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This chapter's got a lot going on, sooo let's get toooo ittttt!

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. Art work by the super talented blvnk-art (tumblr) aka potterbyblvnk (insta)

Song: Home by Yellow Claw featuring Sophie Simmons

The Betrayal

"Are you certain?" Dumbledore asked Lily critically after she'd sprinted into his office, trying to sustain the conviction it took to carry her there.

"Yes."

"And you're sure he said the Black family lake house?" Moody questioned further. The Auror had come almost immediately after Dumbledore had summoned for him through his fireplace.

"Yes. Black mentioned his mother's elves had been prepping it for tonight. Well, tomorrow when I heard them say it yesterday, so that's tonight," Lily reasoned awkwardly.

"That isn't a lot of time, Albus," Moody said, well, moodily as he turned to Dumbledore.

"I know," he answered, looking out his window. "We know of the location, however, yes?"

"Yes," Moody said, "it's been on our radar for months. We just never had any reason to assume there was any nefarious activity on the grounds."

Dumbledore's sparkling eyes landed on Lily. "Well, now it appears as though we do."

Lily shifted, toying with the navy sleeves of the hoodie she'd stolen from James' room before she'd exited. She hadn't had much of a choice, considering he'd had her strip off all her clothes in the prefects' bathroom. She'd paired it with joggers she was practically swimming in. She was sure she looked exactly as though she had done the things she'd done with him the night before. (Or this morning, it was so hard to keep track of all of her Potter dealings anymore. She could laugh at how cutely naive she'd previously been, trying to sum him up in a tiny little blue book.)

"What does this mean will happen next, Professor?" she asked as innocently as she could muster.

"Alastor will meet with his Aurors now and go over a game plan for how they will raid the new headquarters. Hopefully, they will arrest as many Death Eaters as possible, and capture Lord Voldemort as well." The way Moody chuckled darkly after the word 'arrest' made Lily want to hurl. 'He likes his explosions. He likes to blow people up.' "You have done so very well, Miss Evans. Your help has been truly invaluable. I'm glad you are back on the case."

Lily nodded with a barely audible, "Excuse me," leaving his office before she could make a fool of herself, but she only made it to the circular staircase outside of his door before she had to hold onto a wall, her brain spinning. If she'd done so well, then why did she feel like this? Why did it feel as though her whole world was falling apart and all the pieces were so small that she couldn't even grab for a single one to try to put them back together? She collapsed onto a step and put her head between her knees, waiting for the dizzying vertigo to stop. The only thing that seemed to keep her from falling into a dark pit of anguish was the smell of James invading her nose from having it buried in his clothes. She breathed in as deeply as she could, finding her heartbeat steadying.

"There you are," Remus called out to her when she entered the common room half an hour later. "Switching over to Ravenclaw colors already, are we?" he teased good-naturedly, motioning to her hoodie. "Well, that didn't take very long."

"It's James'," Lily answered solemnly, knowing she in no way deserved his friendly banter. She couldn't even look at him, knowing what she'd done. Last night, staring at Sirius while she was with James, egging him on and wanting him to touch himself while he watched them bang had felt like a fun game — one she could win. But today? Today, it felt like the ultimate betrayal to her friendship with Remus. And the worst part about it was she didn't know how to fix it. Okay, that isn't the worst part… the worst part is that I want to do it again, despite all of that.

Remus could instantly tell that everything was wrong. "What do you mean?" There was a slight pause as he dragged her to a deserted window. "What happened?"

She still couldn't look at him. "I was trying to hook up with Benjy, you know, so I could get over Potter once and for all, but he found us and scared him off—"

"What do you mean 'scared him off'?" Remus interjected.

"He threatened him."

"And what, Benjy just left?" Yeah, pretty much exactly that. Lily nodded sadly. "The hell?" She was glad at least someone else agreed it was a bitch move. "So then you… slept with Potter instead?" It sounded as though Remus truly didn't understand his best mate's actions in the slightest. Lily couldn't exactly blame him — she knew that when it came to Potter and her, logic basically flew out the window, and instincts took over.

She couldn't relive the entire story so soon; she was going to be sick. "Yes. And now I just told Dumbledore what I heard him and Sirius talking about, and I think they're going to be arrested tonight."

"What?" Remus exclaimed, leaning in. "Tonight?"

"Yeah, there's going to be another Auror raid at their new lair." Why did her eyes feel like this? Holy shit, why am I crying?

"Hey, hey," Remus soothed, putting his hands on both her shoulders. "You're amazing. If this pans out, you might have just ended the war tonight."

"I—" She couldn't do this. Any of this. She just needed air and out, and, "—I need to go."

"Lily—" Remus called to her retreating back, probably confused as hell, but she paid him no mind, running as fast as she could, not knowing where to.

Lily stayed at the edge of The Great Lake, watching the Giant Squid leisurely swim from one end to the other, until the chill of the November air had sunken deep into her bones, and she could no longer ignore the rumbling of her stomach, demanding sustenance. She still had no idea what she was supposed to do, but all she'd been able to think about, over and over, was James, James, James, and how he might die tonight. How perhaps the Aurors might give him leniency for his age, but he'd probably be too proud to take it and fight to his bitter death and… what would have been the point? What would be the point of saving a world if James Potter was no longer in it?

She couldn't do this.

She couldn't let him walk right into a death trap. One that she had set.

Worried she might never see him again, Lily ran to the Great Hall — realizing it must have been dinner — just in time to watch all of the Death Eaters she knew of getting to their feet. They looked rowdy and ready for a Saturday night — and oblivious, so damn oblivious. What are they doing? Can't they friggin' sense their impending doom?

Lily stood by the door of the room, willing her body to just go, to go sit at Gryffindor, in her place, and let them leave, but one look at James had her mind made up. "James!" she called out before he had the chance to pass her.

He turned to her confused, breaking away from the rest of his group, pleasantly surprised. "Lily, there you are. What's up?" His eyes did an appreciative little look down her body, clearly loving that she was still wearing his clothes. "I was looking for that hoodie," he teased, grin radiant.

He had no idea. He had no idea he was about to walk into an ambush and she couldn't let him. I won't.

"I was wondering if we could go over some—" she stuttered, "—over some Head stuff tonight?"

He was looking at her like she was mental. "Tonight? On a Saturday night?" he chuckled. "Come on, love, you're better than this."

Fuck. What did she have to say? How did she make him stay?

"We can work on it tomorrow, all right? I have to go—" He was gesturing to the rest of his gang, already half turned around, and Lily panicked, imagining him dead and lifeless on the ground, or worse, bleeding out, screaming just like she'd heard him do in his room, with no one to help him. No one on her side who would care enough to tend to his wounds. No one who would love him enough to save him.

"Wait!" Lily cried out desperately. "Ifancyyou," she said all in one hurried string. She stood there panting while he looked at her, face oddly blank as if the words just weren't hitting him yet. She didn't care how crazy she seemed, this was worth it, making sure he was safe was worth it. "I fancy you something awful, and I—"

Wasting no more time, James grabbed her roughly by the jaw with both of his hands and crashed his lips to hers, kissing her right then and there in the entrance of the Great Hall. She knew everyone could see them, she knew probably a hundred pairs of eyes were presenting zeroing in on them, but for maybe the first time ever, she didn't care. All that mattered was he would stay. He'll stay.

After he'd thoroughly shifted her world completely off of its axis, James pulled back. "Is that what you wanted to talk about?" He sounded just as breathless and hopeful as Lily felt.

She grinned, a truly happy grin, and nodded her head enthusiastically yes. Stay with me. Pick me.

James smiled as he took her hand. "Well, all right, then." He brushed off Sirius' serious look as he lead them across the Entrance Hall and out of sight. Lily didn't miss the way Sirius shot her daggers the whole way. She barely cared about that either. She'd come clean to James — well, at least about her actual feelings for him — and he'd been excited. He hadn't smirked and laughed it off, turned around and high-fived his friends yelling, 'Did you hear that?' like it all had been some hilarious prank; but instead, he'd become obsessively fixated on her, as though this was the only thing he'd been waiting for from her for years, and nothing could possibly ruin their night now.

James pulled her into the very same empty classroom they'd brought Remus to the night he'd been injured (also known as the closest one) and closed the door behind them, pushing Lily up against it, kissing her before she'd even settled. "Do you really?" he whispered, lips not giving her any room to reply.

She giggled, kissing him back, but also trying to answer. "Yes—"

His kisses went from frantic to measured, as though he'd just reminded himself that they had all the time in the world, and that if she was telling the truth, she really wasn't going anywhere. "Fuck, say it again," he commanded.

Lily knew what he was talking about. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders happily. "I fancy you."

"Yeah you do," he muttered cockily, tugging at the hem of his damn hoodie, still adorning her frame, and pulling it off of her. "I can't believe you're still walking around the castle in my clothes, Evans," he teased. "Awfully bold of you." She'd never put a bra on underneath, and she loved watching him realize this, his lower lip instantly getting bitten by his teeth as he wholeheartedly stared.

"What can I say? You make me this way, Potter."

He growled, pushing his joggers off of her next as she yanked his shirt up and off of him, not wanting to be the only one stripping. She was just admiring the lines and creases of his hard body when he got impatient and picked her up by the waist, hoisting her up in the air easily. Lily squealed, not knowing what exactly he was trying to do, but instinctually wrapping her legs around his torso all the same. He seemed pleased by this and started walking them over to the teacher's desk, hands possessively holding her against him by the arse. "I hope you know you are now officially, one hundred percent, my girlfriend," he growled between kisses.

"Am I?" she taunted, flipping her hair back, loving the way he was mesmerized by her every move. Why didn't I do this sooner? Why didn't I just give in to him from the start? Lily wasn't sure if she'd ever felt this cherished in her life.

"Yes," he ground out, laying her down across the table, still between her knees as he unbuckled his belt. James was looking down at her as though getting inside of her was his ticket to survival, as though he might just perish on the spot if he didn't have her right then and there — which in some dark twisted way, she guessed might actually be the case tonight. But Lily wasn't trying to focus on that right now. She wasn't trying to focus on how this had started as a diversion, because at the end of the day, her choice to tell him how she felt might just have been the best decision of her young life.

James pulled out his wand and laid it on her clit before entering her, watching her face the whole time to try to figure out just what she needed tonight, and Lily fell even more in love. With him, she had always (quite literally) come first. With James, she always knew she was going to get there because sex with him was phenomenal. He was intense. He was focused. He analyzed her every reaction to know just how to coax the best orgasm of her life out of her every single time.

They worked their way through as many positions as Lily could think of — on the desk, in the chair, against the wall, fuck, even on the floor — as if James wanted to take her in each and every last way in order to make this official with her in the only manner he knew how. It was like he thought this might truly be the path to making her fully his — as though all the post-orgasmic hormones flooding her brain would rewire her neurons to spell out what her lips couldn't stop panting: James, James, James. Lily was happy to go along with it, because every hour spent inside of her was an hour that James wasn't at the raid getting killed, and yes, every new way they discovered for him to rut her felt so incredibly different. She was learning what she liked best, what positions were the easiest for her to come in, and damn was it fun. Some positions allowed him to go deeper, so she could feel him from tip to base, stretching her to the limit, while others had her completely losing her mind, because all she could focus on was her own spasms — and the wet, erotic noises their bodies made as they merged together — freaking her the hell out.

Whatever they did, whatever position they attempted, James was with her every step of the way, smirking, cooing, and goddamn telling her to come as many fucking times as she could, holding that silly wand against her clit, never feeling like any less of a man because of it — because he understood that the toy had absolutely nothing to do with his talents as a man, but everything to do with her anatomy as a woman. (And she did come. Fuck, did she come.)

After many hours (who knew what time was anymore when brains were this addled), Lily and James were lying buck naked on the floor, panting and sweaty in each other's arms, content and so frigging exhausted. Unfortunately, magical problems waited for no one.

"There's been an attack." Lily gasped and even James seemed to jump out of his sex-crazed slump as a cat patronus sprang forth on the ground at their feet. McGonagall's words rang out clearly. "Miss Evans: please tell the prefects to gather all students in the Great Hall in their sleeping clothes. Immediately." It was so strange to hear an apparition of a cat sound so frazzled. "I know you can do this swiftly and in an orderly fashion." And with that, the blue cat faded away into oblivion.

"What?" Lily huffed, confused and recovering, and holy hell, why was she still so lightheaded? His dick was something else.

"I think we're being summoned, Evans," Potter sighed next to her, sounding equally spent.

Lily looked over at him. It was so hard to take anything seriously when her stupendously attractive boyfriend (could she really call him that?) was lying there starkers, recovering from all the nasty ways she'd just had him. No man had ever kept going for her after he'd come — in fact, Lily hadn't even known that such a thing was possible before he'd just done it. But as James had explained to her, mid-thrust, after they'd changed into yet another position — as long as they didn't let him wilt, he could keep his erection up if he just pushed himself. Pushed himself for me.

Lily leaned over and grabbed his chin, rolling over onto her side to kiss him. His arms instinctually wrapped around her. Honestly, she felt like she could keep going for him too.

"Lils…" he breathed, painfully tearing himself away. "McGonagall's request sounded quite urgent."

Fuck him for being so responsible. "Fine," she grunted, pushing herself off of him, but not yet fully committing to sitting up. "You cover Slytherin and Hufflepuff and I'll gather Gryffindor and Ravenclaw?"

He looked like he wanted to fight her for a second, and only after she'd said it did she realize that Benjy was a Ravenclaw. She felt so far removed from the situation that his house allegiance — hell, even just him — hadn't registered. The logistics of her covering the two towers merely made a lot of sense. "Okay," Potter agreed reluctantly.

It wasn't until after Lily had walked away from James' arms and towards the stairs that her usual swirling thoughts had come back to her in full force. Wait… an attack? What did McGonagall mean? Why would we have to shelter in the Great Hall because of the raid?

Lily performed her duties admirably, starting off in Ravenclaw, and telling them all to meet in the Great Hall before marching to her own dorm and doing the same. Everyone looked confused — after all, it was a Saturday night, and they thought they could maybe get away with having a drink or two at some clandestine party. Lily quickly snuck away to put on some of her own clothing under her robes before joining the procession down the castle.

As soon as Lily walked into the Great Hall, noticing the tables had all been banished from the space, she found McGonagall straight away, and made a beeline for her. "Professor, what's going—?"

"Not now, Miss Evans," McGonagall dismissed her, clearly irked, eyes still trained on the doors over Lily's shoulder.

Lily had never heard the woman speak to her this way. She was more than a little confused and not willing to be shut down so easily. "Professor, what should I tell the prefects? Everyone's wondering what we—" Lily stopped mid-sentence as McGonagall's face shifted, clearly shocked and abhorred with whatever was happening behind her. Lily turned around and watched as all of the Slytherin 7th year boys walked into the hall, sending sly, antagonizing smiles at Minerva and the other teachers in the area. What the fuck is happening? She supposed the raid had also been called off due to whatever attack had happened.

Lily decided to try again, "Professor—"

"Please make sure everyone has a sleeping bag, Miss Evans," she responded curtly. "That will be all."

Lily felt the full weight of her favorite professor's admonishment, but she just didn't understand why. "Okay," she replied dutifully.

What followed next was as close to pure pandemonium as Lily had ever experienced in the castle. Younger students were crying, older students were complaining, and just about everyone was saying that their sleeping bags itched and were not up to snuff. Lily tried to be patient and listen and explain the situation to each and every one of her peers, but it was surprisingly hard to do so when she didn't know what the hell was going on herself. She kept sneaking glances over at James, also walking down the aisles of students, seemingly struggling to preform the same tasks as her. The only thing that kept her going was the way he'd look back at her sometimes, giving her little winks or expressive eye rolls at what a shit job they'd just been assigned. It heartened her and made her titter.

Oh how she wished they were still in that deserted classroom. Lily was pretty sure he'd formed a new wrinkle between her brows with how much he'd had her scrunching up her face in pure pleasure tonight.

"Attention, attention," Dumbledore finally announced, making all the muttering across the hall (thankfully) come to a complete halt. "I'm sure you are all wondering why you've been summoned to sleep here tonight." His amplified voice echoed through the space, and everyone waited patiently for some semblance of an explanation. "The truth is, there is strength in numbers, no matter the situation. An overabundance of caution today, could forecast the difference between life and death tomorrow." There was a low grumbling amongst the students as they started trying to decipher what the hell he was talking about. "There is nothing to fear, because we have each other, and together, we are unstoppable."

Great. So we're really not getting any answers tonight, Lily whined to herself. She did notice, however, that the headmaster was the only professor who didn't look stressed out of his mind, the rest of them whispering amongst themselves. Even the usually unflappable Connelly looked distinctly ruffled. Something is up.

Naturally, James and Lily were assigned first watch, and had to continue their patrols well into the night until everyone was asleep. Lily thought it was quite cruel to ask presumably the two most physically exhausted students there to perform this task, but she guessed that was her burden to bear.

Finally, after there were far more snores than whispers, a Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw prefect took over, relieving Lily and James of their duties. James hardly gave Lily a choice in where she'd be sleeping when he all but pulled her towards the back corner of the Hall and conjured them a fresh, large enough sleeping bag to share.

Lily raised a skeptical eyebrow in his direction.

He flicked his wand and sent a few sparks out in all directions. "Really, Evans? You think I'm a fully grown wizard who hasn't mastered a proper muffling spell?"

"I mean, I've heard you enough to have my suspicions," she snarked at him. She knew he'd pick up that she was referring to his tawdry escapades throughout the castle.

He smiled at her, not at all guilty. "You know why I did that."

She did. As much as it pained her, she understood his logic, dumb as it was. Biting the tip of her tongue, Lily disrobed and clambered inside his sleeping bag, settling in for the night. He smirked and joined her a few seconds later — after pulling off his trousers. She wasn't surprised that he didn't even own pajamas to sleep in. "Potter—" she chastised him.

"Relax, I still have my trunks on. Besides, look around, everyone's asleep!" he whispered.

She huffed, rolling her eyes, but was over the moon that he was making himself comfortable right next to her. Sure, they'd just shared some of the best sex of her life, but to have him be there, still be here, even after all that, meant the world to Lily. She'd been ditched too many times right after this had happened (the 'best' part normally lacking) to not appreciate every second of his continued presence.

"What do you think is happening?" she asked him, genuinely curious. He'd tangled his feet with hers, capturing them in a playful hold.

James looked at her, satisfied with his cushioning spell on the hard stone floor, and brought his hand up to cup her cheek. "Would you be mad at me if I said I didn't care?"

Lily snorted. Of course he didn't. "How can you not want to know?"

"I didn't say that," James answered mysteriously. Just before Lily could question him, he leaned into her, gently kissing her lips, his roaming hand finding its way up the back of her camisole.

"What are you doing?" she murmured as he kissed his way down the side of her face, over to the tender spot on her neck.

"What do you think?" he answered gruffly.

"Aren't you satisfied?" she all but giggled.

He chuckled in return. "Are you?"

Well, she supposed she could always go for another round. What was one more orgasm among lovers? "We're sort of surrounded by people, James…" she reminded him quietly. Shagging in front of Sirius was one thing, but having sex in the same room as the whole school, including all the professors, was completely different.

"Good thing I thought ahead," James said, grinning as he pulled his Invisibility Cloak out of nowhere and wrapped it over their sleeping bag. Lily was so grateful that the only lights in the Hall were the twinkling of the stars in the enchanted ceiling, because this way she was fairly certain that no one spotted the sudden disappearance of two students in the dead of night. "You'll have to be real quiet for me though, baby. Can you do that?" he hushed, nipping her right below the ear.

Lily bit her lip, smiling nevertheless. "Yes, sir."

James choked, momentarily too stunned by her kinky sass to growl before he moved himself fully over her, kissing her lips and tugging away both of their pants that dared to obstruct their lovemaking. It had only been a few hours, but Lily couldn't help but moan as he made her whole once more, completing her with that missing piece she'd unknowingly been searching for for years.

"Lils," he warned, "you said you'd be quiet…" Whoops. Did I? With the satisfying feeling of him inside of her, she could hardly recall such events.

She pulled him down by the hair to kiss him, silently asking him to swallow her ecstasy for her as his hips slowly slunk in and out of her cunt in the corner of the room, surrounded by literally all of Hogwarts. We're fucking, in the most public of places… Lily couldn't wait to have breakfast here tomorrow morning and know exactly what had gone down in the cover of darkness. A shooting star briefly lit up the ceiling as it sailed on by.

"You make me so happy…" James unexpectedly whispered into her ear, making Lily's nails dig into his shoulders where they'd migrated down to. She knew she was leaving ten tiny little crescent moon indents, mirroring the large one up in the sky. "Every day, just seeing you around the castle makes me want to be a better man… for you."

Lily didn't really want to break down the whole system of ethics that they clearly still didn't agree upon, so she tried focusing on the positive side of his words: she made him happy. Lily tilted up her hips, pumping upwards in time with his easy strokes, not content to just lay there — she wanted to be an active part of the pleasure. "You make me happy too, baby." She dragged her nails down his back and dug them into his bum, pulling him further into her, making him groan. "You drive me crazy, but there's some happiness involved as well."

He chuckled, hand traveling down to play with her clit.

"I can't believe we're doing this," Lily murmured, so thankful for James' magic since the thin fabric of their sleeping bag barely offered any protection against the otherwise hard floor beneath her.

"I can," James teased, hot breath tickling her cheek. He moved his vibrating wand down to her apex so he could hover himself right over her, his forearms on either side of her head, bracketing her in their own little cocoon. She felt so, so safe. "We were fated, Lily. We always have been." It was hard for Lily to even describe the preciousness of the moment, his face so close to hers. All she knew was that it felt fragile yet perfect, so bloody perfect, and she wanted to protect it with everything she had.

As he kept plunging into her — them lazily making their way to their individual climaxes (because they truly had all night) — she guessed he was right. She'd never really stood a chance against this destiny: the one she had with him.

"OW!" James yelped unexpectedly early the next morning. "What the—"

Lily bolted upright, trying to gather her bearings. A completely horrorstruck 1st year was staring in their general direction, eyes comically round, trying to figure out what he'd just stepped on. He backed away slowly.

"Watch where you're walking—" James started grumbling angrily, massaging his foot.

"James…" Lily whispered, reaching for his wrist. "We're still under the Cloak, he can't see us."

The kid turned on his heel and sprinted away, clearly upset that he'd just angered an invisible ghost. James chuckled, rubbing his face, as the realization hit him. "What's his name? I could have some fun with this in the future." He shot Lily a smirk. "You know. Make him think he's actually being haunted."

Lily bit back a smile. "I want no part in this."

He pulled her back down to him. "Come on, Evans. Let me corrupt you."

Lily gave him a peck on the lips, before pushing him away. "No."

"Boo."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Come on, we gotta get out of this before everyone else wakes up." She reached over for her top that someone had peeled off of her in the middle of the night.

He sat up and kissed her bare shoulder right before it got covered back up by her robes. "Fine. But it is Sunday."

"Yes, and?" Lily pretended like she didn't know where he was going with this.

"So, got any plans, girlfriend?"

She liked that. She liked that too much. "We'll see." Lily slipped out from under the Cloak, leaving James to deal with himself and the sleeping bag. She wasn't sure, but she thought she heard him sigh, 'Bloody minx,' behind her.

Lily helped shuffle all the kids out of the way so that the teachers could summon back the dining tables and benches into the Great Hall, and before long, everyone had settled down for breakfast, eager to stuff their bellies with everything delicious. Before Lily could dig in, however, the morning post arrived.

She could tell something was terribly wrong when gasps and little muffled screams filled the space as people got a look at the front page of The Daily Prophets being dropped into their laps by owls. Lily pulled the nearest one over, stealing it out of Remus' grasp. "AUROR RAID OF DEATH EATER LAIR GOES TERRIBLY AWRY — 18 AURORS SLAIN" The juice in Lily's other hand fell to the table, clattering and spilling everywhere, but she didn't even notice — Eighteen dead, eighteen dead, eighteen dead—

"Lily," she vaguely registered Remus saying, a concerned hand on her shoulder. "Lily—"

How? How had they died? How did a raid end with over half the Auror office getting wiped out? Unless… Lily couldn't breath, the air around them feeling like lead as she tried forcing it down her airway, it was a trap. The Black manor had never been the new headquarters; they weren't really having a meeting. She had given the Order faulty information and now they were dead, so many of them had been murdered — and it was all her fault.

Her eyes scanned the article, skimming over details of the ambush, but then she got sidetracked by the photos. Eighteen photos of eighteen people she had seen every weekend at Order meetings. Emmeline Vance, normally quiet and reserved, unless you tried to contradict her, because then bloody hell, watch out. Matthew Hunt, proud and loud — especially about his two young daughters who he thought were child prodigies. The Prewett twins, two handsome young Aurors who Moody was always telling to shut up in a fatherly tone that showed just how much he was secretly fond of them. Alice — Lily choked, no. Not Alice. Her favorite member of the Order other than Remus was printed there, smiling at the camera and shooting a wink, completely unaware that her real life counterpart was now deceased. She was gone, a memory, nothing more, nothing less. Never to have any type of future, any more love, any new family.

I killed her.

"Lil—" Remus sounded urgent now, yet somehow farther away than earlier.

Lily passed out, collapsing in her seat.

Lily opened her eyes groggily in the infirmary, who knew how many hours later, with the sun high in the sky outside the vaulted windows.

"Ah, she finally awakens." She heard Madam Pomfrey's brisk voice as the healer walked between the cots, on her way over to bringing another patient a potion. When Lily's eyes finally adjusted to the brightness, she saw the only other person in a hospital bed was Peter Pettigrew, and he seemed to be wearing some sort of cast on his arm. It brought all the thoughts of the Death Eater ambush flooding back to her, and she had to wonder if the boy was in the hospital because he'd gotten hurt in the scuffle. "I have to say, never in all my years practicing healing have I ever had to magically banish a visitor from the premises. But I'm glad to know I still have ward magic up my sleeve." She gave Lily a stern look as though this was her fault, all but force-feeding the green bottle into Peter's mouth across the aisle. "Just because he brings you to me, doesn't mean he has the right to demand that I heal you first, before my other patients—" she clumsily waved her hand backwards in demonstration to Peter, accidentally knocking the bottle further in his mouth, making him gag, "—and practically accost me until I do so, especially if you are only dealing with acute shock."

"Um, I…" Lily really didn't know what to say. That didn't sound like Remus… Lily's face relaxed with understanding: Potter. Of course. He loved picking her up and carrying her places. He must have seen her pass out and panicked. "Sorry." She had no idea how she was supposed to feel anymore. She hadn't even been given time to think about the past day. If the raid had gone so wrong, she was almost positive she'd been fed inaccurate information on purpose to lure the Aurors into a readymade trap. But that means…

Lily felt as though she'd been stabbed in the heart.

James knows. James knows I've been working for the Order and led me astray with the intent to… she couldn't go there right now, and yet, her brain didn't care. How long has he known? How did he find out? How could he use me like this? Has this been the point of our relationship for him the whole time? Lily felt her heart stammer. Does he even care for me at all, or was it all just an act leading to this very moment? All the questions tumbled through her head, making her feel sick and dizzy once more.

"Hey, none of that, whatever hole you're going down right now, stop it," Pomfrey ordered at her snappily, clearly seeing how Lily had turned white as a ghost. "It's fine, but perhaps you need to get a less angry boyfriend."

I'll say. But… he did drop me off here. If last night had been the whole purpose of their relationship to him, surely he wouldn't have cared if she fainted in the Great Hall this morning. She'd have fulfilled her function to him, and he could have just ignored her. Hell, he could have ignored her after all his fellow Death Eaters had returned to the castle last night, but instead he'd made love to her. That's what last night had felt like — like James was using his body to profess just how much he adored her and how deep his devotion ran. So he had to care for her somewhat then, right? Please tell me his feelings for me have been real. Even her inner monologue sounded on the verge of tears.

Pomfrey came to her bedside, trying to get her to take a calming draught, but Lily refused. Knowing that Potter had doped her up on the spell equivalent was probably more than enough to render whatever potency this liquid carried absolutely useless.

"I know the Auror deaths must be very hard on you, Miss Evans," Pomfrey continued in her most understanding tone, "but I don't want you to worry. When you are in this castle, you are safe. With Dumbledore as Headmaster, you will always be safe."

Lily's emerald eyes rose to the healer's sadly — this woman meant well, but she had no idea what she was talking about. Lily really wished she could be transported back to a simpler time when she merely took anything an adult told her as gospel.

Seconds later, Moody, McGonagall, and Dumbledore burst into the wing, the latter two trying to keep up with the Auror even though he only had one leg and a new cane and was limping along madly. "WHERE IS SHE?" he bellowed enraged.

Lily felt terrified for whoever he was asking for, before his eyes, magical and not, both landed on her. Oh fuck. He was looking for her.

"Alastor—!" McGonagall cried out, but it was too late, Moody had already descended upon Lily's cot and had his wooden cane pressed against her throat.

"YOU KNEW!"

Lily scrambled to sit up against her pillows, trying to get the gnarled wood off of her neck, sputtering for breath, but she didn't have too many options on where to escape to.

Pomfrey looked absolutely flummoxed seeing one of her patients getting manhandled like this. "Alastor Moody, how dare—"

"This girl is the reason I just lost almost all my best women and men last night!" Moody howled, eyes never leaving Lily, hair standing straight up, looking completely insane. "She's the reason I lost a leg! Someone used Dark Magic to blow it straight off of my—!"

Pomfrey looked between the pair, before turning to McGonagall and Dumbledore, clearly hoping for assistance. "Be that as it may—"

"NO!" Moody roared, "She KNEW! She knew it was an ambush and she will rot in Azkaban as a terrorist—"

"I didn't—" Lily pleaded, finally finding her own desperate, croaky voice. "I didn't know!"

Pomfrey rushed off to Peter, not knowing what to do as Moody insisted on having either his cane or wand at Lily's jugular. Lily peripherally watched as the boy scurried out of the wing, clearly not wanting to be involved in this chaos. Lily's eyes darted to McGonagall and Dumbledore, imploring them to help her, to rein Moody back in the slightest, but they weren't budging, the former only staring at the scene in slight horror. Help me.

"Don't look at them! Your precious professors can't save you now, you traitorous scum!"

Lily coughed, trying to suck in air despite him crushing her windpipe. She could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks from the lack of oxygen. "I— didn't—"

"You quit working for the Order, but suddenly you're back because you had information that was just too important to not pass along? And you did, you fed us the specific information that got eighteen of us killed—?"

"Alastor," Dumbledore's booming voice finally cut off Moody's interrogation, making him loosen the cane off of her, but not his shaking wand, now pointed at her temple.

Lily wasn't sure if it was because she was already so dizzy from lack of air, but she could have sworn she heard an explosive banging coming from the other side of the infirmary door, as though someone was trying to blow their way through an invisible barrier. She didn't have a lot of time to consider it, however, because her hair was being yanked back, and Moody was forcing a clear liquid down her throat. It burned.

Lily coughed up a storm, suddenly feeling oddly alert and awake, looking at Moody almost diligently.

"Are you a double agent?" he growled.

She didn't think, her mouth just moved: "No." Her body wanted to speak clearly, but she was too waterlogged with snot and tears to accomplish the goal.

Moody started turning red, but she saw McGonagall over his shoulder visibly relax. "You see, Alastor? This wasn't her fault—"

"Bullshit," Moody replied, magical eye swiveling around the room at a thousand kilometers a minute, while his human eye remained steadfast, boring into hers.

Why aren't they stopping him? she couldn't help but scream internally. She was lost and confused, but now she was also so very afraid. She'd always thought that if someone would slip her Veritaserum — slip being the operative word, she had never imagined it would be rammed down her throat as though she was an animal — it would have been by Voldemort's side. She could even have imagined Potter trying to persuade her to drink it herself, and she might have been that far gone for him, that under certain circumstances, she would have. But life and death hung in that balance — that small glimmer of choice.

If Lily was forced to do something horrible, she would always have assumed it would have been by the enemy, and Potter would have used the time to ask her questions, probably half of them dirty, chasing her around the castle until she turned blue in the face. But this? This was so much worse. She had trusted these people. Moody, Minerva, Dumbledore… the Order. She had thought they were on the same team, and that they would protect her if the time ever came. James would never do this to me. Lily stifled an almighty sob. He would never.

"Are you working for Voldemort?" Moody snarled aggressively, soldiering on with his interrogation.

"No." Silent defeated tears continued to fall from her eyes.

"Did you know the raid would be a trap?"

"No."

Moody was getting increasingly incensed, but carried on. "Are you colluding with Potter?"

Lily closed her eyes, just wishing she'd have died with her parents. "No."

Moody jabbed his wand firmly against her neck, definitely poking into one of the hickeys James had left on her. "Then why the hell is he on the other side of that door, trying to break in?"

He was still there. James was trying to get to her. He was trying to save her. "Because you're hurting me," she whispered.

Moody brushed over her words as if they meant nothing. "You really had no idea that Potter was feeding you inaccurate information about their supposed meeting last night?"

"No, I didn't." Her eyes glowed green with refracting tears as she looked at him. "I'm sorry." The door to the infirmary made another almighty, thunderous shake, and Madam Pomfrey squealed, standing right next to it.

"Alastor, that's enough," McGonagall tried, sounding more frail than Lily had ever heard her. But Moody persisted, leaning in closer to Lily's face.

She felt every droplet of spittle as it landed on her cheek, escaping from his weathered mouth. "When did Potter figure out you were working for us?"

"I don't know—" Lily squeezed her eyes shut, feeling even more ashamed that she hadn't been able to tell that he knew sooner. He was always just so mysterious. He had always seemed to know everything about her.

"When did you realize?" he pushed.

"Today." Make it stop. Please Merlin, just make it stop. Lily didn't know how much more of this questioning she could take.

"How did they know to come back?" Moody demanded.

It was the first question that came completely out of left field for her. "What?"

"How did the Death Eaters at Hogwarts know that they had to return to the castle last night?" he clarified.

"I don't—" Lily cut herself off with a gasp. Oh my fucking god. Lily swallowed, pausing as her brain figured out the painful truth. Last night's sleepover had been the school's way of deducing which students had left the grounds — which students were missing and therefore probably Voldemort supporters and murderers.

"What is it, girl?! Spit it out!"

Lily's voice sounded as hollow as her insides. "Potter."

"What about him?"

Unable to do anything else, Lily ratted them both out. "Potter was still in the castle so he could have summoned them back when Professor McGonagall instated the lockdown."

"Why was Potter still in the castle?"

Lily's tears now had nothing to do with her physical pain and everything to do with her frayed emotions. "Because I asked him to stay."

Moody's electric blue eye practically glowed as he finally found his lead. "And why did you ask him to stay if you aren't working with him?"

Lily's bottom lip trembled, unable to watch the way every adult in the room had just leaned in. "Because I love him." She took in a shuddering gasp after her confession, not wanting it to go like this. Never like this. Lily shut her eyes tightly once more, hating this man, hating this room, and presently hating everyone else in it for doing this to her. She could have heard a pin drop with the silence that followed her declaration.

"Alastor," it was Dumbledore this time, finally speaking, "I think we have learnt enough from Miss Evans for one night."

Lily didn't wait to be dismissed. She shoved off her bedsheets and scrambled as fast as she could from the room.

Next Chapter: The Hatred

Oh boy, oh boy!