Disclaimer: All characters of Bleach belong to Kubo Tite.
Author's Note: The plot-bunny for this chapter belongs to Makino114.
PA system Blues: The third Monday morning -the extra chapter
"Well, congratulations, Kurosaki," Ishida said dryly. "It isn't even 9.00 a.m. yet and you've managed to put a comatose teacher into the school medic bed."
Ichigo gave the smirking boy his trademark glare. Oh, this was fine! Just what he needed –his arch-rival rubbing it in his face. His day was complete now.
Seeing that he had successfully annoyed Ichigo, the Quincy archer took the opportunity to do more injury.
"I have to say, you've really outdone yourself this time, Kurosaki."
"Shut up, Ishida."
"Quite an achievement," Ishida continued. "It's a new record for you."
"Agh! It wasn't me this time. Actually, it was never my fault those other times too!"
Ishida gave him a sarcastic look. "Why you could have fooled me. Your very original ideas for PA broadcasts seem to be happening too frequently to be random."
Ichigo decided to cut the conversation short before he totally lost his cool. "Look, I've got the culprit here."
The image-conscious boy scanned the doorway of the sewing club's room warily before he pulled a bound and gagged soft-toy from his bag. He pinned Kon down to the table with one palm, and raised his eyes to meet the Quincy's cool gaze.
Ishida hiked an eyebrow up questioningly.
Both boys ignored Kon's increasingly desperate muffled protests.
Ichigo said meaningfully, "Ishida, do your worst."
Ishida Uryuu smirked. "Don't be insulting, shinigami."
oooOooo
Ichigo finished screwing the PA room door back to its hinges while Rukia held it steady.
"Damn it. Everything's my fault." He raised his voice to a silly pitch and mimicked the school secretary, "You busted the door, Kurosaki-kun. So you fix it."
"Well, I say, this series of messes started when you had to get yourself picked as a PA volunteer," he said, throwing a pointed look in Rukia's direction.
Rukia narrowed her eyes dangerously at him. "You think I had a choice in getting myself picked? Are you saying that this was all my fault then?"
"Obviously," Ichigo said. Only he drawled the word out in the patronizing tone he had perfected through years of practice as a wayward teenager.
It was by luck that he turned around just in time to see Rukia let fly with an improvised projectile. He dived out of the way in panic and the dusty document folder hit the PA system microphone with a loud crash to the floor.
Yellowed papers flew in the air. Rukia hefted a heavier folder in her hands and took aim a second time. Ichigo didn't need any prompting. He surrendered immediately.
"Fine! Fine! It's not your fault. Put that down. Sheesh!"
oooOooo
Meanwhile, in class 1-3, Inoue Orihime cautiously uncovered her ears and directed a quizzical look at the PA speakers.
Without warning, the monotonous class had been interrupted by a very violent screeching sound from the speakers on the wall. The scratchy noises died down and Mizuiro protested, "What in the- "
"Shh!" Tatsuki hissed.
Vague thumping sounded from the speakers. They could hear the muffled sounds of voices in the background. Suddenly, the sound akin to that of nails screaming down a blackboard assaulted their ears.
"Is it broken?" a voice from the speakers asked.
"Yes! Yeees, it is!" Keigo moaned piteously. "Make it stop!"
"Ch'! I'd celebrate if it's really gone kaput. Damned thing has just about broadcasted every single humiliating issue possible."
There was a loud crackle of static and the sound cleared enough for them to recognize the speaker.
"It's Kurosaki!"
"I think the switch snapped."
"And Kuchiki-san!"
"Yeah, and we know who has got a tendency towards violence here! It's so hard living with you."
"Excuse me? I have violence issues? Look who's talking. Only the boy who just stormed the seireitei and put more than half the Death God's in the medic quarters. And if I'm hard to live with, you're.. you're impossible!"
"Wait a minute! Are they living together? Freakin' h-"
"Shut up, Asano!"
"…sleeping in my cupboard!"
Chizuru frowned in confusion. She muttered to herself, "Sleeping in my cupboard? Is that supposed to be some new term for sleeping together?"
"Get your mind out of the gutter!" Tatsuki groaned, whapping her on the head.
oooOooo
"You can walk around with that façade, Ms. Perfect. But, you snore at night!"
"Don't call me that! And I do not snore!" Rukia said heatedly.
"Yes, you do. Really loudly. I can hear you through the cupboard door! And you drool too!"
"That's it! Now, I know you're lying!"
"I'm not making this up. You just wish I were!"
"Oh, really? And how would you know I drool? Do you open the cupboard door at night?" Rukia challenged.
Ichigo turned a shade of pink that was on the verge to crimson.
How on earth was he supposed to admit- Correction! –answer that?
He sputtered incoherently and was saved from finding a reply when Chad walked in.
The tall boy bent down to the electrical socket and pulled the plug out. He turned to Ichigo and said in his quiet way, "I'm sorry. They heard you."
Oh.. they had heard it all, had they?
Rukia had the grace to turn pink when the awful truth dawned upon them.
Ichigo stared in disbelieve at his friend and tried to quell the panic that was begging him to immediately run out of Karakura High to find a convenient bridge. There –he would jump off. Thus, ending this cruel cycle of suffering.
Ichigo pulled his bright orange hair and shrieked in frustration. He eyed the nearest wall, considering if it would be a good idea to run over and start banging his head on it.
Yes, Ichigo thought, I need a bridge. Have to jump off.
Because there is no way he was ever going to live down this scandal. Not in this lifetime.
There was a short knock at the door and their bespectacled teacher peered in.
"Ah, I knew I'd find you here! Kurosaki-kun, Kuchiki-san, the headmaster asked me to inform you that you're both banned from touching the PA system. If you would just step away from there, please? I'm afraid this room is off limits too."
Ichigo felt hysterical. So, now that the damage was done, they finally let them off from this torture?
I'm sorry, but why don't I feel grateful about this?
oooOooo
"So how do you like it?" Ishida asked.
Ichigo took in Kon's wails of despair. The scruffy possessed toy was on his back, legs kicking and arms thumping in a magnificent show of protest. Kon stood up and threw himself dramatically down on the table to repeat his angry objections.
Ichigo smirked. "Perfect," he said. Because misery loves company. And nobody had been as miserable as him recently.
"Ihateit.Ihateit.. I hate youuu!" Kon bawled.
It was dreadful. The sewing-maniac had given the stuffed lion a makeover. They hadn't left him with a shred of dignity! How could they do this to him? He was a lion playing dress-up as a bunny! He had a freakin' fluffy bob-tail for cryin' out loud!
He mourned his loss –as noisily and as belligerently as possible. He yanked on the long, floppy ears attached to the suit. When he thumped his paws on the table, the little carrot sewed fast to him squeaked maddeningly.
Ichigo's sadistic entertainment was interrupted when a small figure zipped past and snatched Kon up from the table.
Rukia gasped in obvious delight. "Oh, he looks like Chappy the rabbit! How adorable! Did you do this, Ishida? Thank you!"
Eyes shining, she hugged a thunderstruck Kon. Ichigo gaped at the change in circumstances –speechless.
"I knew you'd like the makeover, Kuchiki-san," Ishida smiled, pleased by her effusive praises. He blushed and pushed his glasses up to cover his cheeks.
"Oh! He even has a baby carrot in his paws!" Rukia gushed.
Ichigo watched the lot of them and thought he was going to be sick. He choked as Kon snuggled up triumphantly to Rukia.
I don't think I like where this is going. Not at all.
Author's Note: Sorry for the delay. Encountered a major headache in the form of server problems.
To: comanderlink, dOkei, Procrastinator-starting2moro, xXxMysticalDreamerxXx, Makino114, Saotome Kyuubi , kaolla asakura , Shi-Sha Hariken, SHiNiGAMiLENNE... thank you for reviewing.
Next chapter: The Fourth Monday morning.