Disclaimer: I don't own the OC

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. I enjoyed reading them!

A dim light illuminated the tiny room. It cast an almost shadowed heaven glow. A little window peered out into the dark silent night. There was silence everywhere. From the movement of a hand clinging to limp fingers combined with the faint brush of hair against a cheek. The tears that slipped down the face suspended for that one moment falling soundlessly to the floor. A hand on a shoulder squeezing for comfort, but really just added more pain to the already mayhem of emotions spilling around the occupants. Everything was not alright, no matter how many times people said it would be.

For a moment, Summer Cohen wanted to be a little girl again. One that could climb into bed with her Daddy and know that his hug would protect her from everything. She wanted so badly to believe in fairy tales and twinkle dust. Instead, she sat in the plain and sterile hospital room watching a person she had always loved struggle with each breath she took. Seth squeezed her shoulder again trying to reassure her, but it only hurt more. But he was trying in the only way he knew, so she let him squeeze her shoulder every couple of minutes. Wasn't that what love was all about? She slid her hand among Marissa's fingers and rested on her wedding ring. So much promise…so much hope…

"So, are you ready to do this? Because you know this is forever and you will always have to live with him. Deal with his dirty white beaters, I mean EW and deal that he always will be from Chino? What about when he gets in his moody moods and brood? Summer continued rambling on not noticing Marissa's stricken face. "I mean how you can…wait Coop. Are you okay? You are looking a little green in the face and Ew, are you going to be sick?"

Marissa sat numb in the chair facing the vanity as Summer's words rang around her head. Her stomach was rolling. The already quickly hatching butterflies swarmed up wanting release. "Summer, I think I'm going to be sick." She quickly ran to the bathroom and threw herself at the toilet. Summer appeared behind her holding a wet facecloth.

"Ah, Coop honey. I'm sorry. You know Ryan loves you more than anything, and I have never seen you so happy with your life. I didn't mean to rant. I guess…I guess I'm a little jealous because Seth hasn't worked up the courage to propose. The little rat boy…" She glared angrily as Marissa gave a choking laugh through the tears. "I'm so happy for you sweetie, just think in two hours you are going to be married to the love of your life. She smiled watching her friend's face light up with promise and hope. It was going to be a beautiful day.

"Do you remember that day Coop?" Summer whispered softly into her ear while smoothing her hair from her face. "I think it was one of my favorite moments…" She stared down into her friend's expressionless face searching for some sign of acknowledgement. A lone tear dripped down her cheek. Marissa had not moved. She had not moved for two days.

"Summer…I…" Seth didn't know what to say.

"I know honey, I know."

Seth just held his wife tighter as she leaned back into his embrace. He had been amazed at how in control Summer was being. He didn't let her know that he heard her last night at home in the bathroom sobbing at two in the morning. His Mom and Dad were keeping the girls that were as silent as he had ever heard them before. Ryan had disappeared in the last hour. Seth knew he was rambling around the hospital wings trying to find some answers in the lines of peoples' faces and grief filled eyes.

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"Grandma?"

"Um, honey?" Kristen bent down and smoothed her granddaughter's tangle of blond hair. It was the first thing she had said since last night.

"Do you believe in heaven?" Nealy continued looking out into the distance eyes empty with thoughts.

Kristen signed and felt darkness settle between her bones. When you love a person, you do almost anything to save her from the pain. She would give anything not to answer this question. She would give everything to have the three little girls smiling and laughing with no cares. She would give anything to go back. "Yes, sweetie. I do believe there is a heaven." She bent down and kissed Nealy's furrowed brow. Tears were threatening to fall, but just shimmered in her granddaughter's eyes.

"Grandma? I don't think I like cookies anymore…"

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"I don't want to watch that Grandpa!" Ella turned her nose up in disgust and glared at her grandfather. "That movie is for babies, and I am not a baby anymore. Babies can't do anything. They can not run. They can not write their names. They can not cut using scissors. They can not understand what hurts, but I do Grandpa." She continued glaring at him angrily as if everything was his fault.

Sandy signed and rubbed his face. Nealy had become a stone statue silent and parallelized while Ella had lashed out at everything and everybody. "Ella Bella, honey we don't have anything else."

"Don't call me Ella Bella! Don't call me that ever again!" She shrieked amidst sobs that were coming fast.

"Oh, honey." Sandy gathered the little girl up and hugged her as tightly as he could.

"It hurts Grandpa, it hurts so much! I want to be a baby again…"

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The room felt smaller and smaller. The walls were tightening as his heart constricted. Closing his eyes, Ryan felt defeated. He had never felt like this ever. Not when they found out, not when it got worse. They had always held on to hope. How did hope get blown out the door? How did hope just disappear leaving black and ugly despair?

"Ryan, do you know where Nealy is? I can't find her!"

"I'm so sorry baby…so sorry. Let me make it up to you."

"Don't ever give up Marissa, don't ever give in. I don't think I will survive."

"I would never leave you Ryan willingly…"

"Mr. Atwood…Ryan?"

Ryan snapped his eyes open and looked across the table at the doctor. The good doctor…the one that was supposed to make everything right again.

"Sorry, what?"

"Her tests are back." His face showed nothing…no emotion was written across the weathered wrinkles and the crow lines surrounding the eyes.

Ryan didn't know if he wanted to know. He didn't want to know anything anymore actually. He wanted to find a giant field covered in snow falling and lay on the freezing ground as coldness filled his blood and wetness coated his eyes. He didn't want to feel the pain that was threatening to pull apart his body seam by seam, vessel by vessel. "Doctor, do you believe a heart can break? Actually break?"

Startled by the change in direction of conversation, Doctor Brown leaned back in his chair pondering the question. A heart could break when a vessel ruptured or during a heart attack theoretically. Looking up at the young man sitting in front of him, Dr. Brown finally understood that everything was not about science and facts. "Yes, I believe a heart can break…the human heart can break…"

That was all Ryan needed to hear. "My heart is shattering Dr. Brown…"

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Summer glanced over at Ryan that sat next to Marissa holding her hand and staring at her face intently. He had not moved for the past four hours. Summer knew. She too sat there waiting for a change, waiting for something. She started to speak but was startled as two nurses swept into the room rapidly and started rearranging things. "Excuse me, but what is going on?" Summer stared bewilderedly as the two nurses started to move things around as if Marissa was going to move.

Ryan stood silently watching the scene.

"Dr. Brown ordered to prep Marissa Atwood for surgery asap. Her tests showed that the tumor had shrunk in size that might have a chance to be operable. We have to move fast." She continued her brisk movements of hooking up the oxygen and moving the sheets around.

"Wait! What do you mean a chance to be operable? What if it isn't? What if it doesn't work. What if she never wakes up? What if we don't get to say goodbye?" Summer whispered the last sentence into a suddenly silently room. How do you say good-bye to the one person that was your other half? How do you say good-bye to a person that was more than a sister? She didn't know how to.

"Say it now." The nurse started to move the bed. "We don't have time, I'm sorry." And she did look sorry, but she had her orders.

Shocked and stunned, Summer bent down and kissed Marissa's forehead as she was wheeled beside her. She felt herself start to tremble. Her hands shook as she reached out and smoothed Marissa's hair like a mother. Thoughts were blasting into her head. Each memory a gift and a curse. "Ryan?" Summer turned to him and was surprised at how empty his face looked. "Ryan, aren't you going to say something?" She looked at him in bewilderment as he continued to stand there as tears started hanging on to her lashes. "Did you know that Dr. Brown ordered this?"

Ryan finally turned his head to look at her. He spoke carefully and quietly. "Maybe we should just stop."

"Stop what?" Summer's eyes widen in fear at the words.

"Stop fighting, stop hoping, stop waiting…stop living." Ryan continued to look after the bed being wheeled down the hall.

Summer stuffed her fist into her mouth trying to block the sobs that were straining to come pouring out.

"She's tired Summer. She is tired and weak. She is in pain…I don't know what to do. If she was awake, would she ask me to make it go away?"

Summer opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She tried again, and winced at how harsh her voice sounded. "I can't believe you just said that. I don't want to ever hear that again. Ever, understand? She has strength left, I know she does. How could you even think that?" Summer finally let the sobs break forth and slid down the wall that was her support. She gripped her knees and started to rock. She couldn't think straight; she couldn't think of anything but that Marissa could die…she could be gone in the next hour, the next minute, the next second.

Ryan's eyes suddenly held a spark that had been missing since the cookie incident. He felt his numbness being washed away by the biting pain, but he welcomed it finally feeling something. His heart started to beat rapidly as he wondered where did those words come from? He was terrified suddenly. Terrified of the known and unknown. Looking down at Summer, he was struck by how horrible he sounded. He didn't get to say good-bye. He didn't get to say good-bye. "I didn't get to say that I loved her…" he whispered into the deserted hallway besides Summer rocking on the floor. "I didn't…Marissa I'm sorry. I didn't mean it baby, I didn't mean any of it!" He yelled forcefully sprinting down the hallway as tears blurred his vision. What if he was too late? What if everything was too late?

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Waiting is such an interesting word. There is the excited happy waiting as a person waits for her birthday or his first date with the girl of his dreams. There is the dreadful feeling waiting for the principle to speak to you wondering why on earth you were pulled into the office. There is the hopeful waiting for a newborn's cries to shatter a parent's heart and the next moment make it beat even faster. There is the desperate waiting of people that know a loved one could leave any second. Would you even feel her soul leave or fly around trying to say good-bye?

Seth moved his head slightly leaning against Summer as she snuggled deeper into his shoulder. Her eyes were wide open…never blinking staring at the clock on the wall. Ryan sat next to Kristen in the corner of the room. She was squeezing his hand every few minutes as if to remind him they were all there for him, but Seth didn't think he felt anything. They had been sitting in the exact same positions for the last five hours. The last five hours of everything that had been familiar. When that doctor walks out of the room and pulls off his gloves and opens his mouth, everything will change. The momentum will be thrown in either one direction or another. Seth leaned forward and tapped Ryan on the knee. His brother looked up wearily and tried to smile. It was more of a grimace.

"Yeah?"

"I was just remembering when you called telling me that you and Marissa were having Ella. Do you remember that?"

Ryan felt a grin threaten his stolid facial features.

"Dude, Ryan. Another child…are Marissa and you sure that is a good idea. Didn't last week you guys lose Nealy at the pier? Oh, and before that didn't you let her eat all the ice cream she wanted which she promptly threw up all over Marissa when she came home? And didn't you and Marissa have a fight over who was going to change Nealy's diaper that first time? Another child, man?"

"Seth, shut up." Ryan couldn't help but smiling. "It will not be that bad."

"I don't know man. Think about it. Twice as many dirty diapers, but bottles everywhere. What about waking up at 2 am? I don't wish to be you."

"Well, I know exactly who to call when I'm sitting up at 2 am feeding the baby, don't I?"

Ryan felt himself laugh slightly and was startled by the feeling. He was about to say something in reply, but the doors swung open. Suddenly, his throat was dry and scratchy. His heart thumped loudly and the blood rushed to ears. Two nurses exited looking swiftly at the family, but then hurrying in the opposite direction.

Dr. Brown walked out next looking exhausted. He glanced quickly at the clock as if defining something and then turned to the four people gathered in the tiny room of waiting. He cleared his throat, and started to speak…

To be continued! thanks for reading!