This chapter is in Scara's POV, starts from the "I've found something to live for" line, and leads into "Who Wants to Live Forever".
Who Dares To Love Forever?
"I-I've found something to live for..." Gazz trailed off, looking into my eyes. God, how many times have I heard about his whole mission to save the world with his dreams? I mean, really, how can a few song lyrics defeat Globalsoft, a worldwide, fascist, ran-by-pigs company with laser beams? As much as I love Gazz, I don't see how he's gonna defeat them.
Wait. Did I just say that I love Gazz! No. No way. But if I thought that I did out of nowhere...do I? I mean, maybe I do, but...well, I've known him for a day. But there's something about him...I mean, what about that time in the tunnel? Sure, I wanted someone to love me, but don't we all? Just because I felt better when he was holding me--okay, had his arm around me--doesn't mean anything. Who am I kidding?
"The dream?" Stupid question, obviously that's what he's talking about. It's not like he's thinking about, oh, I don't know...something partly sane, for once.
"No," he seemed to be reading my thoughts. "No..." What is it with this guy and waiting to say things? Spit it out, I haven't got all day...oh wait, I do. "You."
Oh. My. God. No fucking way. No-one has ever cared about me. Not my parents, not my brother. They were the ones who turned me into Khashoggi, and they've known me for seventeen years. Gazz just met me, what, yesterday? And know he said that I make him live? Ooh, you make me live. Umm, what was that? Don't tell me I'm turning into him. Please no.
"I-I love you Scaramouche," I guess some people never lose their stutter...but I'm off topic. Holy shit. Caring about me is one thing...but loving me? And didn't I just admit to myself that I loved him, not two minutes ago? I felt my eyes wander. His hair. Damn, he had nice hair. Soft brown, hanging into his eyes--his eyes weren't that bad either--pretty sexy. And--bloody hell--his arms. How does a quiet weakling like Gazz get such muscles? I couldn't control myself anymore. Besides, he was probably wondering why I was staring at him.
"I love you too, Gazza," See? That wasn't too hard. I think I could get used to it. If I had to, I mean. It's not like we're suddenly engaged or going out, or--
I found someone that loves me. Someone that understands me. Someone that was my other half. Sure, he's a self-confessed nutter. But what do I care?
"Now that I have your love, dying doesn't really matter anymore," Oh no. Not another one of his speeches about saving the world. Honestly, when we were at the Heartbreak, he didn't talk about anything else. I really don't think I'm up for some kind of speech again. Ever. I had to stop him.
"Gazz, I know you're still obsessed with saving everyone from Globalsoft, but do you really want it to spoil the moment?" I didn't add that that was never going to happen. Two seventeen-year-olds defeating Globalsoft. Yeah, right. When pigs--referring to Globalsoft, of course--fly. But still...there was a voice in the back of my head telling me that maybe it wasn't that impossible...if the Bohemians escaped...
"Um, that actually wasn't quite where I was going." Whoa. Big surprise. And, for the record, that wasn't a sarcastic thought.
"Okay then, where were you going?" I could see the tips of his ears turn red. I love making people feel uncomfortable. Love it, love it, love it. But I admit, I wanted to know where he was going with that. I really wanted to know what he meant. Not only was it confusing, since he just proved he did think of other things than his dreams, but I could find out more about him. My mind was starting to wander. I found myself looking at his mouth. The shape of his top lip was adorable. It reminded me of a bow, or maybe a heart. It looked strong--like his arms--but soft at the same time. I was thinking how it would feel against my mouth, my neck...damn. I love this guy.
"I was going to say...um, I mean, that was just a line from a song that came into my head?" It is so easy to tell when he's lying. He talks as if it's a question. But still, even though I had a pretty good idea what he was saying, I wanted to know exactly what was going on inside that dysfunctional mind of his. Oh, I guess I was right (surprise, surprise) about what he meant. I realized his hand was holding mine, fingers intertwined.
I felt trapped. I'm not sure why, it's not like I don't trust Gazz or anything, but I needed to get up. Walk around. Move. Do something. I couldn't stay sitting on that mattress any longer or else I'd burst. I got out of the van and walked over to a tree. I don't know why, but I had a sudden urge to go near a tree. Yes, a tree. Does going out with a madman make you slightly mad? Maybe I should ask him. Nah, he could take it the wrong way.
Gazz was following me as I sat down at the base of a tree, looking over some cliff or mountain. I couldn't tell; I was always asleep during Geography. But enough about me.
He came up behind me, as I said before. Not quite what I was intending, but I was in no hurry to get rid of him. It was cold, and he was warm. Again, I couldn't stay there long. I needed to get away, go somewhere. Only thing was, I didn't know where or why. I also didn't know why Gazz kept following me. Okay, I guess he didn't have anything else better to do, or anyone else to bug. But if he wasn't going to help me in any way, I didn't want him following me.
Yes, I did.
I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like I--oh I don't know. I can't quite put it into words, but I felt smothered. Not by anyone (considering it was just me and Gazz), but by the world. Like someone was draining all of the air out of the world, and the only way to keep breathing was to keep moving. Keep doing something. Keep my mind off of things. Keep passing the open windows...Bloody hell. I'm turning into Gazz.
Having nowhere else to go, I went back into the van. Sitting on the mattress once again, I could see what Gazz meant about hearing random words popping into his head. I started to sing (what is it with me lately? I never used to sing).
There's no time for us,
There's no place for us.
What is this thing that builds our dreams
Yet slips away from us?
Gazz was looking at me oddly. Like I was the nutter now. I guess in a way I was--I mean, here I was, sitting in the back of a van singing. Of all things, singing. Oh, Gazz has started too. What am I, the female Dreamer?
Who wants to live forever?
Who wants to live forever?
He came and plopped down next to me, holding my hand. Leaning closer (or was I going to him?), he kissed me. We leaned back on to the (hard, uncomfortable) mattress and started to--you know, I'll shut up now.