser as
well for sending him here. Aha! He would draw Hojo...dying.
Yazoo smiled complacently as he worked for about 20 minutes on his
drawing; in the end, he was very satisfied with his product. In the
pencil-sketched piece, Hojo was strapped to one of his own lab tables as
various lasers and drills were pointed straight at his face. There was even
a laser already burning a line from the bottom of the table and heading
straight for the man's trouser addendums. In the background stood Yazoo
and his brothers, smiling at their apparent handiwork as Sephiroth
regarded them proudly.
"You are one sick fuck." Yazoo heard behind him, and he turned to face
the annoying Yuffie again. He glared, his eyes finding their way to her
own piece of work.
"Well, at least it doesn't look like a rainbow had diahrrea on my
paper..." he scathingly replied, and Yuffie genuinely looked appalled.
"Don't you make fun of Senor Peanut!" she screamed, hugging the picture
of her fat cat close to her body. Quickly, Yuffie turned on her heel
and marched up to the teacher, who she hoped would find beauty in her
Crayola masterpiece. Beyond annoyed, Yazoo followed her in order to get a
professional opinion of his own.
"Hmm. That's nice, Yuffie...Senor Peanut certainly seems to enjoy all
those bright colors...! OK, who's next?"
Yuffie triumphantly stuck out her tongue at Yazoo, who ignored her and
advanced to the front of the line.
"Alrighty, then, Mr. Yazoo! Let's see what we've got!" the teacher
cheerfully regarded him, and lifted the paper to her face. Suddenly, the
color seemed to disappear from her cheeks, and she lowered her glasses to
clarify what she was seeing.
"Oh...oh my. I can see that there are more of you, then?" she timidly
asked. Yazoo smugly smiled and nodded. The teacher cleared her throat.
"Alright, then. Ah...that's...that's nice, Yazoo. Perhaps a little on
the destructive side, but probably one of the most well-drawn and
detailed pictures I've seen in a long time."
Yazoo had to hand it to the woman; she really did try to be optimistic.
He took the picture and made his way back to his seat.
Yep.
Still better than Yuffie at everything.
-
Loz nervously stood beside the piano, watching as his fellow classmates
sang and danced their hearts out on the risers. Honestly, he felt like
crying; how could Sephiroth do this to him! Kadaj misbehaved by trying
to skip his gym class, Yazoo got into a fight with Yuffie while they
were supposed to be demonstrating something, and all Loz did was mug a
girl...which was only means of slight retalliation. He didn't even hurt
her...that...much...
I bet Kadaj and Yazoo are actually enjoying their classes...and I bet
they even got scheduled together! he moodily thought as the class in
front of him plastered on their fake smiles while they did their routine.
"...Loz?" the teacher spoke, apparently repeating herself. Loz snapped
out of his self-pity party and gave the woman his full-on attention.
"Lisa's dance partner is, erm, sick today. Would you like to try
filling in for him?"
Loz nearly swallowed his tongue--this HAD to be a joke.
"Not particularly, ma'am."
"Super! Now get on up there and show me your jazz hands!"
"Does that require a certain type of materia?"
The class giggled, and Loz felt his already-bruised ego start to
wither. But soon, he began to feel that sadness and embarrassment turn into
something else...
Loz grudgingly marched up the risers and stood next to Lisa, who
glowered up at him. Such a pretty thing being tainted by such a horrid scowl.
"And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four!" the teacher
called, beginning the piano music and singing along with the children. Loz
was now completely panicked.
Oh geez...oh geez! What am I supposed to do! his mind raced, and he
found himself trying to balance watching all the other guys in class as
well as his dance partner. Unfortunately, multi-tasking never really was
one of Loz's strong points.
"You big lummox! Watch where you're stepping!" Lisa snapped, staring
down at her sore foot. Loz tried to apologize but another couple bumped
into him from behind, sending him right into his partner again.
"OW!" she screeched. "The only reason I'm not killing you right now is
because I want my Hello Kitty bra back!"
Suddenly, most of the class erupted in laughter, and some of them
jokingly congratulated Loz for getting to second base with Lisa. Speaking of
Lisa, a certain girl was bright red and fuming at this point. The
teacher obliviously kept smiling and singing. Lisa didn't know whether to
destroy Loz or herself first, but her thoughts were interrupted by Loz
lifting her off her feet and spinning her above his head. It was
certainly part of the dance routine, but Loz getting bumped by another couple
(again) and dropping her on her butt was not.
That was it.
Before she could even think of what was happening to her, Lisa breathed
out a spell as she kept her eyes on her clumsy dance partner. Loz, who
was too busy apologizing to the other couple, suddenly burst into
flames. Screaming, he fell in a blazing glory off of the risers.
And just as quickly as Lisa snapped, Loz did as well. The sadness and
embarrassment that he had been prolonged with for so long finally turned
into a fit of rage; growling, he proceeded to lift the entire set of
risers and flip it over, trapping everybody underneath.
The lunch bell rang.
"Loz. Loz, it's ok!" Yazoo assured his fuming brother as they sat at a
completely abandoned lunch table. It was like a case of Of Mice and Men
as the large, seemingly dopey man wore his heart on his sleeve and the
skinny, quiet man did his best to cover the damage.
"Sh-sh-sh-she didn't have any right to set me on fire! All I did was
drop her on her head, Yazoo!" Loz sobbed, looking pitifully into his
brother's eyes. Before Yazoo could further comfort the boy, two more people
joined them at the table.
"What's up? What's wrong with Loz?" Kadaj inquired as he and his
red-headed friend sat down. Yazoo kept his head in Loz's direction, but met
eyes with the fiestiest of the three.
"Lisa..."
"Well, no need to worry about that, anymore. Y'see, she and her female
cronies are pretty much taken care of now." Kadaj said, and then
motioned to his friend. "Reno and I saw to that earlier. The walking circus
should begin in about 3...2..."
"Rikku, stop it! Ow!" a girl was heard screeching, and all eyes in the
cafeteria turned to see the commotion coming from the entrance. Through
the doors walked a bandaged-up Lisa, a sour-looking Elena with wet
pants, and an oblivious Rikku. A black swirl loomed over the Al Bhed's head
as she grinned, then reared back and landed a punch on Elena, who tried
smacking her arm away.
"Rikku, quit it! We're out of remedies and you're the only one with a
materia wristband on...now try again. Cure us...c-u-r-e u-s..." she
impatiently growled, and Rikku earnestly began digging through her holsters
for something...anything. She found nothing, and Reno cursed.
"Damn it, yo!" Elena's the only one who sat on the plastic-wrapped
toilet! The other two seemed to pick up on it after she pissed all over
herself..." he noted, watching the scene go down. "How
disappointing...what are we going to do about the others?"
"I've got it." Loz suddenly spoke, and the attention was turned to him.
"Hey, Rikku!"
The flightly blonde spun on her feet, blinking and smiling at the
silver-haired man. Before she responded, she landed a solid left hook to her
own nose.
"I just happened to have a Cure 2 materia on me. Last one...it's all
yours!"
For once, Rikku seemed to comprehend what was going on as she bounded
over, gleefully taking the shining orb from Loz's large hands. She
hastily put it in her wristband and aimed for her friends.
"No, Rikku, don't!" a scream was heard, but it was too late. Rikku cast
what was actually a Poison 4 wave all over her friends, who instantly
turned green as red HP lowered itself over their heads. Yuffie came
charging into the group as Lisa collapsed from her already serious wounds,
plus what the poison was doing to her. Elena lunged for the nearest
trashcan, and everytime the sound of her vomiting resounded, more and more
HP disappeared from above her head. The boys were in hysterics...Loz
obviously felt better as his peers encouragingly slapped him on the back
in a congratulatory way. Meanwhile, Yuffie frantically searched for her
own collection of materia.
"Yazoo! I"m going to kill y-!" she started, but was cut off by Elena
falling into the trashcan. Suddenly, the victory fanfare blared
throughout the entire room. Rikku triumphantly pumped her arms before giving
herself one last proper hit to her face. The scene was now perfect.
Elena's blinking green legs stuck out of the trashcan, Lisa lay on the floor
unconscious in a pile of her own pee, and Rikku simply laid face down
on the floor. Yuffie was in the middle of the whole thing, jaw dropped
as the silver-haired men, plus Reno, practically convulsed from
laughter.
Later on that night, the brothers returned home. Hojo began thinking
that they'd all gone mad as Kadaj walked around with a pair of
drumsticks, enthusiastically playing on and shattering everything he passed, and
Loz danced everywhere he went, mimicking his hold on a dance partner.
Though the two acted completely out-of-character and made the scientist
question if one of his lab specimen had passed on some sort of virus to
them, he was sickeningly reassured that the boys were themselves with
one simple object...on the fridge, sticking to the door with two cute
chocobo magnets was a makeshift family portrait that Yazoo seemingly made
in art class. No place like home.
-
(A/N: Thank you all so much for reading my guest-chapter in Advent
High. -grin- Alexis has a great story going on here, and it was a ton of
fun to put my own spin on what I thought might happen in a typical school
day. I'm sorry if you definitely didn't like my writing style, but
don't hold it against my best buddy, ok? Hehehe. Come visit me sometime!
Love, et cetera, She's.Happy.2b.Hardcore.)