Title: My Boyfriend, The Prostitute

Author: Kloak Dark aka Vale

Warnings: AU, OOCness based on AU, language, references to prostitution, slight sexual humor, and possible overuse of the word boner and other references to the male genitalia. A bit angsty.

AN: This is my first fic using first person point of view, so please bare with me through this and give me any criticism you'd think would help my writing. This is just sort of an odd story that popped into my head while listening to a song by Decembrists, and as all of you know, Draco, Remus, and Sirius have all been featured! You didn't think I'd leave them out did you? Nutty. But guess who makes an appearance this chapter?

Thanks to all those that reviewed chapter five, which include SeriousSiriusFan -hands her Remus and Sirius- She's my cheerleader whether she likes it or not Fragonknight01, another one of my really faithful ones, MyFictionalAnnihilation, androgyny –first time reviewer-, and Inconspicuous –first time reviewer- I have to thank Inconspicuous for pumping up my ego so much and making me feel so awesome! Thank her for this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sev and Harry, or Draco and the puppies, but I do like to play house with them –grins-

It is difficult to explain how we got to this point, I keep telling myself that, because it is. My life with Harry has actually been rather simplistic, with only a few fights in the time we've been together. When we talk it's not like one of us is trying to outdo the other, to prove who's more intelligent, to force an opinion. Our discussions are usually fruitful, supporting what points we have and agreeing to disagree on certain subjects.

But, now the most difficult part of our journey together… deciding on baby names. We'd been so focused on trying to arrange the bonding ceremony, which the entire staff knew about and was trying to input their opinions into, that it was nearly done and we had almost forgotten that Harry we getting pretty laden down and the time would come when we least expected it.

So here we are, trying to decide on a name, and we're fighting. Why? Differences of opinion…

"Well I think Kelly is a perfectly nice name!"

"Do you want our son to be teased about having a girl's name the whole of his life?"

"Well how about James then?"

I was wondering if I should even dignify that with an answer, except that Remus ended up saying something instead. I thanked him mentally because I wasn't sure if I could stop from screaming at this point.

"Harry, it wouldn't be very nice to name your child after someone who tormented your lover." The wolf looked sympathetic, and I was sure he'd never name his child Severus simply due to the fact that Sirius hated me so much… But that was alright, I don't think I'd want my name affiliated with Black anyhow, no matter how cute a baby Remus might produce. Augh! Wrong line of thought damnit, get your brain out of there, because the wolf is not attractive!

At the time I didn't realize that I had physically smacked myself in the forehead trying to get the grotesque visions out since I had subconsciously thought that the wolf was somewhat attractive, something I will never admit to if tortured, not even on my deathbed if my lover asked me… Hell, I would definitely not admit it if my lover asked me.

"What if it's a girl?"

Looking up, I found it odd to see Lucius standing in the doorway, since I hadn't seen him in a long while and had only written to him recently about the bonding. To this day I find it strange that I stayed friends with a man who disowned his gay son, because it is pretty obvious that I joined the other side LONG ago. But either way, he was still my best friend in school, and to a degree, he still was.

It seemed Harry was about to say something but… "I like the name Leandra." Turning to my lover, I sighed a deep sigh. "It means young lioness, as I am sure she will be fierce and brave, like you."

I saw something in his eyes change, a bit like melting, as he smiled and put his arms around my neck. It didn't solve the problem of if the baby was a boy, but, I suppose we'd deal with that later… Or name him Kelly, since it was Harry that had to carry him for quite a while and deal with the stressed that entailed. "I suppose Kelly is a good Irish name for a boy…"

And again his eyes changed. I had forgotten how emotional women could get during pregnancy, and male wizards aren't really all that different I'm afraid, so he almost cried before I shushed him and he tried to buck up again. Though it was only a few seconds later when he had another mood swing and he was happy and chipper, leaving my side to go get some ice cream and pickles…. I will never understand the pregnancy taste buds.

The pup seemed to be focusing attention anywhere but on the blond standing in the doorway. It wasn't as though they'd been bitter enemies, as it had been with James and I, but on the other hand… Well, let's just say being muggleborn had never helped his case with the wealthy man and the sneer Lucius seemed incapable of getting rid of never helped his case with the gentle creature that lost his mind once a month.

I stood up from my place on the couch, dusting myself off and then walking past Lucius to the door and motioned him outside. The arrogant Malfoy didn't seem to want to comply at first, but one of my glares convinced him to do so, even if it was at a slow loping pace.

Glare dissolving, I turned on him with a stern expression in the hallway after my door shut. Honertly, he needed to let me know before he dropped in, I had odd company often recently. "I see you received the letter."

"I have." His face doesn't seem quite so strong as usual, his eyes a bit duller than they had been only moments before.

"Well?"

"I need to tell you something." His expression seemed pained, like whatever he needed to say was going to take a lot out of him, that this thing he was admitting to would change something.

"And?" I manage to keep the curiosity out of my voice. No, I don't want to know, I don't really care what he says, because nothing will bother me. I'll still love Harry, we'll still forge a proper magical bond, and we'll still have that child. Well, he'll have it and I'll take care of him… Why the hell do I want children at my age! Why am I getting off the subject?

"I, Severus Snape, I love you."

I can practically feel my jaw hit the floor.