CHAPTER 1: A Sour Experience
Author Notes: Hello all. I am the author of this fanfiction I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for checking it out, I understand the hesitance on checking out an OC fanfiction I personally try to avoid them and I promise it will only one main OC which is Sour. The way the time patrol and the time line works is going to be different then in xenoverse.
Disclaimer:
The following is a fan-based parody of Dragon Ball written By Akira Tomiyama. I am not him nor did I create Dragon Ball please support the official release.
The approaching miniature son radiated with an aura of death as it approached the planet with the maniacal laughter of an evil space emperor howling in the distance sounding like a mixture between a hyena and chainsaw. Letting out a sigh Sour sat on the scorched earth of what used to be West city as the familiar mix of the smells of burnt flesh and ozone made him feel nauseous. The problem with timelines where Goku loses on Planet Namek is that generally Frieza takes out his annoyance on Earth afterwards.
Looking up at the approaching planet erasing ball of ki Sour glared at it hoping that maybe he could glare it away. To be honest he didn't know what he was trying to achieve coming to stop Frieza, this wasn't the first time he had got his ass handed to him and he doubted it would be the last.
Being human really sucked. He spent his entire first century realising that being human was a death sentence, you can train your whole life but you'll never be Frieza level, sure there are ways to overcome this barrier but in the long run it was pointless, if it wasn't Frieza it was someone stronger. Ever got killed by being eaten alive? Sour had. It wasn't his best restart but he found out that the words 'I bet you wouldn't' wasn't always the greatest response in the different timelines.
Honestly, Sour had enough, he has tried saving everyone and for what? For his constant and repeated deaths? For Goku to take the glory? The timeline could go screw itself for all he cared, he'd have enough.
"I'm taking a break" was the last words uttered before Earth was swallowed by the supernova.
46 years later
Sour sat in class at Orange Star High School bored out of his mind, the 6 hours he spends in class had long ago been less of an educational experience and more of a tiresome promise towards his mother the only person he had come to appreciate over his centuries of life. He was currently… 16? He stopped remembering his biological ago long before he forgot his actual age.
Thinking about his age made dating difficult. It was best to ignore the idea of getting hit on by a girl who was centuries younger. Turns out 'sorry I'm a man older than your great great great grandfather in a boy's body' was not a response that would spare you from a slap.
It was his second reincarnation since he decided he would be taking a break from saving the world. Although his previous life was cut short at 30 by the "androids" 17 and 18. Technically cyborgs but who paying attention?
"You, okay?" The black-haired boy with spiked hair in typical dragon ball fashion was rudely interrupted by a blonde-haired girl in a green tube top sitting next to him.
"I'm always fine." Sour responded with a lopsided smile, Erasa was a kind girl. A dumb girl, but a kind one.
"No one is always fine." She pouted, her glare reminded him of an attention seeking puppy.
"Do you mind? Some of us are trying to pay attention." Interrupted the girl next to Erasa. Ah Videl, the bane of Sour's life. The only good thing about your life restarting repeatedly is that no matter how important, everything meant the same. Very little.
Yet, Videl, by some miracle was always able to bring Sour's consistently bored attitude to mild annoyance.
"Oh yeah I'm sure you're fascinated with… what are we learning? Oh, that's right how, capsules history. Tell me Videl, are you interested with capsule history?"
"Oh, shut up"
"Huh, I hear violent whining- well more like baby rage, but still no interest in capsules. Funny how that works."
"I find it interesting." Mumbled Gohan. The six-foot half breed was looking down at his book. Over Sour's multiple lives he had found that Gohan and by extension his family was the cause of basically everything important. No timeline was the same but a lot focused around the Earth Saiyans and their fights against space lizards, artificial bugs and living bubble-gum. He'd even spent a few lives memorising everything that happens around the Saiyans and befriending them, too bad no matter how much he cared for them, no matter how much he cared they would never remember him.
"Are you kidding! Capsules are great, Bulma Briefs is a total MIL-" The muscled-up guy next to Videl was cut off by her elbow. Good old… guy. Sour looked at the guy clearly over compensating with curiosity. What was his name? It wasn't that he didn't remember it just was that he never cared to listen.
"Eh, I've had a bad experience with Bulma before, not her biggest fan." Sour commented much to Gohan's discomfort.
"Pfft, like you have met THE Bulma Brief." Videl smirked, Sour didn't know whether it was her stupid smile or the fact that she was technically right as he hadn't met Bulma in this life which annoyed him more.
"I have met Bulma, it was about the same time your dad decided to wear the hair style of every male porn star ever."
"Leave my dad alone!" She said a bit too loud drawing the attention of his fellow class mates. Instead of responding Sour just looked her dead in the eye and smiled. Her eyes went wide and she bared her teeth looking ready to jump out of her chair and rip his head off. Sour took pleasure in these small little moments. Videl was never bothered much by Sour's comments about her dad but with sheer determination he spent most of this life slowly chipping away at her defences.
Gohan however realising the escalating fight spoke up "Guys that's enough there is no need to figh-"
BOOM
Sour went to glace at where he heard the explosion. What happened? The kids in the class ran out of their seats and ran to the window where they saw smoke rising from the city. Everyone but Gohan and Sour was rushing to the window to see what was caused the sound of sirens blaring in the distance.
"Oh no, crime happening in a place called Satan City? Who could have predicted this? Surely fate is a cruel mistress." Sour sarcastically said rolling his eyes.
How are they not use to this? Sour counted one murder, three robberies and was asked to join the same pyramid scheme twice. This place was not a good place to raise your kids. "Sour, you need to see this!" Erase said.
"I highly doubt I 'need' to see it."
"Sour for 5 minutes can you not be a prick!"
Sour was a bit surprised at her outburst, it wasn't often Erasa got angry. She was more one of those types to bottle everything in until her eventual meltdown. Good old teenage life. Putting a finger to his chin Sour thought that maybe seeing what was most likely a meth lab explosion from the local trailer park would be better than nothing. Barely.
Sour pushing the chair back causing it to screech against the floor boards finally stood up. He didn't see the big deal in all of this, most kids have seen a real dead body before by 18 either in person or online. Walking to the group of his classmates he raised his elbows up to push, elbow and shove his peers all gathering around the small number of windows to accommodate his entire class.
Finally pushing past the sea of his classmates he looked out of the window. When Sour around him he saw that his class wasn't the only one to wonder what happened if the sight of several kids half hanging out the windows from other classes were any indication. Glad to see the teachers weren't doing their job properly.
The view from the window revealed a busy metropolis with buildings that stretch up and roads seemingly always having traffic. What shocked Sour the most. Well not shocked more so unpleasantly alarmed. Was the amount of smoke rising from the distance, the building before them blocked what was causing the increase of smoke and still burning embers into the sky but the sheer amount of it was not a good sign.
It was as if in the middle of the city a volcano erupted, the clouds were half black and the rising smoke expanded far into the distance. This was no simple block fire; it was more like a quarter of the city was on fire by the sheer amount of pollution filling the air. Both firefighters, police and ambulances were rushing down the traffic filled streets as best they could towards the disaster which Sour guessed would be pretty easy to find judging by the size.
His classmates were wondering what could have caused such destruction. Some wondered if it was a bombing, some said maybe it was a small asteroid, to Sour surprise one kid asked if it was the return of demon king piccolo.
"God damnit." Sour just could never reach 50 years could he, this was supposed to be his break, a death free vacation. So why did he have to keep dying! Just once he would have liked to live in a timeline that wasn't home to mass murdering monsters with a thing for genocide.
Leaving the group of his classmates that were in awe of the city in the distance on fire Sour went to approach Gohan. The teenager was looking just as pissed off as himself, he supposed after the Cell games Gohan probably thought he was done with fighting too, the difference between Sour and Gohan is that when Sour powers up he can send some dirt flying, when Gohan powers up he causes tsunamis and earthquakes. Unfortunately for Gohan, when you are in the top 2 strongest beings on Earth you can't really call time outs.
"Come on Mr tall and brooding, as much as I would like to stay here and watch Videl cry over the still burning remains of our soon to be dead classmates, I would rather not have to deal with cleaning the mess afterwards".
Sour lifted one hand to the roof sensing to make sure no one was above him. There wasn't unfortunately depending on whose perspective you wanted. Sour let out a ki blast that tore through multiple floors creating a circular hole for the classroom's roof… Good thing everyone often acts rationally and always looks where they are walking in an emergency or this multi floor hole might cause some issues in the broken legs department.
"As my favourite Italian says. Let's a go!" Sour looked down at Gohan who was staring at him dumb founded at what he just says much like several other classmates who found Sour's act of property damage shocking.
"It was a Mario reference." Sour added.
"You can use ki? What do you want from me? How do you even know about me?" Gohan sputtered shocked and confused. He probably thought he knew everyone that could use ki on Earth and even if there were other ki users then he was probably wondering how Sour knew Gohan knew ki. Though Sour didn't even have to be a time traveling immortal as Gohan's idea of holding back his ki was the equivalent of the sun with a dimmer switch.
"Cause dummy, I can sense ki like basically everyone else can… Well, everyone that matters." Sour glared at his classmates. He was not a huge fan his class. Especially Videl.
"Also, you know… you kinda broke the Olympic high jump record in baseball and am pretty sure when we watched a super hero moive in English you had a panic attack and starting crying and whispering something about the Ginyu force."
BOOM BOOM BOOM! Numerous explosions rang out in the distance and more and more ki signatures started disappearing.
"Look I know you don't want the attention but we- you got people to save." He corrected himself.
"I could have left while everyone was distracted without anyone knowing. That is till you blasted a hole through the roof!"
"You could have also probably have saved all those people dying out there but poor you having to not hide your secrets. Truly you are the victim, those people getting their organs vaporised by white-hot ki are so selfish taking away attention from your issues." Gohan didn't look impressed with Sour's response.
Standing up Gohan looked up at the hole in the roof.
"Are you just gonna stand there like love sick puppy or are you gonna g-" Sour didn't even get to finish what he was saying before the boy vanished before his eyes. Sour couldn't even see his movements.
"Damn super saiyans." He murmured under his breathe. Turning back to the class still gathered at the window some staring at the burning city the others going into sensory overload from watching Gohan disappear. Sour gave a devilish smile to his class.
"Well, it's been fun but I got to get killed... again. So much for a break, but hopefully the next restart might be better. Enjoy watching from the sidelines or embracing this panicked confusion to go wild. Kill someone, download movies illegally, I don't really care so much as long as you don't start becoming a yelp food critic. Have some standards."
With that Sour made his mediocre exit outside shooting up into the air. He kept flying till he was well above the city to get a bird eye view of the situation wishing he'd warn something a little warmer. It was not the best view in the world, what was a busy metropolis now had a sizeable crater in the middle of the city.
Smoke was rising up from the burning wreckage and even from so far away Sour could make out large crowds of people running through the streets away from the centre of the burning part of the city and cars zooming down the road only to swerve and crash. He wouldn't be surprised if there was more property damaged caused by the citizens then whoever was attacking.
Allowing his ki to push him forwards he shot through the air causing his hair and clothes to be pulled back from the wind resistance as he travelled faster than any car could. Only through the use of ki could he protect his eyes.
As he continued flying, he eventually made it to the burning part of the city. Though it was more of a burning outline. In the centre of the destruction was a gigantic crater, though it was probably average by crater standards. The crater was completely clear of life, a random large dirt circle in the middle of Satan City. On the outskirts of the crater where Sour was flying though was tons of ruined and burning building sending copious amounts of carbon dioxide into his lungs. The smell of burning remains of the city burned and embers stung his nose and caused his eyes to water.
It wasn't like Sour was going to achieve anything in combat, he was quite determined to sit on the sidelines, cheer Gohan on and at most save a cat from a tree. Considering this he dipped more into his ki supplies to get faster and get out of this dreadful smoke.
Speeding past the outline of destruction he made it into the crater part which was just an area of dust devoid of any life that could have been there before.
After a bit of flying he finally let himself descend to the crater's centre noticing a familiar presence down beneath him as well.
"Gohan!" Sour greeted, well more yelled as he took his place beside his classmate.
"Sour, you need to leave this place isn't safe."
"Safety is objective." Sour waved his hands around, to be fair he wasn't in any real danger, death was more of an inconvenience.
"No. No it's not. If you stay here, you'll be killed."
"Please, I had a higher chance of offing myself if I stayed in class." Gohan did not look impressed with Sours response to say the least. But Sour just found his annoyance more entertaining than anything else.
"Sour you don't understand. You might be strong for a human but not even I can protect you if things get serious." Sour raised an eyebrow at the 'not even I' part of that sentence. Sour thought that was a lot of arrogance from someone with such an awful win loss ratio but he couldn't really talk.
"If things start going south, I'll leave. Scouts honour! Is that okay your majesty?" He made a little ceremonial bow towards Gohan. Though Sour never did ever become a boy scout, maybe a thing to do next restart.
"Why yes, it is. But before a king you should be on your knees." A new voice interrupted from above. It reeked of arrogance that only real royalty could provide.
"Get on your knees? What's wrong with you I'm not even eighteen… I think?" Sour commented.
Sour looked up at the being who had interrupted Gohan and his fun chat. He was slowly hovering down but refused to touch the ground with his feet as he levitated. His skin was made of reflective silver with a lighter colour on his upper arms, waist and face. Looking at his joints there was no metallic skin revealing wires that wiggled like snakes. His eyes' irises were red glowing like a flashing warning sign. His metallic tail swished behind him excitedly which would have made Sour compare the tyrant to a dog if it wasn't for the smirk that the cyborg wore like a crown.
"Cooler! How! My dad killed you twice."
"Please, I'm not the same Cooler you've fought before."
"Is that suppose to be referencing something? I feel like this requires context." Sour chimed in. He was feeling a little out with Meta Cooler (Metal? I've seen him referenced to as Meta and Metal) and Gohan having there little staring contest.
"Oh, don't worry you won't live long enough to find out."
"I won't let you get away with this! Look at all the destruction you've caused!" Gohan shut his eyes and his veins budged which Sour knew could only mean one thing.
"Please no! I'm right next to y-" It was too late as dust was kicked up into a storm sending a beach's worth of sand into his mouth followed by a ki shockwave that sent him spiralling away with the dust clouds. The very ground shook and crack beneath the pressure Gohan created. When the dust finally cleared there, he stood a beacon of golden light. The once black-haired boy had now become a golden-haired fighter with eyes of teal surrounded by an aura of golden energy that matched his hair.
Sour on the other hand once had black hair but became sandy blonde thanks to all the dirt and dust that flew into him, he had a bruise forming above his right eye curtesy of a rock that shot out of the ground at sonic speed thanks to Gohan powering up. Worst of all he could feel the shattered remains of his phone in his pocket. He didn't save his data to the cloud. At least his internet history was destroyed. May his phone rest in peace, but deep-down Sour knew his phone after searching up the things it did was going to hell.
"It's over for you Cooler you can't defeat me. I've killed worse demons then you."
"Mmmmm. No perhaps you're right. I can't defeat you-" Sour had a feeling there was going to be a but.
"But we can." He revealed predictably, he threw out his arms to his sides like a gesturing peacock as several reflective being came from above from seeming nowhere. Looking up Sour saw that irritating smirk everywhere he looked. There had to be like 50 of them slowly drifting down. Sour didn't like his odds of surviving 50 Coolers but he didn't like the amount of glare he was getting off the robots.
Sour wondered where they even came from? Like yeah, they were robots with artificial ki which hide him from any ki sense but last time I saw meta-cooler the planet had a massive tumour called the big gete star on it, how is he here without it?
"Now filth, I believe I told you to kneel." The Cooler Infront of them said. The other Coolers remained above them hovering some distance away which realistically didn't mean much as they could cover the distance in less than a second. Although it seemed Cooler despite being a hivemind like to use a single one of his bodies to communicate.
"I'd rather die!"
"I think that can be arranged." With that Gohan once again sent dust back into the air as he disappeared from sight. All that Sour could see was a golden glow that disappeared as fast as it appeared.
Sour now stood alone in the crater as he kept hearing the sounds of banging steel. He tried watching the fight but they were simply too fast, at best he could see Gohan's golden trail as he and Cooler fought over the city.
After Frieza humans really did become just a time stalling device, hell when Buu came along the saiyans became stalling devices too. Letting out a sigh, Sour sat down on the ground.
"You're not going to help your friend? Or do you wish to take me on yourself?" One of the Coolers came down to speak to him hovering before him in all his silvery glory.
"Nah, I'll probably just die if I do."
"And you're okay with letting that pathetic saiyan die? Mmm last time I came to Earth you earthlings may have well been kissing their feet. Hell, the half-breed I'm fighting proves that your people are willing to spread your legs for those monkeys."
"Oh, hello. My name is Sour and I'm the guy who's not being racist, nice to meet you." Cooler narrowed his metallic eyes glowing redder than usual. Sour wasn't too worried for Gohan. He doubted Gohan could beat multiple Coolers after letting himself fall for the sake of his pacifism and education. But Vegeta should show up eventually either to see what Gohan was fighting or if Bulma blackmailed him to. Vegeta should be super saiyan 2 by now, right? Cooler was strong but the power SSJ2 Vegeta should absolutely wreck Cooler.
"I'm sure it is 'nice' to meet me. I'll offer you the same deal as the boy, kneel or die."
"Sorry but the only man I kneel for is Jesus."
"I do not know who this Jesus is but I'll erase every instance of him from history."
"Trust me, fourteen-year-old girls on twitter have been trying for years to do that."
"Renounce him or die."
"You can go suck on his holy d-" Sour was cut short by a death beam fired through his left arm which Sour looked at with glare. He gasped in pain as he felt an extreme burning sensation tear through his left. With a snarl he looked up at Cooler, with a mental command he activated his ki technique calm mind.
He had spent many restarts dying and a lot of them had been unpleasant, but the worst is torture. Ever since his first torture experience he developed a technique that drastically lowered his sense of feeling turning the burning hole in his arm into a pinching sensation. Unfortunately, he couldn't really use it in combat as by losing one of his senses he couldn't fight even at 75 percent. Though he doubted he would be 'fighting' Cooler.
"The next one will be between your eyes. If you speak then it will be both your arms, if you try to fight back then it will be both your knees." Cooler levelled his finger with Sours head, an ominous glow at the edge of his metal nail.
"What's with you and knees?" Cooler fire another shot into his right arm this time but with calm mind he just smirked at Cooler. The metallic demon seeing this widened his eyes with a mixture of shock and anger, it must have not been often that someone smiled at having a hole burnt through their flesh.
Cooler shot another death beam this time through Sour's ankle. The sudden loss of an ankle made Sour fall to one knee.
"Would you look at that I guess you can kn-" Cooler was cut off as Sour spat onto Cooler's metallic body.
"I'm going to kill you."
"Hello going to kill you. I'm Dad."
Cooler readied another death beam at once again level it at Sour's head. Well, it was a fun reset. Maybe next Sour will be a pirate, the king of pirates. Damn that sounds fun. I mean he's done it before, but maybe this time he won't get food poisoning from eating tons of weird fruit.
"Stop." A new unfamiliar voice said.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me. This place is literally a wasteland! Where are all these new people coming from!" Said Sour, both Cooler and Sour turned to face the new intruders. The metal lizard wore a scowl on his face when recognising the new individuals. Although, Sour had a completely different view. He was amazed, for the first time in decades he was surprised. Sour thought he had finally done it, he had finally seen everything or at the very least knew everything that could and would happen. But when you know everything and how everything will happen it loses all meaning. Although, sour looked in awe at the couple before of him. He'd never seen them; he'd never even heard of them. Behind them was a portal made of black and purple energy which he presumed they appeared out of.
The couple looked like blue elves. The couple were a man and a woman both blue in colour with a male being a darker shade then the women. The man had short white hair that flowed to the right. He much like every named character was built an Olympic swimmer. Broad shoulders and muscles that bulged under his red spandex but more evenly distributed rather than extremely like in body builders. The clothing itself was weird as the abdomen of the red spandex was white but there was a bronze looking coil that acted like a large collar that connected to his chest. At his sternum was a green gem that had a white x and around his waist was a long black battle skirt. His eyes were amber with two lines that went from his eyes to his jaw.
The girl also looked like a model with a slenderer (more slender?) frame. Her white long hair that fell over the right side of her face covering her right eye which was purple in colour matching her lipstick. On her head she wore golden infinity sign jewellery that went around the back of her head and earring that looked almost exactly like potara's that the kais' wear. Much like her male counterpart she wore a red spandex with a hole cut in a v at her stomach and around her waist was a white open skirt. She was floating above the ground with a wooden staff in her hand with long golden spikes at both ends.
"What do you want." Cooler was the first to speak never lowering still ki charged finger from Sours head. He looked at these new comers clearly with animosity.
"Can't we just check in on our favourite metal monster?" The women said, her voice with false kindness and her smile reminded Sour of those photos of murders at court smiling.
"I've done as you've asked. There is no reason for you to be here."
"Hahaha what!? You." Sour tried pointing at Cooler but the hole in his arm made it difficult. "You are listening to these two! Hahaha, I can't believe it! Cooler is listening to two smurfs that look like they got their clothes at Sluts R' Us. This is the best day ever." Sour's laugh made Cooler take his glare of the two smurfs and look at the teenager laughing on the floor in front of him with rage.
Cooler tried to let the ki at his finger lose but instead of putting a hole through Sours head e grabbed his own head in pain. "Argh you bitch! Why!" He screamed no longer floating now on his knees howling.
"You can't kill him." The female once said again. Sour assumed the dominatrix was in charge seeing as the man has done a total of doing nothing so far.
"Then say that!" Cooler howled still clutching his head in pain.
"The boy is unique; time rejects him and yet tries to keep him anchored." The blue girl said looking at Sour with curiosity.
"A time patroller?" The blue male finally spoke completely ignoring Sour.
"No, they are merely ignored by time, he is different."
"He is also still here feeling a bit left out, not that you care." Sour interrupted.
"Don't waste your breath, they don't ever listen." Cooler said, he looked like he had finally got over what looked like and probably felt like the worst brain freeze ever.
"You put three holes in me, we're not friends." He said trying to burn holes in Cooler's head with his stare to little effect.
"Do you want to recruit him?" The blue man spoke up again.
"No, he's interesting but he would be no help to us. He is far too weak."
"Literally less than ten metres away." Sour butted in again but was more was ignored.
"Do you want him dead?"
"No Mira, I want to keep him. He's different. Let's take him out of the timeline."
"That might kill him Towa"
"Then that's not our problem then is it Mira." The girl revealed as Towa said shrugging. Not gonna lie, Sour was not her biggest fan.
"I suppose not." The man now known as Mira agreed.
"They really love hearing the sound of their own voice, right Cooler?" Sour asked the guy still with the
"Fuck off we're not friends." Cooler smirked at Sour after repeating what he said before.
A/N Hope you enjoyed the first chapter; I was a little unsure about how to work with Meta-Cooler and how strong he is as the movie has many inconsistencies as its suppose to take place during the 9 day wait for the cell games but Gohan can't go ssj and Goku and Vegeta are pretty weak considering Vegeta should be able to grade 2 and Goku has mastered ssj. Due to this inconsistency, I was a little iffy about how strong Meta-cooler actually is so I just guessed stronger then ssj vegeta pre 19 and 20 but weaker then 18.