Chapter 11
My head is pounding, the pain so white hot that it takes entirely too much effort to open my eyes. I feel cold concrete at my low back but my head is cradled in someone's lap. A woman, I surmise as my sense of smell returns and I notice the subtle scent of perfume amongst that of dank and dry alcohol.
A tender hand strokes my cheek and when I open my eyes I see the face that I've known since I was 18.
Diane.
No, it's not her because I've never felt this way. It's not her because I never loved this way. I breathe a sigh of relief that it's Mac holding me. It's Mac's hand that presses against the side of my face, her fingers that brush over my lips and at the cut that stings at my forehead. It's Mac who looks at me lovingly like I am the last man on Earth and I'm pressed to recall a time anyone ever looked at me that way.
My heart flutters, a quick dance in my chest as she helps me sit up and within seconds my mind flashes back to the past day and then I black out again.
"I told you to stay away." Mac seemed jittery when I returned to her apartment without warning. Her eyes are red and puffy, she still wears those cute, oversized sweats and in her hand there's a pistol that she loosely holds at her side.
She might have been crying at some point, allowing herself to break and be vulnerable but the woman who stands before me now is all Marine. The only hint of weakness is in those eyes with the edges tinted pink. "Not gonna happen." I say and push past the open door stepping into her apartment uninvited to find it much more of a disarray than it was before. "Mac? What…."
"I didn't find any more. For whatever reason it was just the phone." She breathes a sight of relief and the tension in my own body eases considerably. At least there were none in the bedroom where we...God, I don't want to think of someone, anyone violating that.
Mac uncocks the pistol, letting the hammer down gently and then places on a corner of the dining table. "You shouldn't be here… What Coster said, it's true, the stalker will see you as a rival."
"Yes he will and I am still not leaving you. I shouldn't have left you earlier today, I'm sorry about that." I move to place my hands on her shoulders but Mac's firmly erected her walls makes her shrug them off as if my touch burns. I let my hands drop to my sides, shocked at how empty I feel by her actions. "Like it or not, MacKenzie, I'm not leaving."
My tone is likely a little too firm when I speak and it causes the walls to fortify even more. When Mac does turn to me it's all fire and pain, like I am an enemy in her own personal war and not her ally. "You'd be happier without me. You know you would… Clearly your mind is still on her...the woman I'm not."
Her.
Diane.
Always Diane.
She's like that ghost that continues to haunt me despite my want to let her go. But do I really want to let her go? Can I? My mind drifts back to Ruizia, the gypsy who told my fortune. The one that predicted more hurt and pain if I never let go.
My shoulders slump as images of that brunette dance in the back of my mind and I suppress every memory I still have left because I find no mirth there anymore just pain and shame. "I'll admit that I think about Diane from time to time but she's not you. And I don't want her to be."
"What do you want then!?"
I don't expect Mac to yell and when she does it makes me jump slightly. She stands toe to toe with me, hands on her hips and a fire in her eyes that's unnerving. I open my mouth to say something but the words fall short because I'm not sure what I want. Given the chance I would like to right the wrongs of my past with Diane, to see if there was something more. Given my feelings for Mac, I know the answers even though I won't admit them to myself...not yet.
"This." She waves a hand between us and lets it drop unceremoniously, the anger is out of her eyes now and it's replaced by hurt and I don't know how to fix it. "Us. It was a mistake. I let my feelings for you cloud my better judgement. I wanted you so badly I let it happen when I knew I shouldn't. We're better off as friends."
Friends?
It's indescribable the intense hurt I feel over that word and it is worse than any curse or any insult she could have hurled at me.
Friends.
It hit it's mark like a deadly torpedo and I felt the panic rise inside of me. I don't want to be friends with her although I'm too stubborn to really give in to what I want, who I want. I still can't let go. "You told me you love me. That's more than just feelings, Mac...We've gone too far beyond friendship and I'm damned sure not going back."
"Even if you don't feel the same? You don't love me, not like I love you."
"Mac…"
"I shouldn't have let myself fall for you. My stupid heart got in the way."
"We have no choice who we fall for…" And I can't help the precipice I tumble over when her eyes finally, finally really look into mine. Hell, I'm not falling anymore because I fell from the moment we met. "Mac…"
I hope she understands, sees the truth I'm hiding but instead she goes from cool and collected to a woman possessed. Fists slam into my chest; hard although I know she's taking it easier because a well placed hit will probably knock me out. I stand there and take it, let her pour out her aggression, her pain on me until she is nothing more than exhaustion and tears.
Mac collapse against me and my arms encircle her when she melts into my body and her head comes to rest against my chest. "I hate you." She she says between tears and yet her arms circle my waist, cinching tightly around me.
"No you don't."
My words make her raise head to look at me. Her lips curve from a frown to smirk followed by a chuckle. "No. I don't but I want to."
"You don't want that either."
"No, I don't." Mac's eyebrow quirks up in that cute way that is so very Mac. The action makes me dip my head and press a kiss to her brow. "You're infuriating."
"And you're not?"
She sighs and steps away, her hand sliding down my arm and as she does so threads her fingers with mine to pull me towards her sofa. We sink into it together sitting side by side with her head on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"
"No. I keep thinking, wondering just how much he knows, what he's seen. It scares me that he'd come after you." She shivers and takes a breath holding it for a long moment. "What if it were you in that alley? What if it was you he…"
"But it wasn't. I'm still here."
She shakes her head and turns in my embrace, that lost expression returning to her eyes. "It would be the end of me if you…if something happened to you."
"You would be fine. You would." I say more for my benefit than her own. Because I don't want to believe that she could love me that much.
"I'd be lost. You don't know the power you have or the damage that it can do."
She settles back against me and eventually Mac's breath evens out as she falls into a deep slumber and I'm left alone with my thoughts.
It's just after 1800 when Mac is awake to find her home spotless. I had carried her into her room and let her sleep while I cleaned the place, straightening up the mess and even made a large pot of chicken and vegetable soup. She finds me in the kitchen adding salt and spices, tasting the liquid until it's to my liking. "Sorry I fell asleep."
"You needed it."
Mac leans against a cabinet after taking a water bottle I offered draining more than half of it. "You know something. That's why you came back so soon. What is it? What did you find?"
"The listening device belonged to the police." I explain the Chief's theories, the help he offered and ignored the part about me getting in his face. Despite her dislike for the man, Mac wouldn't have been pleased with me assaulting him.
"You have that look...It's the same one you get before you bust a case wide open."
I reduce the soup down to a simmer and turn to her with ladle in hand. Part of me worries that I'm wrong just because I don't like the guy. My instinct tells me I'm right on the money. "I think it's Coster."
"Coster?" She cringes and then busts out laughing because well, it is a laughable concept. The man is puny, spineless and not the kind I could see getting the drop on Lowne or anyone. "Why in the world?"
"It's in the way he looks at you...he leers...I have a feeling…My gut...Call him, say you found the device and you are searching for more, see what he says."
"I know that look…" Mac's hands are on her hips and she stands looking at me with some sort of warrior expression that was likely forged in the Corps. She tilts her head to the side and raises that eyebrow again. "What's the plan?"
"We use you as bait."
After she called Coster it took him less than an hour to contact her back with 'new information' that required Mac to venture out to a location not far from my life. He requested her to come alone, the information was sensitive and he was 'concerned' that the stalker could be someone who worked with her.
The place was abandoned, ramshackle and seemingly ready to be demolished any day. I had followed her in my car, kept a safe distance and through binos watched Mac enter a side door with him. They'd been speaking, the detective telling Mac he'd found the stalker's hiding place, a room down below, a basement. They must have entered the place because a second later I heard a muffled scream and then the connection went dead. "Shit!"
Sidearm in hand, I rush into the building, the smell of chemicals assaulting my scenes as I run to find the basement door. The seconds tick by like hours, each one scaring me to think of what he could be doing with her… to her. What if I'm too late? And then I spot it, the open door with wooden steps leading down to an sparsely illuminated space. I take a breath to calm my nerves and descend slowly. "Ah!"
I was halfway down when a jolt of electricity bites my ankle and sends me stumbling down the remaining steps. To try and stop the fall was futile, my large body toppled over, gravity assisting until a crunch against a wall stops the momentum. I hear a muffled scream - Mac's and then my world goes dark.
"Oh thank God." My head is in her lap again, her soft hands caress my face and I wonder who she's comforting, her or me?
Her hand smells of dry alcohol and the shirt she's wearing seems to be thoroughly drenched in it as well making the material droop pitifully. I look around finding we're still in a damned basement illuminated only by one puny overhead bulb that dangles from its cable.
Mac helps me sit up and even through hazy eyes and dim lighting I'm able to see the walls covered in black and white pictures. "Oh God."
There were images of her taken from a far away distance, Mac traversing the JAG parking lot or even entering and exiting the building. There were close ups of her in civilian clothing or without a cover that makes me realize he'd been watching her even during her stint in Lowne's firm.
Some snaps were taken though the half opened blinds of her French door which led out to the balcony of her apartment. I gulp at those and pray he never had the guts to break in while she was inside. Another wall had images of her with men: Dalton, Mattoni, Chegwidden, Bud and finally me. Although Lowne was prevalent for most of the images the last is a headshot of him with a big red X across his face. "Christ."
"Good.. Your awake…" I look up to find Coster creeping out of the shadows, a pistol in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. He motions with the pistol pointing it directly at the two of us and then off to the side. "Rabb, move the hell away from her… Slowly."
Gingerly I pull out of her embrace wincing as my head threatens to send me back into oblivion. I use the wall to stand, grab onto the frame of the crappy metal bed in the corner and hold on when it feels l'm about to black out. "Coster. I had a bad feeling about you… Do whatever it is you're gonna do to me so I won't have to hear you gloat."
He snorts and I glance up to find steely eyes glaring at me in disgust. "What am I going to do? Nothing. But that crazy stalker is gonna kill you and run away with Mac." I stay put when he roughly grabs her by one wrist and bends an arm behind her back forcing a groan out of her. "Sit down."
She's slammed into a metal chair and it's almost comical to see him trying to hold us both at gun point while he proceeds to wrap duct tape around her middle. He's mumbling something incoherent, I catch bits and pieces of some lovers soliloquy on how he can help her, he can give her what she needs. I assume the bottle of vodka now at her feet is part of his plan.
"Frank. Let Harm go and I promise you can take me anywhere you like. I won't complain, I won't struggle and we...can get to know each other better." Mac's voice is saccharine sweet, sexy even and my stomach turns in knots even though I know it's nothing more than a rouse. She doesn't look at me intent on making eye contact only with him. "I just need to get to know you so I can grow to love you."
It's repulsive especially when the mad man stops his wrapping of duct tape to look up at her. From my vantage point I can only side the side of his face but his mouth is hanging open, a sick grin springs to life and just as quickly the back of his hand connects with the side of Mac's cheek. "Don't do that!"
It's in that split second that all rational thought is a memory and my body springs into action. I hurl myself at Coster, rage fueling me as I slam my body into his as hard as possible. A shot goes off, the sound deafening me instantly, making my already aching brain threaten to crack in two. But that does not deter my thirst for blood - his - as my fists curl into balls and repeatedly punch at any body part I can connect with. Over and over I strike, each blow a living, breathing fury that's dizzying. It's Mac's voice that cuts the bloodthirsty fog and rights my senses again.
Coster is out cold, a bloody mess beneath me. The pistol has long slid far away from us and still I grab it and tuck it into the back of my slacks should he awaken and reach for it. Finding a knife on the side of the desk I use it to slice the tape off of Mac and we help each other out of the stalker's lair. Topside I'm able to get a signal again, to notify the police already on stand by just a few blocks away.
I help Mac into her car and before she fully slides in her arms come around me, lips find my own. It's soft and sweet and loving our kiss. A simple touch that makes me forget the stress that just occurred a few moments ago. "I love you."
Her voice is soft and barely audible over the sounds of the nearing sirens. Even as police vehicles screech to a stop around us, Mac holds onto me, her lips finding mine again.
I love her too.