icygirl2, this chapter should answer your question. I probably should have had this chapter looked over but I don't have a beta so, meh.
(Can't fight it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
Can't scream it all away
Ooh, it all away
Ooh, it all away
Chapter 10
Sesshoumaru's cell phone rang, breaking the silence of his study disturbing him from his perusal of the company's paperwork. Irritated Sesshoumaru glanced at the number before he flipped it open and answered with a curt, "Moshimoshi."
"Hey, Sesshoumaru, it's me, let me talk to Rin."
"No. Call her on her cell phone."
"I did but the call won't go through, c'mon Sesshoumaru, Kagome really wants to talk to her."
"I told you, no, Inuyasha, call her on her cell phone."
"I told you that I tried damn it, but the damn call won't go through."
"Nonsense, I have not heard it ring at all today, therefore it can only be concluded that you are lying."
"Damn it Sesshoumaru, you insufferable bastard I tried, I fucking tried maybe there's something wrong will her cell, but I am not lying about my failed attempts. Check her cell-phone, you feminine asshole."
Sesshoumaru bit back a growl at Inuyasha's words nevertheless he stood and walked out of the study, he knew where Rin kept her cell phone and he decided to check for himself the veracity of Inuyasha's bold accusations. He picked up the silver apparatus and fought back a groan, it was turned off not on silent, but completely off, Inuyasha spoke the truth. He left the room and went in search of Rin, he found her in the bedroom lying on the bed reading a book, not a worthless romance he noticed upon glancing at the title, but a novel that involved romance as a subplot. He walked up to her ignoring the confusion in her eyes before handing him his cell phone, ignoring her question and walked out the room, he needed isolation barely noticing Rin's voice as she spoke to Inuyasha.
He did not want Rin to speak to his brother's mate, the presumptuous miko who did not understand that certain matters did not concern her, her filthy hanyou husband and the whelp in her womb. He felt immense relief at being across the ocean from the idiotic pair; especially now that Rin was no longer in Kagome's immediate presence pregnancy was contagious. He knew the science of conception, knew the science of pregnancy, and knew that pregnant women released hormones that caused other females around them to want to become pregnant as well and so he dragged Rin away from the miko as quickly as he could without drawing too much attention to his true motives. As far as he was concerned, there were absolutely no plans for children and the relationship he held with Rin, for the time being at least.
Seconds ticked by, turning into minutes, that tuned into an hour, and time continued to pass, how much time he didn't notice didn't care, it was all irrelevant, meaningless numbers and measurements that dictated life. He barely registered Rin's scent growing stronger, barely noticed her quite footsteps behind him, and barely registered the cell phone that was gently handed back to him, the call still connected.
"Inuyasha."
"Sesshoumaru, th-thank yu-yu-you for letting Kagome talk to Rin, we both know that you were under no obligation to do so."
Sesshoumaru did not answer, Rin was still within hearing range and he had no desire to let her hear him break into another senseless argument with Inuyasha, of course Inuyasha was always the one at fault, filthy hanyou that he was.
"Listen, we both know that aging is a disease, and that they're working on ways to stop it. They have this experimental procedure out, Kagome was looking into it and we were wondering if Rin-"
"No."
"I understand."
"No you do not; you think you understand which is not the same as actually understanding. Understand?"
"Eh?"
"As I thought."
"Bastard."
"Hanyou."
"Rin's too good for you."
"I know," Sesshoumaru murmured before hanging up on his younger brother, "I know." He stood and left his office once more, walking back to where Rin's cell phone lay, he picked it up turned it on and walked to their bedroom before gently depositing it on their bed, "You shouldn't leave your cell phone turned off, next time I might not be here at home."
She blushed at her absentmindedness before picking up the phone, "Hai, Sesshoumaru, I won't forget next time."
kowagatte fumi dasezuni iru ippo ga
kasanatte isukara ka nagaku nagai
michi ni natte te okure ni nattarishite
sono uchi ni nani to naku ima no basho mo
warukunai kamo nante omoidashite
nani to ka jibun ni riyuu tsuketarishita
…
nani daka subete ga chippoke de
chiisana katamari ni mieta no ha
aoida sora ga amari ni hatenaku
hiro sugita kara datta no kamo shirenai
kimo no tonari ni itakara kamo shirenai
atama de ha wakatteru tsumori demo ne
sure chigaudoko ka no dare ka no koto
furikaette nagamete ha urayandari
Hamasaki Ayumi – Fly High
The sound of water reverberated in his ears, the scent of brackish water assaulted his nose, and Rin was oblivious to all of it except the water bursting into the air and falling against the pond, putting oxygen into the water. Her gaze was on the fish, the multi-colored fish that the restaurant kept in a pond that bordered the restaurant on two sides and visible from all the windows.
Rin turned her gaze to the menu before gasping, "That's horrible."
Sesshoumaru looked at her, "What is?"
She pointed to the restaurant's mascot, a large rock shrimp, "That's a shrimp right, well," she pointed to what was cooking, "those are also shrimp, he's eating his own kind."
Sesshoumaru smirked as he realized the truth of her observation – leave it to an artist to notice such a mundane thing, "Perhaps he is a cannibal."
She laughed, and Sesshoumaru realized that he liked her laugh; he always liked to hear her laughter especially when he caused her to laugh – with the exception of when she laughed at him of course.
"Are you two ready to order?" the waitress asked.
"Yes," Rin answered cheerfully
Sesshoumaru ignored her words, the waitress's reply, his attention on the scene outside the restaurant, on the splashing, on the bright midday sun, Florida the Sunshine State indeed. When the waitress turned to him and asked for his order he answered her mechanically, her presence of little consequence, her ningen body, and mind, her mundane comments did not interest him.
He did not like this city; it was too small, too quiet, and too underdeveloped compared to New York, compared to Tokyo. However, Rin wanted to explore the area around Orlando, wanted to see something aside from large buildings, freeways, expressways, malls, and fences. He knew that their time spent in New York was hectic, between meetings, social functions, purchasing office space, hiring employees, and overseeing the beginnings of the new branch of the company. Another section of the company needed a foundation in Florida; the options left open were Tallahassee, Jacksonville, Orlando, Tampa, and Miami. She did not want to stay in Tallahassee, or Jacksonville or even Tampa for the matter, and he refused to stay in Miami, the Hispanic population there almost made it a requirement to know Spanish as well as English. Which brought them to Orlando, central Florida, Sea World, Disney Land, and Universal Studios, for some reason he felt conned now that he considered the theme park attractions.
Heat, unbearable and stifling blanketed the city, suffocating all who lived there in its warmth, the temperature was meaningless, but the humidity in the air worsened the situation - heavy and moist. Inwardly, Sesshoumaru was grateful for the invention of air-conditioning, the unbearable heat lengthened the days, not a breath of air stirred, and the blinding sun shone mercilessly, oh yes he was grateful for the air-conditioning as well as the building in which he resided having no need to leave the comforts of modern technology. The cold winter of New York seemed a distant memory, the snow a welcomed change but snow was unfeasible in such a tropical climate like Orlando, Florida, never mind the fact that he'd heard stories of snowfall in Jacksonville and reports that snow had fallen in this disguised oven. He turned from his position on the sofa to look at Rin, sitting cross-legged on the floor photographs surrounding her in a sea of color, glossy in the indoor lighting. He stood and walked over to where she was careful not to tread on the multitude of photographs, pausing to glance at several of them noting the smiling faces and humorous poses.
Sesshoumaru picked up one photograph, it was a ningen male ebony hair, almond shaped brown eyes, and a large smile spread across a tanned face and felt the twinge of an unknown emotion. "Who is he?"
Rin stared at the photograph, a bitter half-smile on her lips as the current picture in her hand lay forgotten, "He was a friend, a long time ago." She took the photo out of his hand and stared down at it with a look of utmost melancholy, "He was the type of person who would always listen to anyone's problems regardless of how petty and who never seemed to get angry. He was my best friend.
Several of my other friends saw us together and noticed how close we were, how he'd always give me a hug in greeting and a hug to say good-bye, they kept saying that we'd make a cute couple and," here she winced, "that we'd make pretty babies. I kept telling them that they were insane, that he already had a girlfriend, and that I did not think of him that way. However, all my words fell on deaf ears they kept harping and repeating the same things over and over, I started to think that maybe they were right and then he broke up with his girlfriend. I don't know why I did what I did but well, things happen, we started going out but the "romance" was short-lived, after that, everything was awkward between us and he was no longer my best friend, the friendship was ruined. Looking back, if I could change what happened I would, I don't miss the boyfriend but I mourn for the lost friendship."
Sesshoumaru noticed the sadness, the remorse, and bitterness that exuded from her she missed the ningen and dredging up the memories reopened the soul wounds. He looked at the other picture, the one she held in her hand and hoped that it held happier memories.
"Fond memories?" he asked looking at the picture she held in her hand – two smiling faces one face belonging to Rin the other some unknown ningen female the epitome of friendship, or so it appeared.
"They were, at one point in my life."
"Who is she?"
"She was a friend, a long time ago," she answered with a rueful smile.
"Was?"
"We had a falling out," she answered not giving him any more details.
Sesshoumaru did not ask for more detail, though he felt curiosity he knew that Rin deserved her privacy and he'd already caused her to dredge up an overwhelming amount of regret and sadness as it was, "I see."
She shrugged, "It's not that unusual, Sesshoumaru. It's part of life you make friends lose them and then find yourself becoming friends with people you once disliked find yourself having civil conversations with them having some of the same tastes in music or art or books, sharing the same opinions on life and politics. It's mind-boggling sometimes to see how much a person changes over time how you find out that that person, who you thought you knew so well, was a stranger to you and that you never really knew them at all. You find yourself working so hard, putting forth your best efforts and finding it all for naught and then you wonder if it was really worth it, worth all the stress, the sleeplessness, the hysteria. You cry on your friends shoulder when your efforts were wasted whispering your ponderings to them and become shocked to hear them echo your thoughts and fears and both of you wonder. Whatever happens happens you can't control the course of life, all you can do is make the most of it and not shut down and let yourself collapse, strive to make the most of your situation and life don't live your life with regrets and move forward."
"Life is not always easy," he agreed, "nor is it fair, sometimes the hand we are dealt is a bitter pill but it is all we have to work with. Die with no regrets, no wishing that you had made different decisions in the course of your life no wondering about the what-ifs, life is far too short even for a youkai to waste on menial matters."
"Sometimes I feel that I shan't like to live forever, for me semi-immortality appears to be both a curse and a blessing a nightmare and fantasy the grotesque sweetness of a much hated confection. Nothing in this world is has the possibility of obtaining true immortality, Sesshoumaru, not even you a taiyoukai, do you know why? Because it is unfeasible, everything in the world that possesses life requires oxygen to live you could still die if incarcerated in an airless room, you could still drown, Sesshoumaru. You have a heart Sesshoumaru, it is the organism that pumps blood through your veins, which carries oxygen through your body and removes carbon dioxide from it, if your heart was removed or if it ceased to work, your life would end. However, the most important part of your body, your mind is also the most impossible to repair, an artificial heart can substitute your real one oxygen can be contained, but your mind once it dies you die, the body may live on but that is all it is an empty shell no better than a cadaver.
Immortality, immortality, everyone desires immortality to live in eternity, nevertheless I daresay I would not enjoy watching all I loved fade and crumble, trees I drew and observed be ripped out of the soil for mortar and stone to take its place to see the same mistakes repeated, history is a vicious cycle that repeats and circles the merciless pattern of a much hated math sequence. I loath and despise the idea, I really do. However, sometimes I also wonder if this pursuit of immortality has a moral standing, perchance it has hidden benefits, I cannot say."
"Living for a long time is not a wretched existence, Rin," Sesshoumaru admonished, somewhat surprised that she did not desire immortality as most ningens did, but then again she wasn't most ningens – she was Rin. "There are benefits to possessing a seemingly endless life, it offers a longer frame of time to experience life and learn from it, it offers more time rectify mistakes or to cause the error to become more egregious, leaving little room for regrets."
"Time, that word is wretched, Sesshoumaru and because of its inconsistency I loathe it with every fiber of my being. Time, what is time, Sesshoumaru? Does it really exist or is it merely a figment of the mind created as another meaningless unit of measure or another intangible psychological belief like emotions? Is it real, Sesshoumaru? Moreover, if it is pray tell what the proper definition of it is. Why must everyone both youkai and ningen wait to act, the phrase tomorrow is constant and no one acts unless coerced to.
"Never denounce your own race, little one," Sesshoumaru replied. "These questions you ask have no real answer, the workings of the mind are too complex to be fully explained without a reasonable doubt, and it is all a matter of opinion. You wonder and ask questions, this is good for it demonstrates that humanity has not destroyed your curiosity. It is curiosity that drives you to act; to seek the truth but you will never find the truth because your senses and mine own are limited that we will always overlook something. All that can be done is to wonder, speculate existence, and wonder more. This is why theories and hypothesis exists and why laws are almost impossible to disprove."
"I was not denouncing my race. And don't call me little one, it makes me feel childish and I'm not a child."
"By ningen standards you are a woman nevertheless by youkai standards you are merely a child barely old enough to fully appreciate your surroundings."
"You're not that much older than me, Sesshoumaru," she muttered peevishly and at Sesshoumaru's arched eyebrow she quickly added, "Figuratively speaking of course."
"I am decades older than you Rin, by physical appearance I am not much older than you although I am more experienced and mentally older than you. Even so, this is all, of course, figuratively speaking," he said smirking.
She gave him a glare, which only served to amuse him more, Rin's eyes narrowed, "Do I amuse you?"
Sesshoumaru was tempted to answer honestly but decided that honesty in such a situation appeared completely tactless and opted to dissemble the situation, "I find this conversation highly educational and mentally stimulating thus I find pleasure and amusement in it."
"Right, you're lying aren't you?" she asked disdain dripping from her voice.
Inwardly, Sesshoumaru winced and answered resignedly, "Yes."
"I figured as much."
"How were you able to decipher my true thoughts?"
"And give you means to fix your problem? No way, if I did that I'd never be able to discern your moods and thoughts."
"I'm glad that my plight gives you an advantage, I am completely at your mercy now, and when people see me on the street they will assume that I am abused at home. The world will turn against me in their pity."
"You're a cynic you know that."
"So I've been told, quite vigorously and with a number of colorful words attached to that phrase." Her response was so quite Sesshoumaru pretended that he did not hear it.
"Sesshoumaru, you do know that there is a correlation between cynicism and heart disease."
"Correlation does not mean causation and I am a youkai."
"And being a youkai makes you immune to any ill-health?"
"But of course, except for within the lesser youkai species but they are as I said lesser youkai."
"Ostentatious, male," she muttered.
"I am a taiyoukai; it bestows upon me the right and privilege to view myself as far superior to the uncouth youkai."
Rin looked at him in disbelief, "My good sir," she began with the tiniest of smiles, "I am sorry to say that this conversation is rapidly turning into a slippery slope, thus I bid you good day and will extract myself from your presence."
Sesshoumaru feigned a slightly affronted look, "My dear lady, am I to assume that you find me arrogant?"
"Pray tell good sir, what was your first clue?" Rin asked struggling to keep her face in a neutral expression.
"Why, haven't you guessed, of course I realized your intentions when you denounced me as an ostentatious male."
"But of course, how foolish of me to assume that an intellectual creature such as yourself would overlook such a comment."
"My dear lady, it is impossible for me to ignore the words of a remarkable person such as yourself, your every word and every action is engraved into my memory and not even the smallest action passes me unnoticed."
Rin burst into uncontrollable laughter, shoulders shaking tears leaking from her eyes. Wiping the moisture from her eyes Rin looked at Sesshoumaru, a smile spread across her face, "Honestly, Sesshoumaru how can you tolerate speaking such meaningless drivel and manage to keep a straight face?"
"My dear lady, meaningless drivel you say – I am crushed by your bold words, here I am pouring my soul out to you my fragile heart dangling from my sleeve and you ridicule my action, can it be that you my fair lady are a minx?"
"And now you're just being ridiculous, stop the act Sesshoumaru its only funny the first three times – the rule of three remember."
"Appalled by your lack of responses?"
"Sesshoumaru," Rin began her voice held an undercurrent of irritation.
"Very well," Sesshoumaru ceded to her command, while Rin's patience was seemingly infinite, the temper shrouded beneath it was a raging inferno.
"I suppose there is a benefit to immortality," she said in a voice barely above a whisper, "for you at least, Sesshoumaru," she refused to meet his gaze eyes focused on some far nonexistent place, "when I die you can choose a suitable mate to carry on your family's bloodline and not worry about the taint of humanity." She stood suddenly, moving away from the photographs, away from their moment of happiness, away from him.
"No, it is not a benefit, Rin," he murmured knowing that she didn't hear him, but he did not repeat his statement coward that he was when a situation involved emotions and admitting affection of others, better to let her soul bleed from a never healing wound than admit his weakness. He stood, back turned to her, and walked out of the room not pausing to look back, not stopping to reassure her, to offer comfort, not pausing to see the utter look of despair and sadness on her face. however, the scent of tears the sound of heaving breath increased heartbeat did not escape his senses, the quiet cries tore at him, ripped at his moral fiber and still he continued to walk away from her, putting yet another wall between them and a never-ending silence.
So it brings us back to this
Something's got to give
So are you listening?
Or are you coming around again?
All deliberate speed – Lately you've been contemplating
Is this real or is this fading? What brought you here in the first place?
Well everyone around us screams, "It's got to be and it's got to hit you"
Well you and me well we can change the world
Mae – All Deliberate Speed
Ebony locks twisted around her fingers, a mass of silk, thick and glossy, soft to the touch, she pinned the last strand up checking her reflection in the vanity mirror, ebony hair and a white porcelain face stared back at her, mocking and cold. White slender fingers lifted the lid of her jewelry box pulling out a pair of diamond teardrop earrings, a diamond bracelet, a diamond-studded choker followed soon after as well as a white gold ring before she closed the lid. A black make-up case replaced the space previously occupied by the jewelry box, a tube of red lipstick, eyeliner, mascara, rouge, and eye shadow removed and replaced each action almost mechanical, cold, and emotionless.
Sesshoumaru watched her prepare for Shikomaru's cocktail party, the black dress chosen for the occasion gave her an even further resigned look, he hated to see her dressed in black, and its despondent reputation did not suit her. Ever since their conversation about immortality she appeared distant, the smiles never truly reaching her eyes, her happy disposition muted and smothered by the aura of sadness that enshrouded her, no laughter no easy banter just polite responses as if they were only acquaintances and not friends.
She finally turned around to face him, "How do I look, Sesshoumaru?" she asked her tone resigned, face an expressionless mask, brown eyes filled with hopelessness, a stranger.
He looked at her, at the black dress the painted face, the elegant hairstyle, the expensive jewelry and realized an important fact, "You look like Rin," he answered truthfully because the clothing, hair and accessories were powerless to hide her from the world.
For the first time since that fateful afternoon a glimmer of happiness appeared in her eyes, a small smile tugged at the corner of her painted lips, "Yes, I suppose I do." She walked over to him and began to straighten his tie, smoothing out the nonexistent wrinkles in his shirt, hands trembling out of nerves, she never liked the social functions they attended, youkai saw very little use in ningens and did nothing to control their tongues on the subject.
Sesshoumaru took her hands in his effectively stopping them, knowing that her exhausted nerves impeded her rationality, he tried to sooth her, "Calm yourself, Rin, no ill-fortune will befall you whilst you are in my presence, this Sesshoumaru gives you his word on that and this Sesshoumaru never forgoes his word, you of all people know this."
"I know, it's just that this is the first time that I will attend a social gathering and be the only ningen in attendance, Shikomaru-sama loathes ningens and we all know what he thinks of our marriage."
"What Shikomaru thinks is of little concern to me, I still outrank him in power and social status, and he'd be a fool to attempt anything."
She sighed, nodded her head, and looked up at him, "I suppose your right, and I just can't help but worry though because I feel that I will be out of my league."
"You are my mate, thus you are above all of them, and they will defer to you."
She didn't answer but moved to pick up her small handbag from the bed, she opened it, checked the contents before closing it once more. She walked up to him, placed her hand in his, and gave him a nervous smile, "Let's go."
The closer to the formal reception room they got the more Rin's small hand trembled in his; he tightened his hold on her fingers, leaned closer to her and whispered in her ear, "Relax." Letting go of her hand, it appeared far too intimate for his liking, he slipped his arm through hers, a more formal approach that served a second purpose, she could hold onto him with both arms and not appear weak while remaining in his protective hold.
Sesshoumaru nodded in greeting at several youkai that he knew by name and reputation, some he'd seen at previous events while others were complete strangers to him. Female youkai dressed formally in clothing of various colors, eyed him with feral smile while giving Rin looks of utmost contempt and abhorrence. The male youkai nodded in acknowledgement of his presence, several giving him a customary bow and murmured his name while casting contemplative looks at Rin, calculating and malicious. Sesshoumaru spied Shikomaru's burgundy colored hair and walked towards him, noting the wineglass the other youkai held in his hand.
"Ah, Sssessssshoumaru," Shikomaru called out in his sibilant voice upon seeing him, "ssso glad you were able to attend my humble gathering, and I sssee you brought your young ningen mate with you, how, quaint." He turned to Rin giving her a toothy grin, displaying his fangs, "Rin-chan, why don't you be a dear and let me ssspeak with Sssessssshoumaru for a moment, run along now."
Sesshoumaru growled softly, "Shikomaru, do not address my mate so familiarly and never speak to her in that tone. She is no child, nor is she a simpleton."
"My apologiesss, Sssessssshoumaru, I meant no insssult."
"It's alright, Sesshoumaru," Rin whispered detaching herself from him, "Excuse me," she whispered bowing to Shikomaru.
Sesshoumaru stared at his mates retreating figure, assuring himself that no youkai would attempt to attack her.
"I never knew you to be ssso possssessssive of a sssimple ningen, Sssessssshoumaru, normally you ssscorn them asss much asss I. hasss your little mate changed you sooo much?"
"I have no reason to explain my actions to you."
Shikomaru smirked, "It ssseemsss that I have ssstruck a nerve. You appear to be very protective of her. Sssurprisssing, consssidering the fact that ssshe hasss not given you an heir, perhapssss you only chossse her to appeassse your Father. That or ssshe isss worthlessss in-"
"Do not cross that line, Shikomaru."
"Afraid to acknowledge that my wordsss are true, Sssessssshoumaru?"
"This Sesshoumaru fears nothing, Shikomaru."
"Then why do you ssspeak ssso little of your relationssship with your ningen?"
"It is none of your concern."
"That or you are hiding sssomething, Sssessssshoumaru, we have all heard the rumorsss."
"Rumors are just that, rumors."
"That may be but they alwaysss have sssome truth to them. Your honored Father isss angry at you becaussse of the lack of an heir. Doesss ssshe repulssse you ssso much that you can not-"
Sesshoumaru growled at Shikomaru before lunging at him knocking the reptilian youkai to the ground, Sesshoumaru's claws poised above him glowing a deadly green, "I warned you not to cross that line Shikomaru." Acid seeped from his claws dripping onto the floor, he ignored the startled gasps of the other youkai, bloodlust in his veins anger at Shikomaru for daring to insult his mate, "Die."
Suddenly a scent was there, the sweet smell of perfume and a familiar voice crying out, "Dame! Sesshoumaru," and then she was there pleading with him to not kill Shikomaru to not deign himself to that level, to just leave. He stood slowly, eyes frigid, he grasped Rin by the arm leading her away from the fallen youkai, she didn't need to see an execution.
"Running away like a whipped puppy, Sssessssshoumaru? Jussst becaussse your ningen begged you to? Your ningen that can't even provide you with an heir."
Sesshoumaru turned back to look at Shikomaru, snarling, eyes red and enraged. Shikomaru stared at him, eyes widened slightly in fear. "Watch your back Shikomaru, when you least expect it I will be there to call in this debt."
The apartment was quite when they arrived, the silence that remained through the drive home carried inside not chased away by the soft light of the apartment. Rin walked away from him, heading to their bedroom.
"Jaken."
"Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama?"
"Help Rin prepare for bed, draw her bath and lay out her clothing."
"Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama."
He walked into his study, shutting the door behind him, sitting in the darkness, contemplating remembering and finding that he held no regrets. The apartment was silent; save for the sound of running water Jaken was drawing Rin's bath and the tick tock of the clock. Drawers opening and closing, shifting cloth, the sound of their comforter and blankets being moved soothed him, calming his ire, he saw through the haze, was able to think rationally. The seconds ticked by, water draining, a door opening, soft footsteps, silent movements, rustling cloth, he stood an walked slowly out of the room. he saw her sitting on the bed, dressed in one of Jaken's choices, a crimson nightgown. Slowly he sat down on the opposite side of her, back resting against the footboard, legs stretched out in front of him.
"Why?" she asked looking at him with her large, clear brown eyes.
He didn't answer.
"Why did you attack Shikomaru-sama, Sesshoumaru?"
The silence grew thicker, denser, suffocating.
"Answer me Sesshoumaru, why were you so adamant about trying to kill him?"
He looked at her, barely suppressed rage at the memories visible in his amber eyes, "He insulted you."
She looked at him incredulously, "It's not the first time a youkai insulted me because of my humanity nor will it be the last. What difference did it make this time?"
He snarled, "He insulted you in my presence, to my face, debasing you without mercy. You are my mate," he grabbed her by the shoulders, "you are mine and no one insults what is mine. Mine. My mate, my ningen, my possession and he insulted you. Insulted what is mine, insulted me and for that he needed to be punished."
"He spoke the truth Sesshoumaru; I haven't given you an heir."
He suddenly let go of her, turning his head away, "It is no fault of yours. The problem is mine, mine to carry, mine to remember, only mine. I created the problem."
"Let me-"
"No," he answered, "no."
She slowly moved her hand up, moving to remove the jacket he wore he caught her smaller hand in his and slowly shook his head, no. "I'm your wife, Sesshoumaru," she cried crystalline tears spilling from her eyes making wet glistening paths down her face, "please let me help you, let me share the burden with you. I'm your wife; it's my duty to help you carry the burden, to be there for you, to aid you in a time of need." She buried her head into his shirt, hand fisting, wrinkling the material, "Onegai, Sesshoumaru," she whispered sobs wracking her body. Her shoulders shook, her breath came in shallow gasps, the front of his shirt was damp, and her piteous sobs filled his ears.
Sesshoumaru wrapped his arms around her, drawing her closer to him, he didn't speak, didn't deny or acknowledge her words, he just held her, held her until finally exhausted she fell asleep in his arms.
He gazed at her sleeping form cradled in his arms, the tears that spilled from her eyes dried leaving tracks on her porcelain face, her ebony hair unbound and spilling over her shoulders, the crimson nightgown's strap slipping down her arm, he slid it back up. He fingered several strands of her ebony locks, what separated ningens from youkai that possessed human forms, what truly was the difference between them aside from longevity and the rate that their bodies healed. Ebony hair, not all youkai possessed hair colors that differed from the stereotypical ningen; Kouga's hair for example was also ebony, just like Rin's silky locks. He traced her slender fingers, no claws, just simple ningen nails but not all youkai possessed claws, Shippou had no claws, Kouga and Ayame had no claws, it was not unusual. He traced the shell of her ear, rounded not pointed youkai ears, the physical difference was the shape of their ears but that was of little matter. He looked at her tranquil face, lips parted slightly, no fangs youkai whispered – ningens had no fangs but they did have fangs small fangs, tiny compared to those of a youkai but they were fangs. The only physical difference he realized were the ears, facial markings were irrelevant considering that only a few youkai actually possessed them. He did not enjoy examining her this closely when she was awake, awake to perceive his scrutiny to question it, questions that he was unable to answer, incapable of answering and unwilling to ponder.
"Are we really that different, " he whispered in her ear knowing that she wouldn't awaken, knowing that his words didn't register, weren't processed and encoded in her brain, "or is it all purely a mental set, an irreversible schema?"
Rin shifted in his arms, shivering slightly, burrowing deeper into his embrace, seeking warmth, the nightgown providing very little of it. He felt tempted to remain in the position that they were in, him sitting up her curled up in his arms, and just placing a blanket over her but knew better than to compromise her body – unaccustomed as she was to sleeping in that position.
He wondered, after hearing her tearful confession the heartfelt declaration, wondered about his feelings for her the possessive attachment, the tolerance, affection, the tranquility that surrounded him around her, the buoyancy of his emotions, and his unexplainable need to protect her. He cared for her, cared deeply about her, but the emotions that assaulted him were foreign, unheard of, and difficult for him to decipher. He adored her, cherished her, honored her, but to what extent he wondered how much affection did she garner from him, his affectation with her an ever-changing ambiguity. He kissed her forehead, a tender action that she'd never received from him, a blatant display of affection that no one before her received and no one was there to witness, she'd never know, and he'd never tell her. Gently he shifted her until he was able to stand with her in his arms, he was instantly glad that Jaken was sensible enough to draw the blanket and comforter back, and eased Rin back onto the bed, pulling the blankets around her. He brushed a few stray strands of ebony hair away from her face, she deserved better, and she deserved to be loved, to be happy.
Forgive my hesitation- oh, but I'm learning to trust in you
Help me to dream these dreams because I don't have a clue
If you'd be honest and say what you mean
you know I would promise I'd do anything
because I know that without you I'm giving it away
Is this what you wanted
Cause I'm willing to change
Now that I'm certain,
that there's much more to gain
You've introduced me to the moment
but I'm looking to stay for good
You've asked me to stay forever
Well, you know that I would, I would do anything
Mae – Giving it Away
Morning came swiftly, Sesshoumaru knew it was morning despite the darkness of the room, the curtains blocking out the sun's light. Memories of the night before came to him, Rin's words and action remained engraved in his thoughts. The youkai concept of mating differed from that of the ningens. Youkai did not mate for enjoyment; they mated out of duty, out of the primal need to continue the species, the instinct to continue the bloodline. Enjoyment of the act of copulation was rare, the instincts and reasons for the act driving out all other thoughts, not to mention the fact that many "marriages" between youkai was to incorporate better genes, to have stronger offspring, affection was of little consequence. However, Rin was a ningen; she had different opinions of the mating process and expected different things than what he expected.
"Jaken," Sesshoumaru called out leaving the dark confines of the bedroom where Rin still lay sleeping.
"Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama, what can I do for you?"
"Prepare a breakfast tray for Rin, fruits and a glass of juice – preferably oranges; leave it on the kitchen counter I will take it to Rin. Also, you are to leave and not return until I send for you, do not disobey me Jaken."
Jaken stared at Sesshoumaru, dumbfounded at his masters strange behavior but knew better than to question him, whatever the reason it was because of the night before, "Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama, I will do as you ask."
Sesshoumaru did not return to the bedroom, did not return to his study but picked up his cell phone and made several calls from the balcony, Jaken unable to hear his master's words worried even more. He left the tray on the counter as he was instructed and left the apartment, staring at his master's back and worried even more.
Sesshoumaru stared at the tray and removed everything from it except the oranges. Sesshoumaru returned to their bedroom, he noticed the bed was empty, the bathroom door closed and he heard the faucet running, he gently set the tray of oranges on the bedside table. The door opened and Rin stepped out, hair brushed, face washed, and teeth brushed, she paused at the sight of him. He nodded to the oranges and she walked towards the bed. She selected a slice and ate it, not looking at him. The scent of citrus was overwhelming, wafting from the orange, from her fingers and from her face were the juice dripped onto them. She selected another slice. When she finished she looked down at her hands and wrinkled her nose, standing she walked towards the bathroom and rinse her hands off removing the sticky juice but not the strong scent of citrus. She sat on the bed once more, and looked at him with her large brown eyes, the strap of her nightgown sliding off her shoulder. Sesshoumaru didn't think, he just acted, acted on what he thought was right.
He kissed her. She tasted of oranges, of the piquant saccharine taste of the navel orange – or perhaps it was just because she smelled of oranges, after all smell governed taste, whatever the reason he still tasted oranges on her. Whatever the reason, whether the taste of oranges came from the juice of the orange or from the scent of citrus, she tasted exotic, completely foreign – he'd never kissed a ningen before.
He drew back slowly, millimeter by millimeter, his amber eyes lingering on hers gauging their reaction and was pleased by what they saw, wide eyes, the pupils enlarged turning her eyes a deep rich chocolate, almost black in color. His eyes swept downward to her soft lips, parted – forming a small "o" slightly swollen and redder than usual from the pressure of his lips. The vein in the slender arch of her pale throat pulsed and throbbed rapidly, the rhythmic thudding of her heartbeat faster than normal resonated in his sensitive ears. He smirked, pleased by her reaction to him, the inner youkai howling triumphantly at his gradual claiming of his mate, of what belonged to him, only him and what was only for him to see. He leaned in once more.
"Sumimasen, Rin," he whispered before his warm lips descended onto hers, her lips were warm and soft, he moved his left hand to the back of her head gently pulling her closer to him.
A low growl of approval escaped him when he felt her respond, her arms tentatively moving up his arms – a phantom's touch – before coming to rest around his neck her soft cool fingers tangling in his silvery-white locks. He moved to kiss the corners of her mouth, her cheeks, her small delicate nose, her cheeks, closed eyelids, her smooth brow, before moving to nibble on her earlobe – smirking at her gasp of surprise. Her skin was cool beneath his lips, too cold for his liking but that was soon to be the least of both of their worries. He kissed down the side of her face nibbling on her jaw before kissing the slender arch of her milk-white neck, he tilted her head back to grant him better access reveling in the in the rapid increase of her heartbeat. Gently, so very gently Sesshoumaru pushed her back against the bed, her luxurious ebony hair spread around her, her porcelain face flushed pink eyes wide and dark, lips swollen and red. He leaned over her, careful not to place too much of his weight on her fragile ningen body, as his hair spread over them – a delicate silver curtain blocking their faces from view. His lips covered hers once more as his hands slid up her arms before shredding the delicate material of the crimson nightgown, taking care not to scratch her delicate skin.
From lashes to ashes
And from lust to dust
In your sweetest torment
I'm lost
And no heaven can help us
Ready willing and able
To lose it all
For a kiss so fatal
And so worn
It's heartache every moment
From the start to the end
It's heartache every moment
With you
And deeper into heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
Its heartache every moment
Baby with you
HIM – Heartache Every Moment
Sesshoumaru stared at his left hand, the fingers interlaced with the fingers of Rin's right hand, before staring at Rin's sleeping figure, her soft warm body leaning on his larger frame her head and torso pillowed on his chest and his right hand lay on the crown of her head. He smiled at her peaceful expression, knowing that no one was there to witness it, that she'd never know or see the smile meant for her and only her. His inner youkai slept within him, dormant know that his most basic and primal needs were abated, a sense of egotistical pride exuded from him – he'd marked his mate, demonstrated his dominance and ownership of her and she did not refuse him. It pleased him, pleased him on countless levels to know that she desired him – the inu youkai named Sesshoumaru. Not his money, not his status, not his father's company, not his looks and not for his youkai blood but his personality his likes and dislikes, his opinions and desires, for who he was not what he was and would always be. For this he would always be eternally grateful and for her he would sacrifice some of his ill-placed pride, his unfounded misconceptions, and his beliefs in order to make her happy and to give her a family, one that she'd always dreamed of: an understanding if not caring husband and children (pups) to call her own. This he could do for her and he would do for her.
He looked at her pale shoulder and winced inwardly, he'd bitten it earlier, not a deep puncture wound but it still looked sensitive and the faint scent of blood assaulted his nose. He felt the innate desire to lick the wound, the primitive inu side of his instincts coming into play, he knew his saliva held healing properties for him, he was unsure if it would work for a ningen. Still the urge to cleanse the wound, to lick it and heal it remained strong, reason losing to instinct and he found himself gently licking her shoulder, licking the wound he inflicted, tasting the acrid blood that emanated from it. Soon he felt that it was reasonably clean and that it would heal, but her sleeping position was uncomfortable for her, she'd awaken with a stiff neck if he didn't move her. Carefully, meticulously and oh so gently he untangled their fingers and turned them both until they laid on their sides, her back flush against his chest and his arms wrapped around her, her head nestled under his chin.
Pups, he thought as the edges of sleep brushed against his mind, hanyou pups, he subconsciously pulled Rin closer to him arms tightening around her; he needed to have a conversation with Inuyasha, soon.
Jaken walked down the streets of Orlando before looking up at the sky, at the radiant moon and suddenly stopped makinga quick mental calculation.
"It's nowhere near Rin's moontime!" he cried.