Disclaimer: I don't own the OC

sorry if this is hard to read, I couldn't get the scene changes to show up!

Chapter 13

It had been a long and winding day. Full of ups and downs combined with cork screws and sudden twists. Sometimes life was exhausting. Dr. Brown rubbed his hand across his tired face trying to find some life saving answer in the battery of tests that sat innocently on his desk. He had been staring at them for the past hour, but nothing new jumped out at him. They were exactly the same as before. Looking at the clock on the wall, he saw that he needed a break to get some coffee. His patient could wait a minute. Walking down the hall after obtaining a cup of liquid that usually made him gagged; he sipped thankfully at the small break. Looking up, he was caught unprepared at the sight of a lone child curled up in the waiting room. She was thin, but appeared to be tall for her age that might have been about eight. Long dusky blond hair hung down a face that was involved in reading a paperback novel. As if noticing his eyes, she looked up questioningly, and Dr. Brown was caught unprepared at the maturity in her eyes. He was staring into the face of a young Marissa Atwood. Rubbing his eyes again, he looked at the girl but her features had not changed. She kept looking at him curiously. I didn't know Marissa and Ryan had a daughter…what is she doing here…how horrible this must be for her…how…

"Is there something you want?"

Dr. Brown was pulled out of his thoughts by the bold words spoken with a slight defiance. He tried to smile, but he thought that even his dead mother could have pulled it off better. "Are you waiting for somebody?"

She looked at him as if that was an obvious answer but shrugged her shoulders and replied, "We were waiting for my Mom, but then Ella insisted that she had to go to the bathroom and…"

Dr. Brown stopped listening after hearing that she had a sister. There were two daughters, two lives that were being destroyed in the face of a horrific disease. Turning back to the girl, he noticed her giving him a strange look and realized that he had been tuning her out. "Well in that case…" he didn't get to finish as she looked past him and yelled.

"Dad, finally!"

Dr. Brown turned around and for the third time was left stunned. Ryan Atwood was walking down the hallway with a little girl skipping at his side pushing a stroller where another daughter sat looking at the world with wide eyes. Three daughters, a family of five…

"We were not gone that long Nealy, only for about five minutes." Ryan gave his daughter an exasperated look and leaned over to pick Grace up from the stroller.

"I know but…" Nealy gave a head jerk toward Dr. Brown and inched her way over to her Dad latching on to Ella's hand.

"What? Oh, Dr. Brown I didn't know that was you. Is Marissa ready to go yet?" Ryan looked at the doctor that was standing there with confusion written across his face.

"Is there something wrong Dr. Brown?"

Dr. Brown jerked his head up and looked at Ryan in the eyes. "I wasn't…I wasn't aware that you and Marissa had children and three at that."

Ryan gave a short laugh and pulled Ella's braid. "Trust me, we didn't plan to have three before we were thirty, but Marissa and I got married when we were very young. Nealy was born soon after, and Ella followed two years later. Now Grace here, well Grace was our miracle baby."

Marissa stumbled through the dark house cringing at the fury of the wind shrieking against the world. She usually loved storms, but today was different. She kept a firm grip on three year old Ella's hand, and started down the stairs. The storm had caused the power of go out and at seven at night the house was ebony in color. Suddenly she lost her footing, and tumbled down the stairs managing to protect Ella from most of the impact. A deep searing pain ripped across her swollen abdomen, and she almost screamed in pain.

"Mommy, Ella hurt. Ella hurt." Crying softly, Ella leaned her head into Marissa's shoulder and pointed to her arm that hung at a funny elbow.

"Oh, Ella Bella," Marissa leaned over and wiped her daughter's tears and placed a kiss on her nose. "I'm so sorry. It is going to be okay baby, I promise." Ignoring the stabbing pain her in stomach, she tried to pick herself off the floor but found that she was unable. Wincing as the pain became sharper; she brushed her daughter's hair off her tiny face and looked into the cloudy eyes. "Ella, Mommy needs you to be very brave right now, okay I need you to go to Daddy's office and find Mommy's cell phone and…" Marissa gasped as her stomach tightened and then felt as if it was being ripped apart. Trying to keep her eyes opened, she blinked trying to make out her daughter's features but could only make out a shape. However, she could hear Ella crying and something inside her cracked at the thought that her daughter was in pain and she couldn't do anything about it. "Ella…" was all she was able to manage before a swirl of inky darkness descended leading her into oblivation where there was no pain.

Ryan stumbled into the dark house frantically trying to see something of resemblance. Tonight he had been with Seth having a guy's night out when the newscaster reported severe storms and power outages where the cottage by the sea stood. After trying to call Marissa several times, he had been unable to get a hold of her. Nealy was at Sandy and Kristen's for the night, so it was just Marissa, Ella, and the unborn baby in a big dark empty house. For some reason, an unexplainable fear lurked in the back of his mind. Racing through the dark rooms, he suddenly heard a soft whimper. "Marissa!" He yelled into the emptiness. There was no reply. Ryan yelled again, "Marissa, Ella!"

"Daddy?" Whimpered a tiny voice from somewhere in the back of the house.

Hurrying into the kitchen, he felt the breath whoosh out of him at the sight of an unconscious Marissa at the bottom of the stairs and tiny Ella curled in a ball. Marissa's arms and legs hung loosely, and Ella's arm was crooked. There was a pool of blood forming, and Ryan felt his mouth go dry. Rushing to his daughter, he kneeled down beside her a thousand thoughts running through his mind. "Everything is going to be okay baby; everything is going to be okay." Reaching into his coat pocket for his cell phone, he felt a small curl around his arm. "What is it Ella?"

"Mommy?" She asked innocently with a tiny quiver in her voice. "Mommy, okay?"

"Mommy will be okay Ella…she is just sleeping right now." He worried about lying to his daughter, but at this moment he wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't sure if he was even thinking properly. Another hand pat and he turned to his daughter again while dialing.

"Baby, Daddy? Baby okay?" She patted Marissa's slight bump that was visible and looked up at her father trustingly.

He had told her it was okay and it wasn't. His movements froze as he watched his youngest daughter pat her mother's seven month stomach. It was way too early and there was blood spilling across the floor. He worked his jaw and turned his attention back to the phone and dialed 911. Looking back at Ella waiting patiently for an answer, he realized he didn't know what to say. They needed a miracle right now.

"Grace was born that stormy night. Two months too early. She was so tiny and unable to breathe on her own." Ryan gently ran a hand through his daughter's fine hair and smiled up at Dr. Brown. "Marissa was in the hospital for over a week, and we didn't know if the baby was going to live. I still remember the day she started breathing on her own. It was a miracle."

Dr. Brown looked at the family minus one important member and felt a sense of comfort dwindled with deep sorrow. He felt a little hand pulling at his coat. Looking down, he found himself staring into five year old Ella's wide eyes. "Yes, sweetie?"

"Dr. Brown. We need a miracle again."

Marissa rolled over for the thousandth time and looked at the clock on the bed table. It glowed 5:43. Slumping back against the pillows, she crossed arms over her chest and stared at the ceiling. Not being able to sleep was awful. She felt exhausted but couldn't sleep. Looking over at Ryan, her gaze softened and she placed a hand against his cheek softly watching him breathe in and out…in and out…in and out. Feeling calm again, she shifted back down into the covers and curled up against Ryan. He automatically shifted in his sleep and pulled her body closer to his. Smiling, she wrapped her arms around torso and willed herself back to sleep unaware that when she had ran her hands through her hair…everything became real.

Summer let herself into the Atwood's cottage by the sea, and surveyed the kitchen with a raised brow.

"Don't say a thing Sum." Marissa warned coming into view with a basket full of laundry. "I know. I know. It is a mess."

"I don't know what you are talking about Coop; it looks the same to me." Throwing a teasing smile in her best friend's direction, she dodged a sock thrown in her direction.

"That was pitiful Coop. You know, we should have maybe played sports in high school?"

Looking at each other, they both said, "Nah," at the same time and broke out in giggles.

After recovering from her laughing attack, Marissa sat next to Summer on the coach. "So what are you doing here today Sum instead of being at work?"

"I thought we could spend the day just the two of us. Now that Nealy and Ella are in school and Grace I know is due at the Cohen's soon, I though we could do lunch."

"Lunch sounds great. Grace should be waking up from her nap soon. I just have to run her over and then…"

"No need Marissa. I'll take baby Atwood and deliver her to her doting grandparents. You just relax."

"Okay, thanks Sum. That sounds great actually. Let me go get her."

Marissa glanced at her watch and rushed into the bathroom trying to get finished before Summer showed up again. Grabbing a brush, she ran it through her tangle of messy hair while reaching for her toothbrush. Glancing back at the mirror, her movements became deathly still. Feeling goosebumps raise up over her arms, she ran shaky fingers through her hair and looked down at the evidence gripped in her fist. Slowly she closed her eyes, do not cry…do not lose it…you knew it was going to happen eventually…you knew….Looking back down at her hand, she carefully place the knot of hair on the sink. Automatically bringing her brush back up to her head, she brushed another long movement and watched as more hair spiraled down settling softly on the floor. With each brush, more hair tumbled off. Some in single winding strands, others in braids. With each brush, Marissa felt her control slipping. Her breath started to hitch, and tears started streaming down her face in silent waves. A small sob escaped and soon turned into full out hysterics. I'm too young…I loved my hair…I'll look funny…What will Ryan think…I'm scared…I don't want to die… She yanked the bottom cabinet open and searched ruthlessly for a shiny object. Gripping the long silver fingers in her hand, she stared into the mirror not recognizing the person standing in front of it. Tears were coursing down her cheeks while dark circles surrounded her watery eyes that were looking almost manic. Grasping a thick hand of hair, she closed her eyes tightly and snip…snip…snip

Summer walked up the stairs quietly thinking Marissa had maybe fallen asleep. She stopped and picked up a teddy bear in the hallway and was about to put it in Grace's room when she heard sobs coming from the end of the dark hall. Rushing into the bedroom that Ryan and Marissa shared, she pounded on the close door.

"Let me in Marissa. It is going to be okay. You just need to let me in sweetie. Please…" she begged as the gut renting sobs echoed throughout the silent house. Turning the knob, she was surprised that it twisted and slammed the door open. There stood Marissa hunched over the bathroom sink covered in wisps of hair ruthlessly cutting long blond locks with her eyes closed tightly. "Oh, honey," Summer whispered softly as Marissa turned surprised at seeing her. "Oh, Coop…here let me take those." She walked calmly over to Marissa and took the scissors without a fight. Marissa stood there staring at Summer with empty eyes.

"My hair…it was falling," she stopped unable to go on.

"It is okay sweetie, everything will be okay." Summer threw her arms around her closest friend and was relieved when she felt her arms hug back. Tears prickled and slightly fell down her face. Tightening her grip, Marissa started to sob and Summer felt her own tears mingle with those of her best friend. Together, they grieved for used to be and what was to come.

The clock ticked rhythmically throughout the cottage by the sea as the faint sound of waves was heard from the inky night. A fire roared warmly casting a shadow light on the truth. Marissa sat curled up in front of the fire staring into the flickering lights lost in memories. Taking a sip of hot chocolate, she looked up at the clock wondering where Ryan and the girls were. He was picking them up from after school play dates and the Cohen's. Summer had left just few minuets ago after spending the entire day watching her friend worriedly. Marissa had scared herself. Reaching up, she brushed her hand against the smooth skin that was covered by a dainty scarf expertly wrapped around her now light head. The destruction Marissa had raged on her tired hair was unfixable and everybody had done their best to try. Marissa had decided just to take it all off. It was going to happen eventually. She felt like she had lost something today. It was not just hair; it all seemed so real now. Sure she had been to the doctors and going to radiation, but the effects were not all the visible. Hair lost was a sudden lack of familiarity and comfort. It was not about being vain; it was about being a person. She was pulled out of her thoughts as a key turned in the lock and her precious family spilled into the house. Their voices mingled into a beautiful harmony despite the arguments, digs, laughs, and screams. Ella entered first and ran to her Mommy excited to tell her about the day. She was almost there when she stopped almost falling over her feet.

"Mommy, where did your hair go?" She looked at Marissa confused and surprised that her mother no longer had her long blond locks that she liked to play with.

Nealy entered next carrying Grace and stopped at Ella's words. She stared at her mother with worried eyes that quickly filled up with tears. Without realizing it, she reached up and brushed her own hair back from her face that everybody said was just like her Mom's. Nealy bit her lip trying not to cry as she saw her Mom slightly grimaced at the action and seemed to shrink slightly on the coach.

Ryan had stopped to pick up the girls' things knowing Marissa would get upset later and had not witnessed the scene in the living room. Walking into the room, he called, "Hello, beautiful. How was your day?" Coming into full view of the room, he stopped at the scene and stared at his young wife's eyes that looked huge in her thin face and stood out more because of the lost of hair. He felt something throughout his whole body turn cold and gave a painful jerk. Realizing that Marissa's eyes had starting to fill up with liquid, he said softly to the girls without looking at them, "Nealy, take Ella and Grace upstairs and turn on a movie."

The girls silently complied with Ella desperately grasping Nealy's hand as they walked up the stairs.

Ryan waited until they had left before walking over to Marissa and sitting next to her on the coach.

Marissa closed her eyes at the silence and felt her old fears returning. I look awful without hair…Ryan thinks…she never got to finish her thought as Ryan's body crashed into hers. His arms enclosed her completely and pulled her onto his lap where he gripped her as tightly as he could. Marissa felt her breath whoosh out and a pressure released in her chest. Catching Ryan's glance, she felt for the first time that day something warm trickle through her blood.

He gently reached out and pulled the pretty scarf off her head without a word. Looking down at her face, he softly placed a kiss on her shiny head and moved down placing another on her forehead, eyes, nose, and finally her lips. The kiss was everything sweet, caring, innocent…and full of forever love. Softly, he whispered into her ear, "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

Nealy stole out of her bedroom with a glance at her two younger sisters that sat engrossed in the movie. Tiptoeing down the stairs half way, she peered over the railing and saw her parents locked in a desperate hug not speaking. Swallowing a lump, she ran back to the bathroom and pulled the stool over to the sink. Standing up, she looked in the mirror and hated what she saw. She saw a girl with bright blue eyes and long dusty blond hair that hung down her back. Everybody always said that she looked just like Marissa, and Nealy always loved the thought that she looked like her beautiful mother. However, today she hated it. She hated that she had hair and her mother didn't. Gripping the scissors, she stared long and hard at her reflection before closing her eyes and snip…snip…snip…

To Be continued….