A/N: The usual disclaimer applies. Also, this story heavily implies some things that might not agree with your personal morals. Just remember: it's only a story, these are fictional characters, and no one is forcing you to read this. Cheerio.
tantenverfuhrer - (n.) a young man of excessively good manners whom you suspect of devious motives; "aunt seducer" [german]
"You know, Mr. Zabini, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to seduce me. Of course, since you are currently dating my daughter Nymphadora, I'm certain that you wouldn't need to stoop to such a thing, so perhaps it would be better if you explained just exactly what your hand is doing on my thigh right now," a throughly unamused Andromeda Tonks said, gently sipping the vintage champagne her daughter's ever-thoughtful boyfriend had brought to dinner that evening.
"Why Mrs. Tonks, I'm surprised you would think so little of me. Just because my mother garnered a reputation does not mean that I have any intention of following in her footsteps. As you said, I am perfectly happy with darling Dora, and would not dream of trying to seduce you behind her back," replied Blaise Zabini, taking a forkful of chocolate cake to punctuate his point.
"And yet, here we are, sitting at my dining table, transfigured and crafted to my exacting specifications by my dearly departed husband, enjoying a lovely meal that you hand-prepared from appetizer to dessert, discussing all and sundry, and your hand has not only not left my thigh, but has in fact begun traveling farther up my leg. On top of all of that, you did not in any way attempt to explain why you started feeling me up, and are making a very concerted effort to distract me from such right this very second. I am many things, Mr. Zabini, but stupid is not one of them."
"And no one here is claiming you are, Mrs. Tonks. Did you know that many well-respected medical professionals believe that exercising the senses daily is not only good for the body, but good for the mind and soul as well? Therefore, I am prepared to argue that it is medically necessary that I use my sense of touch as much as I can today, for I never know when it might be advantageous in the future to have done so now. Particularly since alcohol was involved this evening, and as we both know, alcohol has a detrimental effect on many of the senses, touch among them."
"Indeed, alcohol's effects on the senses are well-documented, as are some of the more insidious if often innocuous potions that our society is known to brew and consume. For instance, when combined with alcohol, the lust potion is often found to find its effect multiplied far beyond what even a perfectly prepared version could do. And since you are so skilled in food preparation, you would of course be aware that the easiest way to ingest that potion would be in some sort of sweetened dish to cover the potion's taste, like a chocolate cake to give an example."
"Oh come now, Andromeda, do I look like the sort of person that would resort to potioning someone to achieve the result I want? Now I'm beginning to think you can't separate myself and my mother, a circumstance that you'll find I am perfectly capable of between yourself and my darling Dora. You seem very suspicious of me for no reason I can fathom, and I am starting to feel like you don't trust me at all."
"Perhaps that has something to do with the hand that is still caressing my leg at this very moment, Mr. Zabini."
"For a very intelligent woman, Mrs. Tonks, you do seem to be blind to the obvious more than one would expect. Have you by chance looked at where my hands have been the entire time we've been having this conversation? The answer must be no, because if you had, it would not have escaped your notice that while my right hand has been occupied with this wonderfully moist cake, my left has been making sure that my glass of expertly chilled champagne does not fall over onto your table. Unless you are suggesting that I have grown a third, invisible hand and am a good enough actor to pretend that I have not done so, it would seem as though I cannot be the one touching your leg at this very moment."
A quick count by Andromeda confirmed that, yes, both of Blaise's hands were on the table. So then who…?
"Oh mother dear, weren't you listening earlier? Blaise as good as told you that I was here, but you were too busy accusing my boyfriend of trying to take liberties with you to notice that I had slipped out ten minutes ago and hadn't come back yet. Apparently, my Disillusionment charm has gotten better over time," said the disembodied voice of Nymphadora Tonks from under the table. "And to think, I wasn't sure if the potion I'd slipped into the cake would be easy enough to taste, but I should have remembered that you can never fool a Black, a lesson you tried very hard to pass along, mother."
As the implications began running through Andromeda's mind, Blaise stood up from the table, and offered a hand to his no longer Disillusioned girlfriend. "You may recall, Mrs. Tonks, that I said I had no interest in trying to seduce you behind your daughter's back. However, when she came to me, practically begging, mind you, and asked if I could set up an evening like this, well, I don't think you have to work very hard to imagine what my answer was. You see, while I am perfectly happy to go along with whatever events may transpire this evening, this was always darling Dora's plan, convincing her mother that she was still an attractive woman. Why she felt the need to go about it in this particular manner, however, is something for you two to discuss at a later time. For right now, however, I believe the next step of Dora's plan says that you should be coming with us right now."
A quick wave from Nymphadora's wand, and her mother had gone rigid, making it much easier for herself and Blaise to carry Andromeda into the bedroom.