Title: The Feeling Of Falling
Summary: It's hard to get over an old flame but even harder to stop yourself from falling for someone new. When Harm wakes up in Mac's arms he thinks it's Diane which leads her to think he's better off without her. Can Harm change her mind?
Disclaimer: HM are not mine but I do like to play with them from time to time.
Premise:
This starts off during "Ghost Ship". Episode 1 of Season 3 where Harm's head is on Mac's lap. It was gonna be a one shot and then I found myseld five chapters in. So it's a retelling of S3. It's a bit angsty and it's from Harm's POV for some reason.
Title is from a song of the same name.
"I hate the feeling of falling
I can't keep bleeding, I'm sorry
I'll take the blame if you want me'
Cause I hate the feeling of falling in love
The feeling of falling
The feeling of falling in love
The feeling of falling in
The feeling of falling in love"
By: Cheat Codes and Kim Petras
Chapter 1
My head is pounding, the pain so white hot that it takes entirely too much effort to open my eyes. I feel cold steel at my low back but my head is cradled in someone's lap. I woman, I surmise as my sense of smell comes back first and I notice the subtle scent of perfume amongst rust and humidity.
A tender hand stroked my cheek, brushed sweat from my brow and forced me to wake. I want to hear what she's telling me and match that soft voice to a face. It's when she finally coaxes me to open my eyes that I see a face I've known since I was 18.
I rub my eyes, trying to clear the haze but my vision swims a bit. It's her and my heart squeezes in a way that is painful. A light is shining behind her so otherworldly. "Don't go." I cry out and close my eyes again as a wave of vertigo hits me like a sidewinder. I have so many things yet to say before I let her go again. "Diane. Please don't leave me."
When I dare open my eyes again, I lock onto the eyes of a different woman, the one in a Marine uniform who I've come to care for more than I'm willing to admit. Her gaze focuses on mine and I see the confusion and if I'm honest, the hurt. "Mac?" I question and as she helps me sit up I realize we are not alone.
Detective Mark Falcon is also hovering over and I roughly yank my arm our of his grasp as tye pair help me sit on a bunk. There's something about the guy that gives me the creeps, mainly the way he leers over my beautiful partner. I don't want to admit my jealousy so I feign indifference, allow him to help.
She doesn't question my faux pas, only remains the stoic Marine as the next few days flash by like a blur. The book full of POWs names, a combination of exhaustion and a concussion that lands me in the hospital. It all culminates with Falcon's betrayal.
The flight home was a tense one. I could tell several questions were ruminating in Mac's mind, none of which she dared to ask. I managed to fall asleep but my dreams were plagued by thoughts and memories of Diane specifically the last time I saw her alive.
She had come to my cramped apartment, the one I lived in before buying the loft. Diane came to say goodbye, drove from Norfolk and wound up in my bed. "You're pretty good at goodbyes."
"I'm even better at hellos." I told her as we lay tangled in sheets. I didn't want her to go and so I held on tighter when she tried to leave. "How long this time?"
"A year more than likely." She was set for training in Europe which would then culminate with a cruise on a carrier. A year was a relatively short time but it seemed like forever. "I don't expect you to wait around for me, sailor." Of course she didn't, we were never mutually exclusive.
Diane and me were fun and uncomplicated although a bit more than just friends with benefits. But this time felt different like the moment to settle down had finally come. I realized I loved her and had felt that way since the Academy. Life just sent us opposite ways until now. "Maybe we should make this a permanent thing?"
She had the audacity to laugh and it pained me that Diane wouldn't take it seriously. "Oh and take you away from the girl in every port?"
"I'm serious."
The tone of my voice registered and I saw her expression grow somber. "What we have is pretty good, Harm. No complications, remember? Why rock the boat?"
"Because I love you."
And then she laughed again. "No you don't...You love me when we're together and forget about me when we're apart."
"That's not true."
"Yes, it is. I'm okay with it, we're both busy with work. We don't have time for a steady thing. I don't want a steady thing, not now."
But, I wouldn't let it go, not this time. I couldn't because I was obsessed with her. "Give us a chance? You come back in a year. Rumor has it you'll be a lock for working at the Pentagon."
"I like being on cruise though being on land has its advantages." She seemed to think about my proposal, a soft smile gracing her features as she spoke. "You're serious?"
"Yes."
"You love me?"
"Yes."
I rolled us over so that Diane was flat on her back and I lay between her parted thighs. "My parents have a cabin in Virginia." She commented and when my body joined with hers Diane finally admitted it. "I think I love you too."
We agreed to write, to call and keep things open for a year. When she returned we'd talk about the future.
It never happened - a bullet to the chest ended her life.
"Is Diane the woman you see when you look at me?" I was taken back by Mac's question as she guided her Jeep to a stop in front of my building.
There's a pain in her eyes, a disappointment and I wonder for the hundredth time how two very different women could share the same face. The differences are there, of course but, at first glance it's eerie. When I don't answer, she puts the car in park and shuts off the engine. "Sometimes you look at me like… like…"
"Like I'm seeing a ghost?"
"If that's what you wanna call it." She heaves a sigh and glances out the window. "Bud's told me some things about a crypto operator, Lt. Schonke."
At the mention of Diane's name I cringe wishing that part of my past could be erased. "Mac it's not what you think."
"He says I look just like her." She deadpans and I feel her questioning glare. "She's dead isn't she? Bud wouldn't give me an answer, he's afraid of betraying you. I tried to dig her up but, all of her information is locked up tight."
"Diane was murdered. Shot. I investigated." But, I knew my Marine would dig her heels in so I motioned towards the building with my head. "Come up, I'll make it worth your while."