He lowers his face into the water as an experiment. He counts the seconds that pass and tries to think of other things.
That camping trip Connor had taken him and Roman on. That was a nice memory. Shiv had wanted to come too. "You're too young, honey," Connor had said patiently. "You're a girl," Kendall had whispered to her as they left. "Camping's not for girls."
The dog game with Roman. He had begged Kendall to lock him in the cage and bring him chew toys so many times. Once he had swapped the chocolate cake with real dog food for a joke. Roman had vomited and never asked to play the game again after that.
The birth of his kids. That has to be something to hold on to, but all he can see is the mistakes he's made since then. His wedding? He'd been high, had cheated on his bride-to-be at his bachelor party. And there was that homeless guy, the face tattoo a hilarious idea.
He can see it now. There was never a moment when he ruined his life and stopped being the person he was meant to be. The truth is, he's been a bad person all along.
He can't fight his instincts anymore. His head jerks up out of the water, gasping for air. The pool around him is silent. The world hasn't changed since he's been underwater.
His father was right, as usual. Two minutes can feel like a very long time.