Chapter 6

Now that I can't exchange actions for words
Now that I found these inside fears the worst
Now that I know there's no place left to hide
Can I become all I thought I might

"Panic Attack", Finger Eleven

"Madagascar"

"Um, Reno."

"We used Reno already."

"No, I didn't."

"H did. Off of Vancouver."

"Oh. Well, shoot. All right, go ahead, then."

"Reykjavik"

"You've been just waiting for that one, haven't you?" Calleigh sighed.

He smiled. "Yup."

There was a pause from the back seat, then, "Kyrgystan"

"Where the hell is that?" Calleigh asked.

"Central Asia," Horatio replied.

"Huh." She thought a moment, then laughed. "Ok, Mr. Smartypants, Nairobi".

"Islamabad," Tim replied without missing a beat. She sighed.

Horatio laughed in the back seat. "Dorchester."

"Again with the Rs? What did I ever do to you?" Calleigh sighed. "Oh, no, wait, Rochester."

"Reading," Tim replied. He shivered as he glanced out the window. It was awfully grey out there, and it had been getting colder in the car for the past hour or so. He was about to turn in his seat to see if Horatio had found something that started with "G" when they started to skid.

"Ohmygod, I can't…it's slipping," Calleigh cried in a panic.

"Take your foot off the gas," Tim snapped. "Turn the wheel to the right."

"What?" she asked, confused.

"Just do it!" he said, sharply. They straightened suddenly as the unmistakable sound of freezing rain started to hit the car.

"It's really slippery," Calleigh said, still panicking. "What…this isn't hail?"

"It's freezing rain," Tim replied, squinting up ahead. "There, pull off into the rest area," he pointed. "Be careful, it's going to be slick. Just go slow."

She managed to pull into the rest area and into a parking space without incident. Tim shivered again as she sat back and started to cry. "I didn't know what to do, the car was going one way and I didn't have control, and, and, and…"

"It's ok, Calleigh, it was a skid, it happens," Horatio said soothingly from the back seat. Tim sat frozen next to her as she cried. His mind spun as he realized that he was facing winter weather for the first time in…twelve years, probably. I hate winter, he thought. Oh, God, what the hell was I thinking? It's November, idiot!

"I've never been farther north than Memphis and that was summer, I don't know what this is," Calleigh said, still half hysterical.

"It's freezing rain," Tim heard himself say in an impossibly calm voice. "It's what happens when precipitation starts off as snow, melts on the way down and then refreezes right before it hits the ground. It's…not fun."

"Take a deep breath, Calleigh. It's ok, we're all fine," Horatio said. Calleigh took a couple of deep breaths and a sip from her bottle of soda and pulled herself together.

Tim looked at her and realized suddenly that he was in the car with two people who'd grown up in the South. The Way Deep South. And who had probably never seen snow before in their lives, or if they had, they'd only seen maybe an inch or two. There was no way in hell Calleigh could drive in this, and he didn't think Horatio would be much better off. At any rate, neither of them had the lifelong winter reflexes he had. He remembered his very first winter driving lesson at the age of five: You've got to have your wits about you in this weather, kiddo, his grandfather had said. He took a shaky breath and twisted to look at Horatio in the backseat.

Horatio must have about come to the same conclusion about Calleigh, because he said, "I lived in New York for awhile, once." Tim looked at him dubiously with raised eyebrows. "Ok, yeah, over twenty years ago," he admitted.

Tim shook his head. "No, all right, I'll do it." He might not have seen a winter in twelve years, but that was better than twenty. Besides, he'd grown up with this sort of shit. There were things you don't forget how to do. He was willing to bet that driving in icy conditions was one of them.

"Do what?" Calleigh asked, calmer now.

"Give me the keys," he said.

"What? No, Tim, I can do this, I was just surprised," she said.

"You can't drive in this, Calleigh. It's a specific set of skills you don't have. It's ok, you've never needed them," he explained. "I grew up in upstate New York. I had the skills before I even learned to drive, almost."

"You're not supposed to be driving," she argued.

He shook his head. "They took me off the surgery restrictions already. It's just because the Ativan can make me lightheaded. It's been more than four hours since I had any, I'm fine."

"Tim…" she said.

"Cal, you can't do this. Neither can H. Now, we can either sit here at this rest area until this goes away, which will probably not be anytime soon from the looks of it, or I can drive and we can get on with it. I know which I'd rather do," he said. "We can't have that much farther to go, can we?" He hadn't been paying all that much attention, but he was fairly sure they'd stopped at the halfway point last night and he knew they'd been on the road for most of the day today.

"About an hour, maybe an hour and a half, according to the GPS," Horatio said.

"All right, then. That's not bad, Calleigh. You know I can drive for longer than that in my sleep."

"Yes, I know," she sighed. "All right," she said, finally, handing him the keys. "But if you start to get tired…"

"If I get tired, we'll stop. Promise," he said, taking the keys.

He and Calleigh switched places, shivering in the cold. He adjusted the seat and glanced back at Horatio. "Anti-lock brakes?"

"Yes, they're anti-lock."

"Ok. Good," he said. That was a very good thing to know before you started out. He took a deep breath and backed the car out of the space and got them back on the highway. It was icy, but not quite as bad as he'd feared. He relaxed slightly as they got going and he spotted the flashers of a salt truck up ahead.

"You know, I don't have any warm clothes," Calleigh remarked about fifteen minutes later.

"I don't, either," Horatio said. "Hopefully we can find somewhere where we can buy coats at least."

"I have one," Tim said, absently. "There's probably a couple of sweaters, too, maybe."

"How did you know to bring cold weather stuff?" Calleigh asked.

"Didn't," he replied, frowning at the road. "I store the winter clothes in the duffle bag. I was kinda in a hurry and just threw my stuff in on top of it when I was packing. I didn't want you to leave without me and I couldn't find my other bag."

"Well, that's lucky," Horatio said.

"I'll say," Calleigh said, reaching over and turning the heat up. "This is cold."

Tim refrained from pointing out that winter tended to be cold. "This next exit looks like it has a shopping center," he said. "There's a lot of restaurants, anyway."

"Well, let's stop and see," Calleigh said. He nodded and merged over for the exit.

They all looked around as they pulled to the stop light at the end of the exit ramp. "Looks like a Walmart over there," Horatio said, pointing to the left.

"I imagine they'd have coats, right?" Calleigh said.

"Usually," Tim shrugged. "Good enough ones for these purposes, anyway."

"Sounds good, then," Calleigh said.

Tim parked the car in the parking lot and they all got out of the car. He walked around to the hatch and opened it and pulled out his duffle bag. Setting his pajamas and dopp kit inside the hatch, he dug out his parka and shook it out. Underneath were two sweaters and a flannel shirt. "Thought so," he mumbled, handing Calleigh and Horatio each a sweater. It was a good thing that he was still roughly the same size as he'd been ten years ago. And that he liked his clothes a little bit big, since Horatio had broader shoulders than he did. The sweater was considerably too long for Calleigh, though. He pulled the flannel shirt on over his long-sleeve t-shirt and said, "Why don't you two go get yourselves coats and I'll stay here?" His nerves felt tight and frayed, and he really didn't feel up to dealing with a store right then.

"You sure?" Calleigh asked.

"Yeah," he said, putting his things back in the duffle and shrugging into the parka. It still zipped; was in fact more than slightly too large. "I should eat, anyway," he added, picking up one of the protein shakes that had somehow spilled out of the box.

"Ok. Do you need anything?" she asked him.

He felt the pockets of the parka and found a pair of gloves, but no hat. "A hat. And a thermal shirt, maybe," he replied.

"Got it," she said. "I have my phone if you think of anything else."

He nodded and closed the hatch as they walked off towards the store. He climbed back into the driver's seat and made a face at the protein shake. They really did taste lousy, but he'd decided the strawberry ones were the least objectionable. Better than the chocolate ones, anyway. He sighed as he opened it and took a sip. Better this stuff than a feeding tube, he reminded himself. The doctor had said if he showed up at his next appointment more than two pounds lighter, he'd stick him back in the hospital for a feeding tube. Tim was doing his best to prevent that, but it was hard to eat when you had no appetite.

He finished the shake as quickly as he could without completely upsetting his stomach and leaned his head back and shut his eyes. Winter. He hated winter. It was cold and icy and wet and left a piece of endless cold that refused to thaw behind his stomach. There was a reason why he lived in Miami. What the hell was he thinking? Miami's relentless sun and heat must have warped his brain after so long. Well, of course it was winter the first time you left Miami in five years, Tim. You just have that kind of luck, you know.

An indeterminate amount of time passed before the car door opened and someone put something in the back seat before climbing into the passenger seat. "Glasgow," Calleigh said.

He opened his eyes and turned his head towards her. "Warsaw."

"Mmm. Waco."

"Odessa"

"Albuquerque"

"Edmonton."

"Natchez. Hah!" she laughed.

He smiled a little. "Zaire."

"When you were little, did you just read the atlas for fun or something?" she asked.

"Yeah," he admitted.

"Why am I not surprised?" she sighed. "All right, Eaton."

"Natchitoches" He smirked at her.

She sighed. "Sacramento," she said after a moment.

"Oneida."

"That's silverware, Tim," she said.

"It's also a city in upstate New York," he replied.

"Really?" He nodded. "Do they make the silverware there?" she asked. He nodded again. "Huh. Ok. Annapolis."

"Salem"

"Montreal."

"Lima"

Her eyes narrowed a moment, then she said, "Aberdeen."

Nothing immediately came to his mind that he hadn't already used earlier. He was tired of the game, anyway, so he shook his head a little.

"You give up?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Did I actually stump you, or are you just tired of playing?" she asked.

"Both," he said, smiling tiredly.

"Heh. All right, then," she said.

"Where's H?" he asked.

"Restroom. Like my coat?" she asked, holding an arm out.

"Looks warm," he said, nodding in approval.

"It seems to be. I got a hat and gloves and a scarf, too. I've never owned a scarf before," she said. "I got you a hat, too, but Horatio said you probably didn't need a scarf."

He shook his head. "It's not that cold. It's probably not quite 40."

"37 according to the television in Walmart," she said, nodding.

"Yeah, that's not that cold, really," he said.

"Does it get colder in Syracuse? It must, right? Because there's snow?" she asked.

He laughed a little. "Yeah, it gets colder. Like negative numbers, sometimes," he said.

She shivered. "I think I'll stay in Miami."

"Me too," he said, nodding.

"Are you tired?" she asked.

"A bit."

"Do you want Horatio to drive? The girl in the store said that we're probably only about another half hour away and that the roads ahead are probably pretty good, because they've been salting all day," Calleigh asked.

He shrugged. "I'm ok."

"You sure? Because Horatio says he can do it." Calleigh said.

He was about to answer when Horatio arrived at the car. "Here," he said, handing Calleigh a candy bar. "You want some pudding, Speed?" he asked, holding out a chocolate pudding cup.

"Where'd you find the pudding?" Calleigh asked, unwrapping the candy bar.

"There were groceries on the other side. I saw them when I was coming back from the restroom," Horatio replied.

Tim took the offered pudding and spoon. "Thanks."

"No problem. We've got more, too, if you're hungry later," Horatio said. "You want me to drive so you can eat?"

He sighed. "Yeah, all right," he said, getting out of the driver's seat to climb in the back. Horatio got in the car and started it. He managed to eat the pudding by the time they were back on the highway. Then he leaned back in the seat, shoved his hands in the pockets of his parka and let them shake as he closed his eyes and let the panic wash over him, silently.