(Disclaimer: I own nothing, they are the property of their respective owners.)
(Author's Note: In this chapter, Walden's Mother will be played by Demi Moore, her character name is a reference to the character she played in the 1984 film, No Small Affair, which starred her and Jon Cryer).
Chapter 2: Meet the Schmids
Everyone is in the living room.
Alan - You can't be my son.
Walden - I am, Uncle Charlie said you and my mom hooked up one night.
Alan - You knew Charlie?
Walden - Of course, he always visited me and my mom whenever he was in Vegas
Judith - Alan, what is he talking about?
Alan - Not now, Judith.
He turns back to Walden.
Alan - Who is your Mom?
She walks in the house.
Laura - Hello, Alan.
He recognizes her, he knows who she is.
Alan - Laura? Laura Victor?
Laura - It's Laura Schmid now.
Alan - Oh my god, I haven't seen you since...
Laura - The last time we saw each other.
Alan - Yeah. At the airport when you left to L.A.
Berta checks out Walden.
Berta - Hmm. Same hair color, same for the eyes.
She continues to inspect him.
Berta - Yup, he's definitely the spawn of Zippy.
Judith - Alan, we need to have a talk in the kitchen.
Evelyn - So do we.
Alan - Fine. Laura, Walden, this is my son, Jake.
Jake - Sup'.
Judith - Alan!
Alan - I'm coming!
Evelyn - You two keep each other company.
They go to the kitchen. Walden sits on the couch.
Jake - So, you're my older half-brother?
Walden - I think so.
Jake - I don't see it.
Walden - Me neither.
Both of them scratch their noses in a similar way.
Judith - I can't believe you, Alan. All these years, and you didn't tell me that you had another child.
Evelyn - Oh, zip it, Judith.
Alan - Thank you, mom.
Evelyn - And you, why didn't you tell me I had another grandchild to spoil?
Alan - Mom..
Evelyn (Interrupting) - Are you trying to kill your mother?
Alan turns to the Urn.
Alan - I hope your happy, Charlie!
Laura hands Alan an envelope.
Laura - Here.
Alan - What is this?
Laura - It's a letter that Charlie wrote a long time ago, he said to give it to you, just in case anything happened.
He opens the envelope, and reads the letter.
Alan (reading) - Dear, Alan, if your reading this letter, I'm probably dead, in hiding, prison, Mexico, overseas, in somebody's basement, or working as a anger management therapist.
He pauses for a moment, then resumes reading.
Alan (reading) - I just wanted to tell you that even though you're a leech, and a cheapskate, you're still my brother, and I love you. Anyways, funniest thing happened on one of my trips to Vegas, guess who I ran into? Laura Victor, you know, from that time we used our fake ID's, remember, I was Charles Cummings, and you were Alan Cummings.
He stops reading.
Laura - There are several letters, this is the first one. Read the flip side.
Alan - Oh.
Evelyn shakes her head. Alan continues reading.
Alan (reading) - Anyways, the next morning I woke up hungover at her home, somehow I ended up sleeping with her roommate, score one for Charlie right?
Evelyn - Even in Death, Charlie loves to brag about himself.
Alan (reading) - So we caught up, and surprise surprise, she has a little boy named Walden, who just so happened to have been born a year after the three of us hung out. Of course I asked if he was my son, she said no, I was immediately relieved, but she did say that you are the father.
He stops reading the note. Everyone is looking at him, Judith and Evelyn are mad-dogging him with disappointing looks.
Alan (reading) - Apparently you told her that you were a virgin, which she kinda figured out, I was gonna tell you about this when I found out, but since you and Judith are married, I'd rather not say anything, especially since she's still mad about me and her sister Liz doing it in the coat room at y'alls wedding.
Even more disapproving looks, Jake and Walden enter the kitchen.
Alan (reading) - So we stayed in touch, and every time I would go to Vegas, I'd visit them, they wanted to meet you, but given your current situation, you being a leech, you and Judith having another kid, Mom continuing to emasculate you at every turn, I figured I'd wait till the smoke clears, or until you and Jake move out, but since this is you I'm talking about, I'm not holding my breath.
Herb - You and her have another kid?
She exchanges a mean look at Alan.
Herb - Oh...
Judith - You told your brother?
Alan is initially speechless.
Alan - Judith, let me explain...
She gets mad, and storms out of the kitchen.
Alan - Judith!
Herb - Don't worry, I'll talk to her.
Alan - Thanks.
Herb - Might have to borrow your bedroom again.
He runs after her.
Jake - Wait a minute. You and Mom?
He remains silent.
Jake - That would explain a lot.
Evelyn - And all these years I thought Charlie was a disappointment, you're no better than he was.
The doorbell rings, someone is at the door, feeling the awkwardness in the kitchen, Alan immediately gets up, and runs to the door.
Alan - First, I get a long lost son, a former lover, what else could be next?
He opens the door, in walks a man, old age, he has silver hair, and looks familiar.
Man - Is this the Harper residence?
Alan - Yes, come on in.
The man comes in.
Man - Did I miss the service?
Alan - Unfortunately, Yes.
Man - I apologize for that. When it comes to Charlie, I was never good with events.
Alan - You must've known my brother pretty well.
Man - Brother? You're Alan?
Alan - Yes.
Man - You've grown up.
Alan - Charlie must've talked about me.
Man - He sure did.
Alan - I bet most of it was bad.
Man - Not necessarily. We just drank and would reminisce about things in life.
Alan - Y'all did?
Man - Often. We lost touch for a couple of years, and one night, we met up again, and picked up where we left off.
Alan - Who are you?
Man - My Name is Francis Charles Harper.
Alan - Harper?...
He pauses for a moment, thinks, then it hits him.
Alan - Dad?
Evelyn comes into the living room.
Evelyn - Alan! Get back in here. You can't just run away from...
She sees the man standing next to her son. Her expression changes to a mean look.
Alan - This just keeps getting worse by the minute.
Berta walks into the living room, and sees what's going on.
Berta - Oh look, a cliffhanger.
End of Chapter 2.
(Author's Note: What do you guys think? Let me know. Stay tuned for chapter 3.)
(Also: as for who should play the old man, right now it's a tie between Martin Sheen, and his brother Joe Estevez, haven't decided yet.)