Disclaimer: I don't own DragonLance or Dalamar or Tas. I wish I was a kender though. How cool would that be?

Additional Notes: Dalamar's wake-up comment background info! My brother was mumbling in his sleep, so my sister-in-law went to wake him up. She shook him and he shot straight up and blurted out the same line as Dalamar (he had been dreaming about something at his job). So thanks, bro, you finally came in handy for something.

The Kender Spork of Turning

Chapter Two

"And that's how they made me their chief! Isn't it amazing, Dalamar? ….Dalamar?"

Tas, caught up in the excitement of his narrative, had not noticed that his entertainee had fallen asleep. Dalamar was slumped over on his desk, forehead flat against the wood and arms outstretched in front of him. Bet that can't feel too good on his nose, Tas thought.

Hesitantly, the kender poked the elf's head. Nothing happened. Tas' face fell. He had been hoping for some kind of curse to fall on him for his wake-up attempt. It was the least Dalamar could do for Tas' effort. Alas, it was a no go.

Switching gears, Tas tried something that always woke up Caramon, no fail.

"DINNER BELL!"

Dalamar shot straight up. "That's not how it's done, bitch!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Excuse me."

"Alright, I excuse you, Dalamar. But you really shouldn't use such language, especially in such a casual manner. Once, Caramon said 'damn it' in front of a little girl when he banged his thumb with a hammer and the little girl went around saying it all day. More little kids picked it up from her and started saying it all day. Tanis had to practically beat the parents away from the Inn of the Last Home. Apparently, they wanted Caramon's hide. I don't know why they would want his hide. I mean, they might be able to make a pretty big coat from it, but I don't know how warm it would be, much less if it would be waterproof—"

Dalamar slammed his head down on his desk.

"You know, you shouldn't do that. I bet you're killing some brain cells doing that and how good is a genius dark mage with half his brain cells killed off?"

"Kender!" Dalamar shouted, surprising Tas into silence. "I have waited four hours for you to tell me why you're here and why you're going through my tableware."

"Oh, that's easy," Tas replied with a grin. "I figured you already knew the answer, being a genius dark mage and all. I mean, you—"

"WHY ARE YOU HERE!"

"I'm looking for the Kender Fork of Turning!" Tas frowned. "You didn't have to scream. That won't make me find it any faster."

Just like in the first chapter, Dalamar raised an eyebrow. "It takes you this long to find a fork with my insignia in my cabinet?"

Tas sighed at Dalamar's ignorance. Dark mages these days…no respect for magical kender artifacts. "I can't use just any fork! For example, this spoon is not just any spoon—"

"I beg to differ."

"It's not very befitting of you to beg, Dalamar. Anyway, I need a fork that has the correct magical properties as well."

Thrusting his hand into the fork drawer so violently that the entire cabinet shook, Dalamar went to throw a fork, any fork, in Tas' face. Or at least, he intended too. Too late, he realized why his mother had always told him not to thrust his hand violently into a fork drawer. Biting back a yelp, the elf pulled out his hand, his scratched and bleeding hand. His fingers were wrapped around a fork, prongs still digging into his palm.

"Yes, that is the Kender Fork of Turning, I can feel it!" Tas jumped up in glee and tore the fork out of Dalamar's hand. Literally. "Look, it has the little insignia thingy on it and everything! Figures you would find it, being a mage and all!"

Dalamar stared at his hand. Four trickles of blood dripped down his palm, just like on his chest. Something snapped. He raised his narrowed eyes to the kender, who was currently throwing a one-person party in celebration of the fork. Dalamar seized Tas by the collar and bodily threw him out the window.

"GET OUT AND STAY OUT!"

End of Chapter Two

Bad Dalamar! Well, Chapter Three has already been started since World History is boring. Why wasn't I studying since the final is tomorrow? Because this is more fun and I love Tas. Feel free to review! All the cool people do!