Disclaimer: Nope, not mine.

Ashley Hammond/Astro Yellow: Well... you'll see.

C.C.C: Of course it'd be better... I guess I'll give them a little bit of a break here. :P

Just Jill: Her arm doesn't bruise, but as for the rest of it...

DizneeDol: Sorry for the wait, real life caught up with me for a few days. :P

Jenny: Here's more. Tell Subconscious to attack David!

Mel: Well, I didn't update forever, so you shouldn't have too much to read. :P

Chapter 16

"Hi," Ashley said quietly, leaning against the doorjamb as she watched Andros. He was already in bed, knees drawn up as he stared off into space. When she paused in the doorway, he came out of his trance enough to greet her.

"Hi," he replied, his voice no louder than hers had been as she watched him sneak a quick glance at the clock. He hesitated. "Where were you?"

"Thinking," she said, still hovering in the doorway. "Can I come in?"

When Andros winced at the words, she knew he was just as painfully aware of how far apart they had grown as she was. "It's your room too, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah..." She sighed and stepped into the room, shrugging off her coat. "Look, Andros, we really need to talk."

"Are you leaving?" he asked bluntly, the tonelessness of his voice at odds with the obvious fright in his eyes.

Ashley paused as she reached her dresser, turning slowly to face him. "Do you want me to?"

"No," he exclaimed, his voice softening to a whisper as he went on. "I don't. I love you, Ash."

Ashley turned away, slipping out of her jeans and into her pajama bottoms before she spoke again. "Do you think I want to?"

"Sometimes..." Andros faltered, before taking a deep breath. "Sometimes, I think you want me to, and I... I couldn't blame you if you really did."

"Have I really been that horrible to you?"

Andros cast his eyes away deliberately, staring hard at the wall opposite him as Ashley came to join him on the bed. She sat down carefully, as close to the edge of the mattress as she could be without tumbling down onto the floor. Andros was still avoiding her gaze, and she sighed quietly, biting her lip hard. Slowly, Ashley reached out, her fingers grasping him by the chin. He tensed, but didn't protest as she turned his face to hers.

"Answer me, Andros," she said quietly. "Have I been that awful?"

He nodded slowly, biting down hard on his lip as he turned away from her. "I know I deserve it," he muttered. "I know you'll never forgive me. I just... I hoped you would."

"Andros?"

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry, Ashley."

"Andros, look at me."

He did, finally meeting her eyes of his own free will. "Ashley, I - "

"Do you really think you don't deserve any better than me screaming at you?" whispered, her vision blurring.

"You're angry at me," he said evenly. "You have the right to be."

"That's not what I asked," she said, blinking back her tears. "Andros, all those times I've hurt you, do you really think you don't deserve any better?"

"I know I don't," he answered finally, his voice beginning to waver. "Everything was perfect, and somehow... somehow, I messed it up."

"Andros..." Ashley bit her lip hard, willing herself not to cry. "Andros, it wasn't perfect."

"It was," he insisted. "I had you, and we were having a a baby. And then - "

"Andros, I've been horrible to you since the day we got married," she interrupted him to say. "Whenever any little thing was irritating or annoying, I'd just let all the hormones get the better of me and scream at you. I didn't even care I was hurting you, not until later."

She paused, suddenly remembering something. "The day of the accident, I was coming home to apologize to you," she admitted. "I'd been talking to Carlos, and he convinced me I needed to talk to you, but I'd thought that I couldn't."

"Oh." Andros glanced down at his hands, muttering, "I thought you knew you could talk to me."

Ashley had never seen Andros look so small, so helpless, so... frightened, and she realized that she had just hurt him far more than she ever had before. With a quiet sigh, she reached out, laying her hand on his arm.

"I did know that," she said softly, her fingers tightening briefly around his arm. "I do know that. I just... while I was pregnant, you were so... perfect. You'd let me yell at you, and then you wouldn't let me apologize for it. All those times when I was just crying for no reason, you'd hold me and keep telling me that it was all okay, and you didn't even know what was wrong. I couldn't tell you to stop doing all that, because it'd be like I was telling you to stop loving me."

"Ashley, I'd never stop loving you," he protested, the deep hurt in his eyes gowing even deeper. "No matter what you'd said."

Ashley shifted uneasily, not knowing how to respond. "I just didn't want to hurt you," she said finally, her eyes flickering up to meet his tentatively. "I guess I messed that up, huh?"

Andros reached up, laying his right hand over the fingers still grasping his arm. "Ash... do you think that we... could be all right again?"

"I... don't know," she answered honestly. "We could try."

"I love you," he said quietly, squeezing her fingers hard. "I love you so much, Ash. I don't want to lose you."

"Andros, I love you too," Ashley whispered.

After a moment of indecision, she leaned forward, sliding her arms around his waist. Andros hugged her shoulders with one arm, pulling her close to him, and for a few moments, Ashley managed to put the past month out of her mind and concentrate only on the feel of being back in his arms.

"You're wrong, you know," she told him, mumbling her words into his shoulder. "I'm not angry at you."

"You're... not?"

Ashley pulled back with a heavy sigh. "Andros, why did you let them take the baby away?"

"I didn't want to lose you," he muttered. "But you wish I hadn't, don't you? You wish I'd waited, to see if you were strong enough to pull through on your own."

"Andros, I can't hate you for wanting me to live," she said softly, inching closer to him once again. "I can't be angry with you for trying to save me. It just... hurts so much and I think I took most of that out on you... I'm sorry."

"You don't have to - "

"You're wrong," she said, slowly reaching to twine her fingers through his. "I do have to apologize. I've hurt you so much, Andros, and I'll never be able to make that up to you."

"You can," he whispered suddenly, his eyes flickering up to meet hers. "You can forgive me."

"Oh, Andros..." Ashley shifted and slipped both her arms around his neck and hugged him hard. "I do. I don't hate you for this, I don't. I love you."

"I love you too, Ash," he murmured, burying his face in her hair. "Can we... start over somehow? I can't lose you, Ash."

"I don't want to lose you, either," she said quietly, curling up against him. With a timid smile, she craned her neck to glance up at him. "How've you been for the last month?"

"Lonely," he admitted, hugging her close. "I've missed you, Ash."

"I've missed you too," she murmured, giving his fingers a slight squeeze. "It's funny... you were right here the whole time, but it feels like you haven't been."

Andros watched her almost shyly for a moment or two. "I guess I got so used to holding you that when I wasn't, it felt like you weren't here, even if you were as close as you are now."

Ashley nodded. "I guess we need to talk a lot..."

"Yeah," Andros agreed, his face disappearing into her hair once again. "But it's all right now, isn't it?"

Ashley hesitated. "Well... there's something I should probably tell you."

"What happened?" Andros drew back, alarm evident in his face.

"Nothing," Ashley assured him quickly. "I just don't want you hearing this from anyone else... I met this guy in the cemetery a few days ago."

Andros felt his heart drop down into his stomach. "You didn't - "

"Of course not," she exclaimed, now knowing how much she'd hurt him in recent days. She sighed, also knowing how far apart they'd have to have drifted for him to even wonder. "I'd never do that to you, Andros. Never."

He nodded, exhaling slowly with relief. "You just sounded so... serious."

Ashley sighed. "He seemed nice enough the first time, but today... Actually, I think I owe him a lot. He kept trying to tell me that we'd only gotten married because I'd gotten pregnant, and there was no reason for us to be together anymore. I think the first time, I was only arguing with him because it felt wrong not to, but I... know you love me, Andros, and no one can convince me that you don't."

Andros actually smiled for the first time in weeks. "I do love you, Ash," he whispered in her ear. "Always and forever."

"Always and forever," she echoed, hugging his fingers for a long minute. There was still a long way to go, but Ashley dared to believe that they could make it in the end.