My apologies for updating this so irregularly. I'm still writing!
Tw for this chapter: suicide attempt.
The incensed anger Hermione felt did not subside over the next few days or weeks, and she stopped visiting the Room of Requirement. It was easy to avoid Draco by going about her normal student routine; they weren't in many of the same classes, and in any case he seemed to be skipping more of them than ever. Maybe he is taking up Snape's help with getting excused for absences, she thought one day in Potions, while cutting up goosegrass roots, in order to work on assassinating Professor Dumbledore. The situation was so crazy and wrong it made her want to scream.
Assassinate the headmaster! Dumbledore was the most powerful wizard alive – how could a sixteen-year-old even hope to attempt such a thing? It was so absurd it was laughable. Why on earth had he been instructed to do this? Surely there were more achievable things Draco could be doing as a Death Eater with free reign to walk around Hogwarts. The nonsense of it all kept her head spinning with anger aimed at different people – Snape, Draco, and herself.
In calmer moments the dread of their Vow entered her mind and made her lose sleep. She never would have thought Draco was ordered to assassinate someone – knock off a few random (or muggle-born) students maybe, to spread fear, but not murder a wizard whose power dwarfed everyone else's. To be honest, she thought he would have been given a somewhat possible mission. With his odds of success non-existent, Hermione worried, what would the "protect" part of her Vow and the "least amount of interference" caveat require of her? Would she have to risk dying herself if she didn't help him with his stupid, impossible task?
It was a terrifying thought, and she was so angry at Draco for endangering everyone that she wasn't ready to ask him about it. Instead, she spent her time trying to distract Harry from obsessing about Draco, and making up to Ron by keeping him company as he recovered and doing his homework for him. This was a pretty poor apology for almost letting him get killed, but Hermione couldn't think of any other way to try and alleviate her guilt. After such a shock, Ron was back to being sociable and kind rather than bullying, so waiting out cold spring afternoons over potions homework and Ron's company was quite pleasant.
"I hear you've been sleeping a lot recently," Hermione said a few days before Ron was due to be released. He rolled his eyes.
"Harry is such a gossip," he complained.
"Oh he is not, he's just annoyed with Lavender hanging around him all the time," Hermione replied. "Pretty poor form to leave him with her when he bezoared you back to life."
Ron made a tch noise and looked away, and Hermione didn't press further, pulling out her Charms textbook instead. "Dad made a similar comment," he said, still looking away from her. "About how Harry's saved half the Weasleys."
"You're probably about even with Harry, to be honest," Hermione said, scanning the textbook for the water charm they were studying in class. "What with the chess board before the philosopher's stone and the chamber of secrets…the Department of Mysteries...with Voldemort back we should probably stop keeping track."
Ron turned back to look at her. "Guess you're right," he said, insecurity temporarily kept at bay. "So what are we up to in Charms now?"
Hermione thought for a moment before pointing her wand at his face, imitating shooting him with a water gun as she aimed the magical shot of water between his eyes. Madame Pomfrey quickly hurried over, disapproving and scolding as Ron wrestled her wand out of her hand, laughing and covered in water. His warm, strong hands easily held down her wrists, and Hermione couldn't believe she had almost lost him.
McLaggen further demonstrated how hazardous he could be to a person's physical wellbeing at the Quidditch match the next day, knocking Harry out cold with one of the Beaters' bats. Ginny told Hermione that both Harry and Ron were due to be discharged on Monday morning though, so she went down to join the two of them. It was nice to be friendly with Ron and Harry again, and catch Harry up on the latest Ginny gossip.
They had to grab their bags from the dorms before breakfast though, which took the three of them past the seventh floor. Hermione felt a pang of guilt as she realized she couldn't recall the last time she saw Draco – was it two weeks? Three? A tiny first year was startled as they approached, and she dropped and broke something she was holding. Hermione tried to channel her emotions into doing a good deed and repaired it for her.
Ron's good mood was rudely interrupted by Lavender, and Hermione and Harry skipped out on the impending shouting match to get tea and toast at breakfast. The happy couple showed up much later looking utterly miserable, which Hermione was selfishly quite thankful for. She only wished happiness for Ron, but deep down wasn't sure if she had the stomach to spend quality time with Lav-Lav if she would be constantly attached to his hip.
Ron was busy with his terrible girlfriend, Harry was busy with important lessons from Dumbledore, and Hermione was back to her old pastime of finishing their homework. It was almost like everything was back to normal.
She stared at her right wrist in the firelight after Harry left her to go to his lessons with Dumbledore, fingers sore and splattered with ink from hours of essay writing. It felt weird to live a normal life while she had tied her soul to Draco's and jumped off a cliff. Hermione still didn't know how she was going to balance helping Draco not die with helping Harry defeat Voldemort.
Maybe it was wrong to be angry at Draco for being given an impossible mission, Hermione thought – it wasn't like her, Harry and Ron defeating Voldemort was any more likely than Draco assassinating the headmaster.
She pushed Harry's Herbology essay to the side and started scrawling out her thoughts.
Dear friend,
I'm not mad anymore. I know you didn't mean to do it.
I hope you're doing ok. It seems we have both got unsurmountable tasks. There's a Muggle saying that the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. With that in mind, try this charm I've been working on – I charmed the parchment with it. It's mainly Cheering and Calming but I think what really makes it hit is a one-tenth strength Fainting Spell I've blended in. Honestly, this is the only thing bringing me any sleep right now.
It's the only time I'm not scared, when I've blasted this before bed. So I can't imagine how you feel.
Can we talk in the forest tomorrow night?
She walked past the seventh floor corridor on her way to the Owlery in case he was there, but the Room and corridor were quiet and empty. Hermione sealed the letter with several hexes in case it was intercepted, attached it to one of the sooty black owls Draco had brought with him since the holidays, and sent it off in the night.
She fell asleep easily that night after hours of other peoples' homework and her new favourite spell routine. However it appeared that Draco had not, because the owl was pecking on her dorm window by the next morning with his response.
Excited, Hermione took the letter and opened it quickly, but bit her lip as she read it, seeing how plainly he had put their predicament to written word:
I could actually breathe when I opened your letter. It felt like the first air I've had in days. Still can't eat though. Makes that elephant a problem.
I did mean to do it, and you should be mad. You'll keep getting mad.
I feel like I'm going to die. Please come to the forest tonight.
Hermione cast a Disillusionment Charm and several wards upon the seventh corridor as she approached late that evening – really she should have been more careful before she knew that Dumbledore had ordered Snape to watch Draco. But nobody had given any indication yet that she had been found out. And I guess now I know Snape isn't exactly going to be spying on Draco when he's working on murdering the Professor, she thought angrily. But Dumbledore might also suspect Snape's allegiance, so others could be watching Draco now – much better to be overly cautious than found out.
She entered the Room, and immediately saw Draco collapsed near a fake magical tree, surrounded by liquor bottles and vomit.
"Oh god!" Hermione shrieked, panicked as she ran towards him, dropping to the ground to grab his shoulders and see his face. His lips weren't blue. She put two fingers against his jugular and her head against his chest. Still breathing, heart still beating.
"Oh thank god," she exhaled, shakily reaching for her wand. "Ennervate." Hermione rolled his body onto its side in case he threw up again. After a long time, Draco opened his eyes. His gaze was hollow and far away.
"What did you take," Hermione said, voice wavering. He shifted his gaze to her worried face, evidently deciding what to say.
"Whiskey," he croaked back, coughing further phlegm up as he spoke. "I knew you'd find me."
"You can't do that," Hermione said blankly, still shaking. "Oh my god, Draco! We both could have died! Fuck! Expecto patronum." It was far too complicated a spell to attempt when shocked, and the only result was a rush of white sparks that immediately fizzled out from her wand tip.
"How can I help my mother?" he asked her, gaze still far away. "I think Father is a lost cause-"
"Listen to me! You-you can't think like this, you have to keep going. That's the only way you can help them," Hermione said, rummaging around in her bag pocket. "Here, take this," she ordered, and she passed him a Bezoar. "You have to get all the poison out…I don't know what you took. You might not know what you took." She watched as he grimaced but dutifully swallowed the Bezoar and threw up again.
"Thank you," she said, kneeling beside him and magicking some Vanishing Spells. "Ok. Water…aguamenti," she cast into the whiskey glasses she always kept on her, passing him a glass. "Drink. Listen. Snape will help you. I will help you."
Draco snorted into his glass, staring away. "Don't be ridiculous." Hermione gripped her glass in anger.
"I made a Vow," she said icily, "in case you forgot."
"I did too," Draco said, looking back at her. "And I don't think it would count as "protecting you" to let you try and kill a powerful wizard."
"You can't give up and kill us both," Hermione leaned in and hissed at him.
"We're already dead," Draco said, voice wavering. Hermione swore and looked away from him towards her bag, heart thumping and thoughts racing quickly. "I can't run," he continued as her mind flicked through ideas. "I can't kill him. You shouldn't have tied yourself to me."
She looked back at him, and to Hermione's great surprise she saw tears welling under his eyelids. "You won't do it. But you would probably have a chance." He looked away and sighed. "You could be a favourite, with your power. Like Snape. He wouldn't care about the blood thing."
If he was thinking such outlandish ideas out loud, Hermione reasoned, now might be the time to put switching sides to him. "Or you could give up this fool's errand," she whispered. "I know you don't want to do it."
"No," he said softly. "But I have to try and save my parents."
"What if the Order could get them out," Hermione said, thinking aloud. "They can break into Azkaban, they can get your father."
"The Order is never doing that. And no-one is getting into and out of both Azkaban and my house regardless," Draco said sullenly.
"I've broken into lots of places," Hermione said quietly. "I've fought Death Eaters."
She saw him stiffen and felt a spark of hope light up in her chest. "Yes? Is that what it will take?" she asked, leaning over to try and look into his face, palms on the damp magical grass. "I'll do it. You know I can do it. No-one can stop me."
Draco looked terrified. "Y-you're just one person," he started, but Hermione cut him off.
"No I'm not, because I've got you. And many friends. There will be ways to compel the Order to help…" Hermione trailed off, looking back at her school bag and sighing. Why didn't I start packing sooner, she thought regretfully.
"This will take planning," Hermione admitted. She grabbed both his shoulders and stared into his miserable face. "Can you keep it together for a few weeks?"
Draco's eyes were glassy. "I'll do anything to keep them safe," he replied.
"Then, tonight we focus on stabilizing you," Hermione said. "Tomorrow we can start planning how to get both your parents out. Favourite childhood holiday?" she asked while standing up.
"Huh?" he replied dumbly.
"You know, a memory. Where you were with your mum or dad, and it felt very joyful?" She pulled him up by the hand and lead him towards the door.
Draco looked confused but resigned. "Er…there was this river in Norway. It was snowing and freezing. But there were these tiny fish in the river that Mother knew about…she did these Warming and Glowing charms and they all swam towards it. We dipped our bare feet in the freezing water, but her magic made it as warm as a bath…" Hermione zoned out as he fell into his happy childhood memory, Disillusioning him as she exited the Room and remade it with his memory in mind. He smiled as they reentered the Room.
"Let's go there for real soon," Hermione said. "But I like this memory. Will you show me the fish?" She aimed a steady stream of weak Cheering and Calming Charms at him for another hour as he got lost in reminiscing, and they splashed their hands around the tiny fake tadpoles.