Disclaimer: I don't own the OC!

A/N: Sorry that it has taken so long to update! Things have been so crazy! Hope you enjoy

The New Year roared into the world with bangs, lights, sparkles…hope, dreams, faith…the New Year was a time of change. For a brief moment, the world was poised on the brink of some example of peace. Humanity had turned the world up side down for once striving toward that peace. Ryan Atwood was feeling anything but peace a week later. The week had been terrible. Marissa had screamed when she found her daughter in the bathroom covered in silky strands of blond hair. Ryan remembered running up the stairs as fast as he could and stumbling into the bathroom with a million thoughts in his head. The scene was nothing he was prepared for.

"I'm so sorry Mommy, so sorry," Nealy sobbed on Marissa's shoulder while gripping her short hair.

"Oh, Nelly Belly…oh baby…why…," Marissa gently stroked her daughter's hair while looking into her eyes. A single tear trickled down her pale face.

"I'm sorry Mommy. I'm sorry that I look like you. I'm sorry that my hair reminded you of yours. I'm so sorry Mommy that I have hair and you don't." Nealy burst into another fit of tears while staring into her mother's eyes trying to make her understand. There was fear and sadness mixed in the milky depths. Nealy took a deep breath and steeled herself for the question she was about to ask. "Mommy…Mommy are you going to die?"

Ryan would never forget the crumbled look upon his wife's face or the trembling look on his daughter's. The world was falling from grace. Ella had burst into tears and was inconsolable for the entire night. Of course, Grace had followed only knowing that her two sisters were sobbing and her dearest mommy was sad about something. When Ryan had returned after making sure the entire house was locked up for the night, he had found the four piled on his and Marissa's bed tangled in a tight pretzel. All three girls had refused to leave their mommy. Following the incident, it had been hard for Ryan to get Ella and Nealy to school. The two refused to leave their mother's side. He could understand. He didn't want to leave Marissa's side either. Every day she got a little paler and a little sicker. Ryan was about the break. He needed help.

"Hi, Kristen? This is Ryan. Yeah…yeah everything is okay…" his voice broke a second. "Actually, nothing is okay Kristen. I need…I need you. I need help." He whispered softly on the phone. He needed his support system…he needed his mother just like his three little girl needed Marissa.

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"Grandma, where is Daddy?" Ella asked while spilling flour all over the floor. "Oops," she looked up at Kristen with big innocent brown eyes.

"That's alright Ella. Daddy had to go on an errand. Mommy is sleeping right now so we have to be quiet, okay?"

"Mommy is always sleeping now Grandma…" Nealy's voice trailed off uncertainly and looked up at Kristen as if she had all the answers.

She wished that she could give this hurt a kiss and that it would be all better. "By sleeping it allows her body to rest and fight. It is a good thing that she is sleeping. How about you pour the chocolate chips into the batter?" Kristen smiled brightly and gently pushed Nealy toward the counter. Nealy had been standing at the bottom of the steps all evening hovering listening for her mother. Kristen was determined to see all three little girls smile at least once tonight.

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Ryan stormed through the hospital's hallways stopping at a door and banging loudly. "Dr. Brown, I know you are in there. Dr. Brown, I don't have an appointment but I need to talk to you…" Ryan felt his emotions swirl up to his head and everything came out in a violent red. "Dr. Brown…dammit! My wife is dying every minute and my little girls are being destroyed. And what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do with out the love of my life? We were supposed to see Nealy graduate and Ella married. Oh gosh, see Grace, our little miracle, become something magnificent. We were supposed to live forever together. It is too early for death till us part!" Ryan broke down in sobs and leaned his head against the door. Finding that banging made the hurt in his heart feel less he continued bang…bang…bang…

"Mr. Atwood, that is really not necessary."

Ryan jerked his head up and stared angrily into Dr. Brown's eyes. "Why isn't anything working against the tumor? I thought the procedure we decided on was the most advance and proactive. You were supposed to save my wife!"

Dr. Brown stared down at the angry young man, the hopeless father, and the desperate husband. Ryan was a little bit of everything and a little bit of nothing. "Mr. Atwood, the treatment we agreed on was the most aggressive possible. However, it doesn't mean it always works. I'm sorry. We are doing everything we can at this moment. Maybe things like this are in the hands of some divine being…"

"Sorry seems so empty. Did you know when we got engaged everybody said we were way too young. Despite everything we had been through together, we still were taking a huge chance at that time. Do you want to know how I proposed?"

Dr. Brown looked down at the man sitting dejected on the floor hunched over as if it would protect him from the harsh truth. Gently, he asked, "How did you propose?"

"Ryan, Ryan! Where are we going?" Marissa sang happily at Ryan as he drove through unknown streets. "Can't you tell me, please? I've been very good lately!" She threw him a mischievous look.

"Don't I know it," Ryan smirked back and reached over grabbing her hand. "And no, you can't know were we are going."

"Fine," Marissa pouted but sat up as they past a sign stating that they had just arrived in Chino. "What are we doing in Chino?"

"You'll see." Ryan drove the car down the dark streets pulling in at the local hospital.

"Is somebody you know sick?"

"No, we are going to go on a journey. This is where I was born. I came two weeks late and I was told my Mom was going crazy. My Dad was actually there for once and Trey…"

Marissa sat quietly knowing that Ryan didn't often open up about his past. The car started again, and shortly pulled in front of a small rundown house.

"This is where I lived for ten years before we moved into my Mom's boyfriend's house. I used to ride bikes with the kids on the streets and play outside all day. My room was tiny, but I had stuck glowing stars up on the ceiling that I had gotten in school. One time, Trey was caught punching me and my Mom took me out for ice cream down the street. There were a lot of good times, but a lot of bad ones too. My Dad left and my Mom turned to alcohol. Trey got into the wrong crowd, and I was starting to follow." Ryan started the car and continued the journey to another house, followed by the spot of stealing the car with Trey, juvie, and finally the pay phone where he had called Sandy Cohen for a chance. Each section was accompanied by a little piece of story or detail.

Marissa sat in awe taking everything in. She understood that Ryan was giving her a great gift. He was finally allowing her to see everything including the little part of his heart that was kept under lock and key. They started heading back to Newport, and she felt that she should say something. Ryan drove silently lost in memories. Simply, she whispered, "Thank you," while rubbing her fingers along Ryan's hand. It was enough. He turned and smiled at her.

"We are not done yet. You'll see." He smiled that mysterious smile that made Marissa's heart do flip flops and arms become covered in goosebumps.

Lost in thought, Marissa was startled to see the car at the bottom of the Cohen's driveway. She raised an eyebrow at him but said nothing.

"This is where I sat waiting to see if Kristen would let me in to the house. I walked to the end of the driveway and saw the most beautiful girl standing at the bottom. I knew from the beginning that underneath all the beauty was a girl whose life was as messed up as mine. But that was okay; because it turned out that we were cut from the same material. Identical souls…"

Marissa raised a hand to her mouth in shock and stared at Ryan with large swimming blue eyes. Ryan rarely let his emotions run this rampant.

"Even today, she is the loveliest thing I have ever seen. Not just because of her beauty, but because of the person underneath everything. Meeting her has changed my life for the better. I can't imagine what it was like before, and I can't imagine my future without her." Ryan leaned over and wiped a tear from Marissa's face and gently brushed a feather light kiss on the spot he had just wiped.

Marissa was stunned. She had the feeling that something big was in the works, but her emotions were thundering in her heart and head until nothing made sense but she was Marissa and she loved Ryan. She opened her mouth to try to speak, but could only manage a squeak. Trying again, she could only say, "Well he had me with who ever you want me to be…" She smiled into Ryan's lovely face and was rewarded with a grin back.

Ryan started the car and slowly drove to the next destination.

"Are we not going in?" Marissa looked puzzled and slightly out of her head. She had a heavy perfume feel like floating on the clouds.

"Not quite yet." Ryan drove to the final destination, and helped Marissa out of the car. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he led her to the one place where she had always felt safe.

Marissa signed contently seeing the lifeguard stand in the distance. Hugging Ryan more tightly, she untangled herself starting up the steps. However, she stopped after the first step. The floor was covered in rose petals swirling in love, happiness, and hope.. Glancing at Ryan, she noticed that he looked very nervous. "Ryan, what is going on? Did you do this?" Ryan just stared at her with a look that she couldn't quite identify. Continuing up the steps, she walked over to the rails and sat down. Looking at Ryan that stood immobile on the sand, she called out teasingly, "Are you coming up dear?"

Ryan looked up at Marissa sitting among the rose petals hair blowing and cheeks rosy red. She was beautiful and she was his. Walking over, he sat down next to her shoulder to shoulder looking over the dark sea.

"I love this place, you know? It was the one place where I felt like I could always come and just be me. I don't think I have ever felt that way until I met you." Marissa turned and gazed at Ryan who stared back unblinking.

Suddenly, he whipped out a box from his pocket and started muttering much like Seth Marissa would remember later. "I never felt like I truly belonged anywhere. Home was hard when I was growing up. That is why I took you to all those places. Since meeting you my life as become so much better. I mean of course we had some rough patches, but we are different and stronger people because of the hardships. I feel safe with you. You feel like home to me," Ryan let out his breath he had been holding and slowly opened the box and looked at Marissa. She sat with wonder filled eyes and an emotion that Ryan knew was reflecting in his own eyes. "I want home with you Marissa Cooper for always and forever. I love you more than I could possibly understand and don't want to imagine my life without you. Will you marry me, please…?"

Dr. Brown looked at Ryan Atwood that sat there with hope radiating out of his eyes.

"You see Dr. Brown, she gave me a gift. She chose me and still to this day I can't believe it. I need to give her back that gift."

"Mr. Atwood, I think you already have. She knows how much you love her. And you have three beautiful little girls. You already have."

Ryan looked up at Dr. Brown with a sad smile. "Sometimes, I wish there was more that I could do. I would take the cancer instead of her. I would…" He was interrupted by Dr. Brown's beeper going off.

"I'm sorry Ryan, but I need to go. Thank you for sharing your precious memory. I wish I could share that type of connection with somebody in my life, but I have never been that lucky." Patting Ryan on the shoulder, he hurried down the hall.

Ryan stood up and slowly walked toward the entrance. If asked later if he knew, all he could remember was this feeling of dread. Something was happening…something terribly wrong. Reaching for his cell phone, he realized that he had left it in the car. Starting to run toward the car the swirl of blue and red crossed against his vision. A wail pierced the silent night, and Ryan stopped immobile as the ambulance sped toward the ER. He was pulled to the scene all other worry gone. He watched as the two attendants ran to the back and started unloading a stretched. A familiar shock of blond hair blew in the window, and Ryan hadn't even realized that he was running until he grabbed Kristen's small shoulders.

"Oh Ryan, thank goodness!" She cried while yanking on his arms. "You were not answering your cell phone and…"

"Kristen, just tell me what is wrong. Is it the girls, Sandy, Seth, Summer?" Ryan listed each person in his family trying to desperately to block the one name from his lips. His hands were trembling, and heart thudding loudly in his ears. His voice dropped watching as the stretcher was unloaded. He felt his blood ran cold. He was paralyzed unable to move toward the person on the stretcher.

"She woke up and came downstairs to help the girls. All of a sudden, she was on the floor and not breathing. Sandy is with the girls and I couldn't reach you…I…" Kristen broke down in sobs as Ryan watched as the love of his life was wheeled into the ER. The love that had chosen him despite everything and nothing.

To be continued!