Disclaimer: The only characters here I do not own are Monica & Adam. And yes, I'm well aware of October 7, 2005, it's called denial, just let me pretend. After all, what are fanfics for?
"Happy 22nd birthday, Katie," a tall & slim dark haired man said as he came into Kate Nichols' bedroom.
"Go away," she said sleepily.
"You know I won't," he said as he walked over to her blinds & raised them. "Come on, rise & shine. It's July 14th & I've already waited nine hours for this," he told her.
"For what?" she asked as she began to sit up, obviously unhappy about her wake up call from her best friend of almost twenty years.
"To give you your present," he said with a smile.
"Are you sure I'm not looking at him?" Kate asked giving him a smile in return. She had always been attracted to him, but had never said it. She didn't feel she could. Too many people didn't like the idea & now he was married to someone else. Kate never minded though, she always respected that fact & somehow it actually made her feel better. It gave her an excuse not to admit it.
"How'd you know?" he asked, still smiling.
"You don't want me to answer that," she answered.
"Okay, maybe I haven't been able to come up with anything better in all of these years, but at least this gives us a chance to spend whole days together," he said.
Kate couldn't help but smile again. What Leo didn't know & what she couldn't bring herself to tell him was that spending time with him was all she ever wanted from him. All she felt she needed.
Every year on their birthdays they would go out to their favorite places together & do everything & nothing just to tide themselves over until they could see each other again. It was one of their few traditions that had remained over the years.
Hours passed as they drove around, the day's light was only just beginning to fade when they made it to their favorite movie theater & the sun had set by the time they made it out of the restaurant where they had dinner afterwards. It wasn't until nearly midnight that he returned her home.
"I had fun today," Kate said as she looked to Leo from the passenger side of his deep blue BMW.
"Well I'm glad because you know this has to last you for a while," he replied.
"Only until September 28th," she said, letting him know she was already preparing for his upcoming 35th birthday.
"I love you, Katie," he told her as she began to climb out of the car.
"I love you, too, Leo," she told him, part of her wishing he knew how she really meant it.
She went back into her apartment & watched out of the large nearby window as he drove off, so much of her wishing he didn't have to leave.
Three weeks passed after that day & Kate began to feel an overwhelming need to talk to Leo. She tried for most of the day to get him on the phone, but each time she tried it just rang & rang.
"Where have you been?" Kate asked when she had finally gotten Leo on the phone. She had been trying to call him all day & this was the first time he'd answered.
"I'm sorry, Katie. I had the ringer off," Leo told her.
"Who were you trying to avoid?" she asked, knowing he only did that when he wanted to shut certain people out.
"Everyone," he replied softly.
"Why?" she asked, feeling worry build within her, not knowing why.
"I got a call a couple of hours ago that I hoped I'd never get," he told her.
"What?" she asked, her fear building.
"They fired me," he said.
"Wh-" was all Kate could say before Leo continued.
"They told me they didn't need me anymore. That they'd had enough of me & what I could do. That no one was interested in what I had to offer. Called me a has been, a washed up architect at thirty-four," he said trying to smile through his tears.
"Leo," she began softly, tears beginning to sting her eyes as well. She knew Leo's work meant almost everything to him. He'd even said it, that his world consisted of three things, Kate, his work & his wife, not always in that order.
"You know, you're the first one I've told," he said. "I haven't even told Sally yet. I don't see the point. What am I going to do? Call her at her job & tell her I've just lost mine?"
"Do you want me to come over?" Kate asked.
"No," he answered. "I don't really want anyone to see me right now. It's not pretty."
"Somehow I doubt that," she said softly.
"What?" he asked.
"I've never seen you not look pretty," she said, trying to get him to laugh, or at least smile. But she couldn't tell if it'd worked.
"Well there's always a first time, right?" he asked.
"Not when it's you," she said. "Is there anything I can say or do to make you feel any better?" she asked.
"Knowing you care does more than you know," Leo said.
"Is it enough?" she asked.
"It is tonight," he answered.
Soon they each heard the door open & Leo soon said, "Sally's here, I should go," before he hung up.
Just a few days shy of a month passed after that & Kate had begun to hear less & less from Leo & it only worried her more with each passing day.
"Leo, this is the third message I've left for you today," Kate said firmly on Leo's answering machine. "I'm calling you back in ten minutes & if you don't answer, I'm coming over." She hadn't meant for it to sound like a threat, but she was really worried & couldn't hide it anymore.
Ten minutes passed & Kate was true to her word, she called again & still no one answered. "Sally, if you're there, answer. Leo, I know you're there. Sally told me. You haven't left the house in almost a month. Answer me, please," Kate said as she fought her tears.
She hung up the phone again & waited another five minutes before getting her keys & driving the five miles to Leo's house.
"Leo!" she called as she knocked loudly on his front door. When there was no response she knocked again. And again.
Finally, she tried the door, locked. No matter for her, he'd given her a spare key in case he locked himself out & couldn't get hold of Sally to let him in.
"Leo!" she called as she stepped into the house. "Are you here?" she continued. "Sally? Anybody?" Slowly she continued walking into the house, fearing for what she might find.
"No," she said softly as her dark green eyes fell on the closed bedroom door. She walked up & knocked on the door, hoping someone inside would tell her to leave. But it didn't happen.
Kate tried the doorknob, it turned. She opened the door slightly, keeping her eyes on the floor as she called his name again. Still no response.
She brought her eyes up & saw Leo in his bed. "Leo," she said softly in relief when she saw him. But her relief soon faded when she saw the empty bottle on the floor beside the bed as well as the open pill bottle on his nightstand.
"No, you're not doing this to me," she said as she ran to his side. She put one hand to the side of his face & another to one of his wrists. "Leo, please, you cannot do this to me," she went on as she begged the life to come back to him.
What she couldn't know at that moment was Leo was still there, even if she couldn't see him. And all he could do was watch as she made the hardest discovery & soon the most difficult call of her life.
"It wasn't supposed to have been her," Leo told the tall angel in the white suit beside him.
"What do you mean?" Adam asked.
"Katie wasn't supposed to be the one to find me," he answered.
"We really should be going now," Adam told him.
"Not yet, please, I can't leave her now," he said.
"You already have," Adam replied softly.
"I love you, Katie," Leo said as he began to walk with Adam.
"I love you, Leo," Kate replied, not knowing why.
She stayed by his side until the medics arrived, almost shoving her out of the way so they could see if anything could be done to save him.
"I'm sorry, miss," one of them told her. "Your husband's gone."
"He wasn't my husband," she said softly as she collapsed to the floor.
"Miss?" the other asked as he ran over to her. "You should come with us, you're in no condition to drive or stay here."
"Someone should call his wife. She- she's- somewhere," Kate said, her mind almost a complete blank.
"Someone will, please," the medic said as he tried to get her to stand. "Can you stand?" he asked finally. Kate thought she was, but she wasn't even moving. "Come on," he said as he lifted her off of the floor & helped her out into the passenger seat of the ambulance.
It was another several minutes until they got to the hospital so they could get Sally's information from Kate.
An hour later Kate sat in a chair in the hospital waiting for someone to take her home. It was the last place Kate really wanted to be, but no one wanted her out of their sight knowing what she might do if she was alone right then.
"You!" she heard Sally yell. "Why didn't you stop him! Why wasn't it you!" she yelled.
Kate didn't reply, she just got up from her seat as quickly as she could & headed into the first room she found, trying to get away from Sally's voice.
She took a seat close to the door of the room & balled herself up as much as she could in the seat, trying to shut out every word Sally had yelled at her & trying to forget the image of Leo she had seen the hour & half before.
"Kate?" she heard a woman with an Irish accent ask.
She looked up & saw the same red-haired angel who had visited her a few years before. "Monica," she said.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"I can't even say it," she said as her eyes darted around the room. "It's Leo," she heard herself say.
"I'm so sorry, Kate," she said. "What was the commotion I heard?"
"Leo's wife. I think she blames me for what happened. And maybe I am to blame. I was his best friend I should've known. I should've seen. I should've done something," she went on.
"You couldn't have," Monica told her. "It was his time. No one could have stopped that," she said.
"I think that's what hurts more," Kate said.
They continued their conversation for a little while longer until one of the medics offered to take Kate back to her car & than made sure she got home all right.
"The first holiday without you," Kate said to the air around her, imagining that Leo was listening on that Halloween night. She sat on her living room sofa with most of the lights off going through some old photo albums, looking over the images of herself with Leo every holiday previous.
On her TV was a home movie from the Halloween before. They had gone to a costume party with Sally, surrounded by people only Sally knew. But still their costume choices never failed. It seemed that they shared nearly every idea in cases like that because every Halloween they ended up in costumes that went together without even meaning for it to happen. Leo had gone as a pirate, Kate as a pirate wench & Sally had gone as a witch.
The main reason Kate had decided to leave every light but the TV off that night was so trick-or-treaters wouldn't interrupt her. To some it had been over a month & they wanted her to get over it. To others it had been a month & a week & a half & they were tired of her going on as though it had been the day the before. But to her it had been the day before, despite the forty days in between.
She hadn't meant to, but she'd been counting each day that went by. Never before could she handle the thought of being without him & now she was without him in a way she thought she'd never be made to be. She longed for an escape & began to find one in seeing him how she liked to remember him, with her.
"I still miss you," Kate said as she focused on an image of him in the album.
"I know, Katie," she heard him say. She jerked her head up & saw that he had said it on the tape. "I know, Katie, you've told me a thousand times, but I still think it's funny," she heard him say next. At that point in the party he'd gotten into his party pranks & this time he'd gotten her with one of them.
She used to hate them, but now she longed for just one more. She missed everything about him. She almost even missed Sally since she was who he had chosen to spend the rest of his life with.
She began to cry again at that thought because she never expected those five years to be the last years of his life.
She hadn't spoken to Sally since that night at the hospital, though technically she wasn't the one speaking. She hadn't even gone to Leo's funeral because she couldn't move far from her bed & any time she tried she'd collapse again out of the shock & pain.
Kate awoke to her ringing bedside phone at about 10 AM on Thanksgiving morning. "Hello?" she answered sleepily.
"Happy Thanksgiving," Sally said in a soft tone on the other end.
"What?" Kate asked.
"Do you even know what day it is?" she asked.
"September 22nd," Kate answered, just as sleepily.
"And here I thought I was Leo's widow," Sally said. "It's November. The third Thursday in November to be exact. And I was wondering if you wanted to have turkey dinner here with my family & I," Sally said.
"What about Leo's family?" Kate asked.
"They're who I meant," Sally answered.
"When would you want me there?" she asked.
"Dinner's at six, so I guess around four or five," Sally told her.
"Okay," Kate said before she hung up the phone & went back to sleep.
When Kate rolled over again it was a little past 4 PM. She watched the clock for a while. Watching the second hand tick by.
It took her a while to toss the heavy covers off of her slim frame before getting into the first clothes she could find, a pair of faded jeans & a deep blue sweater. Without so much as a glance in the mirror she brushed her teeth & raked a brush through her long dark hair, grabbed her keys & was out the door on her way to what she still called Leo's house.
She climbed out of the car & slowly walked up the two stone steps & knocked on the door. Already she almost began to cry, remembering the last time she knocked on that door.
Sally answered soon & said, "Hi," in a tone that suggested she hadn't expected or really wanted Kate to show up.
"Hi," Kate said, trying to avoid Sally's eyes, knowing that she still blamed her for Leo's death.
"Come in," Sally said as she stepped aside, allowing Kate to go inside. "Leo's family has been asking about you," she told her.
"Why?" Kate asked, really not knowing why.
"For some reason they're all worried about you," she said, unable to hide the jealousy in her voice.
"That's why you called," Kate said, finally getting it.
The tall blonde-haired woman didn't reply to her, instead she simply turned to those in her home & said, "Look who decided to join us.
"Kate," Tyler, one of Leo's brothers, said with as much of a smile as he could muster when he saw the pain in Kate's eyes. He walked over to her & hugged her. "Come on in. Have a seat," he continued as he walked her over & sat her down on the floral patterned sofa. "How are you?" he asked as he sat beside her. "Aside from everything?"
"I don't know," she answered honestly.
"It is true," Megan, one of Leo's sisters, said as she came into the living room. "I am so sorry," she said as she hugged her.
"Shouldn't I be saying that to all of you?" Kate asked.
"No," Leo's other brother said. "You probably knew him better than we did."
Kate almost began to cry again at the sight of Nick, he looked so much like him & she almost couldn't take it. " I wouldn't go that far," Kate said.
"I would," Dana, Leo's youngest sister, said. "But in a good way," she continued as she moved to hug her too.
"Why are you all being so nice to me?" Kate asked.
"Because we know you love him too," Tyler told her. "And he's still a part of all of us."
"There are times when we see so much of him in you," Megan told her. "And there's nothing a certain someone can say to change that," she continued, obviously having meant Sally.
"Don't you blame me?" Kate asked.
"The only one in this house that blames you is the one that's in the kitchen," Dana replied, also meaning Sally.
"If you ask me she's the one we should blame," Nick said under his breath.
"Who said some of us don't?" Tyler asked just as quietly.
"What proof do we have that she wasn't behind it?" Nick asked, keeping his voice down.
None of them had wanted to admit it, but a few of them did have their doubts. But it did make more sense that Leo had done it himself, as painful as it was to admit.
Once dinner was served about an hour later Leo's siblings did what they could to keep Sally as far from Kate, doing what they could to protect her.
Kate was grateful, but she didn't know if she was truly deserving of it. She wasn't convinced that she wasn't at least partially to blame.
Dinner progressed as well as it could considering the mood & the fact that the most energetic member of Leo's family wasn't there.
Still, Sally couldn't hide her jealousy, but Leo's brothers & sisters didn't care, they were more concerned with Kate which only made Sally angrier. But she forced herself to hide it in hopes of generating sympathy that she hadn't really earned in the past weeks.
"Tomorrow will be three months," Kate said as she looked at the photo of Leo she had hanging from her rear view mirror on this night, just five nights before Christmas as she sat at a red light on her way home from work. The street was mostly deserted so she took her time as she gazed at the expression on Leo's handsome face in the black & white photo.
For long moments she just stared at it, remembering the day she had taken it. It had been one of their alone days that they spent together. One of the rare ones that wasn't on one of their birthdays.
"I still can't believe this," she said as she stared at the black & white image. "How? Why? Tell me," she said, as if expecting an answer.
She felt so tired & so emotionally & physically drained, but still she couldn't take her green eyes away & soon she began to cry as more memories of him began to flood her mind. She loved that she still saw him, but every time she snapped out of her daze it was just another reminder that had her wishing that she hadn't dazed at all.
In her mind he was still alive. She could still feel him. Hear him & smell him, all things she had never tired of when he was alive.
She was still crying when the car behind her began to honk its horn loudly. Kate jumped at the sound & though the light was severely blurred, she could tell that it had changed to green.
"All right," she muttered as she moved her car forward & began to pull over to the side of the road until she could put herself back together well enough to drive.
Too soon she realized as she heard the loud crash of metal & glass slamming into a large tree. "No," she said softly. "Not now," she added. She took a deep breath, undid her seat belt & climbed out of the car to inspect the damage.
Her entire front end had slammed into the wide trunk of the tree & she could already tell that she could in no way drive it & without a cell phone she knew her only option was to begin walking in the direction of help.
Kate had been walking only for mere minutes when she began to think back to some of her other friends that she had loved & lost. She knew it was late, but somehow it didn't matter to her.
She began to think back to that first Christmas over ten years previous when an angel named Monica had helped her get through that difficult night & she healed as much as an eleven-year-old could & she went on. This time, she wasn't so sure that that talk could help, but still she tried to remember everything Monica had told her.
Soon she heard a man's deep voice behind her breaking into her thoughts as he asked, "Car trouble?"
Kate jumped, startled & stopped walking as she turned to face the man as she answered, "You could say that," with as much of a smile as she could muster.
Now in front of her she saw a tall attractive man walking slowly up to her. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to startle you. I'm a friend of Monica's."
Kate felt herself begin to relax, knowing she had never told anyone of Monica. "Why are you here?" she asked him.
"Monica wanted to come, but she had to take another assignment," he replied.
"Who are you?" she asked.
"Adam," he replied. "And I'm pretty good with cars if you want my help."
"No offence," she told him, "but no matter how good of a mechanic you may be, I doubt you could get that one up & running by morning."
"It's the least I could do," he told her. "At least since everything else you've been through in these last few weeks."
"If you're sure," she replied.
Adam simply smiled & made his way over to the car as Kate followed.
"So, who was he to you?" he asked as she sat down in the back seat, leaving her car door open. He remembered having seen her with her friend the night he took him but he never knew it hit her like it had. Why she felt she would never be the same again & he couldn't help but want to ask her.
Knowing who he meant, she said, "A good friend. Someone who deserved better than what he got. Who was too young to have happen to him what did. He made mistakes. Everyone does. But usually they're allowed to live them down. To put them in the past. Leo never got that chance. Everywhere he went, it didn't matter. Everyone remembered him for that one night. Even in death it seems he can't escape it," she said as tears began to sting her eyes.
"I see," he said softly. "I'm sorry."
"I appreciate that," she said as she harshly wiped away a tear that had begun to roll down her left cheek.
"That's why I'm here," he said. "I know how hard it's been for you. I saw you that night," he confessed.
"I don't remember," she replied.
"You don't remember that night?" he asked.
"I remember being there. Running over to him, after it was too late, seeing him like that & knowing that he was gone. I don't remember much else. About that night or anything since. If it doesn't involve him in some way it's almost sure to not be in my mind now," she said.
"At least you know he's in a better place now," Adam said.
"That's what hurts," she replied. "Knowing that he felt he had to do that to find the peace he couldn't find here.
"It was his time," he replied.
"It was?" she asked. "You say you were there that night. You tell me, did it seem fair to you?"
"I never said life was fair. And I'm the last angel who could say death is," he replied.
"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked.
"Monica never told you about me, did she?" he asked her.
"I've never heard of you before tonight. And I know I'd remember having seen you," she told him.
"I almost don't know if I should tell you who I am," he said. Adam knew it would only upset her more to know & he was trying to keep her as calm as he could. "All right," he said when he saw the soft pleading in her green eyes. "If you're sure," he began. "I'm Adam, the Angel of Death."
Kate was almost surprised at how she'd anticipated that being his answer.
"Are you all right?" he asked as he looked to her through the shattered windshield, noticing her silence.
"I am," she answered as she sat slightly forward in her seat. "I was just thinking how I'm actually thankful for you now. That you helped him out of his pain. If you're afraid I'll scream or shout, you don't have to be. I don't blame you. I blame those who truly caused it. His boss for one," she told him.
"Why don't you tell me more about your friend," he said, wanting to keep her calm.
"Leo was one of the greatest people I've ever known," Kate replied, her voice becoming softer & more relaxed. "He was funny & smart & articulate & he could just make you smile without even trying. He could just walk into a room & it'd make you smile just to know he was there. All the while we never knew he was laughing to keep from crying. Hiding his pain behind his amazing smile. Not even I could've imagined it would end like it did."
"How long had you known him for?" Adam asked her.
"Nearly my whole life," she answered. "I saw him for the first time when I was so young I can barely even remember. I couldn't have been much more than two or three. So, I guess, that makes it almost twenty years."
"That explains a lot," he stated.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Why you've taken this so hard. Why you've screamed & cried like you have since that night," he explained.
"You heard me?" she asked with a slight smile.
"I do tend to hear those in pain," he answered.
"I guess you would," Kate replied.
"I guess I should tell you now you were right earlier," he told her as he closed the hood of her car, "I can't fix this by morning," he added as walked over to where she was seated.
"Told you," she said with a slight laugh.
"I said you were right," he said with a smile. But it soon faded as he began to tell her, "Seriously though, I just want to thank you for not yelling at me before & for not blaming me. Most people do, for things I've had no control over & I'm just glad you're different."
"Well, I always have been a little on the different side," she replied, relaxing a bit more.
"You don't know, do you?" he asked.
"Know what?" she asked. "Just how different I am?"
"Sort of," he replied. "Do you feel any different now then you did, say an hour ago?"
"Different how?" she asked, beginning to feel a bit concerned.
"Come with me," he said as she stood up from her seat.
Kate then walked with him to where the large tree still stood.
Adam slowly turned towards the shattered windshield & revealed the truth to Kate. He stayed beside her, keeping his eyes on her as she looked ahead, trying to prepare himself for whatever might come next. He was ready to hear her scream. Ready to see her cry again. But nothing could have prepared him for what she said next. It was truly a first for him.
Calmly, Kate turned to him & said, "So that's the real reason the Angel of Death is here. You're here for me," she said as she looked up at him.
"Yes," he said, never taking his eyes off of the Kate beside him. "But there's a little more to it."
"Like what?" she asked.
"Let's go back over here," he said as he pointed towards the back of the car as he began to walk back over to where Kate had been seated earlier.
Kate soon followed, for some reason feeling much calmer, more relaxed & more comfortable being around him.
"Every so often there comes a time that the angels take on apprentices," Adam began, "That's what Monica once was to Tess & Monica is now in search of hers which is part of the reason I'm here now. The other being the obvious. Anyway, I need someone who understands the things you do."
"What is it I understand?" Kate asked.
"Without me having to convince you, you already know that your friends, all of them, not just the most recent, are in a better place. You know they didn't mean to hurt anyone, they just wanted their pain to end. You've been through more than most could imagine & you took it & you handled it & you survived through it for as long as you could, until your time came tonight."
"I don't get it, what do you need from me?" she asked him.
"In a few years there will come a time when I'll get promoted & I want you to be my successor," he replied.
"So, I'd be, what, your assistant until then?" she asked.
"Exactly," he answered.
Kate thought for a moment. She thought about her friends, about the handsome angel's request, about everything they had said to each other earlier in the night & she tried to imagine the alternatives, none of which appealed as much to her as Adam's offer. "Okay," she replied finally. "You have yourself an assistant."
"Thank you, Kate," he replied. "I mean that. No one else has been like you. No one else really seems to understand what goes into a job like this. You understood it even before I came here & that's why I had to ask you & I can't thank you enough for saying yes."
"You're welcome, Adam," she said with a smile. "So, when should we go?" she asked.
"Do you feel you're ready now?" he asked.
"Yeah, I do," she replied with a soft smile.
Kate didn't know where they were going, but it didn't really matter to her. She knew she'd be all right as long as she had at least one person she considered a friend with her & she knew she was walking with one now.
The End
Author's note: I hope you enjoyed it & now that you've read it, it's time to click that little purple button that says review. You know you want to…