A/N: Hello everyone! Welcome back to another fic :) The secondary theme for this round is to try to incorporate a holiday or celebration into your story. To be honest, I was stumped on this drabble. I was originally going to write a Beauty and the Beast parody, however it quickly became too long for me to cut anything without losing important story bits. So that transitioned into my Standard/Theme story. I wracked my brain on what to write for this, so I went prompt hunting on the Hogwarts Challenges and Assignments forum, and found the perfect prompt that sparked an idea. I hope you all enjoy :)
PLEASE take note of the trigger warnings right before the chapter starts. Be safe and smart, pls!
Disclaimer, I have never experienced a panic attack, so I'm sorry if any of this is wrong. I am merely going off of the experiences told to me by several different friends.
This one is for Round 7 of The Houses Competition, where I'm in Slytherin House and writing for Transfiguration. This competition, we have to write a drabble (500-1000 words) as well as a standard/theme (1000-3000 words). This fic is the Drabble of the two. I've chosen the prompt (Object) Candles.
This is also written for the Hogwarts School (Challenges and Assignments) forum for the AUTUMN SEASONAL CHALLENGES THREAD (as a Ravenclaw). I've chosen the prompt Lithium Light: (scenario) Trying to calm a panic attack from the Crystals & Gemstones section.
Thank you kindly to Aya, Ash Juillet, Dhrish and Hope for betaing this.
Word Count: 994
Warnings: War trauma, ptsd, panic attack
Summary: After the war, Hermione had the worst ptsd triggers. Thankfully, she found a fairly non-obtrusive way to ground herself and calm her panic attacks; Warnings: war trauma, ptsd
"After the War"
The war had left its mark on many who survived it, and it was more common to find someone passably coping with their demons rather than facing them head on. Hermione liked to think that she was reasonably well adjusted, and for the first few months, she was fine.
Then she had to go out into crowds and live.
She hadn't noticed the warning signs the first time it had happened. All she remembered was that she had flashed back to the battle, in the middle of shopping with Ginny for bridesmaids' gifts. The pressing crowds were too energetic and loud, and all of a sudden, Hermione's throat was thick and her blood was pumping in her ears, her breath quickening to almost hyperventilation. The flashing holiday lights pulsated behind her eyelids, and Hermione wasn't in Diagon Alley anymore. She was back at Hogwarts, spellfire whizzing past her head, screams filling the air.
Someone shook her hard, and Hermione refocused on Ginny in front of her, the redhead's grasp on her forearms tight. Hermione winced at the pain but focused on the firmness of the touch, letting it ground her. Sound then came back, and she realized Ginny was saying her name.
"-ermione! Hermione, are you okay?" the redhead asked, and Hermione took a moment before nodding.
"Yeah, sorry. Got trapped in memories for a moment there," she replied with a lax smile, and Ginny slowly eased up her grip. It was then that Hermione noticed they were crouched on the ground in an alleyway between two shops.
"You need to talk to someone about that. Harry's looking into a mind-healer. He keeps having nightmares he can't shake," she said, leading them back into the hustle and bustle of the alley to lead them back to the Leaky Cauldron.
Hermione let her lead her, still shaky from her panic attack, as her mind tried to reboot.
"Let's get you home. We can go gift shopping another day," Ginny said before activating the floo and walking them both through it.
Once recovered enough, Hermione fell into research mode to find out her triggers and possible solutions to getting her back to reality during a panic attack.
Through all of the grounding techniques she found and tried, Hermione found the best results with lit candles. When paired with her familiar bluebell fire spell, the candles introduced the calm she needed during an episode. The first few times she tried to trigger a panic attack to test her grounding methods, she had Ron by her side, ready to keep her safe if she accidentally tried to hurt herself.
Ron was a sweetheart throughout the entire ordeal. He held her hand tightly in packed streets, removed her from areas with loud sudden noises and flashing lights, and if she suddenly tapped him twice—their unspoken signal that something was wrong—he quickly gathered her up and removed her from the situation.
But Hermione couldn't rely on Ron all the time. He and Harry were going through Auror training and were often stuck at the Ministry working overtime. She couldn't always wait for him, and so she packed a jar with a candle into her purse.
Thankfully, she didn't have to use her grounding method often since she had gotten good about removing herself from triggering situations.
Hermione started her day out with a lazy cup of tea. She had a day off from the Ministry on a Wednesday for once, and she planned to use today to do Christmas shopping. It had been a year since she'd had her first panic attack in the crowds of the Alley, but Hermione felt like she had come so far since then. Her attacks had nearly disappeared, and so she didn't expect this one when it came.
She had just left Madam Primpernelle's Beautifying Potions with gifts for her friends when an explosion of fireworks erupted from the Weasley's shop across the way. She was normally good with fireworks since George often warned her of the sudden noise and light to let her prepare herself, but here…
The sudden adrenaline pumping through her veins gave her tunnel vision. Hermione stumbled into the short alley space between the shop she had just left and the one next to it. A roaring filled her ears as she pulled her candle in a jar from her bag, and she barely managed to light the red and gold candle, the muggle bic lighter dropping to the ground as Hermione desperately stared into the jar.
She heard the spellfire and screams around her, but her gaze stayed focused on the candle flame. There was no wind to disturb the flame, so it danced steadily in her view, and Hermione began to recite all of the colors in the flame she saw.
"Burnt Orange, Lemon, Burgundy…"
Hermione's eyes tracked the flame as it trailed down the wick, a tiny bit of soot darkening the top of the open mason jar. She focused on the flame of the candle and synced her breathing to it. While erratic, the dancing flame was consistent and enough to ground her back in reality.
Hermione idly registered that the loud sounds were gone, but she kept focusing on her comfort candle. Her blood still thrummed in her ears, and until she could regain her mind fully, she focused on the candle in the jar cupped in her hands.
Quickly enough, Hermione registered her conscious mind coming back to the alleyway, and she blinked twice, a third time, before she took a quick breath and blew the candle out. Hermione let out another shuddering breath before looking around and clocking everything around her. She saw the crowds, the bright decorative Christmas lights, and her discarded shopping packages on the ground.
Standing once more, Hermione tucked her trusty service candle and lighter away and gathered up her shopping scattered around her. It was time to go home for the day. She could try again another day.