Chapter 3

Three Months. As I sit in my office drumming my fingers on the desk I realize it's been exactly three months since Sarah MacKenzie vanished from my life. Three months and three different partners that Chegwidden had saddled me with none of which could fit the bill.

First there was Lt. Commander Frost who acted just like her name implied. She was very Frosty indeed much more than Mac had been when we first met. See Mac had a reason to act...uh...surly...her uncle was about to be arrested and prosecuted for treason. Webb had put her in a predicament that could have ended a promising career then and there. I couldn't blame her for not trusting me at all for all she believed, I was on the spookster's side.

Lt. Commander Maxine Frost was - and I hate to say it - a bitch. And it wasn't just me she rubbed the wrong way. After two weeks even Chegwidden saw the need to ship her off to God knows where because she constantly picked fights with other officers. She was too brash, unwilling to bend.

Number two was also a female who clearly got her law degree out of a Cracker Jack box and knew zilch about handling weapons. We went TAD right off the bat to investigate and she'd nearly shot herself in the leg with the AK-47 in question - contraband some Marine managed to smuggle back. I'd seen Mac work a rifle like an expert sniper, taking it apart and reassembling it faster than her male counterparts. It was impressive and sexy as hell.

My current partner and soon to be my last was a Marine Major Lucia Dux - we hated each other from day one. Hate is too strong a word but if I could back into her with my Corvette without being written up I would. She's entirely too whiny for a Marine and not at all squared away. The lengths she went to sandbag me in court was beyond questionable and then I saw her taking a file from my desk without asking. That was the last straw.

I could still hear Chegwidden's exasperated voice. "What's wrong with this one now Commander?"

It was a simple answer really one that I hadn't realized up until now - none of them were Mac. I of course did not tell him this just tried to keep my cool as I explained all of the details as to how Major Dux won her case. Chegwidden was not pleased. "What am I going to do with you, Commander? It's like you're cursed!"

Maybe I was cursed? Maybe Mac did some juju so that I wouldn't get chummy with any of my partners. Heaving a sigh I stand and walk to my windows looking out towards her office. Yes, her office because I could never see it as anyone else's. I used to enjoy leaving my blinds open and just looking past the window that separated us.

Mac was always very studious and dedicated, keeping her head on her research to ever notice me looking for the length of time that I did. It was that moment where I would try to find the differences between her and Diane until a motion or a quirk would manifest that was so uniquely Sarah MacKenzie I'd catch my breath. She had...has the most beautiful smile brighter than Diane's ever was.

I found it cute when she raised a delicately manicured eyebrow and that soft smile spread across her lips. Her lips too were different, especially her bottom one which was plump and kissable. I imagined sucking on that lower lip if we ever kissed, biting it. The fantasies of my name passing through those lips as we made love had kept me awake of late.

Groaning, I step away from the window and plop into my chair. "I won't think of her...I can't." But from the moment she left, Mac was almost constantly a thought. It wasn't the differences between her and Diane that I would work to death in my mind. This was something altogether different and intense.

The wet dreams like that of a teenager confirmed it - I was attracted to my former partner. But when I thought of Mac that way it wasn't the depraved sexual thoughts of a man who enjoyed the erotic tango between the sheets. It wasn't like with Diane where I burned for dirty nights of hard sex meant to satisfy an itch I had since the Academy.

No... No... When I thought about intimacy with Mac it was on another level. I didn't want to have sex with her, I wanted to make love to her. To please her until she intensely called my name. To learn each and every touch, kiss or caress that would please her to no end. I want to be inside her, to move within her depths and feel her writhing beneath my body. I wanted to please her so badly that the thought was enough to scare me and for weeks I felt the vestiges of insomnia rearing its ugly head affecting my work.

I needed to talk to her, I knew that now. I needed to hear her voice and maybe even beg her to return. I needed to tell her that I was falling… "Tiner. Get me San Diego."

A youngish sounding petty officer answered and I gave him my details only to be hit hard with information that Mac did not work there. "Major MacKenzie, sailor. Sarah MacKenzie, she's one of the attorneys… Transfered there three months ago."

He puts me on hold and I hear muffled voices in the background. Until Colonel Novastat, her CO, answered the call. "Commander, Major MacKenzie has not worked for us for over a month now."

What? I felt sucker punched, telling me that aliens have just invaded would have been more believable. "I'm sorry, sir… Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure, Commander. Lost one helluva Marine."

We hadn't kept in touch although I told myself I would give her time to settle in and then send an email, a letter, something to know that I still thought about her - that I cared. I never did.

I never did because my own pride had been shot down. Because I'm an idiot. A sense of dreary desperation sets in and I wonder… what if I never see her again?

I don't like the bottoming out feeling my stomach gets at that particular thought. I don't like the ache in my chest or the profound sadness. The only person I've ever missed this much was my father and even that pales in comparison to this.