As most of you will probably be able to tell, I wrote this entire chapter while listening to Something Corporate.

Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone

Chapter 6

Ridiculous, completely and utterly ridiculous, ludicrous, loathsome even, as impossible as nonpoisonous carbon monoxide. Nonetheless, his father's words were bitingly frank, proving that the unexpected the undesired could occur and did occur, like the death of a star billions of light-years away. In his youth, an ironic word for a youkai to use, Sesshoumaru never thought that this day would occur, a demon barely into his prime coerced to take a mate. True, he knew that it was his duty to continue the family line for there was an unspeakable fear regarding Inuyasha's capability to do so, a fear that would only be laid to rest when Inuyasha took a mate, or the fear could be proven true.

Sesshoumaru rose from his seated position in the soft chair of his apartment, dreamless sleep eluded him, his traitorous psyche dredging up long buried memories, loathsome memories, memories that reminded him of his errors, irreversible damage. The predicament he faced served as a catalyst for the shameful actions, the promise he broke, the taint upon his honor, like blood staining pure white snow. The Tokyo sunset did little to soothe him, he doubted anything could ease the frustration, the worries gnawing on his mind the way a dog chews on its favorite bone. He checked the clock on the wall, a small gift from Rin two years earlier, and noted that it was not too late to pay a visit to her studio apartment, at least she could take the edge off his tension. However, he still felt the need to create a believable excuse to visit her, their relationship was strictly platonic after all. Sesshoumaru recalled their previous conversation, she mentioned something about working on a new painting of what he could not remember, but visiting her on the pretense of viewing its progress would hide his true motives.

Sesshoumaru walked out the door of his apartment, making sure he picked up his keys before he walked out, and headed towards the stairs-he was never partial to elevators. The rays of the setting sun reflected off the glass of the multi-paned windows in the tall skyscrapers and apartment buildings was almost blinding, rivaling the brilliance of sunlight reflected off the tranquil surface of a lake. As Sesshoumaru walked the familiar route to Rin's studio apartment the sounds of music mingled with the evening traffic and television shows created a rather undesirable potpourri of sounds. Fragmented conversations reached his sensitive ears, meaningless and unfamiliar voices droning on about mundane things, Sesshoumaru ignored it all until the words, "Johnny is no more," reached his ears. He had heard that story before, Rin told him the chemistry joke several years ago, "Johnny was a chemist, Johnny is no more, for what Johnny thought was H2O was actually H2SO4," Johnny drank sulfuric acid after mistaking it for water. After hearing that joke, Rin confessed to him, she never forgot the chemical formula for sulfuric acid and always remembered name a substance by appearance alone for many chemicals looked exactly the same. The memory brought a smirk to his lips, Rin's tales regarding her chemistry classes were always humorous, perhaps it was because that was all she ever chose to tell him, those happy days surrounded by classmates and learning about the complexity of the simplest compounds and the effects the smallest quantity of a chemical could have if dumped in a lake. However, these memories paled in comparison to her tales of the numerous art classes that she took throughout her life, how "the messier you get the more fun you're having" was a common phrase amongst the art students.

Soon Sesshoumaru found himself in front of Rin's front door, he hesitated silently questioning if his actions were truly justified if the reason he concocted for this evening visit truly made sense, wondered if he had erred in his judgement. He quickly shoved the thoughts aside, this was not the time for questioning and it was far too late for hi to turn and leave after arriving at this point, let Rin believe what she wanted he needed-no needed sounded far too dependant- he wished for a moments respite from the heinous situation into which he was thrust. He knocked on her door, noticing that the music of Something Corporate seeped through the apartment walls and into the halls, the way that the warmth of a cup of tea seeped into frozen fingers on a cold winter day.

Close your eyes and I will be swimming
Lullabies fill your room, and I will be singing
Singing to only you
Don't forget I'll hold your head
Watch the night sky fading red

"Sesshoumaru-kun," came Rin's surprised voice, "I didn't think that you would have returned so soon and why didn't you tell me that you'd be back today?" She stepped aside and ushered him into the apartment sputtering indignantly at his lack consideration, muttering that he should've called and then she could've gone to the Akabeko and picked something up.

But as you sleep, and noone is listening
I will lift you off your feet, I'll keep you from sinking
Don't you wake up yet, cause soon I'll be leaving you,
Soon I'll be leaving you, but you won't be leaving me

Sesshoumaru ignored her questions and walked toward a canvas that was set up in the center of the room, "I see that you are already finished with your newest painting, Rin" he observed.

In the car, the radio leaves me searching for your star
A constellation of frustration driving hard
Singing my thoughts back to me, and watching heartache on TV

"Yes, Kurimoto-sama commissioned me to do a portrait of his youngest daughter who is turning sixteen this week, it is to be a birthday present for her, all it needs is to be framed. Sesshoumaru-kun does the music bother you because if it does I can turn it off or put something else on."

But as you sleep, and no one is listening
I will lift you off your feet, I'll keep you from sinking
Don't you wake up yet, cause soon I'll be leaving you, soon I'll be leaving you
But you won't be leaving me

"Iie, the music is fine, Rin," he answered her mind and eyes focused elsewhere.

"Sesshoumaru-kun, daijoubu desuka?"

"Hai, daijoubu," Sesshoumaru answered while avoiding her eyes.

"Iie," she whispered standing in front of him and gazing into his eyes, "iie, you're not okay, Sesshoumaru-kun. I've never seen you act this way, you're not yourself. What's wrong Sesshoumaru-kun, please tell me what's wrong."

"It is none of your concern Rin."

Don't forget I'll hold your head, watch the night sky fading red

"This is where I disagree with you Sesshoumaru-kun, you're here in my apartment and I know you didn't come to stare at a portrait of a complete stranger, that is what makes it concern me. I am your friend Sesshoumaru, or do you not consider a ningen like me worthy of that?"


But as you sleep, and no one is listening
I will lift you off your feet, I'll keep you from sinking
Don't you wake up yet, cause soon I'll be leaving you
Soon I'll be leaving you, but you won't be leaving me

Sesshoumaru turned his head away from he, his amber eyes gazing out the window seeing Tokyo at twilight. He did not answer her, mind twisting over words, explanations, everything but the truth, "My Father has issued me an ultimatum, I am to marry within one year or Inuyasha will become Father's only heir."

"Nani," Rin whispered in shock, "that is horribly unfair although I doubt it would be very hard for you to do. Just find a female youkai, woo her, marry her, I'm sure that you are acquainted with several unmarried youkai females.

"Iie," Sesshoumaru answered, "while I do know several female youkai I do not tolerate their presence, none of those females interest me."

"Oh come on Sesshoumaru, you must have at least one female friend. What about Kagura?"

"I would never marry Kagura, and contrary to what you believe Rin, I only have one female friend and that is you."

"I am not marrying you Sesshoumaru," Rin answered firmly.

Sesshoumaru gave her a short glare, "I was not asking you to Rin, I refuse to take a ningen as a mate." Sesshoumaru inwardly winced at the harshness of his voice, he knew why Rin refused to marry him, new the reasons extremely well. Once she married, forbidden was work, the only job available to her- that of house and home, that of raising children, a custom that was slow to change.

"This predicament, it is not the only thing that bothers you is it Sesshoumaru-kun, it's about Inuyasha isn't it."

"It-"

"It does concern me, Sesshoumaru-kun, Inuyasha is also my friend and I know he has no desire to take over your Father's business or usurp your power and status. What went wrong between the two of you?"

Sesshoumaru sighed, "It is a story that I have no desire to recall, it plagues me in my dreams haunts my waking hours, the memories constantly remind me of the mistakes I made.

By youkai standards, I was an adolescent, in ningen terms I was sixteen years old, old enough to attend the youkai social gatherings that Father held. Inuyasha, Inuyasha was still a child, a mere eight years old –in terms of a ningen's age of course- thus he was unable to attend these gatherings. These gatherings turned out to be my undoing, for it was there that I first heard the phrase "worthless hanyou," I was shocked to here it used and became angry when I realized they spoke of my otouto-san. However, I did not challenge these youkai for they were- are too influential and Father needs their support our business is to survive, that proved also to be a disastrous mistake. The more I heard the phrase and the reasons for it, the more I watched Izayoi and Inuyasha, the more sense it made, my mind, poisoned with these thoughts, scorned the humanity of my half-brother of my step-mother. I am ashamed to say this, but I broke a very important promise and I single-handedly destroyed the bond between Inuyasha and I, all for vanity and pride.

This is Inuyasha's best opportunity to take revenge for all the mental anguish I forced upon him, preventing me from finding a suitable mate, from marrying and assuming my place in the family business. If I lose my inheritance, if I lose my status he can enact a fitting revenge, I will receive what I gave unto him. Except the stigma of being a hanyou will not be upon me, however, everyone shall know that a hanyou bested me. Inuyasha probably loathes me enough to take advantage of this weakness of mine and destroy me, he is completely capable of doing it."

"Don't think so poorly of Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, it is beyond him to do something that heinous to you, I'm not saying he can't, I'm saying he won't. Not to you, you're still his otouto-san, you are that before anything else, and you know the saying "blood is thicker than water."

Sesshoumaru turned to look at Rin, "Your optimism overwhelms me, how can you be so sure that Inuyasha won't do this?"

"Do you know your brother so little? I always thought of you being brilliant Sesshoumaru-kun, but when it comes to matters of emotion and family you blunder around like a man in the dark."

"Rin I believe that you need to calm down, perhaps we ought to finish this conversation at a later date."

"I am completely calm Sesshoumaru-kun."

"Rin are you aware that you addressed me as Sesshoumaru, not Sesshoumaru-kun, not once but four times since I arrived?

A hot blush covered Rin's face turning not only her cheeks red but also her ears and neck, "I-I did? Sumimasen, Sesshoumaru-kun I didn't mean to, it won't happen again."

"Are you Rin? I'm not sure I am, don't worry about it though."

Rin mutely nodded her head before turning to look at her bookshelf along the wall and walked over to it.

"Father actually mentioned you as a possibility for a mate, it appears that Inuyasha mentioned you to him."

Rin turned around, a copy of Annie Dillard's Pilgrim at Tinker Creek in her hand, "I believe you've read this book before, in American literature. Do you mind if I read a few excerpts of it aloud?" she asked, completely ignoring his previous comment and at Sesshoumaru's approval, she began to read.

"What do we think of the created universe, spanning an unthinkable void with an unthinkable profusion of forms? Or what do we do we think of nothingness, those sickening reaches of time in either direction?" Her voice soothed his frayed nerves and as she read the problems that plagued him faded, pushed into the darkest recesses of his mind. Truth be told he rather enjoyed her reading, it allowed him time to relax and question other things, things that did not trouble him personally. He remembered the book, remembered writing on it along with Henry David Thoreau's book Walden.

Time passed, the sky darkened, however, everything outside the studio apartment was irrelevant, like the silence in the other apartments was irrelevant, just like time was irrelevant. Occasionally Rin paused in her reading to drink from a glass of water before continuing, the even tone of her voice combined with exhaustion from the mental turmoil he endured over the past few days lulled him into a semi-conscious state. Eyes half-lidded and seated in an armchair Sesshoumaru barely registered the words she read, distantly he realized that he felt grateful for the mundane reading.

"I suppose we could, if we really needed to, if there was no other alternative," Rin whispered.

Her words startled Sesshoumaru, startled him out of his stupor and he gazed questioningly at her, "Do what Rin?"

She turned her head away, "Get married, if there was no alternative, if you can not find a youkai to take as your mate."

"No, Rin," she looked at him, "I can not ask you to sacrifice yourself and your happiness in such a way."

"You're my friend Sesshoumaru, I can't allow you to lose everything you've worked for because of some petty agreement your father made. I'd never forgive myself, knowing that I could've helped and Inuyasha wouldn't forgive me if he ever learned that I could've helped. Like it or not, Sesshoumaru he's your brother, he's family and he does care about you."

He felt grateful, reassured by her words overly optimistic as they were regarding Inuyasha, and too benevolent concerning her willingness to help him, regardless of consequence, "Thank you." He fervently hoped that he never accepted her offer, even if she wasn't a ningen, he found it dishonorable to use her in such a way and she was a ningen and that made it even worse.

There was never any place
For someone like me
To be totally happy
I'm running out of clock
And that ain't a shock
Some things never do change
Never do change
Something Corporate – Cavanaugh Park

The song used in the chapter was As You Sleep by Something Corporate