Sleep came begrudgingly and was accompanied by flashing images. Monty awoke with tears on his cheeks in the dark hours of the morning. In his chest his heart thundered and fear was all consuming. He had to battle with the spiked anxiety and the rational thought pelting through his mind. He hasn't had nightmares like this at home, why now?
Before he could stop, a sob rippled up his throat and Monty clamped his hands over his mouth.
You're going to wake them up, fucking idiot.
Monty sucked in air around his hands but he couldn't school his lungs. He choked on hair and cried softly. Fear was eating him alive and he hated it. How dare he be this weak? How dare he feel like this after so long of being okay?
You've been fine for years, what the hell is wrong with you?
A tap on the door had Monty frozen in place. He was half sitting up and dithered between pretending to be asleep or not. In the end he decided against it, it never worked on his dad. The door slowly creaked open and Jesse's tall silhouette was pinned in the door frame.
"Monty? Are you okay?"
Before he could answer, his breathing gave him away. Jesse sighed softly and stepped into the room, he pulled the cord on a nearby lamp and the room was bathed in a soft, warm glow. Jesse examined Monty's hunched over shape, he could see the tears glistening on his cheeks.
Defensively Monty snapped, "this isn't normal. I'm never like this."
Jesse shrugged, "didn't matter if you were." Cautiously, he moved to sit on the end of the bed. The wooden foot head supported his back as he sat down, right foot tucked under his left leg. "Wanna talk about it?"
Monty shifted to draw his knees to his chest. "Sorry for waking you up. I meant it. I'm never like this. I was just fine at home, nothing was wrong."
Tenderly, Jesse reached out a hand to squeeze Monty's knee carefully. "Not sure who you're trying to convince with that."
The words drove hard right into Monty's heart. He recoiled, pressing himself into the corner between the bed and the wall.
"It's the truth," he mumbled. "I wasn't afraid of anything. I was fine. I never had nightmares. It's worse to be moved than to be left there."
Jesse pursed his lips in the darkness. It would be a long battle to wake this kid up to the abuse he suffered. Yes, Elliot was 'under investigation' but the scars Monty's friends saw had to come from somewhere. And he already admitted to being hurt by his father. It was like he had formed some sort of Stockholm syndrome, blind to what life was without pain. Jesse feared that over the duration of Monty's stay they would see a sort of let-down reflex. As his body adjusted to living without fear of being hurt daily, his mind could catch up and begin to process everything.
Tonight's nightmare was just the tip of the iceberg.
"Well shoot Monty, you really never been out of the city?" Mater badgered as they walked across the garden towards the horse stables.
Monty shrugged, "I grew up there. Never had a reason to leave."
Mater hauled the sliding barn door open as Jesse followed up behind them.
"Well consider this your crash course in farm life," the older man said, giving Monty a wide berth as he came up behind the pair of boys.
Mater leaned close to Monty's ear, "it basically just horse manure and dirt."
Despite himself, Monty laughed and followed the two farmers into the building. It smelled heavily of horse and leather. He had to duck suddenly as a large mass swung towards him from his peripheral vision. Monty gasped and propelled backwards, walking into Jesse's chest.
"Easy," murmured the man, placing a hand lightly on his shoulder. "Just a horse."
Monty nodded and swallowed hard, something compelled him to stay near the man. Safety, his mind suggested. He was glad Mater paid him no mind. In fact he was having quite an engrossed conversation with the horse.
"Lightning what have we talked about? You can just go about swinging that damn big head of yours. It's rude." A grin tugged at Monty's mouth as the red horse bobbed and snaked his head at Mater.
"Lightning?"
Mater beamed and patted the horse's neck. "When he was born, the stable was struck by lightning."
"Alright," Jesse interjected. "Mater can explain every horse's origin when you muck out their stalls."
The next hour was monotonous, routine and surprisingly calming. Mater chatted away, excited to have someone to talk to whilst he worked. Just like Jesse had said, he talked about each horse in the stable.
Lightning was an older horse. In his prime he had been a star rodeo horse, his owner one five all-around cowboy championships on him. His thick body made him handy when the rider would have to lean and sway side to side. Mater took great pride in showing off his ranch horse. A plain brown horse with nothing particular stellar, Lightning's coat was eye-catching with red hues, but Tow stood docile and reliable. Monty saw what Mater liked about him.
As they progressed through the stable, Monty found himself fatiguing slightly at the hard work. In the last stall stood a horse peculiarly coloured. His body was almost silver with his head and legs melting into a blue-black.
"Woah," murmured Monty, taking in the tall, well muscled horse. "He looks amazing."
Mater beckoned the horse back as they entered the stall. "Sure is. That's Hornet, Jesse's horse. Best horse in the entire state according to him." He whispered deviously to Monty. "I reckon Tow's pretty top notch myself."
Monty was even enjoying himself...for shovelling horse shit. So when two sets of footsteps echoed down the concrete aisle, he tensed. Jesse appeared over the stable door with a man in police uniform by his side. Monty leaned into Hornet's solid mass. He was still a little unsure about the creatures, but their presence was pleasant, the sheriff's wasn't.
"Monty, this is the local Sheriff, let's head up into the house and grab a drink." Jesse watched Monty's eyes flicker between them and the way he leaned into Hornet's shoulder. "On second thought, the horses in the coral need their water done. We'll go check that."
Some tension lifted from Monty's shoulders and he slipped through the stable door and followed Doc and Sheriff outside. Jesse pottered off a little way to start work on the troughs. Monty was grateful that they were still near the horses. Something about them was just...safe.
They sat on some hay bales against the post and rail fencing. Monty sat with his left leg close to his chest. Sheriff ficked open a note pad and pen.
"It's nice to meet you Monty. I hope it's alright if I ask you some questions?" He nodded and fisted the ankle of his jean leg. Sheriff smiled kindly. "Could you describe what your home life was like?"
Despite what Jesse thought, that Monty was blind to what he suffered, he was fully aware that his home life wasn't normal. But he didn't mind, he dealt with it, everything was fine.
"It was fine, sure my parents divorced for a reason and Dad was never the same after Mom died, but it was fine. I'm in high school, I have friends, grades aren't great but I still show up to class."
Sheriff looked up from his notepad carefully, "so by all accounts everything at home is pretty average?"
"Yeah!" Said Monty eagerly, maybe if they got CPS to think Bobby and Cal were over reacting then he could go home.
"And what do you have to say about the reports from your friends?"
Fuck you guy, he thought bitterly about his friends. He shrugged nonchalantly. "Your dad never disciplined you?"
"My dad never hit me in the name of discipline," he deadpanned, silencing Monty who shifted uncomfortably.
"I don't know what you want me to say," he mumbled. He wrapped his hands around his left leg, propping his chin on top.
"The truth, son."
"I don't want to go into care. I liked it there."
Sheriff shifted cautiously to sit next to Monty and draped an arm around him. "Monty, it's not okay for you to live everyday in pain, in fear."
He hated that he sniffed and dragged a hand across his nose. "I don't want things to change."
"I know, I understand."
Monty stiffened and pulled away from the man, there was something in his tone. It reminded him of the early years, when he would beg and scream for forgiveness from his father. The gaslighting made him think he was crazy. Monty was suddenly very conscious of the man next to him, his proximity, his authority, his power. It made Monty uncomfortable.
"You don't get it," he snapped.
"Monty," Sheriff placed a hand on his knee. The teenager sprang from the bale as if he'd been electrocuted. He stepped back. The dust rising from his feet added an almost feral element to the scene.
"Don't fucking touch me!" He shouted. "You don't understand, you never will! You say you do but you don't! Touch me again and I'll fucking kill you!"
Tears were streaming down his face and he was faintly aware of Mater watching him from the stable. Jesse was inching towards him from the horse corral.
"Monty, hey," he soothed. Monty swung towards him with an angry gaze. He came closer, hands outstretched but Monty was too riled up. He jolted when Jesse's hand reached for his shoulder. "Monty."
He staggered back when Jesse took a step closer. Every hand that touched him made his skin itch and stomach curdle. Monty stood stand-offish and defensive.
"Don't fucken' touch me," he spat.
"I'm not," said Jesse calmly. He raised his hands, palms open towards Monty in an act of surrender. "Do you wanna talk about what just happened?"
Monty's face twisted into a grimace. "People say they understand, but no one gets it, none of you do. People invade my space, take me away from what I know because they say they understand. I don't like people touching me, people touch me, they come too close. I was fine at home, people took me away from it because they think they know better."
"I understand," Jesse said slowly. "That I don't understand. I don't know what you've been living with. What I do know is right now, you're upset, rightfully so, and adrenalised. That's okay, your emotions are your's and they are valid."
The words took Monty by surprise and he shifted nervously. For reasons he himself couldn't understand, he shuffled towards Jesse. His heart still thundered but he felt trembling all over. For so long he'd gone without so much as a slap on the back in the way of affection. Right now he desired something he'd been without for such a long time. He just didn't know how to ask for it., but Jesse saw it in his eyes.
"You want a hug?"
Tiredly, Monty nodded and fell into Jesse's slightly outstretched arms. He curled into the man's chest, arms finding purchase on Jesse's work shirt. He gripped fiercely, feeling the man's long arms wrap around his small body. A large hand cradled the back of his head, holding Monty tight. He forgot that they weren't alone but it didn't matter.
He felt safe.