Disclaimer: Not mine!

Ashley Hammond/Astro Yellow: I know, poor them. :P It'll get better... sorta.

Mel: I really don't think Andros is strong enough to choose the baby over Ashley, and he's gonna hate himself for it later.

DizneeDol: Yeah, it's sad. Here ya go.

flowerweasly16: Things will get better, but not for awhile.

Jenny: Choosing Ashley wasn't the hard part, letting someone take away the baby was, because he knew how she'd react.

Just Jill: Yeah, it'll just get worse.

Chapter 12

Andros unlocked the door with a heavy sigh. Glancing over his shoulder to the driveway, he saw Ashley sitting still in the car, making no move even to undo the seat belt. Andros hesitated, his hand hovering near the doorknob, but in the end, he turned, slowly making his way back to the car.

"Ash?"

She made no reply, ignoring him completely as she stared ahead blankly, her eyes fixed on something outside of the front windsheild. Andros watched her for a moment before sliding back into the driver's seat.

"Ash?"

Still she refused to look at him. Andros reached out to her, cautiously laying his hand lightly on her arm. He felt her tense at his touch, but she did nothing else to indicate to him that she was even aware of his presence at her side. Finally realizing that Ashley wasn't going to move of her own accord, Andros leaned over her and hit the little red button that would release her seat belt.

When he opened the passenger door, Ashley allowed him to take her arm. She moved willingly enough as he guided her into the house, but once inside, she stood still, her eyes slightly glazed.

Andros watched her guiltily, lost as to what he should do. His own pain had quickly dulled to numbness, but Ashley couldn't bury her emotions the way he had. She was grieving, hurting badly, and he was helpless to comfort her.

"Come on, Ash," he said softly. Her head turned towards him then, and he saw her eyes for the first time in days. They were red-rimmed from countless tears, but strangely dry now, as though she'd cried out everything inside of her.

"Andros," she whispered suddenly. He slipped his arms around her without a word, simply holding her. Ashley clung to him, trembling, whispering, "Why?"

"I'm sorry," he said in her ear. One hand gently stroked her hair as he tried to think of a reason, any reason at all. "I'm so sorry, Ash. I just didn't want to lose you."

Ashley nodded her head into him, but he wasn't certain that she believed him, or had even heard him at all. Andros held her, rocking her as he blinked against the sudden pressure at the back of his eyes. The hurt he hadn't been feeling flared up again and he choked. He thought a few tears slid silently down his cheeks through his closed eyelids, but when he opened his eyes again, his face was dry.

"Ashley," he whispered, gently prying himself loose. She made a soft sound in protest as he pulled away, but didn't try to pull him back to her. Andros sighed silently as he took another look into her eyes.

"Ash, you're falling asleep," he said, tugging her jacket back from her shoulders. "You should rest."

"Yeah," she mumbled, staring down at her hands.

"Come on," Andros said quietly. Carefully, he lifted her up into his arms. Her body felt strangely limp against his and Andros sighed, able only to wish that one day soon he would find her smiling again. Her eyes closed as he carried her into their bedroom and he suspected she was asleep by the time he'd settled the blankets over her.

"I love you, Ash," he whispered down to her, as if those words alone would be enough to soothe her soul. "Always and forever."

Andros crouched down and placed a gentle kiss on Ashley's forehead. She didn't stir and with one last long look at her, Andros stood and turned slowly. He left the room, not knowing quite where he was going, but knowing somehow that he shouldn't stay.

---

When her eyes fluttered open again, Ashley groaned and rolled over, her head disappearing beneath her pillow. She tried desperately to escape back into sleep, to fall into the blissful numbness where there was no pain, no sorrow, no death. Every time her eyes slipped shut, she found them open again a moment later and herself staring up at the ceiling.

Reluctantly, she climbed out of bed. Tugging on the blanket to pull it loose from the mattress, Ashley wrapped it around her shoulders. It was warm enough, but she couldn't stop shivering.

"Andros?" she called softly. She wasn't sure whether to be relieved or disappointed when he didn't answer. Chewing on her lower lip anxiously, Ashley wandered aimlessly through the house, inevitably ending up just outside the second bedroom.

They hadn't had time to buy any supplies for their baby, but she and Andros had been planning to turn the spare room into a nursery. Now Ashley was glad that they hadn't begun working on the nursery, it would have only made everything worse.

With a sigh, she opened the door slowly, just wanting to hide in the darkness. She froze in the doorway, her eyes landing on the figure huddled in the far corner.

"Andros?"

He jumped visibly, not having heard the door open. "Ash."

"Can I... can I come in?" she asked softly, feeling oddly out of place in her own home.

Andros looked at her in surprise. "Of course you can."

She kept near the doorway, as far away from Andros as she could. Ashley wasn't sure why, but somehow, she could bring herself to move closer to him. He glanced at her once before turning to stare out of the window.

"Are you all right?"

Ashley blinked at him. "No."

He nodded slowly, still facing away from her. "Ash, I'm sorry."

"I know you are," she said softly. "Andros..."

Not knowing what she was going to say, Ashley let her voice trail off into silence. Andros didn't say anything and the two of them were left alone in a heavy silence.

"Andros?" she asked suddenly. "Was the baby a boy or a girl?"

"It was a boy," Andros said after a pause, his voice very quiet.

"A boy?" Ashley repeated, tears stinging her eyes. "We were going to have a little boy?"

Andros nodded his head slowly. He wasn't looking at her, but Ashley didn't need to be told that he was fighting to keep his composure.

"Did they hurt him? When they... when..."

"It was fast," Andros said when she choked, unable to finish. "If he felt anything, it was only for a little bit."

"How... how did they do it?" she asked.

"Ash..." Andros hesitated. "Are you sure?"

"Just tell me," she begged. "I need to know... They didn't puncture his skull, did they?"

Andros shook his head, looking horrified.

"Are you sure?" Ashley persisted. "Sometimes they do."

"They didn't do that," Andros said firmly.

"Then what did they do?" No matter how awful, Ashley needed to know, for her own peace of mind.

"The doctors told me they did it surgically," Andros said, still hesitant.

"Oh." Not sure whether to be horrified or relieved, Ashley lapsed into silence, only to speak up again a moment later. "You're sure it didn't hurt him?"

"No," Andros said reluctantly. "But Ash, it was fast, and if it did hurt him, he's not in pain anymore."

"Do you really believe that?"

"I... don't know," Andros admitted. He paused. "Do you?"

"I want to," she whispered. "But I don't know, either... What happened to him after?"

"What?" Andros looked at her then, startled.

"They don't... they didn't throw him away, did they?"

"No," Andros exclaimed. "I'm sure that's not what they do, Ash."

"You don't know?"

He shook his head, glancing at her uncertainly. "I... I didn't want to."

"Why not?" she asked, the words harsher than she'd intended. "He's your child!"

Ashley could tell Andros had trouble not to flinch at her words. "That's why," he said, very softly. He stood then, and crossed the room, hesitating as he reached her.

"I'm sorry, Ash," he whispered again, and left.