"You know you didn't have to stay down here," Buffy told him as he handed her a mop from the closet in the corner. She began to clean up the demon's remains, careful not to look at him directly. Every time she found herself alone with him, she felt nervous and unsure. They had gone through so much, and yet a the same time been away from each other so long that she had no idea how close was too close anymore, nor did she have any clue as to how he felt even now. Did he still think about her the way she thought about him? Should she just smile and pretend that they were simply two people fighting evil that happened to know each other? Yes, that was the safest thing. Pretend they were just working together and nothing more.

"I wanted to help you out," Angel said with a shrug. "Anything I can do?"

He had noticed that whenever they spoke to one another her eyes rarely met his, and she made every effort possible not to be alone with him. It almost seemed as if she wanted nothing to do with him and even though Angel knew that was probably for the best, the urge to be close to her, to find out why she was so reserved in his presence was overwhelming.

"Honestly I'm almost done," was her reply as she kept her eyes to her task. "Why don't you go up and help Cordelia and the others?"

"Buffy....are you angry with me?" Angel wondered, stepping closer to her and watching with concern the way she stepped back. She had finished cleaning up what remained of the Brillcrall demon, but Angel wasn't about to let her get away that easily.

"Angry?" She echoed, looking slightly shocked. "No, I just...it's...we have to keep our minds on what we came here to do."

"I know." Angel agreed, "and we are doing everything we can, but I keep getting this feeling, even now that you don't want to be anywhere near me."

"You know what Angel, you're right. I don't want to be anywhere near you, can we just leave it at that?"

She put the mop down and attempted to step past him to get to the door, but was stopped when he took hold of her arm and turned her around to face him. His eyes were worried and his touch firm, letting her know he didn't intend to let go of her.

"Buffy what have I done to upset you? I don't understand."

"No you don't, do you?" She whispered, unable to keep the image of Angel and Cordelia out of her mind. She looked down at her shoes, trying to keep the tears out of her eyes. "Being around you upsets me Angel. It's why I didn't want to involve you in this. It's why I didn't call you. I try to be professional, and keep my distance and smile like you no longer get to me, but..."

"But what?" Angel's voice was soft, and neither he nor Buffy realized that while she had spoken his arms had wrapped themselves around her waist, holding her close to him. If his heart could beat, it would be doing overtime right now.

"You do get to me." She finished, her voice small and frightened. Her eyes met his, and she was no longer able to turn away. Looking at her, he was reminded suddenly of the bright, optimistic sixteen year old girl that she had been when they first met. He realized now that she wasn't lost forever, but merely hidden under layers of defenses designed to keep him or anyone else from hurting her ever again. So what was he doing now? Why was he holding her when that was the last thing that could be good for either of them? "You get to me more than you can ever know and I can't be distracted that way. It scares me. You scare me."

"A vampire scaring someone...what a crazy concept." He remarked dryly, trying to lighten the situation, wishing she would stop looking at him like that, wanting more than ever to take her in his arms and...

"See that's just what I'm talking about!" She exclaimed, wrenching herself away from him, trying not to think of how their lips had been just inches apart. "This seeing you again and knowing you, but not knowing anything about you at the same time! You used to brood like it was going out of style and now you stand here and make corny vampire jokes during a crisis? Did you suddenly take a class in inappropriate Xander humour 101?"

"Hey listen I'm not the only one who's changed Buffy!" Angel shot back angrily. "Since when do you do everything by yourself? Since when are you are you so damn self reliant that you don't go to your friends for help?"

"Is that what we are Angel? Friends? Would you really call us that, cause I don't think so."

"I think you're changing the subject." Angel said stiffly.

"I rely on me because I have to." She said firmly. "I can't afford to break down and cry on everyone's shoulder when the world is falling apart. I'm a warrior...the slayer. I can't be weak."

"And what about Buffy?" Angel wondered, running a hand through his hair, wishing he could get past the defenses and to the woman he still loved more than anything. "Where is she? Because I fell in love with her, not the slayer. Is she gone then? Did you kill her because she was weak?"

"Angel, please..." Buffy whispered, tears falling from her eyes, her entire body trembling as he brought forth emotions she had fought so hard to bury. "Stop...don't....please don't..."

Angel crossed the room, unable to bear the sight of her tears. Reaching out, he crushed her to him.

"Are you still in there Buffy?" He whispered, as she sobbed against him. His hand gently touched the top of her head, caressing her hair, kissing her forehead softly as he did so. He could feel her whimper at the touch of his lips, as if she was allowing herself to give into the girl she used to be, and abandoning the woman she now was. "You told me once Buffy that everybody is weak, that everybody fails. You taught me so much, but most of all you taught me that weakness was nothing to be ashamed of. I've tried to be strong and pretend that having you here isn't tearing me apart inside. Every instant that I see you, every moment that you look at me, you weaken me just a little bit more and I can't hide it anymore."

"Angel please, don't say these things to me," she pleaded, allowing his finger to gently tip her chin upwards to meet his gaze. She was shocked to see that he too was crying. "Please, just let me go..."

"Buffy..." Angel's protest was cut off, as she began to struggle, attempting to break free of him once more, but this time he wasn't letting her go. "Buffy please, don't hide from me like this. You're hurting yourself, can't you see?"

"Let go of me Angel!" She cried, still struggling, but unwilling to use her full strength, her subconscious not wanting to be free of him. "You let me go before, why can't you do it now? Why can't you just make it stop! Why can't you make me stop loving you? I don't want to hurt anymore, why can't I stop loving you?"

Unable to stop himself, Angel captured her lips in his, silencing her cries with a crushing, almost painful kiss. He pulled her to him, not wanting to let go in anyway, not wanting to remember all the reasons why his heart was breaking.

He pretended that the two of them were back in that day that he became human and everything had been OK. The day he had thrown away, so that she could live. He imagined he was back there and all the pain went away, leaving only her lips, her scent and her soft body pressed so willingly against his.

He moaned softly, pressing her against the wall of the basement, unable to believe how warm she was, how wonderful she tasted, how perfectly their bodies seemed to fit.

Buffy deepened the kiss and ran her hands along his broad chest, forgetting everything else in the world, but the strength of his arms, the solidness of his body and the salt of his tears as they mingled with hers, serving as the only reminder that soon this would end and only the pain would remain.

"Buffy," he whispered intensely, as he felt his body react to the way her hands were moving over his chest. She was the only one who could make him feel this way, the only one who's hands could make him want to die. His lips somehow found her neck and he kissed it softly at first, then harder, driven only by love and not the slightest bit of vampiric temptation.

His lips were doing incredible things to her, causing her breath to quicken and her arms to pull him closer. Things were getting out of hand, but it had been so long since anyone had made her feel so alive that she was loathe to stop him. She bit back a moan as the heat increased, and pulled his lips back to hers, needing the contact, the closeness, the comfort that they offered.

"I love you Angel," she murmured brokenly, feeling the tears once more and wondering if they were hers or his. "I'm not capable of loving anyone else and I hate you for that. I hate you so much..."

Angel silenced her with one more kiss before breaking free of the embrace and trying to control the heaving sobs overtaking his form. He wanted to sink to his knees and slip into blackness, but all he could do was stare heartbrokenly at the woman he had loved, the woman he had destroyed as she professed to hate him and realized that he deserved no less.

"I'm sorry Buffy," he finally said when not only the tears, but the yearnings of his own body subsided enough to allow him speech. "I didn't mean to...I just wanted to talk to you. I didn't realize that I had hurt you so much, that I was responsible for you cutting yourself off from everything."

"Angel you didn't..." She started to speak, but he cut her off, his voice harsh, his face an unreadable mask.

"Don't tell me I didn't Buffy, because I know I did! All this time, I wondered who hurt you, who made you think you have to be so tough, so strong? Who made you so damn afraid of vulnerability? I did that. On top of everything else I've done to you, I did that as well."

"What if I told you that you're wrong?" She challenged, not wanting him to see how true his statement was. "What if I told you that you don't have that kind of power over me?"

"You really think I would believe you after you kissed me like that just now?" Angel said calmly. "You can tell me you hate me as many times as you want Buffy, but what happened moments ago says it all. I'm sorry. I know it isn't much, but I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. I'm sorry for everything you've become."

"Don't!" She seethed, lifting her hand sharply as if to rebuke the apology. "Don't even think you can apologize to me for that! You can't just drop a bomb and then apologize to the victims for making it. You don't have that right."

Angel watched as she transformed instantly from the girl that he had once known, the girl who had sobbed against his chest five minutes ago, to the warrior who brooked no emotional weakness. His shoulders slumped and he knew that whatever they had just shared had been repressed in that split second. Her eyes were hard and impassive and he knew he had lost her.

"I am sorry slayer." He whispered sadly. "I shouldn't have done that. But I'm in love with Buffy and couldn't stop myself. Can you tell her that?"

Then he left the basement and climbed the stairs, the slayer watching his retreating figure and fighting back her emotions once more.