Disclaimer: Hm...I would really love to say that I own Inuyasha but unfortunately not. But I could dream can't I? author looks around at the wary lawyers around her
Love and Sacrifice
CHAPTER 6: Inuyasha's Thoughts & Regrets
oOoOo
Inuyasha sat under the Goshinboku. His mind was still paralyzed when he saw Kagome's bleeding body. Her scent, which was usually of lavender-chamomile-jasmine-rose scent (I know really long description but hey, lavender, chamomile jasmine, and roses are my fave) was heavily covered instead with the strong tang of blood. Her blood.
Inuyasha's emotions were split in two. His youkai blood was boiling and wanting to rip apart the monster who'd done this to his Kagome. But his human side was worried like hell. He knew in his heart that he should have been there to protect her. To shield her from the danger like he had always done before.
But he didn't. Now he must face the consequences of feeling the utter regret and anger at himself. His thoughts had been filled with Kikyo. Kikyo, the once and still is dead priestess. Kikyo, the miko who he had fallen in love with a long time ago. Kikyo, whom he pledged his undying love once again.
Inuyasha looked up at the cloudy sky. The image of the clouds were a reflection of what he was feeling. They were slightly dark, and all of it covered the sun entirely. The sun.
Kagome
She had been his sun. His light in the darkness when he could not see. Now, his light is slowly fading away from him. And all because of him. Again he blamed it on himself. His fault.
Inuyasha could smell the strong scent of depression and pain from Kagome everytime he's near her. He tried to ignore the gnawing feeling of hurt that always tugs at his heart when he see's her.
Those deep chocolate brown eyes, filled with so much pain, suffering, betrayal, and hurt, didn't suit her. Where did those once happy, loving, and sunny expressions go? Of course, she still has them but the smiles she now wore didn't reach her eyes at all. Sometimes her smiles appeared a bit forced. Bleak. As if she was trying to mask her pain.
Inuyasha felt bad for the beautiful miko. She was still young yet it seemed like she carries the world on her shoulders. Kagome would never see her family again. She is now the protector of the Shikon no Tama and always has to be wary of her surroundings, case a power hungry youkai come and attack her.
The half demon shook his head. 'How could I do this to her? And now, Kaede said that she's barely clinging to her life' Inuyasha's head went down. What ever happened to him?
It seemes that ever since they vanquished Naraku, Inuyasha's famed group just started breaking apart. Sango and Miroku are getting married in two weeks, he and Kikyo are to be mates, Shippo and Kagome...well Shippo's happy with Kagome. But Kagome.
What about her? Did something in Kikyo change Inuyasha's perspective of Kagome?
' I don't know what to do anymore. For the first time, I feel so damn helpless!' thought Inuyasha irritably. ' I chose Kikyo but somehow it doesn't feel right. It's like I should be with Kagome instead of Kikyo.' Inuyasha heaved himself up. "What the HELL!" he half yelled, " how am I suppose to choose?" he finished in a whisper.
A loud scream from Kaede's hut made Inuyasha run in full speed towards the hut. 'Please Kagome be alright!' he thought frantically. When he reached the hut, he found Sango and Kaede trying hopelessly to hold down a thrashing Kagome.
Both the desperate women looked up at him. "Inuyasha, quick now child! Hold Kagome down, I fear she may hurt herself. Her wounds are not yet closed!" ordered Kaede.
Without hesitation, Inuyasha did as he was told and gently placed his clawed hands on Kagome. Instantly, Kagome quieted.
Sango stared in wonder as she gazed at the now still form of her best friend. 'Wow! She recognized Inuyasha.' Inuyasha, however, wasn't paying any attention to that. His full concentration was focused on the young woman in front of him.
He was worried as hell when he saw her moving around. Testing her temperature, Inuyasha touched her forehead. To his horror, her forehead was burning hot. "Oi, Kaede! Kagome's burning up! Do something you old hag!"
"Inuyasha, please, do not yell. I know she has a fever but I've done the best I can. The best that we can do is to watch over her and pray to Kami for the best. Now, why don't ye stay here while I gather some more healing herbs."
"Kaede's right Inuyasha. Besides, Kagome's miko powers should be able to do the rest," Sango said, " well, Kaede, since Inuyasha's watching over her right now, I'd better go and make sure that Miroku's up to no trouble."
Kaede nodded her head. "I will be back shortly."
After they both left, Inuyasha took Kagome in his arms, his skin started tingling in a funny way. 'Kagome's powers must be trying to heal her' Inuyasha thought to himself. And within seconds, both Kagome and Inuyasha were surrounded in pure miko energy.
Inuyasha braced himself for the pain but surprisingly it didn't come. Instead, a pleasant feeling of warmth creeped throughout his body. He looked down at the sleeping form of Kagome still in his arms.
Her angelic beauty was further enhanced by the mystical light blue aura that was enclosing her and his body. Her blue-black hair hung behind her back, cascading in soft curls.'She really is a tenshi.' Inuyasha thought.
After about 10 minutes, the miko energy started receding. But Inuyasha didn't notice. His eyes were fixed on the ethereal priestess in front of him. Only when Kagome opened her eyes, did he notice that the strange aura had vanished.
"Inu...yasha," Kagome moaned looking up at her love with her brown eyes. "Kagome, don't move. I'm here now." Inuyasha answered his arms still holding her tenderly.
"Ouch!" Kagome hissed as a new wave of pain shook her body. While her wounds had already been closed, it still hurt like hell.
"You okay!"Inuyasha started panicking again. Kagome looked up at him. Never would she have dreamed that Inuyasha would still care for her like this ever again. "Ye..a. Just a little pain," she stammered.
Kagome cuddled in closer to Inuyasha wanting to savor the warmth radiating from his lean body. 'Inuyasha, if you only knew how much I love you' thought Kagome hurtingly. Unbeknownst to her, Inuyasha was thinking the same thing. 'Damn! I still love her. I should've known better. Why the fuck did I choose Kikyo?'
Then simultaneously, the couple thought the same thought at the same time, 'I wish he knew,' 'I wish she knew.' After a few more comfortable moments, Kagome's eyes drifted shut. The heat coming from Inuyasha soothed her worries and pains enough to dull it.
"Kagome? I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for everything. I always see you crying and it hurts me too. Just...just please don't be mad at me for choosing Kik...Kikyo." Inuyasha had never blurted out his feelings like that but right now to him it didn't matter. Hurting Kagome emotionally and physically was something that he could and never would do. "Kagome?" There was no response. Inuyasha looked down and smiled slightly at the sight. Even in her resting mode, Kagome still looked undyingly beautiful. He smiled again and laid his head on top of hers.
Inuyasha tightened his arms around the sleeping body of his angel. He rested his head on top of hers and inhaled that sweet smelling scent that was originally Kagome's.
Kagome was still peacefully asleep when Inuyasha awoke the next morning. He never remembered sleeping this deeply before. Then he looked down at Kagome and smiled softly. It was because of her. As gently as he could, Inuyasha pried himself from Kagome, then set her down on the futon on the floor.
He checked to see if she was comfortable enough then went outside. "Ah...mmmm.." he moaned as he stretched. The sun was barely peaking on the horizon but Inuyasha loved to wake on this time of day. Swirling colors of blue, purple, orange, and a light pink streaked across the sky as if an artist's perfect brush stroke painted it. For a moment, Inuyasha felt at rest and somehow calmed by the cool breeze of the morning.
He turned to look at the hut and sniffed the air. The scent eminating from inside told him that Kagome was still asleep. Smiling slightly, Inuyasha walked off to his same named forest to hunt for an early breakfast. He didn't even bother to look for Kikyo. Hell, she didn't even cross his mind at all since yesterday.
After a successful hunt, Inuyasha returned with two rabbits skinned and gutted, and three fishes all scaled and gutted. As he walked nearer to the hut, he spotted Miroku meditating with his back leaning on a tree. Inuyasha grabbed a basket that he had seen in Kaede's hut, put his kills inside, and walked towards Miroku.
Miroku sensed a powerful demon aura but didn't bother to open his eyes. He knew it was Inuyasha. He didn't move an inch as Inuyasha sat next to him, a basket of fresh killed breakfast beside the hanyou.
Both guys didn't say anything for awhile. Then finally,"May I help you with something Inuyasha?" Miroku asked cracking an eyelid open. Inuyasha just stared straight ahead with his arms folded against his chest, in other words, his usual posture. "Nothin' really. It's just..."
"What?" Miroku inquired who still had just an eyelid open. "Well...I'm really confused." Inuyasha confessed. "Hmn...don't be ashamed Inuyasha for we all know that you have been for a long time now." "Hey was that supposed to be an insult monk!" Inuyasha yelled. "Relax Inuyasha I did not mean any offense. I was merely pointing out about your views on Kagome and Kikyo." Miroku said both of his eyes now open. "Is this what has been bothering you?"
"Yea," Inuyasha replied. "Well, exactly how do you feel about the both of them?" Miroku pressed making sure to keep his curiosity at bay. "Damn it! That's the part I don't get!" Inuyasha burst. Miroku was used to this outburst so he didn't comment on it.
"Let's start by identifying your feelings towards Kikyo then," Miroku suggested.
"I don't know...I know that I did love her so long ago but...shimatta! I have a feeling that somehow this love changed. We were both tricked by that yarou!" he cursed. "I know Inuyasha but you must figure out how this "love" of which you speak of, changed," Miroku admonished calmly.
In his fury, Inuyasha had stood up, but now sat back down again with a sigh of defeat. "While we were traveling and searching for those Shikon no Tama shards, do you remember the times...the times when I ran off to Kikyo?"
Miroku gave him a sideways glance and replied," I do not mean for you to take offense in this Inuyasha but, how could we not forget?"
Inuyasha nodded and went on,"Right...well...er..the Kikyo I had known and loved died many years before even Kagome came into the picture. At first, it was hard being around Kagome 'cause she looked a lot like Kikyo. It brought back memories of how it used to be...how it used to be before it happened," Inuyasha paused. "But then those feelings of pain changed. I don't know! I kinda started to feel good around Kagome. No more awkwardness or hurting everytime I looked at her. Yea, it was all good till that evil witch Urusue revived Kikyo from the dead."
Inuyasha looked at Miroku to see if he was still listening. The houshi merely nodded his head, waiting for the hanyou to continue. Inuyasha sighed,"Then everything, everything changed after that. I still felt love for Kikho, (A.N. Oops! I didn't mean to do that! hehehehe...yeah...right) but like what I said it was different. This new Kikyo was cold and heartless. Full of hatred and bitterness. Hell, she even wanted to kill me in the beginning! But it was really weird 'cause I still loved her. But it was a different kind of love. It sorta wa more like a duty. I felt responsible for every thing that had happened to us, that time, fifty-years ago."
"But why? Why did you feel responsible for her demise?" Miroku asked.
"Because that fucking bastard had to trick us! Don't you see Miroku! He tricked her in my form! That's why I feel so damn guilty!"
Miroku had the biggest temptation to hit the baka hanyou's head to make him see sense. "But why? Why do you feel guilty and responsible?" Miroku asked. Inuyasha was about to yell but stopped when he saw Miroku raise his hand.
"Listen to me Inuyasha. Why should you feel guilty when it wasn't you who did this? Yes, I know that Naraku took in your form to trick her but what I'm saying is why should you feel the guilt when you really didn't do this?"
Inuyasha was starting to lose patience with the monk,"Damn it Miroku! I took the stupid jewel and left! I left her!" Miroku was also loosing his cool."For crying out loud Inuyasha! YOU didn't even know what happened to her until afterwards!"
"I know but it was still my fault cause I shouldn't have taken it!"
"YOU BAKA! IT WASN'T YOUR DAMN FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE! NARAKU TRICKED YOU! HE TRICKED YOU AND HE WAS THE ONE WHO DID ALL THIS!" Miroku yelled at the top of his lungs.
A few birds flew off in fright after his exclamation. Inuyasha was looking at him dumbfounded but shook his head.
"No Miroku. You just don't get it. You just don't. I promised Kikyo that I'd be human for her but I broke that promise. I broke it." Inuyasha replied in a hoarse voice.
Miroku calmed down and sighed. "Inuyasha you are a creature with a brain and a heart.Creatures, things, and people like you make and break promises." The half-demon didn't say anything so Miroku ventured on,"I understand your guilt but I do not know why you should feel it. What ever happened between you and Kikyo occured fifty something years ago. You can't let something like that ruin your happiness for the rest of your life. Life has its road blocks but you can't let them win you over and control you. You control them."
Inuyasha had his head down. "I understand that now. Yea, it makes sense." "If it makes sense why do you hurt Kagome-sama so much?"
Inuyasha's head shot up. "Oi! I do not hurt her!" Miroku shook his head. "Yes you do Inuyasha. Maybe not intentionally but you do hurt her.Emotionally."
"Oh." Miroku gazed at the sky above him. "Inuyasha, I still remember when we were still hunting those shikon jewel shards. You'd always compare Kagome to Kikyo. Not to mention that everytime you ran off to Kikyo, you hurt Kagome really bad. Almost to the point where I knew that I had to interfere."
Inuyasha sighed. "I know and I regret it. I never know why I constantly ran off to Kikyo anyways. But I do know that it's the biggest mistake in my life." "Do you wish to turn things around?" Miroku inquired.
"If I have a chance I would. Kuso! I never felt so damn helpless about anything before!"
Miroku glanced at his best friend and smiled a small smile. "Well, in case you do not know Inuyasha, you still do have a second chance. In fact, it's been there ever since you pronounced that you would be mating Kikyo."
"Huh? What the hell do ya mean?" Miroku sighed."Sometimes for a guy who's strong, he sure does lack his brain...Ow! Inuyasha!" Inuyasha was looming over the still sitting Miroku with his fist in mid-air. "Care to say that again monk?"
Miroku shook his head frantically while rubbing his head ruefully."Why do I always have to get beaten when everything I do and say is for a good cause?" "Good cause my ass! Why don't you just get right to the point houshi?"
The poor Miroku continued,"I was saying that you still do have a chance. But before I go on, who do you really love Inuyasha?"
Inuyasha sat, leaning against a tree and thought hard. Who the hell did he love the most? Is it Kikyo or Kagome?"
'Well, Kikyo...I...I don't love her. I...love...Kagome.'
"Take as long as you want while I meditate," Miroku said and closed his eyes.
'Kikyo, the love I had for her is long gone. When she died...it really did feel like my heart was torn apart. And when she was revived,' Inuyasha paused and shuddered,'she changed...a lot. But Kagome...she's different. She may look like Kikyo but her personality isn't like Kikyo's. She helps people because she wants too, not because she thinks it's her responsibility.'
Inuyasha sighed yet again. 'Gods! I never knew that doing this would cause such a fucking headache!'
After a few moments, Miroku opened his eyes and looked at the lost-in-la-la-land Inuyasha. "Inuyasha, have you gotten your answer?"
Startled, Inuyasha looked at Miroku and nodded his head slowly, not so sure if his decision was for the best or not.
"Yea."
"Then, who is it?" Miroku prayed to Kami above that Inuyasha made the right choice.
Inuyasha took a deep breath and sighed.
"Yea...I have it. It's...Kagome."
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Well rather than to end it there, I figured out that since I haven't posted up anything yet so far in a LONG time, that I might as well prolong this chapter a little bit longer. Gomen nasai if I waited a long time to update. Just the usual drama...LOL. : )
Well, for your enjoyment, here's the prolonged part of CHAPTER 3 : )
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Miroku again gave his friend a sideways glance. Inside, his heart was jumping for joy. Finally! Now Kagome would get the happiness she so earnestly deserved. After years of pain and turmoil, Kagome would feel the love she needed from Inuyasha.
"I am happy for your choice. I truly am Inuyasha." Miroku said smiling widely.
Inuyasha grinned back,"Yea, I knew that you'd agree with me. I really do love her. So...what was this whole 'second chance' thing?"
"Right." Miroku snapped back to his previous mood. "Have you mated with Kikyo yet?"
"No!" Inuyasha couldn't help but feel slightly revolted by the idea. Miroku chuckled.
"Ok, good. This whole mating ceremony, isn't there some type of pre-mating one?"
Inuyasha nodded his head,"Yea I think there is. I don't know what it's called but I heard that it breaks the whole mating ritual off...totally. I've only done the first step of the mating ritual which was to mark Kikyo on her neck."
At
this, Miroku's head shot up and he glared at Inuyasha,"I thought
you said you haven't mated with her yet."
"I didn't!
The mark is temporary. It'll vanish unless I mate with her! 'Sides it
only means that she's my intended...or was."
"Alright then. So how do you break it off?"
"Er...I...uh...umm...have...to...to.." Inuyasha gulped. "What is it Inuyasha?"
Inuyasha chuckled nervously then gulped again. "Um...IhavetomarkKagomeandtheintendedmarkonKikyowillvanish." Inuyasha said in a rush, hoping that Miroku didn't understand it.
Miroku raised his right eyebrow and said, grinning his lecherous grin,"So...you have to mark Kagome eh? Is there some type of mating in this?"
Again...Miroku was rewarded with a bonk on his head."Shizuka ni (Shut up) you hentai! That's only for me to know you aho (dumb ass)!"
"Okay, okay! So how does this break the mating ceremony with Kikyo?"
Inuyasha calmed down and replied,"When a youkai marks another one as his intended when he already has one, the mark on his old intended's neck will vanish. Or...at least that's what I remember."
Miroku nodded his head, looking like an idiot with two big lumps, the size of Inuyasha's fist, atop his head. "And that breaks it off? Hmn...interesting."
Inuyasha peered at Miroku, trying to figure out the priest's dazed look. "Well, alright then. I guess that'll do it. Basically, all you have to do is...um..Inuyasha what are you looking at?" The hanyou was gazing at Miroku with a puzzling look."What were just thinking right now?"
"Nani? Just right now? Doshite? What ever do you mean Inuyasha?"
"Don't give me that! You were thinking something perverted weren't you!"
Miroku gave him his best innocent look but failed."Oh alright. I was just thinking that if I were youkai, I'd be marking every utsukusii woman I meet as my intended, then mark another...OUCH! Chikusho Inuyasha! I was just giving out my opinion!"
Inuyasha had yet again bonked the hentai houshi on the head making his two previous lumps advance to three. "You deserve it!"
Miroku 'hmphfed' and was about to leave when Inuyasha stopped him.
"Miroku wait!"
Miroku paused and turned around."What is it now Inuyasha?" "I think you're forgetting something monk!"
Miroku gave him a bewildered look."I am?" Inuyasha let out a half-hearted frustrated sigh,"You baka no aho, how do I mark Kagome?"
The perverted Miroku gave Inuyasha one of his you-already-know looks."I thought you already knew Inuyasha. Simple, just ask Kagome to be your intended."
Inuyasha stood rooted to his spot and was about to yell HIS opinion when Miroku again turned around the other way. "I'm really sorry Inuyasha but my dear Sango is expecting me. I must go now so sayonara!"
Inuyasha plopped down on his spot and sighed frustratedly. 'How the fuck am I going to ask Kagome to be my intended mate when she knows that I'm still with Kikyo? Damn it! Damn that stupid houshi!'
Unbeknownst to Inuyasha, two white, gliding shinidimachuus were floating just above the tree canopies, and had listened to the whole conversation.
oOoOoO
Hello again my fellow readers! Gomen ne if I haven't updated for quite a while. Like what I've said, the usual drama...
I swear that I'll try my best to update faster and make my chapters longer!
Well, I feel really bad for abandoning you guys for this long so I've decided to make a skit. Yep! It's called Kagome's Afterthoughts
Heheeh...I've had a little talk with Kagome and she said that she wanted to let ya'll know her opinions on stuff. Particularly this story.
authoress sighs sadly people always like to critisize moi
So without further ado, here's Kagome's Afterthoughts!
Kagome's Afterthoughts
Kagome: Arigatou Silv for that introduction. You made me sound like an important person. Not like SOMEONE who makes me feel like nothing.
Silv: Oh it's nothing Kagome, in fact...authoress pauses when she sees Inuyasha
Inu: Oi wench! What do ya mean that YOU'RE an important person? S'not like ya are anyways!
Silv: authoress runs off behind her computer desk and looks at the two before her uh oh
Kagome: What do you mean I'm not important?
Inu: Well, you're not!
Silv: Oh crap, bad bad Inu authoress shakes her head
Kagome: Oh and your point is? Wait a minute Kags raises her hand you think YOU'RE important?
Inu: Keh! A lot more important than you are Kagome!
Silv: Well, better get me some hot cocoa. authoress walks off and gets some hot choco. tick tock tick tock...after 5 minutes she returns and... oh grreat! they're still at it!
Kagome: Ugh! You know what Inuyasha...SIT!
Inu: Inuyasha's face plummets to the ground. After the spell wore off Inuyasha jumps up and glares at Kagome You know what Kagome! Kikyo does act better than you do! Not to mention she's smarter, better looking, and...
Kagome: Oh, so she's better huh? that...that claypot over there is better! Kags points at Kikyo standing in a corner.
Kikyo: There is no need to drag me into this argument reincarnation.
Kagome: Reincarnation! What kind of name is that?
All the while, Inuyasha was still standing in the middle of the room but when he sees Kikyo and Kagome start to argue he dives for it and asks Silverstar...
Inu: Oi wench! Can I sit here with ya?
Silv: Depends...
Both onlookers watch claypot and Kagome battle it out
Kikyo: Be quiet wench! Your incessant whining has given me a headache.
Kagome: Oh, gomen nasai Kikyo but I didn't know that the undead get headaches.
Kikyo: Rarely, but with you around, it becomes quite a continuus occurance.
Inuyasha and Silverstar whistle astoundedly
Kagome: Excuse me for my tiny amount of knowledge. I guess that the undead still do have some pain...after all.
Kikyo: What are you saying? she raises her eyebrows
Kagome: I'm saying that for a long time now, I've always thought that the undead lose their sense of pain and feelings. But you've proved me wrong. You've proven me that even those like you still do have feelings. Even if it's only a slight one.
Silv sighs and Inuyasha stares at Kagome with admiration.
Silv: I think I should end this now she stands up from behind her spot and hands her hot cocoa to Inuyasha Alright ya'll break it up!
Both girls look at Silv
Silv: As much as we'd love to hear both of your's dramas, I'm afraid we can't. So, authoress turns towards her readers here's my closing statement...
Inu: WAIT!
Silv: What now Inuyasha?
Inu: Wench! You said earlier that I'll close for you!
Silv: Riiiiiiiiight. Well go ahead...she looks at Inuyasha who was smiling like an idiot and still holding her hot cocoa
Inu: takes a deep breath... Till next time! Just please read and review!
Silv: You all heard him right! I'll go now cause authoress yawns I still need my sleep! See ya!
Everyone: SEE YA PEOPLE!
End
Oh yea, cookies to everyone. And one more thing, if you have questions for anybody in the Inu gang just e-mail them to me or send it through a review. The gang should post up their answers in Kagome's Afterthoughts
Alright, konbanwa
sayonara!
Silverstar871