Disclaimer: Not mine.

Ashley Hammond/Astro Yellow: Here's more, but you're gonna hate me... I swear, I didn't plan it!

DizneeDol: I know, it's sad. Here's more. Happy late New Year. :P

Jessica01: Yeah, they can, but first they have to work through all the emotional stuff.

Just Jill: They will, eventually.

Jenny: How come I'm so intent on torturing poor Ashley? 'Cause I needed a break from torturing Andros and someone (guess who :P) showed me how much fun it could be to torture Ashley? Don't worry, Somebody to Love will even it all out. :D

Mz. Daydream: You wanna cry? Read this first. :P

Mel: Yeah, it's sad, but I'm glad you love it anyway. You said David was a stalker name? Fine, then, we won't like David. :D

flowerweasly16: Yeah, they're both devastated. It'll get better, but not for a long time.

Chapter 13

"Morning," Andros said softly, pausing in the doorway to the kitchen.

"Hi," Ashley said absently, glancing up at him for just a second before turning her attention back to her cereal. She felt rather than saw Andros watching her for a long moment, but Ashley kept her eyes down.

Andros hovered in the doorway for a moment longer before entering the kitchen. "You're up early."

"I wasn't tired," she said. "Besides, I need to go back to school today."

Andros wasn't fooled. "You can't sleep, can you?"

"No," she admitted, finally raising her eyes. "Can you?"

"Sometimes." The cabinets opened and shut several times before Andros said anymore. "But I keep remembering... and I... "

He turned suddenly, his eyes locking onto hers before Ashley could look away. "Ash, I don't know what to do," he whispered, his hazel eyes pleading with her brown ones. "I don't know how to make it stop hurting."

Ashley tore her gaze from his. "It's supposed to hurt."

"For how long?"

"I think it'll always hurt," Ashley said softly. "But some of the pain goes away once you've mourned."

Andros nodded slowly, watching her almost hopefully. "Ash, I... how?"

"How am I supposed to know?" she snapped finally. "You're the one who's lost people, Andros, not me!"

Andros froze, his face wiped blank of all emotion, his fingers gripping a bowl hard enough to turn white. Ashley groaned softly, realizing too late what she'd done to him. He stared at her dully as her words registered, and as they did, the vacant look was slowly replaced by one of deep hurt and... betrayal, Ashley realized, biting her lip.

"Oh god, Andros, I'm sorry," she cried, jumping up and moving to his side before she thought better of it. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean..."

Cautiously, she laid one of her hands over his and felt him tense at her touch. The bowl slipped from his hands as he forced himself to relax and shattered on the kitchen floor. The sound startled him out of his daze, and Ashley found her eyes in his. He stared at her as if she was a stranger. Ashley wondered if she was becoming one.

"I'll clean it up," she said, not at all liking the direction her thoughts had taken.

"No." Andros's voice stopped her. "I'll do it. Go to class, Ash."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "I dropped it. I'll clean it up."

Ashley could hardly blame him for wanting her to leave. "Bye, then."

"Bye." Andros hesitated. "Ashley... I love you."

"I..." Unable to stand the look of desperation on his face, Ashley turned, leaving as quickly as she could without actually fleeing.

---

She had a class in ten minutes, yet she found herself heading in the opposite direction of campus. Ashley wasn't sure exactly what she was running from or why, but she somehow knew that she wouldn't be able to face her friends. She couldn't deal with their questions, no matter how good the intentions behind them.

Ashley drove blindly through town, not knowing where she was going, but somehow knowing exactly where she should turn. As she made a left turn, she smiled for the first time in weeks, not feeling peaceful, but... free.

Here in the car, she was finally alone, finally able to think without having to watch the sadness on Andros's face growing deeper and deeper, without having to remind herself not to snap at everyone who asked her if she was all right, without having to pretend that she was all right.

She turned right once more and stopped abruptly, wondering how she'd ended up here, at the gates to the Angel Grove Cemetary. She sighed, glaring down at the steering wheel, as though the car itself had brought her here. She didn't want to be here, yet at the same time, it felt almost right.

With another sigh, Ashley hugged her coat closer to her body and climbed out of the car, slamming the door behind her. She walked slowly towards the open gates almost as if in a trance, drawn there by some strange, mysterious power.

If nothing else, it was certainly peaceful, Ashley decided. Letting out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, Ashley began wandering through the perfect stillness. The vast lawns were cool and green, marked every few feet with gray slabs, each one bearing a name.

Ashley hesitated, wanting to wander among the graves, but unsure if she should. They weren't the graves of anyone she knew, after all, and she thought that they would rather rest without her disturbing them. Shaking her head to herself, Ashley turned back to the path and moved deeper into the cemetary, searching for the resting place of two people she did know.

"Hi, Grandma," she whispered, sinking to her knees before a headstone that marked two graves. "Hi, Grandpa."

She stopped for a moment, feeling silly talking to them when they had been gone for so long. A moment later, Ashley decided that she didn't care. Her fingers slowly tracing their names, Edith and Joseph, she opened her mouth and found that the words just poured out of her.

"I love you," she said sadly, though smiling fondly at the memory of her grandparents. "And I miss you, but I know that wherever you are, you guys are together.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to come here," she said softly, wondering how long it had been since her father had been here. "I'll bring you some flowers, too. I still remember all those gardens you guys had. You loved the pink roses, Grandma, and the yellow ones were your favorite, Grandpa. You said they reminded you of me."

She smiled sadly, her fingertips pressing harder against the cold stone. "Next time I come, I'll bring Andros, too. You two aren't my parents, and I know you'd love him. He's so sweet and loving... and maybe... maybe it'd help him to come here. He's lost so many people and he doesn't know how to grieve for them. Our little boy died before he was even born. I was only three months pregnant when the accident happened, but he was still my little boy. "

Ashley bit her lip, but was unable to keep back the steady flow of tears. Bowing her head, she let them fall and continued to talk. She had trouble understanding her own words, but somehow knew that her grandparents heard every words she said as clearly as if she was standing next to them.

"I was supposed to protect him," she sobbed. "I was supposed to keep him safe until he was strong enough to be born, but I didnt. I didn't even want him at first. Andros and I, we didn't plan to have a baby so young, but then we were... I think Andros wanted the baby, but I didn't, not when I first found out. I was so scared... and then Andros and I got married, and everything was okay. I thought it'd always be okay. We had each other and then we'd have our baby and we'd make it work somehow. I wanted him then, but then there was the accident. Andros told me I died. They brought me back, but I still died. I wasn't strong enough to wake up. I couldn't protect him, and they had to take my baby away."

Ashley choked, staring down at her hands. "How did you do it?" she wondered, running the forefinger of her right hand across her wedding ring. "You were married for more than fifty years, and you still loved each other at the end. I've been married only three months, and I keep saying all these horrible things to Andros. I know I'm hurting him, but I can't help it and I don't care, because he let them take away our baby. I know he loves me and he did it to keep me alive, but whenever I look at him, it hurts so much."

She rubbed at her eyes, gulping down air as her body heaved with sobs. When her tears slowed, she stared at the headstone for a long time. "He's with you, isn't he?" she asked softly. "I know he is. You're taking care of him now. You're keeping him safe, aren't you? Will you tell him that I love him? That Andros loves him? Tell him we're so sorry it had to be this way and that we'll never forget him."

Ashley paused. "He doesn't even have a name... When I come with Andros, we'll choose a name for him."

A small smile appeared on her face. "If Andros likes it... I think I'll name him Joseph, after you, Grandpa. Joey."

Ashley sighed, finally feeling some peace flood her soul. It still hurt like nothing else, but it was a start, and she knew that someday it would get better, although she doubted that it would ever stop hurting entirely.

"Bye," she murmured, climbing to her feet. "I'll be back soon."

As she turned to go, Ashley jumped, her heart pounding with surprise. Standing only three feet behind her was a man in his early twenties. He had the decency to look guilty and shifted back, looking at her sheepishly.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he said softly. "I know I shouldn't have been eavesdropping, but I just... I'm sorry."

"It's all right, I guess," Ashley said, a little unnerved. "I just didn't expect - "

"I know." He paused, eyeing her for a moment before saying, "Your son died?"

"Yeah," Ashley mumbled. "He wasn't even born."

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "Look, this will probably sound crazy, but would you like to come have some coffee with me or something? My brother drowned a few weeks ago, and I thought it might help if I just... talked to somebody, I guess."

"I... sure," she agreed after a moment's hesitation. "I'm Ashley."

"Ashley," he repeated, offering her his hand. "I'm David."

Ashley shook his hand, realizing that she didn't feel cold anymore.