Hermione wiped her eyes. That's why Harry was in the hospital wing. That's why Harry and Remus Lupin hadn't gotten on along well until the end of the year. He blamed himself for the death of Cedric… for the death of his God-father! 'And he never told anyone,' though Hermione.
She looked down on Harry, hand still moving through his hair. She shifted the book to her lap and continued to read, wondering if he still cut.
((Entry Four))
August fifthAfter my beloved show of yelling at Lupin, they tell me I went into a fit of hysterics. Poppy gave me the three vials of the Calming Draught she had and then one for malnutrition, welts, belt marks, black eye, bruising, swelling, broken bones, and the Dreamless Sleep Potions. What fun all of them were. Lupin had to a have a Double Draft of the Calming Draught and was still a total wreck.
I am now officially stuck in the hospital wing for a week, and then I am allowed to wander the castle. Professor Dumbledore thought it wise not to send me back to my aunt's and uncle's. I mean, I'd rather be stuck there than- oh, erm- maybe not, actually.
Dumbledore's now set out to read what I've written, but I won't let him, though I don't know how long I can hold him off with it. I mean, I just can't go up to Lupin and ask, "can you make sure Dumbledore can't get my Journal?" nor to Poppy, McGonagall or anyone else.
Well, my beloved hag of an old man, if you're reading this, then I guess I did a pretty bad job, did I? You ruined my first ten years of my life by leaving me with people who hated me and left me in a cupboard under the stairs with little and no food for my daily punishments along with the beatings they were so kind to give me. I never got a beating, I guess, until the past couple of days, so thanks.
Every guess that they had put bars on my window one year? Multiple locks? A cat-flap so food could be shoved in? And half of that had to go to Hedwig, too.
Great news! Dumbledore is bringing in a shrink to talk to me twice a week! Though, some pretty good news I guess, Dumbledore's lifted the life-ban on Quidditch for me- praises to heaven! Now I'm starting to sound very freak-ish.
Now, I just got finished with soup- soup! Soup is all that they give me after I haven't eaten in days! And they're making sure I eat it all (or at least a decent amount). While I was sleeping, they put the rest of the ointment on my back and put some on the bruises, too, so I'm kinda wrapped up like a mummy. It hurts to lie on my back because of the welts and such, but even worse on my stomach because of the giant bruise. Poppy has to change the wrappings twice a day for two weeks and then once a day for two more weeks- oh, the pure bliss! Oh, and speak of the devil- looks like its that time!
Touch the page! Here!
((Pause of Third Journal Entry))
'Should I really touch that?' thought Hermione. Then she noticed a side-note that read: this is really cool. I got a spell from Hermione that told me how to put in my thoughts into a picture… kinda like Tom's Diary, but I promise, mine's not bad. Oh, ya, today's May 13th of my seventh year, though I remember this day like no other.
Hermione smiled. If she came up with this spell, there was nothing wrong. She would be like a ghost that moved solidly. She touched the page.
((Um, whatever you wanna call it- the scene that Hermione gets to watch))
Hermione landed rather comfortably on a bed that was right next to Harry's. She noted that he was, yet again, writing in his Journal. Probably the last paragraph that I read, she thought.
"Harry?" came a voice.
"Just a sec," said Harry and scribbled one last thing.
Strange, thought Hermione, as Poppy walked in, I just read this last part and now I got to watch it.
"Mr. Potter, time to change those wrappings," she said.
"So much as I guessed," he mumbled.
From what Hermione read, she could tell that the beating was bad. But when Poppy had taken off the bandages, she couldn't help but gasp.
The ointment that they had put on Harry's torso for the bruises weren't helping much. First hand experience would show that the bruising covered Harry's entire left side of his middle and even continued around to his side and faded off on his back.
Poppy was lightly coating the bruise when Harry hissed out in pain. "Strange," she murmured, "it shouldn't hurt unless it comes in contact with broken skin… Can you please lie on you right side for me, Harry? I have to see something before we continue on."
He rolled over and propped a pillow to lean on comfortably. Poppy bent down next to Harry's side. She cast aside a spell that would make the ointment glow a light pink. Hermione moved around to Harry's side of the bed to get a closer look. A faint pink glow covered the upper portion of the bruise and continued down the side of his body until the end of his pajama bottoms. Poppy pulled Harry's bottoms down about an inch further. Where the pink stopped, she bent down.
Upon further inspection, Poppy found four marks. "Harry, do you know what these four marks are from?" she asked. Hermione saw Harry's eyes get big and he took in a deep breath.
"No, I don't," he said and made to sit up.
"Oh no you don't, Mr. Potter," said Poppy, "I need to figure out what these marks are from. Cooperate, it'll make it much easier on yourself."
Harry sniffed and slumped back down. "Now, I'll ask again, where did you get those marks from?"
"What marks?" asked Remus Lupin.
"Here. Come look. Harry claims that he doesn't know where the four marks came from. Where do they look like they came from to you?"
Remus walked over next to Poppy. He ran his fingers over the marks. He blinked- and ran his fingers across again. And again. "No," muttered Lupin, "Harry, please- please tell me that you did this yourself."
"God-damn it, Lupin," Harry screamed, "you knew!" He got off the bed and made for Remus. Remus backed up. "You knew and didn't tell! You knew he rapped me and still didn't tell!" Harry's hand flew up to his mouth. "No!" Harry stumbled backward. "No- no- no- I didn't say that. Oh my God! I HATE YOU LUPIN!" Harry turned around and ran to the hospital doors to find out that they were locked.
"GOD FUCK YOU ALL!" he screamed at them and the doors opened. Vials flew to the floor and crashed. Windows shattered, glass broke, beds shuddered, and Remus, Poppy and a Hermione Granger no one could see, fell to the ground.
Back in the Headmasters office, Albus Dumbledore felt the outburst. Staff members in their cambers, in their classrooms, or in the staff office felt it. Hagrid looked out of his window. Birds flew out of the forbidden forest one after the other.
Every person made his or her own way to the hospital wing to see Harry Potter, lying on the floor, sobbing his head off in a heap on the ground. After a few minutes, he stood up and yelled to everybody before throwing everybody within fifteen feet of himself, "GOD FUCK YOU ALL!" He then collapsed onto the ground.
Hermione stood up. Poppy was the first to recover. She rushed forward to Harry and carried him to his bed. There she continued to put the ointment on his bruises and then wrapped him up again, not daring to do his back. She the proceeded over to the staff members and woke everyone up. She made everyone leave except for the Headmaster and McGonagall. They helped her lift Remus onto a bed.
"What happened here, Poppy?" asked the ageing Headmaster.
"I was putting on his ointment when he hissed out in pain. This specific ointment does not hurt unless it touches open kin. I made him turn over so I could see his side better. I found four marks about where his bottoms ended. He didn't seem to know what they were until I said 'four marks'. He tried to get out of it, but I wouldn't let him, so I asked him again. Then Remus came in and asked what marks. I decided to let him look."
"He ran his hand up and down along the marks and muttered something like, "no, please tell me you did this yourself, Harry," and then, well, I guess Harry just blew up. He screamed at his that 'he knew' and then got up. He kept yelling that 'he knew and didn't tell anybody'. Then he screamed- oh my god!" She threw her hands up to her mouth and shook her head. "No- it can't be! Oh my. That's why Remus said please tell me you did this yourself. Harry screamed, "You knew he rapped me and still didn't tell!". Oh my word!"
Albus looked appalled and McGonagall started to sob. Soon, Hermione found herself back on the bed.
((End of the 'Hermione gets to see' thing))
Hermione found herself in exactly the same position as she left when she came back. She quickly wiped her eyes on the back of her sleeve. She quickly felt eyes boring into her and turned to look. Her eyes settled upon Harry- with his eyes open. He had tears streaming down his face while he was looking at Hermione. He quickly got up off the bed and made for the door. Hermione quickly got up after him. Harry stopped and turned around. The look in his eyes made Hermione stop dead in her tracks. He continued on.
"Wait," she said, coming back to her senses, "Harry, wait!"
"Just finish reading the entry, God-Dammit!" He said and slammed the door closed behind him. Hermione closed her eyes and settled down again on a near-by chair. She continued to read.
((Entry Four continued))
Magical breakdowns are not easy on the body, less on the person who experiences my wrath before I'm completely healed. And that would be Ron- one of my best mates. I was sleeping and woke up to someone shuffling around the things in my trunk. I sat up and Ron was sitting on my trunk, reading my Journal. MY Journal! I got so mad at him that he flew backward with a shock and my Journal flew to me. He crashed into the wall. Poppy came in and asked what was wrong. Ron tripped and fell, I say. He just glared at me. She then left. So, what were you doing… reading my Journal and all, I ask.
"I was going through your trunk to find the invisibility cloak so I could go to the kitchens and found your Journal. You know, you really should hide it better if you don't want people to read it," he says.
Me? Hide my Journal so no one can read my Journal? Hence, it's mine so I shouldn't have to hide it, I say. Then I add, how far did you get?
"Why should it matter to you?" he snaps.
Because it's my Journal? I ponder.
Ron's face softens. "You really hear that every time you go near a Dementor?"
I sigh with relief. Yes, I mumble.
"Sorry, mate," he mumbles, "still, can I borrow your invisibility cloak?"
I can't help but grin. Sure, I say.
He leaves and I'm left to my thoughts. Now, I know that Ron didn't do that purposely, but still. It's just in his nature, I guess.
Now, Hermione… my other best mate. She, I could trust to not open the Journal. She, I could trust to keep a secret if I told her not to tell. She's just there for me and I know she never would read my Journal without asking me first- that's just Hermione for you. To tell you the truth, (blushes) I think I kind of fancy her. But with Ron fancying her, I can't do anything: he'll just think that that's one more thing the Boy-Who-Lived has over him.
((End of Fourth Entry))
Hermione looked down at the words over and over again. She'd broken Harry's trust in her. How she was going to build it back, she didn't know. But Harry wasn't able to leave the house and the kitchen had a ward around it so he couldn't do anything with ill attentions. Just then, the book opened it's self. She walked over and watched writing appear next to the end of the entry.
August Fourth, 1998
She broke the trust I had in her, it formed. We've been dating since Christmas, and I just felt like she would never do this. She's been reading my Journal… without asking me first! I thought I could trust her!
The stupid Order has wards up so I can't leave unless someone's with me. I'm not allowed in the kitchen unless someone's with me, either, and the potions are in there for this killer headache I have! They think I'm going to run away, or try to kill myself. I don't think that they think that I'd do anything other than with the knives. I've actually never thought of that before, killing myself, but right now, it does seem very comforting. I mean, I've done my purpose- I've killed Voldemort. What else can they ask of me now? The war killed Remus and I wasn't found until five days ago, to weak to do any magic still. And now I find out that they didn't start a search party for me right away. Thanks for that piece of information, Hermione. And yes, I know you're reading this right now and I know you want to read more. You're my reason that I don't kill myself right now.
Finish reading, fine with me. Yes, we're still getting married on the 14th of August, so you don't have to worry about that. I still love you with all my heart and hope that you can except the fact that I didn't want you to know any of my past. I've tried to keep it a secret for to long. I've built up magical energy enough so I could apparate out, but I won't because I'd only end up going after Dumbledore and he wouldn't stand a chance against me and I really don't feel like spending time in Azkaban for killing someone, even though I know a lot of other people want him dead- Remus and I for example. With all the hell he put me through, he's lucky that I haven't killed him yet.
And what nerve does the man have to ask me to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts! Oh, and get this! He wants me to go back in time to teach! And he's the one that said you couldn't tamper with time! Ah, the old man! Hermione and I have to discus this. I'm willing to go only if she goes with me. We would leave five days before September first. If you want to read on, read on now. If you want to talk now, we can talk now.
The writing stopped. Hermione smiled. She was getting married to the man of her dreams and more. She wasn't going to let something like going back in time to stop them from being together. She set off, Journal in hand, to go look for Harry. They had a lot to talk about, weather or not it was Journal related or not.
AN: again, just a semi-edited version of chapter three. I stress the 2 crucial ideas that I guess I did not make clear: Harry cut as a teenager (not going to say about now) and that he is going back in time to teach DADA. Hence, where chapter Five comes in handy, with the Marauders being mentioned and all. BTW, I could use a beta.