Disclaimer: I don't own Mary Poppins; unhappily Disney has that privilege along with Mrs Travers and anyone else who bought a little bit of that wonderful nanny! Read and have fun, only don't sue me!
A/N: Have a read and tell me what you think, it's my first time as a Mary Poppins wirter, so it could be a little below the mark. Let me know anyway, and reveiw to your hearts content! I don't know what I'd do without the helpful reviews I get, thank you! And I hope you enjoy my little fic.
A Mary Poppins Fic,
What Would Have Been and What Was
(Because I'm A Hopeless Romantic)
Mary Poppins walked briskly along a road by the park. She had a free day, for once, and she had decided to take a long walk in the park to calm and soothe her frazzled emotions. Her umbrella had been making some rather snappy comments lately, concerning her and one of her friends, one of her dearest friends.
In a word, Bert. Yes, her best, dearest, closest friend. And her umbrella had tried to make it more than it was. It was just friendship, a purely platonic relationship, nothing more. It had to be. She couldn't get tied down, he knew that, she knew that and that's all there was to it. It never occurred to her that he would be willing to wait.
She strolled lightly into the park and went over to the lake to stare out onto the water. As she looked across, she saw a familiar figure. She knew that girl, surely. Mary stared harder and gradually, she recognised who it was.
The girl turned to face her and she knew that face. How could she forget? That time at the Banks' had been the happiest she'd ever known. She'd had that wonderful walk with Bert in the chalk picture and they'd ridden the merry-go-round horses and she'd been able to just walk beside him, so close... She stopped herself there.
"Jane!" She called across the lake, gathering a smile. Jane looked up as she heard that familiar voice and smiled. She'd know that voice anywhere, anytime.
"Mary Poppins!" She called back, standing and pausing for a minute so see where she was before walking round the lake to her old nanny. Mary beamed at her as she approached.
"Jane! I can't believe it, you're a lady!" Mary stated delightedly. Jane beamed back and nodded.
"And you don't look a day older." She replied, laughing. "Do magical nannies age?" She asked in an amused tone. Mary laughed.
"Unfortunately." She answered, going over to her and taking her hands. "I can't believe how much you've grown. How long was it since I left?" She asked, a touch of sadness in her eyes and smile. Jane frowned as she thought then answered,
"Twelve years, give or take." She answered, disappointment showing on her face. Mary smiled sadly and straightened Jane's hat absentmindedly with one hand while gently straightening the bow under her chin with the other. Jane shook her head, smiling happily.
"You still can't help it. Even when I'm grown up." Mary realised what she was doing and dropped her hands with an apologetic look. Jane laughed and turned to across the lake. Mary noticed her gaze and looked too. There was a young man wandering about on the other side, as if looking for someone.
"Michael?" She asked, smiling as she recognised the face. Jane nodded.
"He's looking for me." She replied, making to go to him. Mary nodded and followed her. They walked side by side together over to Michael and smiled a welcome.
"Hello Michael." He froze and turned to his sister and her companion.
"Mary Poppins." He breathed in astonishment. She nodded.
"In the flesh." She added, laughing. A look of surprise and amazement crossed his face before he ran forward and hugged her like an old friend, which in a way she was. She froze herself for a minute then patted him gingerly on the back, before he let go to look up at her with a huge grin that wasn't the kind she had seen in a while.
"I'm very pleased to see you." He said still with the grin. She nodded.
"I can see that." She said, with a hint of reprimand in her voice. Jane coughed into her hand to make Mary looked up with concern. Jane gave her a warning glance and her tone softened.
"I'm pleased to see you two too." She admitted, smiling. They both smiled happily. Jane prodded Michael and he moved away. Mary frowned and looked at Jane enquiringly. Jane just looked at her and led her a little way off so Michael wouldn't interfere.
"We promised if we ever saw you again, that I would tell you this. You gave us so much happiness Mary Poppins, you deserve some yourself." Mary shook her head.
"The only happiness I need is what I get from helping children. That's all I'm meant to have." She finished, keeping the bitterness out of her voice. Jane sighed.
"Well, I think you deserve more. We never got to say thank you and I an inclined to guess that you rarely stay long enough for anyone to say thank you. You're so good." Jane finished admiringly, looking up at her old nanny with love in her eyes.
"You deserve to have someone to tell you how wonderful you are." Jane added, when she saw the look in Mary's eyes that she wasn't even aware was there, that told Jane she was right in saying this, that perhaps she would make her very happy saying this. But Mary froze. She was not aware of what was in her eyes and the only thought in her head was "Not another one".
"Jane, I think you should stop there." She said in a warning tone, but Jane either missed it or ignored it because she carried on.
"Mary, I don't know whether you know this or not but we could see you from where we were. See, the fair was on a hill and if you looked carefully, we could see you and Bert dancing along that forest trail. We saw everything you did in that chalk picture." Mary suppressed a blush. That meant they had seen her with him. Alone.
They had probably detected the same undertones she had. They may be children but they were clever children and could certainly tell what was going on from just a few words and there had been more than a few words that afternoon.
"I didn't know." Mary answered demurely, trying desperately to keep her tone light but still with that hint of warning in.
"Mary, I know you don't know this either but, well, Bert, he-" Jane stuttered but Mary saw clearly where this was going and decided to head her off at the pass.
"He what?" She cut in, in her most warning tone. Jane took a breath and carried on, knowing it had to be said and gradually gaining confidence from the knowledge of how happy Bert would be if he found out Mary would admit to her feelings.
"I think he loves you." Mary Poppins, for possibly the first time, was completely lost for words. She had to be joking. A cruel, heartless joke, but a joke no the less. It had to be. There was no way it could be true.
"Mary, it's true. I can't believe you've been so blind. All the looks he gives you, the small touches, the gentlemanly gestures, have you never noticed he does this for no one else? And you, well, it's quite clear what your feelings are, whether you know them or not." Mary managed to get her voice back long enough to say in almost a squawk,
"Oh really? What are they then?" She closed her eyes immediately after she said it. She should not have asked that.
"You love him too." Jane stated simply, with conviction. Mary bowed her head, having been afraid that would be the answer. Jane watched her for a few seconds before continuing.
"I can't believe he hasn't realised yet, but to be honest, he's probably trying to ignore it, knowing you would never let yourself fall completely in love. He knows you care too much about what you do, about all the children you help."
Mary drew in a deep breath and began to turn away, knowing she couldn't bear to hear any more of this. So what if she did love him? So what if he loved her? She had a job to do, and she had no choice in that. He knew that she could never stop what she was doing. She had no choice. She paused at the sound of Jane's voice, so assured in what she was saying Mary almost began to believe her.
"Mary, I know what you're thinking. But do you ever think, perhaps, he would be willing to wait for you? Willing to wait until you have a spare minute? Or a spare day?" Jane watched Mary carefully before asking quietly,
"Do you love him? Are you willing to love him?" Mary looked up at her, and then sighed.
"I don't have a choice." She answered, patting her hair with her hand, carefully. Jane grinned at her victory. Taking another deep breath, she asked cautiously,
"Will you tell him?" Mary looked up, scandalised.
"As if I could." She answered, looking at Jane as if she were crazy. Jane sighed. Mary turned away from her and this time, did continue walking. She only paused momentarily to call a "Good bye" back to Michael, then she walked right out of the park and out onto the very street this whole thing had started on. Where he'd drawn those blessed drawings.
She didn't realise he was there. She stopped directly over where the original picture had been, though it was long since washed away. She closed her eyes and imagined his arms around her, like they had been when they had danced together after that wonderfulroutine he had made up, just for her.
She blushed as she remembered the small kiss he had given her cheek when they had finished. She softly touched the spot he had touched his lips to her cheek and smiled faintly. She had let him get too close that time. She knew that now. That was when it had all come out, when her umbrella had started with the snappy comments, when her heart had turned traitor on her.
Bert watched her carefully. She seemed different today. Not quite the woman he was so used to, collected and calm. She seemed shaken. He debated whether to go over but decided to wait a while and see what she would do.
Mary sighed and straightened. "Jane had to have been wrong." Mary thought, but couldn't quite persuade herself it was true. Jane's voice floated into her mind and it sounded so assured of what she was saying Mary gave up trying to convince herself. It must be true.
Well, it didn't matter. Bert had never told her, she had never told him, it could remain unsaid, then nothing would harm their lovely friendship. They could just be friends, until that was all it was again. Mary closed her eyes against the doomed feeling in the pit of her stomach that started the minute she thought it.
Bert became concerned as she didn't move and closed her eyes. Someone would surely bump into her if she stayed like that. He stepped forward and began to walk towards her, trying to think of something he could start a conversation with. Hello seemed a good start.
"Hello Mary, how are you this fine day?" A cheerful voice cut into her musing and she swiftly opened her eyes to try and smile at the wonderful man before her.
"Hello Bert, I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there! I'm fine, what about you?" She answered, summoning as cheerful a voice as she could manage. He paused as he heard the strain in her voice and saw it in her smile.
"I'm fine too." He answered carefully, looking at her. She realised he had seen the confusion in her face and dropped her eyes to prevent him reading her further. Bert stepped closer and frowned. Mary didn't look as composed as she normally did. That much he had already observed, but nowhe was closer he could see she looked positively disturbed.
"Mary, what's the matter?" He asked in his endearing cockney way, concern etched in his face and manner. She looked up and he was surprised and disturbed to find small glittering tears in her eyes. She was surprised they were there herself. She tried to dash them away but his hand held hers before it could get near her face, let alone her eyes.
"Practically perfect people should never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking." She murmured, blinking furiously. He watched her, still not letting go of her hand. She looked away, blushing for the first time in years as she felt his thumb slide over her skin so gently she almost didn't notice and so soothing she immediately felt calmer.
"Mary, is something wrong? Can I help?" He asked, still watching her carefully. She looked up and gave him a grateful glance before looking around and answering,
"Let's go into the park, I think I need to sit down." He nodded and without thinking, placed an arm around her waist to lead her into the park. She watched her feet, willing herself not to blush even more furiously as she felt his arm slid around her. He led her over to a bench and sat her down before sitting beside her.
"Now, tell me what's wrong and I'll see if I can help." He said with a touch of cheerfulness she smiled at. He was so good, a real "diamond in the rough". A true gentleman. She looked down and folded her hands as she had been taught to do; it was a normal thing for her to concentrate on.
"Well, I saw Jane and Michael earlier." She began, unsure for the first time in many years of how to phrase something. This really was a day for firsts. Bert just nodded, listening intently.
"They've grown up into fine gentile people." He affirmed, smiling, knowing that was not what had upset her. She smiled as well.
"Yes, they have. Jane, she told me something. Something I had long been trying to avoid. My umbrella had been telling the same thing as well and you know how stubborn he can be." Bert smiled again and nodded, waiting patiently.
"Well, I did some thinking after she told me and I came to the conclusion I must go on avoiding it but somehow, I cannot. I was fine while I hadn't been told it directly, but now I have, I find it impossible.
Bert, she told me you were in love." She waited for his reaction with baited breath. He froze and looked at Mary almost shiftily.
"Did she now." He replied. Mary nodded, scrutinising his face for any clue as to what he was thinking. He stood and paced for a few minutes, conscious all the time of her eyes on his face.
Mary tried to stay calm but her pulse was sky-rocketing and she cursed herself for her idiocy. He wasn't in love with her at all, Jane had been wrong. Mary dropped her eyes and leant back in the seat, keeping back the tears with practised ease.
"Well, I guess she was right." Bert finally said, holding his breath and not stopping his pacing. Now it was Mary's turn to freeze. She continued to look at her knees, waiting for him to finish. Bert took another deep breath and said quietly, so quietly only she heard it,
"I'm in love with you, Mary." Mary breathed a soft sigh, both of relief and sadness. Bert stopped pacing and turned to her, watching and waiting. She slowly looked up and he frowned as he saw the sadness and longing shining in her eyes.
"And I'm in love with you, Bert." She replied, softly. He sat down next to her and hesitantly rested one of his hands on hers. She smiled sadly and placed one of hers on top of his. Then she looked up into his eyes, knowing she would have to steel herself to say what she must.
"But I must ask of you something that you may not like." She added, looking clearly into his eyes. He nodded slowly, willing her to go on. "You know I cannot stop going from place to place. You also know I cannot stay for you alone. Either we can forget all about this," here Bert let out a dervish snort "or we must wait."
Bert took her hands in both of his and put them in his lap. She watched him with a small smile. He looked up and caught her eyes, looking deep inside her to depths she hadn't even known were there. Depths he created.
"I would wait forever." He murmured truthfully. She smiled a full, grateful smile.
"I'm glad you said that. Because so would I." She whispered, and he smiled gleefully. He thought for a minute as to whether showing her how happy he was, was appropriate. She watched him, hiding her amusement at how obvious what he was thinking was.
"Bert, love breaks all boundaries remember." She quoted softly, catching his eye with a flicker of laughter in hers. He laughed and got up the courage at last. He leant forward and tilted her chin up to him with a slight gentle pressure of his hand. She smiled an assuring smile to tell him that this was fine then he leaned forward and kissed her.
It was like nothing either of them had either experienced before. A burning feeling that started in their stomachs and travelled up, along their throats and up to their lips began as soon as they touched.
It was the feeling that this was right, and was meant to happen, mixed with passion and desire that had built up over all the years they had known each other. His hand slid around her back, drawing her closer as her hands slid around his shoulders, their mouths locked in a desperate battle.
Mary would always remember that first kiss as the most amazing that ever took place between them and would always smile at the thought.
He would always remember how wonderful it had felt and how like his dream and yet, not quite, it was. Not that earthly men could ever even imagine what Mary Poppins was really like. Eventually, they realised this was not the place to continue this and they drew away regretfully.
She couldn't stop the smile that grew slowly higher on her face and he grinned happily when he saw it. His hands took possession of hers again and she gripped his with a passion that had been hidden for far too long.
"Mary, I'm sorry if I pressed my advantage a little then but you are so irresistible sometimes." He said quietly, smiling. She shook her head.
"In the case Bert, I most certainly do not mind you pressing your advantage a little. If indeed you do have one." She added thoughtfully, smiling with an almost cheeky glint in her eyes. He grinned again and nudged her slightly.
"You know, I love that glint you get sometimes in your eye that just says "I'm thinking something I shouldn't but the only way I can let on is by showing you in my eyes" It's really nice to know you're not completely collected all the time."
Mary laughed and shook her head disbelievingly. Bert smiled and looked down at their hands entwined so neatly in his lap, almost disbelieving himself. She noticed where his gaze was and smiled, looking down at their hands too.
"It's hard to believe all your dreams can come true so easily." She said softly, as she smiled at his thumb smoothing over her skin again. He nodded.
"It is, isn't it?" He agreed. She smiled absentmindedly as her eyes slid away from their hands and caught sight of two sets of eyes peering at them from behind a bush. She sighed and nodded at the bush when Bert looked up questioningly.
He looked over and sighed too. They both knew those eyes. Mary looked over at him and he nodded slightly, letting go of her hands as she stood and went over to the two naughty children hiding in the hedgerow.
"Jane, Michael, you can come out. We've seen you." She called wearily, stopping just short of the bush. She heard the whispered conference then saw the both children emerge, glowing bright red with embarrassment at being caught. Mary sighed.
"When are you going to learn, even now you still listen into things you shouldn't." She admonished when they came round to face her, as if they were still as young as when she had first known them. They looked down at the ground ashamed.
Bert took pity on them, knowing how awful one of her telling offs were, he stood and went over to take her hand again. She smiled over at him and let him hold her hand to his chest. Jane and Michael grinned at each other sideways, from where they were looking at the ground.
Mary looked back and found Jane giggling to herself as Michael rolled his eyes. Mary frowned and cleared her throat.
"This once, I'll let you off but only because you were the one's that made this happen. I'm very grateful." Mary admitted, smiling slightly. Bert nodded.
"Me too." He added. Mary leaned over and smiled at the two children she was so glad to have met.
"Now, I expect your father is wondering where you are." She whispered. They looked up and grinned, then ran off to find their father, waving gleefully over their shoulders when they looked back before they rounded the corner.
Mary smiled and turned to him, regret in her eyes no longer guarded against the world. Bert saw the expression held in their depths and kissed her hand gently, bowing with a flourish. She laughed at the gentlemanly gesture.
"Bert, really, aren't we a little old for that?" She asked, beaming uncontrollably. He nodded and stood, noting with some pleasure that her cheeks her slightly flushed, with what he thought could be happiness. At least, he might be able to see it more often now.
"You know Mary, I don't think I've ever been so happy." He told her with a smile. She nodded.
"I know what you mean; I didn't think it was possible to be this happy. The only thing that came close was when I first met you." Mary told him, smiling still. He nodded.
"On the rooftops of London." He hummed softly, and happily. She smiled and leant into him gently, humming along with him. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, allowing herself to bask in this gorgeous feeling that swept out from him in waves.
It was contentment, happiness, and finally, love. She fluttered her eyelids open and looked up into his eyes. He gazed back down at her with all the same feelings present cheerfully in his eyes. She smiled and leaned upwards to give him a light kiss. He smiled and returned the kiss whole-heartedly, sliding a gentle hand under her jaw.
As they drew apart, her eyes caught the light just right and his breath caught in his throat for a few seconds. She was always beautiful, but at that moment, she was a hundred times more so. She felt a tingling feeling spread from her lips down all the way to her feet and it was then she knew.
"Bert, I think I've done it." She whispered tremulously. He frowned.
"Done what?" He asked carefully, gazing down into her eyes still, not wanting to loose this perfect moment.
"I think I'm perfect." She whispered as smiling so happily her eyes shone.
"You always were." He whispered, leaning down for another kiss, never tired of this feeling, the feeling they could take on the world. And indeed they did, the world and his wife and all of his children.