Buffy was surprised to find the lobby of the hotel virtually deserted when she finally emerged from the basement after taking about fifteen minutes to regain her composure. The encounter with Angel had definitely affected her and she was furious with herself and with him for letting her emotions get the better of her in that basement. She had worked so hard ever since arriving in LA to keep them in check and in the span of ten minutes somehow he had managed to not only strip away her defenses, but leave her feeling naked, frightened, alone and longing for the comfort he had offered, yet at the same time terrified of the consequences that would surely result from allowing her heart to openly love him even for a short period of time.
The last thing he had said to her before departing the basement and leaving her there had caused her to tremble with suppressed emotion for many moments after. Soon however, that emotion turned to anger. How dare he bring up these parts of their past when both he and she knew that nothing could come of it? He had supposedly left her "for her own good" and yet every time she would see him it was always he who would remind her of their relationship and their love, as if he had every right to rekindle what he had so willingly given up.
She wasn't mad at him for leaving, not really. On a rational level she understood its necessity. However, deep inside her heart there was a small part of her that still died every time she saw him because it reminded her of the fact that he had just left her in Sunnydale to face the darkness all by herself. It was that part of her she had fought so hard to bury. It was that part of her that she had tried so hard to forget and it was that part of her, that need for his protection and comfort that always fought to resurface whenever she was in his presence.
She hated that that part of her was so powerful and that she herself was so powerless to fight it. She hated him for being right, for being him and for dragging her from her safe cocoon of self-reliance and into the terrifying depths of his heart.
After he had left the basement she had resolved that he would never do so again. She stayed there, building up her strength, trying to keep the tears that still threatened her at bay and telling herself that no matter how much he had hurt her, she would never let him know it again. Moreover, nobody else would know what he had put her through, least of all Dawn. She was getting tired of her sister's pitying looks whenever she saw the two of them interacting. The last thing she needed was pity over something she couldn't have...something she would never have.
She hadn't been down there for too much longer after he had left her, yet curiously enough when she stepped into the lobby, the only people she encountered there was Fred and Lorne, who, at this point still hadn't recovered from the effects of the truth potion.
"Wow...talk about clear out-yness." She said in an attempt at levity. Fred looked to her in surprise. "Was it something I said?"
"Huh?" Was Fred's resulting comment. Buffy gestured to the emptiness of the lobby and Fred caught on. "No, Angel thought...that is, he and Cordelia and Gunn decided to go and patrol to see if they could find some leads on this Adamson guy and Connor went to break into Wolfram and Hart to get some information."
"Angel went on patrol?" Buffy echoed, hurt that he and all the others had executed this plan without informing her. "By himself?"
"No they went in teams. Actually, he wanted me to give you a message. He and Cordelia went as one team and Charles is patrolling the west end. They only left a few minutes ago, so he shouldn't be too hard to find. Angel told me to give you Charles' cell phone number if you wanted to help him." Fred smiled helpfully, while inside, Buffy's heart plummeted.
Not only had Angel taken charge of what had initially been her mission, but now he had displayed her weakness in front of everyone. Giving Fred the message of 'if she wanted to help' was like telling everyone that their encounter had left her too emotionally distraught to perform her slayer duties. How dare he presume that? How dare he take charge like this when it was her job, her right to stop Adamson? How dare he make it look like she was a basket case and he the hero?
She looked to Fred, who still gazed at her with a friendly smile, clueless to her own inner turmoil. She smiled tightly.
"Write down his cell phone number if you can and I'll check up on him, but I can't say that I will patrol with him all night. There are some avenues I would prefer to check out on my own. He can handle himself alone right?"
"Yes, he can." Fred replied quietly, wondering now if something was bothering the slayer. "Like I said, he and Cordy are patrolling east, so it's probably a good idea to stick around Charles' territory anyway so that things are even."
"Sure," Buffy said lightly, trying to extinguish the seed of jealousy that gnawed at her once more. "Wouldn't want to move in on Angel and Cordelia's territory."
"Buffy...." Fred began, her voice sounding concerned. It was too concerned for Buffy's liking. Plastering a happy smile on her face, she interrupted Fred and attempted to change the subject.
"Whoa, sorry about that Fred, that was my alter ego. I call her bitter Buffy and she will not be surfacing ever again." She laughed to encourage Fred to relax and it seemed to work because soon after Fred laughed as well. Lorne remained quiet. "So I know the whereabouts of everyone now but Dawn. Tell me please that Angel didn't ask her to patrol the north and south or something."
"No, of course not." Fred replied with a shake of her head. "He told her to stay here, but she didn't want to stick around in the lobby. I think the site of Lorne all vegetable-y freaked her out a bit. She went upstairs to your room."
"Well I'm going to go up there and see if she's OK." Buffy decided. "Then when I come back down I'll give Gunn a call and see what the what is around here."
Fred nodded and Buffy smiled, feeling more useful than she had a few moments ago as she walked up the stairs to the room she and Dawn shared. When she opened the door however, she was surprised to find the room empty. The surprise soon turned to outright dread as she saw the window of the room open and a note lying on the bed. It read: Sorry Buffy but I couldn't just sit around any longer. I went to help Connor break into Wolfram and Hart. Don't worry, I will be careful. Hope things with you and Angel are OK. See you later. Love Dawn.
It was at this point that the dread turned into not only terror for her sister's well being, but anger towards Angel for distracting her so terribly from her mission and her sister as well as complete and utter self loathing for allowing herself to be so distracted.
How could she have been so careless? She knew Dawn was perfectly willing to sneak off to God knows where regardless of the amount of danger and instead of watching her like she should have to keep her safe, she had allowed herself to be swept into Angel and his world of pain and forgotten all about everything but her own feelings. Now, Dawn was off breaking into possibly the most powerful demonic law firm out there with only Angel's unpredictable and unstable son to protect her. How could she have let things slip so far beyond her own control?
"Buffy what is it?" Fred questioned as the slayer came flying down the stairs, distress etched all over her face.
"Dawn went after Connor. She's breaking into Wolfram and Hart as we speak with him."
"Oh God Buffy I'm sorry! I didn't know that's what she was planning on doing or I never would have let her out of my sight!" Fred's tone was panicked and apologetic at the same time. Buffy brushed it away, placing all of the blame on Angel and herself and none of it on the small blustering girl before her.
"It's not your fault." She replied quickly. "I have to get her out of there Fred. I have to get to that law firm."
"Maybe that's not the best idea." Fred argued. Buffy looked as if she were about to protest when Fred continued. "You're right in that what Dawn and Connor are doing is pretty dangerous. If you go though you might just put them in more danger still. I've seen Wolfram and Hart. Two small people might be able to get in Buffy, but if you try breaking in now you'll only give them away. Best to let them finish the job."
"So what, I just wait here for them?" She exclaimed, frustrated beyond all comprehension with the situation before her and extremely worried for her sister's safety at the same time. "Damn her, what the hell was she thinking? I just can't sit here and do nothing!"
"You could still patrol with Charles." Fred suggested, seeing the torment within the slayers eyes and still feeling incredibly guilty for not keeping a closer watch on Dawn. "Connor will keep her safe, I'm sure of that. Charles could use some help though."
"No, no I have to go..." She was muttering now, but she no longer cared. "I have to go to the building and watch at least. I have to make sure my sister gets out of there OK!"
"Do you have a phone?" Fred asked tentatively. "I could stay here and call you when they get back."
Buffy nodded and gave Fred the number, then left the hotel anxious to escape not only it, but everything connected to it. She was completely consumed with guilt and worry for her sister. If anything happens to her I will never forgive myself, she thought bitterly, or you Angel.