Rodney slowly rose from the bottom of a deep, black lake. A faint light shone through from the surface and became brighter as he rose towards it. His limbs were heavy and numb when he finally broke the surface and opened his eye. Everything around him was dim, and he could only see faint outlines of a small room. Rodney was confused; his mind was still tired from drugs and sleep. One after another, his senses came back to him. He felt soft sheets under his hands. Mute, indistinct noises far in the distance. Leaded tiredness in his muscles. His eyes started adjusted to the low light levels in the room. He was definitely in the infirmary.
The small windowless room was empty, except for a bed, nightstand and the pole holding the IV tacked to his left hand. Rodney tried to sit up, but quickly gave up when he realised that he could hardly lift his hand, much less push himself up. Sleep was already reaching for him, when the first inklings of memory rose in his mind.
He tried to hold on to them. But the images were blurred and fleeting. He could only make out John's face, a sad smile dancing on his lips. He saw John turn on walk towards the edge of the platform he was standing on.
"See you later."
Then John stepped off the platform. Rodney screamed, but he was already lost in his nightmares.
oOo
"How is he?" Elizabeth asked, endless fatigue shining through her voice as she leaned against the wall of the infirmary.
"What he witnessed on the tower, it triggered a breakdown. I sedated him and put him in one of the adjacent rooms. He needs to rest for now. Whatever happened must have been highly traumatic." Carson said gravely.
"Can I talk to him?" Elizabeth asked. "We need to find out where Sheppard is and Rodney is the only one who can tell us."
"It might be days until anyone can talk to Rodney. It's very hard to predict when he will be ready to have visitors. We'll have to see when he calms down enough to reduce his medication."
Elizabeth nodded. "For now we have to assume that Sheppard jumped off the platform. We will search the ocean, but with the current, the chances of finding a body are rather slim."
"That would explain Rodney's reaction. He feels responsible for the major's condition. Seeing him jump could push him over the edge." Carson paused. "How is the research into the implant going? Rodney thought he was getting close to figuring out a solution."
"No one else is getting anywhere." Elizabeth said. "Rodney has been working on his own."
"Typically. He hasn't moved from the major's bedside. I'll take his laptop down to the lab. Maybe someone can figure out what he was working on. It might be the only way to save Dr. Zelenka." Elizabeth considered thoughtfully. She was already leaving when she turned back. "One more thing. I need to talk to Teyla. Did you release her already?"
"She insisted and she is well enough to rest in her quarters. I can't explain why her vision has not returned yet. It looks like it might nit have been a result of her head injury after all. But to be honest I have no idea where to start looking. Teyla agreed to come by later for some more tests."
"Thank you, doctor." Elizabeth left.
oOo
Elizabeth found Teyla in her quarters. The Athosian woman was motionlessly lying on her bed. If her eyes hadn't been open, Elizabeth would if thought her to be asleep.
"Teyla, do you have a moment?" She asked softly, taking care not to startle the other woman.
Teyla sat up with her usual natural grace. Had the focus of her eyes not been slightly off, Elizabeth would not have been able to tell that there was anything different about Teyla.
"I could use your advice." Elizabeth said.
Teyla shook her head. "As I told you before, I cannot help you." A sadness settled over her face.
Elizabeth had the feeling that Teyla would like to help her, but was held back by the limitations of her own beliefs. For the Athosians, the disabled were probably a burden and usually the first to be culled.
Elizabeth decided to be direct. "I don't need your eyes, Teyla. You know the Wraith like none of us do. You are in a unique position to help us, help our people and your people. Please, at least listen to what I have to say."
Teyla hesitated for a moment, then slid of the bed and walked to the door with a security that amazed Elizabeth.
"Let me take you to the briefing room."
Teyla nodded and Elizabeth took her by the upper arm and guided her.
In the briefing room, Dr. Warren and Dr. Woods were waiting for Elizabeth and Teyla. The two doctors had come up with the findings that had inspired Elizabeth's plan. Now all depended on Teyla's abilities and a lot of luck.
"Teyla, Dr. Warren from the computer science department and Dr. Woods from medical are here. They are going to explain what I'm proposing." Elizabeth paused. "At the moment at least one Wraith ship is on its way here. There might be more. We all know that the Wraith are a threat. This won't be the last time they attack. They will come again and again, until they get what they want - access to Earth. We can't let that happen."
Teyla listened. The Wraith were a force of life. Their periodic attacks were woven into the fabric of all life in the Pegasus galaxy. Teyla couldn't imagine what Elizabeth wanted to do about them. The people of Earth were powerful, but even they could not defeat the Wraith.
"We have to attack the Wraith were they are vulnerable. We can't defeat them with weapons, because they are stronger than we are. We can't defeat them with ships, because they have better ships than we have. But they have too vulnerabilities. Their telepathic network and their need for human energy."
"The Wraith can go very long without feeding." Teyla said, not seeing how this could work to their advantage.
"That's true, but they will go wherever they think there are people to feed off."
"You are thinking of a trap?" Teyla realised.
"Yes." Elizabeth smiled. "And we have to make that trap as attractive as possible."
"P3Y-087. A black hole is just beginning to form in the planets orbit. It will consume the planet and eventually the entire solar system. We will just have to lure the Wraith there. We stumbled over this during routine long range scans." Dr. Warren explained.
"To make the Wraith believe that there is something worth their interest on the planet, we need you." Dr. Woods said. "We haven't tested this yet, but we know that you have been able to tap into the Wraith network before. You should be able to do it again and send a message." Dr. Woods said.
Teyla frowned. She waited, but everyone remained silent, waiting for her to speak. "I'm not sure I would be able to connect to the Wraith again. The last time I did, they were very close and I had experienced very unsettling dreams before. It was not a pleasant experience to access to Wraith network." Teyla didn't know how to phrase it.
"I believe that using hypnosis; you will be able to access the part of your brain that deals with your psychic abilities much better than in the conscious state." Dr. Woods explained.
"I wouldn't be asking this, if it weren't important." Elizabeth pleaded.
Teyla nodded. "I will do it. But even if you succeed. You will only wipe out a few ship. The Wraith will soon notice that the planet is a trap." Teyla said.
"We are working on a back-up plan." Dr. Woods replied. "But until we get it working, we need to make a strike now."
"Aren't you afraid that the Wraith will retaliate?" Teyla asked.
"They don't know our position and by the time they do get here, we will be ready." Elizabeth said with confidence. "There is one more thing I wanted to ask you about. Dr. Grodin and I have been going through the Ancient database looking for possible trading partners. Have you ever heard of a people called the Yularans?"
"Only hearsay, I have never met them. They are said to be an advanced society, but I have never heard of them trading with anyone."
"Well, maybe we have something they want. We need powerful allies."
oOo
Rodney drifted awake again. It was like waking from a long deep sleep. He vaguely remembered having been awake before, but he had lost all feeling of time. It could have been an hour or a day ago. The leaden feeling had eased a bit, but his mind still felt sluggish and his body weak.
The tip of a memory was nibbling at him, reminding him that there was something important that he needed to remember, but he could not bring the images to the surface. Everything that had happened before he had woken up disappeared in a white haze.
The door opened and Carson came in. His face was tense with an emotion that Rodney couldn't read. He blamed the fatigue and the drugs.
Carson slowly walked up to the bed as if Rodney might break if he walked too fast.
"Hey." Rodney said to fill the silence. His hoarse voice surprised him. He had no memory of screaming for half an hour before Carson had sedated him.
"Rodney, how are you feeling?" Carson smiled tensely.
"Tired." Rodney replied honestly. He had to fight to keep his eyes open.
Carson no doubt noticed that he was about to drift off again.
"Go back to sleep. You need rest."
"No." Rodney fought against sleep. "What happened?"
"Don't worry; everything is going to be all right." Carson soothed.
Rodney's eyes drifted shut. Before Carson left the room, he was asleep again.
oOo
They sat in Elizabeth's office. Elizabeth was drinking her sixth cup of coffee that day. She couldn't recall the last time she had gotten a full night of sleep. Being tired was becoming normal.
"Rodney doesn't remember what happened. It's not that unusual for people to suppress a traumatic experience."
"Maybe it's for the best if he doesn't know what exactly went down." Elizabeth said, burying her face in her hands.
"Yes, it might be for the best. But eventually, we will have to tell him what happened." Carson reminded her. "We can't put it off forever. He already started asking."
"Did you tell him?"
"No, I think it is too soon. I want to keep him under observation for a while longer. He is still sedated pretty heavily. I'll cut back on the meds tomorrow. After what we saw today, I think taking it slow is definitely the way to go." Carson shuddered to recall Rodney screaming incoherently.
Elizabeth looked up. "We are still searching the ocean. Atlantis is only set up to search for life-signs, so we have to go manual. So far, we have found nothing. It'll be dark in an hour. I don't think it's worth continuing tomorrow. Even if the current hasn't swept away the body until now, it will be gone by tomorrow." Elizabeth said.
"You need to sleep more." Carson scolded. "When was the last time you ate?"
"I don't have time for this. People are dying. The Wraith are out there. I can't afford to sleep. When this is over..." Elizabeth was irritated.
"Six hours won't hurt you." Carson argued
"In six hours, the Wraith will be six hours closer."
"They can't receive the signal anymore. They won't find us." Carson said.
Elizabeth changed the topic. "Did Dr. Woods talk to you?"
"She did. I can't say that I appreciate that I wasn't informed of this project sooner. I don't think..."
Elizabeth raised her hand to stop him.
"Please, Dr. Woods has explained the risks to me. Teyla has agreed to go through with it."
"Dr. Weir, I really think..." Carson tried again.
"I appreciate your concerns, but you don't think you understand how vital this project is for the survival of this mission. It will buy us enough time, to get ready for the Wraith."
"Get ready?" Carson had an ill feeling he wasn't going to like it. He understood Elizabeth's need to protect the members of the expeditions, but she was starting to go too far. They hadn't come to the Pegasus galaxy for this.
Elizabeth seemed to have read his mind.
"None of us wanted this. We all wish that it were different, that we could explore this galaxy. But the moment Sheppard woke the Wraith, they set out to destroy us and make their way to Earth. It's our duty to prevent that, using any and all means necessary."
Carson still shook his head. This was wrong, there were too many risks. They had lost too much already.
oOo
Carson had volunteered to get Teyla from her room. He hoped that he could convince her to change her mind. He doubted the Athosian was fully aware of the risks that she was taking in attempting to make contact with the Wraith.
Teyla was in her room, sitting in the floor, legs crossed. She radiated an air of utter serenity and peace. When Carson stepped in, he knew he couldn't persuade her to change her mind. Still, he would try.
"Teyla, it is time. Dr. Woods needs you in the infirmary."
Teyla rose from the floor in a fluid motion and found the source of the voice without erring.
"Will you guide me?"
"Of course." Carson replied and took Teyla's hand.
"Teyla." He began. "What you are about to do. It is very dangerous. The Wraith could detect your presence in their network. They could harm you in ways we know nothing about. You might not be able to pull back from the connection with the Wraith network. We simply don't know enough about psychic ability to do this safely. There is a big chance this won't even work."
"My father taught me one thing. Never to fear the unknown." Teyla simply said.
Carson needed to know nothing more. Her mind was set. They quietly proceeded to the infirmary. Elizabeth and Dr. Woods were already waiting for them.
"Teyla." Dr. Woods greeted her. "Are you ready?"
"I am." Teyla answered.
Dr. Woods instructed Teyla to lie down and a nurse fixed electrodes so that they could monitor her brainwaves during the procedure.
"Now, try to relax. Just close your eyes. Think of your favourite place. Imagine yourself there and relax."
Carson and Elizabeth quietly looked on.
"you are very relaxed right now. you listen to your mind. Listen closely and relax. Tell me what you hear."
"Many voices. I can't understand them." Teyla replied.
"Find one voice and listen to it. Centre in on it. Follow it." Dr. Woods instructed. "What do you see?"
"It's a ship. They are two weeks from Atlantis. There are 157 Wraith on board. It's a war ship. They are cloaked."
Elizabeth raised an eyebrow at the last bit of information.
"Send the Wraith a message. "The City of the Ancients has been destroyed. The Atlantians have fled to the third planet in the Olthin system.' Then wait." Dr. Woods paused.
"What do you see now?"
"They are changing course. They are communicating with other Wraith, giving them the message." Teyla said.
"You did well. I want you to withdraw from the Wraith and go back to your favourite place. Go back to your favourite place. you are feeling well and relaxed. Where are you now?"
"In my father's tent on Athos."
"Good. Now, come back to Atlantis. you are calm and relaxed. You are back on Atlantis. you wake up calm and relaxed." Dr. Woods instructed.
A few seconds later, Teyla's eyes fluttered open.
"Teyla, everything's all right, you are in the infirmary." Dr. Woods said.
"You did a great job, Teyla." Elizabeth said.
Teyla smiled weakly and closed her eyes again. Carson rushed forwards, joined by Dr. Woods; the two doctors checked the Athosian's vitals.
"She's just asleep. She's probably exhausted." Carson explained to Elizabeth. Elizabeth sighed in relief.
oOo
When Rodney woke again, the light was still dim and he was still tired. He wasn't sure how often he had woken up in the small room, his memory of the previous times he had been awake was fuzzy, but he did recall that Carson had been there at one point. Was it still night? Or night again? Rodney rubbed his head. His head felt like his brain had been replaced by cotton wool and his mouth tasted just like it. He needed something to drink.
He felt terrible. Drugged, sluggish, hot and thirsty. He flipped back the covers to get some cool air. That felt good. He took a deep breath. God, was he tired. As soon as he got something to drink he would go to sleep again. Exerting an enormous effort, Rodney sat up. The dizziness took a minute to fade, but when his head cleared, Rodney felt a lot better than he had before. The cottony feeling had lessened. Carefully, he pulled the IV from his hands. Sure, he would catch hell for that, but he would deal with that later. Now, his mission was finding something to drink.
Once his legs hit the floor, Rodney wondered of he should have stayed in bed. His legs felt like lead. But step by step, he made his way to the door. By the time he was door, the scrubs he was wearing were drenched in sweat and he was panting heavily. After a brief pause, Rodney opened the door and went into the corridor. At the end of the corridor was an open door with light flooding from it. It seemed a hundred miles away.
An eternity later, Rodney reached the door. Now he recognized that it was the back door was the infirmary that led to storage and lab room.
The light was coming from the nurses" station where a lone nurse was reading. She had not yet noticed him; she was absorbed in her book. Two of the beds in the ward were occupied; both occupants appeared to be sleeping. Rodney snuck carefully by the beds and could make out Ford and Teyla. As he went by the row of beds, an image came back to him. John, looking pale, lying motionless in an infirmary bed. He recalled waiting for John to wake up. Teyla had been there too. Rodney was still fuzzy on the details, such as why John was unconscious, but he knew it was serious.
The nurse had noticed him and was coming towards him.
"Dr. McKay! What are you doing out of bed? Is something wrong?" She asked with concern.
"I...I don't know. I think I had a nightmare and I couldn't get back to sleep. Can I have some water, please?" Rodney made up the first thing that came to his mind.
"Mhm, you are already on some pretty strong tranquilizers. I' get you something to drink and then we'll see." She went and got a cup of water.
Rodney drank eagerly.
"Was Major Sheppard already released?" He asked as casually as possible. He wasn't sure because his memory wasn't functioning so great, but when Carson had been there before, he had distinctly ignored his questions. Rodney was determined to find out.
The nurse's face darkened. "No." She hesitated. She knew that Rodney had been very agitated the previous day and she didn't want to upset him any more than necessary, but she had to say something. "He had an accident; I think they are still looking for him." She looked at the ground.
Surprisingly Rodney took it calmly. "What kind of accident?"
"He fell from one of the towers." The nurse whispered. Elizabeth had kept the suicide theory confidential. If it had been a suicide as Carson thought probable, it served nobody if it became public knowledge.
Rodney stood there in silence. He had heard the words, but they had not had the impact he had expected. Inside him, everything had remained cold and still. John was dead. Rodney didn't know what to think or say. He had expected to feel something. But there was nothing.
"I'm going back to bed." He announced and left.
oOo
When Carson came into his room the next morning he was surprised to find Rodney already awake.
"Good morning, Rodney." he said tentatively.
"Good morning, Carson." Rodney said, but didn't smile. Carson didn't know what to make of him. Rodney was far from hysterical, but there was something different about him.
"When can I go?" Rodney asked.
"Well." Carson said. "I'd like you to stay a few more days. Just to make sure that you are going to be all right." Carson said, wondering when the questions would start.
"I'm fine, Carson. I need to go back to work." Rodney said impatiently. "Don't look at me like that. I'm not going to lose it any minute." Rodney snapped.
"Rodney, I realize that this is difficult for you, but give it time. I want you to talk to Kate today." Carson said.
"I can do that." To Carson's surprise Rodney agreed. "But I want to go back to my room."
"Not until Kate says it's okay." Carson insisted.
"Okay, but I want my laptop." Rodney crossed his arms.
oOo
Rodney had come back from taking a shower when Kate was sitting next to his bed.
"Dr. McKay." She greeted.
He just nodded.
"How do you feel?"
"Impatient." He replied truthfully.
"I hear you like your work a lot?" She asked.
"Yes." Rodney agreed. "Can we just come to the point please?"
Kate smiled. "Sure. Do you remember anything what happened yesterday?"
Rodney shook his head.
"You witnessed an extremely traumatic event. When we experience something like this, our conscious memory often suppresses the event."
Rodney nodded.
"That doesn't mean that you won't experience flashbacks or nightmares about the experience." She went on.
So far, so good.
"I want to talk about what happened on your last mission with your team. Dr. Beckett noted that you felt responsible for Major Sheppard's injuries."
Rodney thought before he answered.
"I misjudged a situation and because of this, it escalated and people got hurt. I feel responsible."
"If you were in the same situation again, would you react differently?" Kate asked.
"No...maybe. There wasn't really time." Rodney wasn't sure anymore.
TBC