The Gilmore-Grey Union Book II: The Homecoming
By Michael Weyer
POV: Lorelai
So, I'm in Luke's, talking to the new in-laws and wondering how in the world this situation can get more stressful.
Lo and behold, Taylor arrives to answer my question.
"Ah, good morning!" he says as he enters. "It's good to see you all gathered here today on such an important occasion!"
"Get out, Taylor," Luke immediately intones.
Taylor ignores him and focuses on me. "Lorelai. I have to tell you, this is a situation that I would never have expected to occur."
The sky is falling. Dogs are laying down with cats. Paris Hilton is joining a convent. I agree with Taylor. I just nod as he goes on.
"So, I'm sure you'll agree with the steps I've taken regarding this."
"What steps?" Maxine asks.
He frowns. "Who are you?"
"Maxine Grey. This is my daughter Amy and this is Vincent."
"Taylor Doose," he proclaims in that manner he has as if he's auditioning for caller at Buckingham Palace. They still have that position, don't they? I mean, the British can't go anywhere without someone announcing them. They called them callers back then, today they're called paparazzi.
"I am the town magistrate and owner of Doose's market," he goes on, somehow making it sound like it's the most important position on the East Coast.
Maxine nodded. "I see. Well, Mr. Doose, just what is your interest in this?"
"My interest is that this is an event that impacts this town greatly, madam."
Vincent snorts. "It's that dull around here?"
Taylor glares at him. "We all care for Rory very much and we take it personally when she is shackled into an unwanted matrimony."
"Excuse me?" Vincent says. "Shackled?"
"Now, sir, I must say, taking advantage of a poor, innocent girl in a moment of weakness is extremely low and it is all I can do to prevent me thrashing you right now."
Vincent just stares at him and I know he's thinking he can take Taylor. Hell, Sookie's kid can take Taylor. He just goes on talking, oblivious as usual. "And so, on behalf of the people of Star's Hollow, I am handing you this." He pushes a sheet of paper at Vincent.
He takes it and frowns. "What is this?"
"A petition," Taylor smugly declares. "Signed by two hundred and twenty-seven citizens demanding an immediate annulment to your marriage to Rory."
We all just stare at him. "Taylor…I actually have to sit down for this," Luke says before doing so.
Vincent's eyes are wide. "Are you kidding?"
Taylor shakes his head. "No, sir. You are to annul this marriage and then consider yourself exiled from Star's Hollow for life!"
Amy looks around. "There has got to be a camera around here. I mean, people like this can't actually exist!"
"Taylor," Luke starts. "You have done something I didn't think possible. You've made Lorelai speechless."
Indeed, my jaw is wide open as I stare at Taylor, not able to believe he's actually gone this far. Amy is taking the petition and looking over it as Maxine stares at Taylor as well. "Sir, I don't know who you think you are but involving an entire town in a personal matter is uncalled for!"
"Mrs. Grey," he says in a condescending tone. "I am the town magistrate. I am the head of the Stars Hollow Business Association, the Stars Hollow Tourist Board, the Stars Hollow Neighborhood Watch Organization, and the Stars Hollow Citizens for a Clean Stars Hollow Council."
"I don't care if you're the head of the Stars Hollow Arrogant Prick Club, you do not dictate what my family can do!"
"Yeah, only she gets to do that," Vincent says.
Taylor sniffs. "Madam, I would advise you go along with this or face the wrath of the S.H.B.A., the S.H.T.B., the S.H.N.W.O. and the S.H.C.C.S.H.C."
"Why don't you K-I-S-S my A-S--------"
"Excuse me!" Amy pipes in, studying the petition. "But, ah, there are some comments with the signatures."
"Comments?" I ask
Amy nods. "Yes…let's see…One agrees we need a new stoplight…One says that yes, the ice cream shop could use another flavor…and this one…" She looks up, one eyebrow raised. "Just what does my brother's marriage have to do with the new state tax initiative?"
Taylor licks his lips as Luke groans. "Taylor…tell me you didn't…"
"You didn't tell these people what this petition was for, did you?" Amy asks. Taylor's face is the answer. "Well, in that case, this entire petition is moot and thus cannot be enforced."
He tries to remain dignified. "Madam, with all respect, I am a magistrate and I believe I know the legalities of such an action."
"Really?" she says in a dry tone. "I'm a judge and I was a Wall Street lawyer before that and I can tell you, there isn't a court in this state that wouldn't laugh this out. And I mean that literally."
I grin as I see Taylor sputter. Oh, wow, there's finally some good in this. I just made a new best friend for life.