Title: My Boyfriend, The Prostitute

Author: Kloak Dark aka Vale

Warnings: AU, OOCness based on AU, language, references to prostitution, slight sexual humor, and possible overuse of the word boner and other references to the male genitalia. A bit angsty.

AN: This is my first fic using first person point of view, so please bare with me through this and give me any criticism you'd think would help my writing. This is just sort of an odd story that popped into my head while listening to a song by Decembrists, and as all of you know, Draco, Remus, Sirius, and now Lucius have been featured. Apparently you all about died at the end of the last chapter… You make me snicker.

Thanks to all those that reviewed chapter six, which include, in order of review, MyFictionalAnnihilation, Hambares –Yes I did need some angst!-, campchamp21 –first time reviewer..I think-, SeriousSiriusFan –so totally my cheerleader whether she LIKES IT OR NOT! And for the record, plot twist on the baby's gender… Because I like to leave you wondering-, Sanosuke and Kenshin Fan –first time reviewer dance! Look, it's another shipper that got hooked, whoot!- , Joey –first time reviewer dance!-, DestinyEntwinements, -first time reviewer dance!-, Tyleet27 –first time reviewer dance! And as for why he disowned Draco… He's a stupid male who never thought he'd have to relinquish Sev, so he thought he could hide it. Males are stupid like that… No offense to anyone!-, and fragonknight01, a loyal reviewer. As for how I could Lucy bash… Lucy bashing is easy, very easy, and a lot of fun –grins- Oh yes, STOP CALLING HIM LUCY . Ya'll are driving me nuts. Oh yes, and anyone who just LOVES Lucius… go read Inappropriate Relationships!

Disclaimer: I don't own Sev and Harry, or Draco, Lucius, and the puppies, but I do like to play house with them –grins-

I think I'm going to faint… I know I'm floored down, as I stumbled back against the door, trying to catch my breath. No, no, no, no, no way in hell! It can't be happening, he didn't say that, my hearing is just going because I'm getting on in years. Well THAT is true… Shut up voice, this is not the time for you to pop up and remind me of my age. Sorry.

I try to say something and my voice fails me, my mouth making the motions uselessly. I close my mouth and take a deep breath, looking up into the slightly taller man's cold eyes. "Can you, repeat that?" I hear myself mutter. I almost can't believe I found the words, but, that's definitely my voice. Even if it does have a much more shell shocked quality to it than usual.

"I love you Severus."

Damnit! It can't be my hearing twice, I, oh god, I heard him right. I'm afraid if I ask him again he may just grab me and kiss me to get the point across, which you can certainly see why I would be hesitant about that. I mean, the father/mother/ whatever, of my children is just behind the door that I'm gripping for dear life. It would be REALLY bad if I got smooched.

"Uh, um, can we talk about this another time?"

Without waiting for a response, I open the door and dodge back in, slamming it shut and locking it. I'm sure he's standing there looking as shocked as I was. Rejection might have been better, but he knew I was getting married, so why did he choose now to do this? Because he likes having some form of control over you, and if you get married, he loses you.

As much as he hated to admit it, the voice had a point, damnit. Filthy hypocrite, the man is a filthy rich, filthy hypocrite. His son subjected himself to innumerable shames and horrors to live because his father threw him out of the house when he found out he was gay, and now Lucius loves me? Stupid bastard. Men were so terribly complicated, this I know. I just wish they would stop complicating my life with their complications and force them on, Black, or something, someone that was already crazy as hell and whose life could deal with a bit more complication.

I need to get away for awhile or something, away from all the psychos that seem to be presenting themselves…

"Are you alright Severus?" It's the wolf's voice.

I glance over at him and then just collapse into an armchair and rub my temple. Alright? No, I don't think so. Never have been, definitely never will be after the month I've had.

Before I could answer, however, my lover bounds out of the kitchen and unceremoniously places himself in my lap. My arms almost automatically fold around him, ruffling his hair and letting out a long sigh.

"What did he want?"

You really don't want to know. "Nothing important, just wanted to make sure he had an invitation."

"What'd you tell him?"

Lie. "That I'd think about it."

It's not easy lying to him, but the truth would be pretty upsetting to say the least. It's not like I want to freak him out, or get him utterly pissed at the man. He'd probably be angrier than I was that his best friend's father is a hypocrite. A rather large one to say the least. How did I have the unfortunate luck of having a supposedly straight Malfoy fall for me and then declare his love for me mere months before I marry? What did I do in my past life to deserve this?

I could only hope none of my former flames, or his for that matter, came popping out of the woodwork. That would be terribly unpleasant. But it's hard to think about that right now, with him sitting on me… Damnit, boner. Why does he always sit on me when I'm TRYING to have Sirius thoughts? Egads! Not Sirius, serious. I did not just, oh god, no, no, no, this is worse than thinking Remus is sexy, which he is… Stop it! I do not like mutts, I do not like mutts, I do not like mutts, I do not like mutts, I do not like mutts, I do like mutts… NO!