Something wasn't right. I could feel the bones under his trench coat, as if there was no flesh there, just a skeleton. He was shivering, but it was the middle of summer.
"Remy?" I whispered, and then I saw his eyes.
Normally the colour of them was enough to scare anyone but it was a skull that looked back at me. His eyes had been swallowed back into his head, there was glimmer in them, only a deep nothingness. He looked at me, but he didn't see me, he was seeing something else and it was scaring him.
Your body's warm.
But you are not
You give a little
Not a lot
He was back. That was all that mattered, a few days and he would be himself again, that happy, cocky, arrogant Cajun that I used to know. That I loved. But then, there was that look.
It could be love
Until we kiss
You're all I want
But not like this
"Chere!" he whispered only this time it was quiet and unsure. Ororo moved towards him and gently took his arm. He jumped but when he saw that it was her he calmed down and smiled. What was wrong? Why was he acting this way? Slowly she began to pull him away.
I'm watching you disappear
But you, you were never here
"Come on. Come with me and we'll run some tests"
"Tests?" he asked pulling his arm away from her.
"Just to make sure you're ok." She said still smiling at him and holding out her hand to him.
He looked round at me as if for confirmation that it was ok for him to go.
"Can ah come with him"
That's when the smile faded from her lips. They were hiding something, they all were.
"I don't think it would be a good idea Rogue. What you will see, it wont be able to watch"
"What's going on? Why cant I come with him"
They didn't answer. Neither did Remy. Logan held on to my arm and I just watched. I watched as Ororo and Kitty took him away from me. He was still smiling, but it didn't reach his eyes. Maybe, it was too late.
It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
"Don't worry," said Logan, "He's in good hands."
Remy was in good hands. Hank did everything to heal the cuts and bruises that Remy had acquired from that frozen wasteland. How he survived no one knew, but the scars that the others told me about only showed that it had not been an easy trip home. Ororo and Kitty had found him in South Korea and from what they had seen he was ok, he still fought well, that charm that was so unique to him was there. It was on the trip back that he had began to show signs of pain.
There had been hallucinating as well and it was only after I had interrogated Kitty did I find out that most of the hallucinations had been me.
I stood watching him while he slept on the hospital bed, knowing that it was my fault that he was there.
"It wasn't your fault"
I didn't need to look up to see who was reading my thoughts. I watched her hands moving across him making sure that all the dressings and tubes were in place. I felt so distant, unable to reach out to him, unable to be doing this for him. Absorbing powers made people dangerous and unsuitable for medical purposes.
Your body gives
But then holds back
The sun is bright
The sky is black
"How is he?" I asked avoiding the argument that would have followed if I had denied her statement.
"Physically. He's getting better." she said checking his heart rate.
It was hard to believe that he was getting better. He still looked like a skeleton with his skin hanging off him. And the cuts, there was so many of them. The Sh'iar Suit had protected him from frostbite but it hadn't protected him from hunger or slashes from beasts in the savage land. I saw five slash marks running right across his stomach.
"They are old scars." she said following my gaze.
I hadn't noticed them before, they looked like they were deep cuts. But they weren't from any knife.
"Where are they from"
This time I caught her eye, "Morlock Tunnels. When he tried to save Sarah, Sabertooth attacked him"
"How d'ya know that?" She tried to look away "Jean. How did ya know that. Did he tell ya"
"You have to understand Rogue that what Remy has been through was damaging both Physically and…Mentally. His normal defences are not in place, I can see everything, his memories, his thoughts"
"But there's something wrong aint there?"
Can only be another sign
I cannot keep what isn't mine
You left and it lingers on
But you, you were almost gone
"Its all a jumble, nothing makes sense. Naturally he should be experiencing post-traumatic stress, anyone would in those conditions, but there's something not right with this. Somehow, its worse. Rogue, not all of this is because of Antarctica, something else happened out there"
But I still did it. I left him behind. It didn't matter if something else had hurt him out there, but I hurt him more than anyone else could.
It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shadow Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
From the brief moments that he had been awake she had sat talking to him. Most of the time he talked nonsense and wasn't really talking to me but through me, to something else. And then there were times when he would talk and it would be the old Remy, he would make jokes, he would smile and he would see me. Those moments were getting rarer and yet, when I saw him he didn't hate me. He never showed any sign of hating me for what I did to him.
"Because he told you to do it Rogue. You absorbed him before that and his emotions were still running through you. He wanted to be left and he knows that, he knows it wasn't your fault"
That didn't matter anymore. It didn't matter if he still loved me or if I still loved him. He was slipping away from me anyway.
I cannot tell if you mean what you say
You say it so loud, but you sound far away
Maybe I had just a glimpse of your soul
Or was that your shadow I saw on the wall
I'm watching you disappear
But you, you were never here
"He's waking up. I'll get Hank"
His eyes were open and he was trying to sit up.
"Jus' sit back swamp rat or yer gonna make yerself worse." I said trying to keep up his spirits.
He smiled.
It was enough to know that it was my Remy that had woken up.
"How ya feelin' sugah"
"never betta." he said quietly.
"Liar"
"ma poppa used t'say, 'stick t'what yer good at"
More jokes. Ironic how underneath there was an issue that neither of us had touched on. Lying. I wasn't going to get into it now, I didn't care just now. I knew that he would only be here for a while, then he would slip back.
It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else It's only your shadow
Filling the room
"how, how long was I out fo' dis time?" he asked
"Couple of hours. The whole mansion was complainin bout yer snoring"
He laughed. It was a dry awkward sound but it was still a laugh.
He was staring right into my eyes and for the first time since he got back there, the smile reached his eyes. There was that old glint again.
Arriving too late
He reached out for my hand. Then stopped. He wasn't looking at me anymore. The glint disappeared, as did the smile. He was looking through me again, and whatever he saw, he was frightened.
"LEAVE HER! LEAVE HER ALONE!" he shouted at the wall behind me.
"Remy, Remy please calm down calm down, its just an hallucination"
He was sitting up and thrashing at the empty space. It was hurting him to move he wasn't well enough to be doing this.
"HANK!" I shouted trying to restrain Remy.
Suddenly the doctor was there and he already had the syringe ready with the sedative.
"Hold him Rogue."
And leaving too soon
Slowly he began to settle back and become the skeleton again. Hollow. Remy would be back, but for now he lay back as the sedative began to take control.
"We need to act quickly. We need to find out what or who did this to him"
"What, what d'ya suggest we do?" I said not looking at them unable to tear my eyes away from the man in front of me.
"I think its time we went back"
I nodded.
'Better pack some warm clothes chere, its gets pretty cold out dere'
Somehow, it was comforting knowing that my Remy was still there, in my head, urging me on, giving me advice. I don't know how I would have got through these past couple of days without him. But still, it wasn't him. And I needed the real thing.
It's only your shadow