Chapter 6

She shouldn't fit so well in my arms. She shouldn't smell as good as she does. Her skin shouldn't feel as smooth as it does when my rough palm slides down her bare back. Silk. Sarah MacKenzie's skin feels like the softest silk I've ever touched.

I shouldn't have made love to her on the couch but, at the moment all rational thought was gone. When our lips met in a fiery kiss, I was lost and whatever shreds of control I had left simply drifted away. I was a starving man and she, the most loveliest of oases.

Every touch was met with one of hers. Each kiss returned in earnest. Each thrust, she pulled me closer with her legs wrapped around my waist. She moaned against my lips, my throat. Swollen lips branding each part of me that they kissed.

She moved with me. Her fingernails leaving trails down my spine, digging into my six, urging me to just love her with all that I am. She is the sweetest thing I've ever tasted and once we're both spent and she lays sprawled over my body, a feeling of shame comes over me.

We shouldn't have done this for a million reasons but most of which - she has a boyfriend. Second, I'm a fugitive and this couldn't bode well for her aspiring career. Third, I love her. I know that now. I am head over heels in love with this woman but, this isn't the time to tell her. Fourth, I have to go. Should have left hours ago, really. I just can't bring myself to leave her.

What if I never see Mac again? That thought tears me up inside because a resolution to my trial is not looking good. I am too obsessed, too emotional, too hard headed enough that it's clouded my judgement. But, I can't stop. I'm too close to finding out the truth about my father.

When I run it will be out of the States, out of her life. I blink back a tear and wrestle with a deep sadness that befalls my heart. I'm sorry, Mac. So, so sorry.

"Mmm. Does your brain not have an 'off' button, sailor? Or shall I call you 'Marine'?" A smile tugs at her lips and when she turns her head it's to press a half dozen or so kisses on my chest. I can't leave, not now.

"If it does I haven't found it." Oh Mac, if only you knew. "I have to go."

"Five more minutes." As I tried to move she wraps a long leg over my hip and presses us intimately together. God, I want to take her to bed, love her properly. Cover every inch of her skin in touches, kisses, bites, licks. Damn my obsessions for getting th3 best of me but then had it not been for needing to find dad - this moment wouldn't have come to pass.

The second her lips touched mine we practically tore the clothing off each other, desperate to see the naked flesh that I've been fantasizing about. There was no want or need for foreplay and we made love desperately right here on her sofa. She cried. I still don't know why but Mac cried. I wondered if it had to do with my possible conviction and never seeing me again. It had to be because those very thoughts passed fleetingly through my mind as we made love. What if I never touched her again?

Those tears made me stop and I almost pulled out of her sweet lock had it not been for those legs tightening around me. "It's okay. Please don't stop...I want this, I want you." I brushed the tears away and buried myself deep inside her.

For the life of me, it never felt like that with anyone. That 'panty whisperer' that I was had been with enough women and I swear, it's never ever been like that. I can't find words to describe it, was barely able to speak when her body took hold of mine tightly gripping when passion took her.

We moved as if we were always supposed to be like this. We moved like a sweet, wondrous, slow dance. A slow dance that grew in desperation and want and need until we both crashed over the edge. And I loved her.

I nod off again only to find that those five more minutes turned into an hour and the sun has begun to shine through her windows. I can't be seen here, I won't involve her. The phone rings as my body tries to shut down again. The incessant noise cut off by the sound of her answering machine and then the gruff voice of none other than AJ Chegwidden. "Major, this is Admiral Chegwidden. Pick up if you're there, please. Call me ASAP, especially if you hear from Commander Rabb. That's an order, Major!"

He doesn't sound happy, not one bit and I suspect my brig break has finally ruined his morning. I cringe at the thought of having to stand at attention in front of his desk in the berating that I surely deserve. "If you can, reach over and hit delete." Mac says suddenly before snuggling herself impossibly closer to me.

She doesn't open her eyes merely smiles when my grip tightens around her. I let out a breath I didn't know that I was holding and press a kiss to the crown of her head. "You disobeying a direct order?"

Groaning, she slides up my body and I turn us so that we are now lying side by side. The throw shifts exposing one full breast which I lower my head to and clamp over with my mouth. She sighs - a sound I'm now familiar with when I do something she likes - and holds the back of my head, urging me to continue my ministries. "I'm not in the Corps anymore, remember?"

Yeah, I remember. How could I forget seeing her office dark or taken over by someone else? How could I forget not smelling her sweet perfume - Fixation - when she walked past me. How can I forget fighting over the coffee pot and the last drops of liquid fuel? How can I forget battling in court, that sweet foreplay of words. Yes, I remember she was no longer in the Corps. I remember because the day she left was when I realized how badly I was falling.

She nibbles at my now five o'clock shadow, rubs her cheek against it and then kisses me deeply, lovingly. How do I tear myself away from this? "Do we need to talk about this?" Such a stupid thing to ask seeing as there has been no awkward morning after and I've never felt so comfortable with anyone. But I needed to know where we stood if this would be a one time thing. I didn't want that.

"I think this was going to happen anyway."

"You have a boyfriend, Mac."

"And you're haunted by the ghost of yours." She closes her eyes and a blush tints her cheeks - the sign of insecurity that has manifested. I hate Mac's parents for making her believe she wasn't wanted - for making her feel inferior.

I kiss her slowly, stopping only to tell her the one thing that was driving me crazy, the truth I've been hiding away. "Mac...Sarah, I'm falling for you...For you, Sarah MacKenzie. I see you. Just you and only you."

"You sound like you mean that." She's staring into my eyes intently searching for a well crafted lie that she won't find. Truth was, I never felt a tenth for Diane what I now feel for her. "Do you mean that?"

I sigh. "I do but, you still have a boyfriend."

"Had. We broke up last night."

She was kissing my jaw again, moving towards my lips when I stopped her. "You broke up with him?"

Mac shrugs. "I'm not sure what's going on with us. All I know is that I feel like I made a mistake. I'm not happy." She frowns and seems almost ashamed. "I got seduced by him. The money, prestige, my name in gold on the door. I left a place I love for money. Does that make me a horrible person?"

"No, Mac. It makes you human. Not gonna lie, I was jealous of the guy. I did and still do want to knock his block off." Had I been a civilian that could have been me. But then I wouldn't have met Mac and that was something I would not trade for the world.

"I don't love him." She says. When she leaned on her lips brush mine, a sweet and tender kiss that takes my breath away. "I love you."

"Then come back to JAG...I'll put in a good word for you." My fingers dance over naked flesh, my lips take hers again. I want her, forever...I want this and it's with all the power in my body that I am able to pull away. "I have to go but, I really don't want to...Pretty sure they'll send someone when and the last thing I need is you involved."

The sadness in her eyes is crippling and I know we're both thinking about a next time and if it would ever happen. Our future hangs by a partially severed thread. "I'm sorry, Mac."

I dress quickly and Mac watches holding the throw over her naked body. I'm mesmerized by the look of her, the tousled hair, glowing skin, lips swollen from kissing. My heart aches and I clamp down on that sensation before I stop myself and just stay.

I grab the documents, tuck them under my shirt and then give Mac one final kiss. "Just so you know, I love you too, Mac."

Leaving her was the hardest thing I've had to do. I lean against her closed door and pretend I don't hear her cry. I mean against her closed door and shed a few tears myself.